Happy Birthday Text then another

[lymtal1]

Guys and Gals,

 

I have been reasonably stable over the past three months. I have been 100% no contact with the ex. I have felt better each day. Today has been tough. I received the dreaded "Happy Birthday!" text this am. I thought I was in a better place with my emotions, clearly I am not. I sent a simple "Thanks for Remembering" back. Yes I know this was the wrong way to play this. I should have ignored, I realize.

 

Now understand that I changed my phone number and did everything right with all other types of communication. I did not want to hear from her again. Right now I am shaking and I don't like it. The second text was as follows: "It's ironic on this day that I am hosting a party for 9 people:)". You know I really did not want to hear from her.

 

I have no plans to reply. What I need some help with is not so much the why but have any of you experienced this and how did you react and let it roll without letting it consume your thoughts? Yes I am still hung up on her but know I will never be with her again.

 

I just don't like how I am feeling and really don't understand why she did this when the last communication from me was that I don't want to be your friend, it is best if we don't communicate.

 

So my initial though is to change the number again, not respond to the message and start my healing all over again. I'm really hating this. Any other thoughts or suggestions would be great.

 

Thanks

[nature]

Lymtal I have been where you are. I know that agonizing shakey feeling when they text like that. Mine did that to me for a year after we broke up...texts, phone messages, emails, etc until I blew a fit at him and told him to basically stay the heck away from me and I have enough friends.

 

What I would suggest, is not to react like I did. I didn't handle mine well. I'm in a much better headspace right now, so of course it's easier to see things hindsight. But what I've learned is...

 

Go for a long walk. Get out of the house. Go get some fresh air. Sit on these feelings for a bit. Don't do anything drastic like change your phone number again. Try to see it that as much as you are angry at her, she means well in a sick kind of way, by sending you a bday message. I don't like her 2nd message about having a party for 9 people. What is with telling you that? I think that was a bit ignorant so I would most definately just ignore it.

 

try to get out the house right now, breathe in some fresh air, and let a few days go by. I promise you these intensely painful feelings will lessen and dissipate again. You are not back to square one. You are just having a minor blip. But you do not need to allow her to control your feelings. Remind yourself that she is no longer in your life. You don't need to respond to her and shouldn't. I think it was right to say thank you for the bday wish. That was the correct thing to do. and polite. But don't respond to anymore of her "stuff".

[smudge21]

It's so tempting to react to these breadcrumbs as so many thoughts go through our heads - are they trying to restart something... do they want to make up for what happened... do they want us back... - then you get the happy thoughts - yeah, they're thinking of me - stuff like that. Combine all that, and only the toughest human would be able to simple ignore, or someone who has totally moved on (but then, if that were the case, we wouldn't be here).

 

Don't do it though. You responded in a polite manner and that's fine, I quite liked the what you said. Now though, just leave it. She hasn't asked a question or even lined up for a response. So why should you. Stay NC and continue to focus on you.

 

Oh and I wouldn't change the number - a reaction like that (like changing email accounts or deleting Facebook) just says more than not responding, but in the wrong way. It shows emotion and that's the last thing you want the ex to know. You don't want to feed that ego. By not responding, you're sending the best message any of us dumpees can ever send... and that is, that we're fine and doing so perfectly well without you and are so busy, that we simply don't have the time to reply to a text.

[GG3]

Ugh I always hated it when I heard from an ex on my birthday that I asked to not contact me. She may not have known for sure what to do, maybe she felt bad to think that she didn't say happy birthday?

 

I would not react and try to forget about it. It isn't worth ruining YOUR day over. And the party comment was stupid on her part.

[Chi townD]

How the hell did she get your new number? And what was the point of the text about her throwing a party?

 

To me it read, " HEY, It's your birthday and I'm throwing a party...but not for you!"

 

Ignore her, change the number again.....grrr....

 

sorry you're going through this.

[lymtal1]

guys, thanks for your responses they always help get me thinking straight.

 

nature, i did take a walk like you suggested and it did help clear my mind a bit. you know i guess my initial reaction was that i was going to go right back to square one but now i feel so much better and know i wont. not going to respond and hope i just don't hear from her again.

 

smudge thanks as well, and good call about the number change as well. i guess the one thing i have learned from everyone out here is stepping back and giving some time with these type of situations is best. if not we usually react from emotions vs. with our head. so plan to leave it as is and just hope that the lack of response on my part will be enough to keep her from contacting me again.

 

gg thanks as well for listening. yea the great thing about today was i did not let it ruin my day so maybe i am not as effed up about her as i thought.

 

chi, great question. been wondering the same thing. she had to do some digging to get her hands on it so not sure what that is about. i am not sure about the party comment. guess the worst thing i can do is waste a bunch of time trying to figure it out. she never had a mean bone in her body so i am not sure where that came from. guess we all change over time.

 

i guess the bottom line is it initially messed me up but took some good advice from nat and took a walk, hit some golf balls and looked at it from a different perspective. it's not my problem anymore. she is out of my life and i am in a better place because of it. and i'm sure her party sucked as i was the one with that talent:)

[whichwayisup]

Don't text her back..Unless she texts you again, then you tell her please don't contact me again. goodbye. Then see if you can block her.

 

How did she get your new number? Through a mutual friend?

[EgoJoe]

She texted you to test the boundaries you put in place...she got through them.

 

I wouldn't bother waiting for her to text again. I'd send one of my own. "Because you wished me happy birthday I responded. I am not nor will ever be your friend. I don't want to talk to you."

 

But thats me.

[Chi townD]

She texted you to test the boundaries you put in place...she got through them.

 

I wouldn't bother waiting for her to text again. I'd send one of my own. "Because you wished me happy birthday I responded. I am not nor will ever be your friend. I don't want to talk to you."

 

But thats me.

 

If it was me; as soon as I got the "Happy Birthday" text, I would have written, " Ummmm...My birthday is in April. Who is this?"

 

Let her think she texted a wrong number.

[GG3]

If it was me; as soon as I got the "Happy Birthday" text, I would have written, " Ummmm...My birthday is in April. Who is this?"

 

Let her think she texted a wrong number.

 

Haha! That's a good one.

[HeartBreak11]

I just had the same thing happen to me, I did respond, not until the next day, just a simple thank you. I must admit, it was the first time my ex has reached out since we broke up (I was the dumpee) I never tried to read into it besides the fact I must have had an impact on her life, she remembered my bday.

 

You will be fine, the true test is when you see them out with another person, I will have to prepare myself for that.

[lymtal1]

not prepared for that but will get that way. will not respond and have not. do not think that i will hear from her again as i know that she is very proud and you know I really don't want to so that is a good thing.

 

thanks everyone for your responses. i value each and every one of your opiniopns and this is what is getting me straight on what i should/should not do.

 

and btw, had dinner out tonight, met a girl who was fine, smart and seemed realy nice. made me really think for the first time in many months. may mean nothing but it took my mind off the ex.