Can't Get Over Hating Attractive People

[ptp]

verhrzn,

 

What is point of hating them? What does it get you? What does it accomplish? If you are just venting here that is fine vent, but after you are done venting what is the point of hating women that haven't done anything to you?

 

Does it make you look better? Does it give you what you want? Does it better your life in anyway.

[somedude81]

If it makes you feel any better; I hate seeing couples.

 

People holding hands, arms around each other, or kissing, it puts me into a rage. When ever I know people are goign to kiss on TV or a movie I have to look away.

 

So now at least you aren't alone in your hatred

[Spices]

If you're not attractive just work harder to improve your appearance rather than complaining so much about it. Plain & simple. Start putting in more effort.

 

-If you don't know how to effectively wear makeup then go to a professional that can teach you how (youtube clips are great for this).

 

- If you're fat, then work out & go on a diet.

 

- If you're too skinny then eat more, lift weights & bulk up.

 

- If your teeth are bad then invest in having them fixed with braces, or have them professionally whitened.

 

- Get a tan. If you can't tan then get spray tans.

 

- Spend more time & effort on your hair.

 

- Pay more attention to your wardrobe. Wear outfits that fit your body type appropriately. Show off your best assets.

 

- Pay attention to your posture.

 

Honestly, it's not that hard.

 

 

Oh, and just for laughs:

Edited October 19, 2011 by Spices

[snug.bunny]

I never said only I have problems. Or that attractive people don't have problems (in fact I said so right in my very first post.) But I've never understood the attitude of "Well stop complaining about your problems, at least you're not crippled or something." So, what? No one is allowed to feel bad or sad about their life unless their problems are THE WORST THINGS EVER? If that's the case, then I missed the memo that clearly outlined: Quadroplegic > Famine Victim > Poverty...

 

I don't think I'd automatically stop having problems if I became attractive. However, if I had to choose between the sets of problems that come with being unattractive (for instance, studies show that unattractive people are less likely to be promoted, less likely to get raises, are not offered help or assistance as readily as attractive people, and are judged as being lazy/stupid/mean) and the set of problems that come with being attractive (people assume you skate by on your looks andguys hit on you! THE HORROR) I'd MUCH rather have the "pretty people" problems.

 

Why in the world does it offend you so much if I have hatred towards pretty people? I'm not outwardly mean or offensive to them... and can you really deny it sucks to be an unattractive woman?

 

You directed your "hatred", and labeled it as such, towards a group of people who didn't choose the "physical features" they were born with. That doesn't mean they haven't struggled with their own set of problems or struggle in areas that you don't.

 

Rich people are given better "comps" because they're rich. People who are born with a high intelligence, tend to be successful. People who are born with a disability, are given special treatment, because they're disabled but suffer in ways we could never understand nor relate to. People who suffer from depression, or are bi-polar, or have some form of mental deficiency struggle in many areas, not just dating/relationships.

 

What I hope to point out, is that sometimes you have to live life with the cards you were dealt with and TRY to make the best of it with what you have. If you've reached the point, where you "can't get over hating attractive people" then it sounds to me as though you haven't even ATTEMPTED to try to resolve this "inner turmoil".

 

In your defense, you did take the first step in attempt to help yourself, by creating this thread and reaching out (though at the expense of people who are "different" from you).

 

You're frustrated, and I empathize. But at the end of the day, you CAN'T choose something that you weren't born with. You can try to improve, both on the inside and on the outside, that's all you can do (and there are a few suggestions contained in this thread on how you can go about doing that, IF it is something you wish to pursue and believe would be helpful for you).

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

Why in the world does it offend you so much if I have hatred towards pretty people? I'm not outwardly mean or offensive to them... and can you really deny it sucks to be an unattractive woman?

 

 

Hopefully you have long since observed the error in your words here.

 

 

Just because "pretty people" are more envied and desired than hated, doesn't mean that they as a group are any different than Jewish, black, asian, short or heavy in where it concerns not deserving your random hatred.

 

Perhaps the first step toward curing "hatred" of your own type is to stop hating on other variations of humanity.

[somedude81]

Eh, it's pretty obvious that she's just jealous of the pretty girls.

 

That's different from hatting Jews, blacks and fat people.

[snug.bunny]

That's different from hatting Jews, blacks and fat people.

 

How so?

 

(---------)

[somedude81]

How so?

 

(---------)

Seriously?

 

Being jealous of pretty girls is the same thing as having an irrational hatred of a different race?

 

[snug.bunny]

Seriously?

 

Being jealous of pretty girls is the same thing as having an irrational hatred of a different race?

 

 

Your question to my question, isn't a valid argument.

 

Actually, forget it. It's not important.

Edited October 20, 2011 by snug.bunny

[Eve]

Seems to me this thread just bunked the myth that "less attractive people", have "better" personalities.

 

 

That is actually a pretty deep comment. Kind of reminds me of the bias within going on about the hardships of being 'nice', when really what is on offer is a display intense bitterness!

 

I think we all have challenges. Looking great comes with problems too. Can't say how annoying it is to be followed home by strange men etc. At the end of the day we all have to make realistic evaluations of our qualities and ensure we are being treated fairly and treat others fairly too. Most people are average looking and it is better just to get on with things and not get mixed up in dodgy dialogue which does nothing to accentuate our better qualities.

 

.. Or maybe it is just me? I value people by who they are and truly (100%) believe that inner beauty is what matters. Those sorts of persons really shine and that is what I have always looked for, when I was a mess and then when I grew into my looks.

 

Most important thing though is that the OP looses a bit of weight if there are health concerns, (not necessarily for men) and stands up for herself against anyone who tells her she is unnatractive. BUT there may be a need to access why the OP is willing to put such strain on finding commonalities with persons described. What is that about? Is it about having access to sex?

 

I would rather buy a vibrator than go through all of that nonsense. Gosh, how time consuming. May as well go to the cinema and enjoy your life instead of all that.

 

OP, value yourself first, please! You don't seem thick. These situations could be the problem more so than your looks. Man, I would kick any man in his knee who tried to speak to me in the way you have said .. wtf!

 

Take care,

Eve x

[danmorisson]

It is my belief that less attractive tend to have superior personalities - and not just because we are ugly but because we ugly tend not to get all the love and attention that pretty people get at a point when the brain is still developing - so ugly people tend to develop a much more caring personality

Edited October 20, 2011 by danmorisson

[snug.bunny]

That is actually a pretty deep comment. Kind of reminds me of the bias within going on about the hardships of being 'nice', when really what is on offer is a display intense bitterness!

 

I think we all have challenges. Looking great comes with problems too. Can't say how annoying it is to be followed home by strange men etc. At the end of the day we all have to make realistic evaluations of our qualities and ensure we are being treated fairly and treat others fairly too. Most people are average looking and it is better just to get on with things and not get mixed up in dodgy dialogue which does nothing to accentuate our better qualities.

 

.. Or maybe it is just me? I value people by who they are and truly (100%) believe that inner beauty is what matters. Those sorts of persons really shine and that is what I have always looked for, when I was a mess and then when I grew into my looks.

 

Most important thing though is that the OP looses a bit of weight if there are health concerns, (not necessarily for men) and stands up for herself against anyone who tells her she is unnatractive. BUT there may be a need to access why the OP is willing to put such strain on finding commonalities with persons described. What is that about? Is it about having access to sex?

 

I would rather buy a vibrator than go through all of that nonsense. Gosh, how time consuming. May as well go to the cinema and enjoy your life instead of all that.

 

OP, value yourself first, please! You don't seem thick. These situations could be the problem more so than your looks. Man, I would kick any man in his knee who tried to speak to me in the way you have said .. wtf!

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Perhaps "better" was not the correct use of the term. I was trying to say that an individual's personality can be yucky regardless of outer appearance, how their attitude is towards people in general.

 

Hatred is hatred, it can be in the form of envy, self loathing, bias and/or a direct result of someone who has directly hurt you in some way.

 

I'm sure being followed home by strange men, isn't really a benefit if it's not welcome by anyone...

 

You are correct, true beauty comes from within, and those that have it do shine.

[Els]

I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

Do you think it's because of the type of guys you're falling for? It doesn't seem a very good sign to me that all the guys you've been involved with prioritize physical appearance above all else. Sure, some guys do, but some don't. Don't let those who do taint your view of other girls and the male gender.

[danmorisson]

True beauty does not come from within! Only Internet people share your view apparently. Maybe because it is easy to say this stuff to complete strangers over the Net?

 

Everwhere I go 'most' people (most notably the ougoing party type) have this deep deep deep hatred of ugly people. It's an extreme hatred, like they somehow think it's morally right to hate them - and society accepts this kind of behaviour. I would even go so far as to say that most women would rather hang around with serial killers like Ted Bundy than be caught seen talking to ugly people. Heck society is so obsessed with looks that you never see an ugly actor in a Hollywood film anymore.

 

It may be true that true beauty comes from within, but trying saying this to all those outgoing party types out there.

 

Edit: The general population are so hateful of ugly people it kind of reminds me of how most Americans hated blacks in the 60s

Edited October 20, 2011 by danmorisson

[Cracker Jack]

I doubt she's going to come back to this topic now.

[danmorisson]

Deceptive society:

 

Bet he was able to walk to the streets without being laughed at. Bet he had lots of pals. Why? His social status. He was a superstar wrestler.

 

The only way an ordinary 'eeeewy' person can become socially acceptable is if he/she builds up a reputation for being a titanic arsehole (especially if you're an ugly guy). Yes, by having an 'ugly' personality (by being a 'chav').

 

You people type alot but your version of reality is a fantasy one.

[carhill]

Amazon will deliver my Ocean's collection this afternoon. I just love gazing at George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Of course, Julia Roberts isn't bad either. It's just fun to watch them do what they do, whether that is attracting a crowd in an airport (seen that personally) or acting on the screen. It's just fun. I'm a nothing compared to them, but I'm good enough for me. Happy to be alive.

 

You'll find your way. All this 'stuff' you feel is part of a bigger plan. You just haven't seen it yet. Hope you make healthy choices.

 

Oh, back when I used to get real nervous getting up and speaking in front of audiences whom I thought were richer, more intelligent and better looking, I just focused on a couple of the best examples in the front row and imagined them naked sitting on the toilet taking a dump. That equalized things in my mind. True story.

 

Good luck.

[SWAN808]

I doubt she's going to come back to this topic now.

 

no thanks to you!

 

I think the sentiment on here has been surprisingly harsh.

 

The issue of beauty is one of the most difficult in the world I think especially for women.

 

I think the original post was admirable in a way that it was so honest and open.

Ok yes it IS self defeating to have such an attitude - but **** - it sounds HARD to be in that situation and to have had such experiences.

 

I feel a lot of sympathy.

 

It does sound like there is some work to be done. Yes - to debunk some of these limiting beliefs. Perhaps with a therapist - some support needed. Nothing to be ashamed of. And perhaps some of the tips on looking your best as given previously!

 

Overall - Im sure its NOT that bad. And yes - real love is much more about looks. NOT all guys are so shallow. Yes SOME are in the short term - but in the longer term - its an emotional connection that yes even guys want as well as girls. And as I said - Im sure things arent as bad as they seem.

[verhrzn]

I did come back! All hail the Great Beauty Hater!

 

I think comparing my jealousy/resentment/hatred of beautiful people to racism is just a little ridiculous, but if we're gonna follow it down that road, then really my position is more akin TO minorities. Why? Because attractive people have social privilege, just like white people have privilege.

 

Privilege is a difficult thing to understand if you were born with it, which is why there is such eye-rolling whenever white people proclaim that there's no more racism. There is plenty of racism still to go around, and it either takes living as or living with the absence of privilege to recognize its existence. Louis CK put it the best way," There's nothing better than being a white male is there? I could get in a time machine and go to any time period, and I'm pretty much awesome."

 

In that same way, attractive people have privilege. I don't necessarily agree that unattractive people always have better personalities, or that attractive people don't have problems... That's a little too "White People Problems" and "The Native American is always wise and in touch with the earth" stereotypically for me (to continue with the racist angle.)

 

But attractive people having it better IS a fact. It's social privilege. It's growing up with a certain attitude, a certain viewpoint of the world that doesn't really GET the idea of just how much life can suck if you don't belong to a certain group. (Caucasians, "beautiful" people, the rich, what have you.)

 

It's also why I get INCENSED whenever I see advice like "put on make-up!" "Dress for your body type!" "Lose some weight!" It's like a white person saying to a black person in the 60's," Oh drink at that other foundation, what's the big deal?" Or a rich person saying to a poor person," Well just get a better job."

 

I DO wear make-up. My body type is impossibly to dress for, because I'm not built proportionally, and clothes are not made to look good on dis-proportionate people (being petite and squat... pants are either too long or don't fit my hips, shirts either don't fit my bust or if they fit there make me look pregnant.) My body has stayed stubbornly at 120-130 no matter how much I eat or exercise... My black belt test was a monster, hard core aerobic exercise 4 nights a week for two hours for 6 months, and yet I GAINED fat. I got faster, stronger, more flexible, more endurance... and fatter.

 

And what kills me about attractive people is that they ... don't... get... it. They pull out those platitudes of "True beauty is from within!" Yes, I'm sure it is, but when's the last time someone said "Oh man that's girl's inner beauty makes me want to f*** her silly." Sure, personality matters, but a lot of people will only acknowledge in passing the amount of power we DO give beautiful people.

 

Do I have attractive friends? Sure. They're fine people. But being their friend doesn't make it any less painful or problematic when they show just how blind they are to the power their looks give them by saying things like "Well physical attractiveness isn't that important anyway." The only people who can say that are the ones who have never had to live without it.

[somedude81]

My black belt test was a monster, hard core aerobic exercise 4 nights a week for two hours for 6 months, and yet I GAINED fat. I got faster, stronger, more flexible, more endurance... and fatter.

Sorry hunny. I think the word your looking for is muscle.

 

As in

 

My black belt test was a monster, hard core aerobic exercise 4 nights a week for two hours for 6 months, and yet I GAINED muscle. I got faster, stronger, more flexible, more endurance... and muscularer

[verhrzn]

Sorry hunny. I think the word your looking for is muscle.

 

As in

 

My black belt test was a monster, hard core aerobic exercise 4 nights a week for two hours for 6 months, and yet I GAINED muscle. I got faster, stronger, more flexible, more endurance... and muscularer

 

Nope. I meant fat.

 

Before starting my black belt training, I did that electronic fat percent evaluation. I was at 22%. I then did it 6 months later when my training was done. 25%.

I also LOOKED much fatter. Not toned, not bulkier... fatter. I lift weights, and I'm obviously getting stronger because I can do more reps or sets or more weight, but I don't lose any fat and I don't gain any inches (so I'm not bulking up either.) My body refuses to slim down or tone. It's stumped every personal trainer I've had.

[Els]

Frankly, if men are dumping you left and right and you're 5'2" and 120+ lbs (sorry, I really don't want to go back and search for your exact figure), I maintain that your weight is not the problem. Either the men you are talking to or other things are. Sure, people who are born more attractive have a certain privilege, I'll be the last to deny that as an admittedly 'average'-looking woman. But so are people who are born more intelligent, lacking in chronic disease, sociable, talented, in first world countries...

 

You could go on with a whole list about how life is 'unfair' to people of your type. Or you can see what you actually have and be grateful for it. Know what? I'm missing half of the above list. But I'm happy.

[somedude81]

Nope. I meant fat.

 

Before starting my black belt training, I did that electronic fat percent evaluation. I was at 22%. I then did it 6 months later when my training was done. 25%.

I also LOOKED much fatter. Not toned, not bulkier... fatter. I lift weights, and I'm obviously getting stronger because I can do more reps or sets or more weight, but I don't lose any fat and I don't gain any inches (so I'm not bulking up either.) My body refuses to slim down or tone. It's stumped every personal trainer I've had.

The electronic scanners are known for being inaccurate. The best way is to use calipers or hydrostatic weighing.

 

As for looking fatter, if anything it's because your body is small and the muscle you gained doesn't really have any place to go, so it looks like fat.

 

If you got stronger, faster and in better shape, there is no way you gained fat.

 

As for the whole seeing pretty people as privileged, that's how a lot of bitter men see women. Think about that next time you see men complaining.

[Els]

Which is strange. Shouldn't those bitter men be seeing other attractive men as privileged? I'm not seeing how the average woman is more 'privileged' dating-wise than, say, Brad Pitt.

[somedude81]

Which is strange. Shouldn't those bitter men be seeing other attractive men as privileged? I'm not seeing how the average woman is more 'privileged' dating-wise than, say, Brad Pitt.

I only feel that way towards men who I know are getting a lot of action. And there really don't hear that from guys that much.