ptp Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 verhrzn, If you are in shape as you say you are I find it really hard to believe that you can't find a guy because of your looks. I bet you are a lot better looking than you are giving yourself credit for. Could it be that you are trying to get with guys who are more of the really good looking/player types? Anyway, as I said before it does you no good hating on beautiful people. All it does is put you in a bad mood and that bad mood could be a turn off to a potential guy that really likes you. Think positively. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I did come back! All hail the Great Beauty Hater! I think comparing my jealousy/resentment/hatred of beautiful people to racism is just a little ridiculous, but if we're gonna follow it down that road, then really my position is more akin TO minorities. Why? Because attractive people have social privilege, just like white people have privilege. OK, then do inform the crowd here exactly where in the lower-class hierarchy unattractive people fit? I mean, are they higher or lower than, say, (the race of your choosing)? And how do they compare to serial killers, higher on the scale, or lower? Indeed it can be absolutely silly to listen to minorities bitch about racism and discrimination when everyone knows that unattractive people are discriminated against far more often than are any minorities. Not only that, but discrimination against unattractive people is perfectly legal in this great Obama wonderland. And how come, when an unattractive person is discriminated against at a school dance, you never see "Unattractive Community Leaders" come out of the woodwork from half a continent away and pretend to live just down the street for the sake of grandstanding and just being seen near the site of the offense. Oh, wait, it isn't an offense, because it's perfectly legal. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Unattractive people just have to live with the idea that the world will be against them. They weren't given the advantages that attractive people were given. And the sad thing is, it's completely out of their control! They can't change the fact that they were born unattractive...they just...were. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Social privilege includes a wide spectrum of groups of people, "unfairness" is found everywhere, so I think you'd do best to steer away from THAT line of thinking.... You've listed some great traits. You're thin, you've accomplished a black belt in martial arts (that is awesome btw...), and I don't know what you "look like" but do you really believe it is as bad as you claim it to be? "Cute" doesn't sound terribly bad... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I guess everything is relative. If one takes a look at the link I provided in this post, it's possible for one to be envious of those people. OP is third from right, attired in yellow/black. She hasn't broken the link, so I think it's OK to use this as reference. OP, can you accept that it's possible there are people who might hate you because they perceive you as attractive; more attractive than them? Perception is an interesting aspect of human psychology. You're here lamenting hating attractive people. Ever wonder what the perception of those people are? Could they be you? Is there another path? I think this particular area will resolve by the time you're in your early 30's. Dwell on it too much and form too many negative emotional memories and it could stick with you longer. I hope that doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
SWAN808 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I guess everything is relative. If one takes a look at the link I provided in this post, it's possible for one to be envious of those people. OP is third from right, attired in yellow/black. She hasn't broken the link, so I think it's OK to use this as reference. OP, can you accept that it's possible there are people who might hate you because they perceive you as attractive; more attractive than them? Perception is an interesting aspect of human psychology. You're here lamenting hating attractive people. Ever wonder what the perception of those people are? Could they be you? Is there another path? I think this particular area will resolve by the time you're in your early 30's. Dwell on it too much and form too many negative emotional memories and it could stick with you longer. I hope that doesn't happen. oh man. I just realised - (I thought it was a distinct example) that the OP is the same 'am I fat' poster in this picture. Wow. She looks like quite an attractive girl. Nothing like I had imagined from the sentiment of the OP. The issue here is self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I do feel that the OP is being a little harsh on herself. True nerds are outcasts. And as for those who say personality counts... Pure fantasy talk. That's just Internet BS. I do go out, I've been all over and the 'ugly' personalities are the most popular - heck some right ugly men become popular just because they are cruel (or were cruel), they bullied and were cruel to animals, they built up a cruel reputation and even the super nice girls like them (and no, not out of fear). That's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 People on here (the Net) always say that a good personality counts right? That pisses me off. Am I living on another planet or something? Because everwhere I go within the UK (I live in the UK) the cruellest have the most pals. Baing nice gets you nowhere - especially if you're nerdy. The overwhelming majority of outgoing people (most notably the women) just don't like good guys. So I'm totally puzzled when people on here go 'good personality' counts. What exactly do you mean by that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 OP, can you accept that it's possible there are people who might hate you because they perceive you as attractive; more attractive than them? Perception is an interesting aspect of human psychology. You're here lamenting hating attractive people. Ever wonder what the perception of those people are? Could they be you? Is there another path? I think this particular area will resolve by the time you're in your early 30's. Dwell on it too much and form too many negative emotional memories and it could stick with you longer. I hope that doesn't happen. You're a sharp guy, Carhill, and I get your point about perception, but your theory makes no sense when compared against the evidence. We've discussed the problems that attractive women have to deal with, and the biggest ones seem to be that other women dislike them and they get a lot of unwanted attention from guys. My situation is just the opposite. Girls either ignore me or are friendly with me... I suspect (and know in a few cases) that some of them even became friends with me because I make them feel better about their own appearance. It's guys who are the cruelest about my looks; strangers, friends, boyfriends. I suppose it is unwanted attention, but it's entirely negative. So why in the world would guys dislike me for being attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 So why in the world would guys dislike me for being attractive? Only way to know for sure is to ask them and receive an honest answer. It goes back to perception. If they do hate you (assuming that), the 'reasons' are as manifold as there are people. One which springs to mind is power. I don't mean monetary power or political power, rather social power. I'll provide a generalized example from my youth: Why did I hate the hottest (my perception) cheerleader in school? Well, everyone talked about her and all the guys wanted to date her and she held court over a significant portion of the student body. That was *my* perception of her. She had power and social popularity. How it was to live in her actual skin was an entirely different matter altogether, one which no one other than herself could do. I exaggerated for clarity (didn't really hate her but was honestly envious) but the true story that this example was based upon ended up with said cheerleader dying in her early twenties from leukemia. Turns out she had it during high school and her 'absences' were for treatment. The rumor mill never knew that. Perception is a powerful thing. Also, I gleaned from the title that you're having difficulty 'getting over' hating attractive people, and you're now seeking insight as to why guys would dislike you for being attractive, I guess as confirmation that guys can only dislike ugly people. Perhaps, as you find the path to resolving your own issue, the answer to your other question will appear. You may discover that they are you and have a similar path to their resolution. It's unknown. Only way to go is to live it and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 We've discussed the problems that attractive women have to deal with, and the biggest ones seem to be that other women dislike them and they get a lot of unwanted attention from guys. I clicked on the link Carhill posted. The short hair might have something to do with having a "cute" appearance. Short hair isn't generally considered "sexy". Your body in that photo, is sexy, you have nice curves and a full bosom, and from what I've seen on these boards posted by men, they prefer women who are curvy. Your problem is your self image. Nonetheless, highly attractive women (and men) have self image problems too. If you threw on a sexy long hair wig and slabbed some make up on you, dressed sexy, you'd probably receive some of the so-called privileges mentioned in this thread. Let's see.... 1) Followed home by strange men; 2) Get promoted; 3) Receive a raise; 4) Receive help and/or assistance; 5) Not judged as being lazy/stupid/mean. The only difference here really, is that highly attractive people tend not to have to "work harder" at possibly item #4. If someone like Megan Fox walked down the street and dropped something, I'm sure most men would run up to pick it up on the spot! But, that's only because her looks stimulated his penis. So yes, I guess it's nice to have the power to do that simply by her looking...the way that she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I guess everything is relative. If one takes a look at the link I provided in this post, it's possible for one to be envious of those people. OP is third from right, attired in yellow/black. She hasn't broken the link, so I think it's OK to use this as reference. OP, can you accept that it's possible there are people who might hate you because they perceive you as attractive; more attractive than them? Perception is an interesting aspect of human psychology. You're here lamenting hating attractive people. Ever wonder what the perception of those people are? Could they be you? Is there another path? I think this particular area will resolve by the time you're in your early 30's. Dwell on it too much and form too many negative emotional memories and it could stick with you longer. I hope that doesn't happen. My goodness, she looks lovely! Well, all I can say is that it is my opinion as a woman and as a professional that victims are chosen. So, yes, I have to admit there is some truth to what the OP states. The art is to refuse to be chosen and to be the best you can be. Otherwise I would have been screwed years ago just by fact of being black and looking awful.. In retrospect what held me back was that I didn't connect to the idea of being seen as beautiful. When my lumps and bumps came (because I actually started to eat) I didn't recognise myself! But that's me.. Sounds to me like the OP has been working hard to achieve a body type that she wants but is ignoring her obvious attractiveness. I am not even making that up! I don't see anything wrong with her. Anyhow, lets remember that this is the self improvement section, lol. I reckon it is choice of men not unattractiveness that is the issue. Yes, yes, yes, men do stuff for you when they want to shag you but really it is a pain in the bum when you want something meaningful. I believe we are all equal within the range of having to work hard at finding something meaningful so will reject the idea that attractive people have it easier overall. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 People on here (the Net) always say that a good personality counts right? That pisses me off. Am I living on another planet or something? Because everwhere I go within the UK (I live in the UK) the cruellest have the most pals. Baing nice gets you nowhere - especially if you're nerdy. The overwhelming majority of outgoing people (most notably the women) just don't like good guys. So I'm totally puzzled when people on here go 'good personality' counts. What exactly do you mean by that? Everyone I have ever dated in a serious relationship has been a friend, co-worker, acquaintance, etc. Not one has been from online sites, which I have never joined, or random dates. The people I have chosen to date, and who have chosen me, are all people with personalities I came to appreciate and enjoy, which is why I wanted to date them (and vice versa). Looks have been a small factor in my dating life - it's always been about whether we enjoy each other as people. If you're not meeting people who value personality, then you are hanging around with the wrong people. Find better friends! You will meet quality people if you surround yourself with quality friends! OP, based on that picture Carhill linked to, you are a pretty girl with a banging body! I have no idea why you think so poorly of yourself, or why you have issues dating, although I suspect your issues are related to your self-image. Please, get some help for your self-esteem issues. Until you deal with those, the only guys you will attract are users and losers. Attitude and personality ARE a huge part of being attractive. It's NOT just about appearance - you look hot! Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I'm not too fussy about dating. That's what got me posting about this I kept seeing posts like 'Most people seek a good personality'. What do people actually mean by 'most'? You mean the outgoing party types? I have been places and it's mostly the cruellest in society that get to pass on their genes. I'm sure some seek a good personality (mostly men who seek a good personality in their women), but it's overwhelmingly the cruellest in society that get to pass on their genes. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Except they're not just "crappy" experiences. It's that my ratio of good experience is about 1 to 1000. Except for that 1 boyfriend, none of my other boyfriends thought I was physically attractive. I never get hit on. I never get pursued. I never get flirted with, or crushed on. Even guys online don't bother with me... they only talk to me if I message them first, and they always have some excuse for why they don't want to meet up. How can someone possibly think they're attractive when ALL the evidence is to the contrary? And I am friendly to a point. I am polite, and I smile, but like I said in the original post, I have a deep hatred of attractive people now, and I avoid them whenever I can. (Not that it matters, as they don't take any notice of me anyway.) You can tell when a guy is interested in a girl... I see the way guys act and look at the gym, or bookstore, and no guy EVER acts that way with me. From your posts in other threads I thought you were nice and interesting. I'm surprised to see you are so angry at people who are good-looking. Sometimes I get jealous of girls who are really pretty, but sometimes I look at girls who are less classical beauties and am jealous, because they are cute and have such a charming personality which surely must be attractive to many guys. People have told me I was good-looking, but I only seem to attract players or really strange weirdos. I often wonder if my personality is not really strange and that's why the normal, nice guys just seem not to be attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) From your posts in other threads I thought you were nice and interesting. I'm surprised to see you are so angry at people who are good-looking. Sometimes I get jealous of girls who are really pretty, but sometimes I look at girls who are less classical beauties and am jealous, because they are cute and have such a charming personality which surely must be attractive to many guys. People have told me I was good-looking, but I only seem to attract players or really strange weirdos. I often wonder if my personality is not really strange and that's why the normal, nice guys just seem not to be attracted to me. Sorry you feel this way. But don't give up hope just yet! I still have a news paper article about this woman who use to be thin but piled on the pounds, 400+ pounds, and she actually attracted more male attention -- even attractive males. She's happily sitting with a boyfriend. Don't be shy. Edit: One thing I must point out from this article is that she said she felt sexy Edited October 21, 2011 by danmorisson Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) I guess everything is relative. If one takes a look at the link I provided in this post, it's possible for one to be envious of those people. OP is third from right, attired in yellow/black. She hasn't broken the link, so I think it's OK to use this as reference. OP, can you accept that it's possible there are people who might hate you because they perceive you as attractive; more attractive than them? Perception is an interesting aspect of human psychology. You're here lamenting hating attractive people. Ever wonder what the perception of those people are? Could they be you? Is there another path? I think this particular area will resolve by the time you're in your early 30's. Dwell on it too much and form too many negative emotional memories and it could stick with you longer. I hope that doesn't happen. Wait, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? Is it true without a doubt that THIS thread's OP, who is grumbling at levels nearly beyond belief about hating attractive people, is the woman pictured at that link in the black and yellow? (feels twinge of bluntness coming on: ) She looks hot and bangable to me... not that I could ever measure up to the likes of the woman pictured there. (but I would like to give her a piece of my mind in a decent and respectful one-to-one chat arena) (* and not the kind of piece of my mind where I'm at all mad) How in the world can we be fielding this kind of "hatred" of the attractive people from somebody who has all that going for her? What does that leave for those who really may deserve at least some true compassion in that area?? Edited October 21, 2011 by SincereOnlineGuy (** she still needs more vowels in her name) Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I've noticed that alot of attractive women act this why -- they see themselves as ugly when they're fart from it. I know what it is - they spend too much of their time focusing on other women and they want to be the hottest and not feeling like they're the hottest makes them feel ugly. Shame really. You need to stop thinking like that. I read about this obese woman, she was beautiful when she was thin (a model), she gained 300+ pounds and she's still beautiful, and she's sitting all happy with a boyfriend and kids. Take it from me, you are not ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Holy crap! OP, if you hate attractive people, you must hate yourself. On a rating scale of 1-10, you'd be somewhere between 9 and 10! You're smoking hot, and shouldn't feel insecure. This is an example of body dismorphic disorder rearing its ugly head. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I've noticed that alot of attractive women act this why -- they see themselves as ugly when they're fart from it. Yes, farting from your eyes is something that a lot of attractive women have an issue with. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Any guy that would tell you you are not attractive or they are with you despite your looks is not a guy worth having. He is tactless and stupid. How can you believe someone who has no social graces? What would he know about beauty? He'd just follow the herd. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, a guy like that will be an idiot all along and will end up saying the wrong thing. Don't judge yourself by what these guys say. The poster earlier on is right, attraction is something that goes beyond looks. I know a really attractive guy, you know the kind who has everything - looks, talent, confidence, money, good prospects, everything a guy would want - and he was dumped by a funny-looking girl. Truly, she wasn't anything special to look at (not that I'm any better), but the point is, she valued herself and she chose guys based on whether they behaved in ways that she liked, not anything else. She decided he wasn't right for her. He was devastated. This same girl has no end of admirers, she is an interesting person, nice with it, and the guys are captured by her personality and unique looks. Don't dismiss your uniqueness and assume that if you are not like a model, guys won't be interested. It's not true. It seems to me that you lack confidence and so are chasing guys rather than letting them chase you. If you do that, you'll end up with guys who think they are something special because you chased them and that you are not because ... you chased them! Value yourself, decide what qualities you want in a guy beyond good looks and only accept invitations from guys with those qualities. Amongst those qualities should be tact, attraction to you, and good manners! I'm confident that the minute you switch from thinking that you need to pursue guys to thinking you are a prize that they have to work for, things will change. It's all a question of attitude, of how you value yourself and how you allow guys to treat you. We are all the same in some ways, we notice certain people in a crowd. Some of them will be classically attractive, as judged by many, but others will be attractive to us and not others. At a party I went to with a girl friend once, my friend confided in me that she'd found this red-headed guy really gorgeous. I was stunned. What red-headed guy? He'd been in the group we were sitting with. I'd never even noticed him! I had, however, noticed a fair-haired guy that my friend didn't notice either (she was too busy looking at the red-haired one!). Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Don't devalue yourself by chasing guys and letting them talk about you as if you are not worth anything. Any guy who would do that is pretty worthless - don't you see how you are selecting crap guys? You are selecting them. You are dismissing others who might treat you better. You are special, unique, there is no-one quite like you. That is the thing that will attract certain guys to you and the thing they won't trade for anyone else. Edited October 22, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My guess is that the reason she believes she is unattractive is because of the men she's dated. She's primarily been with losers and jerks and they've said mean things to her. verhrzn, where do you primarily meet the men you date? Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Yes, farting from your eyes is something that a lot of attractive women have an issue with. I was going to type it another way but decided to change it and left the t. Couldn't get to fix it because my ISP sometimes blocks me from logging in to sites (IWF bug I think) Edit: And it's my appearance that alot of people have a problem with (most notably women because I've never been able to make a female friend before). Edited October 22, 2011 by danmorisson Link to post Share on other sites
danmorisson Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) I'm a titanic embarrassment, I'm the only one where I live that has no female friends on his facebook, just a handful of male friends. That does embarrass me. I feel like closing my Facebook because of that but I try not to let it bother me. Can't even make any over Facebook. The guys that hate on me my over my appearance must be laughing. You just cannot win, they always have something to laugh at. Edited October 22, 2011 by danmorisson Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I was going to type it another way but decided to change it and left the t. Couldn't get to fix it because my ISP sometimes blocks me from logging in to sites (IWF bug I think) That's okay. I was just yanking your chain. Although the scariest movie I've ever seen was "Invasion Of The Eye Farters." Terrifying! Edit: And it's my appearance that alot of people have a problem with (most notably women because I've never been able to make a female friend before). Women don't usually care about appearances when it comes to friendship. Unless you're heavily scarred or have a third eye, personality is what makes friendship. Somehow I think your low self esteem is driving these women away. Do you walk around with a scowl on your face? If you'd like to send me a picture (privately), I'd give you an honest opinion. I am somebody who has struggled with self esteem issues, and was diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder. I would be the last person to be mean about it; I'd tell you what you can improve. Link to post Share on other sites
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