Can't Get Over Hating Attractive People

[danmorisson]

Sorry just don't like posting pics over the Net. It has absolutely nothing to do with lack of confidence, I chitter away to old women. If she's old and grey, she'll talk to me. If she's young (anthing but old), no chance. I've always been use to that -- not even being friendworthy. I've grown accustom to this. It didn't even think it was possible for an ugly guy to have young female pals until I read comments over the Internet. I have been all over, colleges etc, and I've never been able to make any young female friends before -- always been hated or just ignored no matter how hard I try.

[AHardDaysNight]

As long as you view yourself as ugly, everyone else will, too.

 

This is a link to an article on a marine guy that was disfigured in battle. He is happily married still, and his wife didn't leave him.

 

Click here

 

It's examples like this guy that shows courage. This guy is a hero. His story is inspirational.

[danmorisson]

Well, all I know is that I've never been able to make any female friends. All I have are memories of women pulling ugly faces and whatnot. View myself as ugly? I don't! I try to pretend I look like something I'm not but it makes no difference. The bad always win. There's this dickhead and he's hated me all my life because of my appearance, he and his friend use to say "Are you ugly?". He must be absolutely laughing at the fact that not only can I not get a date but I can't even 'just' be friends with them either.

 

I have nothing but 30 odd years of bad memories and it's not getting any better. I cannot believe that so many people lack a heart like this.

 

Last post on the forum anyway (said everything)

Edited October 22, 2011 by danmorisson

[AHardDaysNight]

Dude, this is all negative self talk. You are your own worst enemy.

[verhrzn]

My guess is that the reason she believes she is unattractive is because of the men she's dated. She's primarily been with losers and jerks and they've said mean things to her.

 

verhrzn, where do you primarily meet the men you date?

 

I've met em a couple of places... The recent ones have been through mutual friends, online, and through similar hobbies.

 

I have no idea how I keep picking jerks, if that is the issue. I don't go for the typically good looking or cocky guys... My favorite type of guys are slightly effeminate nerds/geeks. The really weird thing is, the boyfriend who probably took the biggest chunk out of my self-image was the LAST person you'd expect... His friends all described him as the sweetest, most lovable guy, never had a problem with anybody (he was terrified of confrontation so either let people walk all over him or passive-aggressively lashed out), and was always in a cheerful and upbeat mood. To this day, our mutual friends don't believe he said the stuff he did... they wave it off with the explanation that I must have "taken it the wrong way."

 

I dunno, it just seems like my looks are the best explanation for why people (but especially guys) treat me this certain way, and I just feel so frustrated because all I've ever wanted was a good guy who I could love and who loved me, yet it seems impossible to get... And I see attractive women who reject and roll their eyes at guys who approach them, and then the guys get bitter and resent all women as I'm sitting in the corner thinking," You didn't even glance at me!"

[Nic26]

WOW verhrzn, I haven't read anyone's response, just your original post, and I really feel for you It must be absolutely horrendous having that perspective of things. I will say two things:

 

1. You may benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt counselling), which is geared towards changing your thought paths and ultimately, the way you see things.

 

2. Confidence is the key to absolutely everything in life. Others will believe what you believe to be true about yourself. Whether you realise it or not, your self doubts will come across in your behaviour one way or another. If you believe that you're an amazing person, and looks are only skin deep (as they are), then other people will see this too. SO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

 

It's exactly the same with interviews, etc. If you go in there believing that you're amazing, the interviewees will see that quality in you, and have faith in you. Ok, so you do have to then prove that you are amazing, but everyone is amazing in their own way, so that shouldn't be too hard. As long as you believe it, of course

 

Good luck!

[Nic26]

I have no idea how I keep picking jerks

 

Because you don't believe you deserve better!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I've met em a couple of places... The recent ones have been through mutual friends, online, and through similar hobbies.

 

I have no idea how I keep picking jerks, if that is the issue. I don't go for the typically good looking or cocky guys... My favorite type of guys are slightly effeminate nerds/geeks. The really weird thing is, the boyfriend who probably took the biggest chunk out of my self-image was the LAST person you'd expect... His friends all described him as the sweetest, most lovable guy, never had a problem with anybody (he was terrified of confrontation so either let people walk all over him or passive-aggressively lashed out), and was always in a cheerful and upbeat mood. To this day, our mutual friends don't believe he said the stuff he did... they wave it off with the explanation that I must have "taken it the wrong way."

 

I dunno, it just seems like my looks are the best explanation for why people (but especially guys) treat me this certain way, and I just feel so frustrated because all I've ever wanted was a good guy who I could love and who loved me, yet it seems impossible to get... And I see attractive women who reject and roll their eyes at guys who approach them, and then the guys get bitter and resent all women as I'm sitting in the corner thinking," You didn't even glance at me!"

 

 

I sure don't mind the idea of you hashing, re-hashing, and over-hashing the factors which lead to your not yet having landed someone for a lifetime... but you are seemingly so irrational in your self-assessment of your outward appeal that it becomes difficult for others to submit to a sincere exchange with you on any related topic.

 

IF you happen to spend your girls nights out with two or three complete hotties, and you keep yourself entertained by watching the male-female interactions in that sort of an atmosphere, then I can understand some (relative) observations. You're still not being rational in your observations of what is implied to be all humanity.

 

While I'm sure there are some psychological drawbacks to being seated among total hotties on girls night out, I suspect that the leftovers alone from such evenings could keep a decent girl socially engaged for a long, long while.

 

Why wouldn't you plant that perfectly appealing feminine form of yours in the middle of regular, everyday society now and again while continuing to search for mister right?

 

The biggest secret to landing mister right is meeting lots and lots of people from all walks of life.

[Spices]

It's also why I get INCENSED whenever I see advice like "put on make-up!" "Dress for your body type!" "Lose some weight!" It's like a white person saying to a black person in the 60's," Oh drink at that other foundation, what's the big deal?" Or a rich person saying to a poor person," Well just get a better job."

 

I DO wear make-up. My body type is impossibly to dress for, because I'm not built proportionally, and clothes are not made to look good on dis-proportionate people (being petite and squat... pants are either too long or don't fit my hips, shirts either don't fit my bust or if they fit there make me look pregnant.) My body has stayed stubbornly at 120-130 no matter how much I eat or exercise... My black belt test was a monster, hard core aerobic exercise 4 nights a week for two hours for 6 months, and yet I GAINED fat. I got faster, stronger, more flexible, more endurance... and fatter.

 

And what kills me about attractive people is that they ... don't... get... it. They pull out those platitudes of "True beauty is from within!" Yes, I'm sure it is, but when's the last time someone said "Oh man that's girl's inner beauty makes me want to f*** her silly." Sure, personality matters, but a lot of people will only acknowledge in passing the amount of power we DO give beautiful people.

 

Do I have attractive friends? Sure. They're fine people. But being their friend doesn't make it any less painful or problematic when they show just how blind they are to the power their looks give them by saying things like "Well physical attractiveness isn't that important anyway." The only people who can say that are the ones who have never had to live without it.

 

You most likely gained muscle when you took your black belt test.

 

If you were to cut back on your food intake (as in, much smaller portions & healthier choices), and did 30 minuets of cardio a day, you'd definitely loose weight.

 

Seriously! People can make themselves more attractive, drastically even. Ever hear of ugly ducklings? The comment you made about this being similar to poverty & race is completely silly & irrelevant.

Edited October 22, 2011 by Spices

[AHardDaysNight]

You don't even look overweight, OP! I don't understand where this is coming from?

[danmorisson]

Early symptoms of anorexia kicking in (not that she's skinny. I mean that she sees herself as fat when she's not)

[Eve]

I've met em a couple of places... The recent ones have been through mutual friends, online, and through similar hobbies.

 

I have no idea how I keep picking jerks, if that is the issue. I don't go for the typically good looking or cocky guys... My favorite type of guys are slightly effeminate nerds/geeks. The really weird thing is, the boyfriend who probably took the biggest chunk out of my self-image was the LAST person you'd expect... His friends all described him as the sweetest, most lovable guy, never had a problem with anybody (he was terrified of confrontation so either let people walk all over him or passive-aggressively lashed out), and was always in a cheerful and upbeat mood. To this day, our mutual friends don't believe he said the stuff he did... they wave it off with the explanation that I must have "taken it the wrong way."

 

I dunno, it just seems like my looks are the best explanation for why people (but especially guys) treat me this certain way, and I just feel so frustrated because all I've ever wanted was a good guy who I could love and who loved me, yet it seems impossible to get... And I see attractive women who reject and roll their eyes at guys who approach them, and then the guys get bitter and resent all women as I'm sitting in the corner thinking," You didn't even glance at me!"

 

Sounds like comments made have really got to you.

 

I can only speak for myself but remember in younger more foolish days, when I had a brief wild period and someone made a comment as such about me but in the reverse to what you are saying. On top of his comment, he had lied that he was no longer in a relationship with his girlfriend, so essentially I was for a brief time part of some sort of cheating dynamic! I was so mad that I actually walked a number of miles to his home and confronted him and his partner. Why I didn't just catch a taxi, I don't know. I was so angry and in the end told him to never speak to me again - but this was said in different words. He did try and speak to me again but I blanked him. I got it all out and felt pity for his gf. She had even had a termination in the time that he was messing about with me! Man, she was a really weak woman. Shockingly so! She actually wanted to stay with the twat.

 

In total, I think sometimes we can let the wrong person into our life due to inexperience etc and what matters is that we do not take on the negativity being offered to us and learn from the experience.

 

Anyhow, I showed your pic to a few people and they all said that you are a good looking girl. One commented that you looked sad though.

 

Also check out whether you do have a distorted view of your body. I do not have a full blown eating disorder but do have a distorted view of my body type which can affect my eating patterns. I have made up my own guide over the years and now can permit myself to be above or below my ideal body weight by 6lbs. This has stopped me obsessing about my weight. Funny thing was, when I met my Hubby I was the heaviest I have ever been, which is not in real life terms even heavy, it's just this miscalculation thing I have cognitively.

 

Anyhow, girl you are fine. This guy sounds like he got so comfy with you that he thought he could say anything he wanted to you. You still have a response, which should be that you protect yourself from such bs. Don't lose hope because of that guy. Back to the drawing board!

 

Chin up!

Take care,

Eve x

[K.K.]

I was expecting a monster when I clicked on that picture link. When I saw you Vehrzn, I wanted to slap you silly (sorry). GIRL YOU ARE ADORABLE!!! Can't you see yourself?? You have a hot little figure, your boobs are fantastic, you don't look fat to me at all. Your eyes are dark and sexy. Your hair looks thick. Grow that ****! I can just imagine you with long flippy hair. And first and foremost, you have youth on your side.

 

I can't imagine some guy telling you that you're too "physically unattractive" for him. It has to be something else. Maybe your personality is saying that you're ugly therefore people may see you that way?

 

I remember back when I was 20 something. I had liked this guy for a long time but always got so nervous and stiff around him and thought I was so ugly. Which looking back, hey... I was Miss ****ing America compared to the haggard crack head dog that he ended up with. I ran into him years later and he told me that he had always thought I was hot but that I was so self concious and down on myself that it made me "physically unappealing". I was hurt but you know what? Him saying that changed everything for me. It wasn't my looks that were the turn off. It was ME HATING MYSELF.

 

I don't know why people tell you you're ugly. Whether they are just playing or jealous or simpleminded or what but get this... they are dead WRONG.

[Eve]

I was expecting a monster when I clicked on that picture link. When I saw you Vehrzn, I wanted to slap you silly (sorry). GIRL YOU ARE ADORABLE!!! Can't you see yourself?? You have a hot little figure, your boobs are fantastic, you don't look fat to me at all. Your eyes are dark and sexy. Your hair looks thick. Grow that ****! I can just imagine you with long flippy hair. And first and foremost, you have youth on your side.

 

I can't imagine some guy telling you that you're too "physically unattractive" for him. It has to be something else. Maybe your personality is saying that you're ugly therefore people may see you that way?

 

I remember back when I was 20 something. I had liked this guy for a long time but always got so nervous and stiff around him and thought I was so ugly. Which looking back, hey... I was Miss ****ing America compared to the haggard crack head dog that he ended up with. I ran into him years later and he told me that he had always thought I was hot but that I was so self concious and down on myself that it made me "physically unappealing". I was hurt but you know what? Him saying that changed everything for me. It wasn't my looks that were the turn off. It was ME HATING MYSELF.

 

I don't know why people tell you you're ugly. Whether they are just playing or jealous or simpleminded or what but get this... they are dead WRONG.

 

Your post made me laugh!

 

I would agree with the idea about growing her hair. She can pull off short though really well!

 

My youngest boy, who is an endless romantic said the OP is 'HOT!' but he has learned to avoid girls who talk about themselves as being ugly when they are not. He said that they never listen. He was the one, within my research, who commented that the OP looked sad - being the empathic sweetheart type that he is.

 

If he can pick up on your negative view of yourself just from a pic, imagine what can be happening in real life OP. Tune in on positives to attract the positives, I say.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Lostinlife4now]

Hi verhrzn!

 

I have a friend who has a Beautiful Wife. (Gorgeous Eyes, beautiful skin, petite, big boobs, great hair....) He married her because of how she looked, (a little shallow of him) But he forgot to look past her outer beauty. She has NO INNER BEAUTY.....No substance and no personality and no sexuality. And now he is sorry he is with her.

 

But from what others have said about you (I have not seen a pic) you are pretty damm nice looking....So what's this all about? Hmmmmmm???!!!

[PlumPrincess]

Sorry you feel this way. But don't give up hope just yet! I still have a news paper article about this woman who use to be thin but piled on the pounds, 400+ pounds, and she actually attracted more male attention -- even attractive males. She's happily sitting with a boyfriend. Don't be shy.

 

Edit: One thing I must point out from this article is that she said she felt sexy

Hey, thank you!

[danmorisson]

Hey I'm complete hideous but I don't take it out on attractive people though. Well, the only problem I have with them, womem really, is that I find it impossible to become friends with them. But I don't hate them though. I don't hate them for not wanting to date me -- I mean you cannot date what you don't desire. It's imposible. But it is a struggle to become friends with them too, unfortunately. I'd love to have lots of friends though, male & female, to feel 'normal', because I think that there is more to life than just passing on your genes.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I was expecting a monster when I clicked on that picture link. When I saw you Vehrzn, I wanted to slap you silly (sorry). GIRL YOU ARE ADORABLE!!! Can't you see yourself?? You have a hot little figure, your boobs are fantastic, you don't look fat to me at all. Your eyes are dark and sexy. Your hair looks thick.

 

 

 

Yeah, she'd be the total package if only she had more vowels...

[Nic26]

Where is the picture of verhrzn? You all have me intrigued.......

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Where is the picture of verhrzn? You all have me intrigued.......

 

 

Presumably she's in the black and yellow in this photo

 

 

But that is just what somebody else said/implied.

[AHardDaysNight]

She's not unattractive. She's cute, and has a hot body.

 

However, her personality and attitude STINKS!

[carhill]

The link I provided was posted by the OP in one of her early threads. If one strips the .jpg locator out and goes to the album, there is one other picture. IMO, she's a normal young lady who's going through the finding of self and it's playing out in pictures and words. It'll work out.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

there is one other picture.

 

 

Indeed a fun little package, vowels or not !!

 

(LOL)

[Nic26]

Presumably she's in the black and yellow in this photoQUOTE]

 

Looking at both pics, you just look like a normal, slim girl...not fat and ugly at all! So I don't get it. Maybe you're either aiming for guys totally above your 'level', (as we all have one), or you have severe body dysmorphia.

[orangelady]

That is true. I have a lot of friends who have the total packaging : Good looks + nice personality and guys will be more attracted to that than having to settle for someone who only has a nice personality but okayish looks.

 

And I wouldn't take advice from people who respond on here as I believe they are not realistic about it.

 

This is something you have to come to accept. These people here can convince you as much about how good you look but it doesn't change any fact about what you have posted.