How long before you knew your spouse was the one?

[Onlyjonley]

Some days, I can't imagine life without my boyfriend and can see a future with him. Other days, I'm not so sure. Is this normal?

 

We've only been together 5 months and only the last 2 of those have been living in the same town. So we're still getting to know one another and somewhat getting settled into the groove of a relationship.

[xxoo]

That sounds normal for 5 months in. You are crazy about each other, and romanticize the relationship.....but you are still discovering things about each other. You can't feel sure about committing until you have a more complete and stable understanding of each other.

 

For me, it took about 18-24 months to feel sure.

[Eve]

.. At five months in, yes, you sound as though you are still finding out stuff about each other. Like foundational stuff.

 

I knew instantaneously but doubted myself for a while. I thought I had lost my mind as I am rather careful about these things.

 

Even on my Wedding Day I was wondering if I was doing the right thing!

 

I have concluded that doubt seems to be part of the relationship cycle, even today, twelve years in. We find that there are times when we feel distant but then what matters is what we do within those times, then the love sort of comes back. It never dies completely, it is just as though it becomes hidden for a while.

 

I have experienced this throughout the honeymoon period and beyond.

 

I see it as mini check points where we decide if things are working or not and move closer. It is probably caused by the subconscious mind methinks trying to actuate deeper meanings and aspirations.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[SMahon]

To get into holy matrimony with someone is something that should be well thought of beforehand. You ought to be sure if it is indeed the right person you are going to lead the rest of your life with. People do make goof up at this juncture and one such case that i remember is of this woman whose story i read on blog.datedosti.com. She did divorce her husband but that left her in a pretty wrecked state. But kudos to her she picked herself up and got her life back on track. She also ended up finding the right guy at the end of it all, albeit in the most unexpected circumstances. Her story is a must read! Not many people get such second chances and we must look at getting it right in the first try!

 

Cheers!

[beccibaxter]

i knew immediately. a lot of people dont believe that but it is true.

the way he was with me, a true gentleman, the way he cared for me, i fell in love immediately, it frightened me to be honest, the strength of my feelings but it felt like i had been woken up from a nightmare and he was the one that woke me up.

turns out i was right because here we are 18 years later!

[sunshinegirl]

Hebby, how your feeling sounds pretty normal for that stage of a relationship.

 

That said, I was pretty sure about my now-husband less than a month into our 'official' relationship. We met in late May, started dating in late October, and by late November I was secretly starting my wedding guest list!

[MikeT4]

I met my wife on January 31st and proposed to her on July 5th. I think I knew she was the one sometime in June. We got married in December. We've been married for 17 years and they have been the best of my life.

[RecordProducer]

So we're still getting to know one another and somewhat getting settled into the groove of a relationship.

Get to know one another reeeeeeeeaaaaaaly well before you take that step.

 

I knew my ex-husband was the one after 4 days!

 

The thing is if you're both in love with each other, you'll get married even if you don't get along so well. The marriage itself will take care of things: all the disagreements will kill the love.

 

But good luck to you! If your partner is an honest and open person, and you two love each other, that's 90% of good marital foundation. The other 10% is crap you can't prevent, control or predict.

[Breezy Trousers]

Get to know one another reeeeeeeeaaaaaaly well before you take that step.

 

I knew my ex-husband was the one after 4 days!

 

The thing is if you're both in love with each other, you'll get married even if you don't get along so well. The marriage itself will take care of things: all the disagreements will kill the love.

 

But good luck to you! If your partner is an honest and open person, and you two love each other, that's 90% of good marital foundation. The other 10% is crap you can't prevent, control or predict.

 

I completely agree with RP. My husband and I knew we were going to be married within the first week of dating, and we were in no way, shape or form looking to marry anyone. It just happened that way. Our relationship felt very natural and easy. No drama, no apprehensions. It's been 23 years, and it still feels that way.

 

I was deep in "like" with my first partner, and he had everything going for him -- huge heart, (young) Clint Eastwood looks, great job. I wasn't in love with him though. When you're in love, you know. When you're not in love, you know that, too, though it might confuse you for a while.

Edited November 13, 2011 by Breezy Trousers

[ErgoStep]

Sounds like someone moved so you could be together. If so, that's awesome.

 

The seriousness of the relationship builds over time. Faster if he's pushing on the gas, slower if you're pulling back a little.

 

If there are specific issues with the relationship that you are dealing with, it's good to sort them out by yourself, or if appropriate, with him.

[Ninja25]

I completely agree with RP. My husband and I knew we were going to be married within the first week of dating, and we were in no way, shape or form looking to marry anyone. It just happened that way. Our relationship felt very natural and easy. No drama, no apprehensions. It's been 23 years, and it still feels that way.

 

I was deep in "like" with my first partner, and he had everything going for him -- huge heart, (young) Clint Eastwood looks, great job. I wasn't in love with him though. When you're in love, you know. When you're not in love, you know that, too, though it might confuse you for a while.

In my experience you know from very early on. Me and my fiancee knew of each other when we were kids 16-17 never dated but had a spark that we never could diminish I left being young and unaware of it I left for travelling. Coming home single again we found each other and the spark never left and things JUST FIT. Its works amazingly, we have our arguments but the love is so strong we always find a way to communicate. my love for him came on so fast and so deep (incrediably unusal for me) we announced our engagement 4 months into finding each other again and being together. 2yrs later we plan to get married in summer.

 

In comparison to a previous relationship that went for 5yrs and the feeling of love and time it took to build to a decision to commit took alot longer and times of uncertainty. and I thought this relationship was my great love Pfffffft.

 

Elle xxxx

[Afishwithabike]

I knew it pretty early on. I would say within a few months of meeting him. At first we were only good friends and even at that point, I could tell we had a really strong connection with each other. It was/is so easy to be with him. There wasn't any drama. There wasn't any of the angst and problems I had in previous relationships. I kept a diary during this time. There's an entry in it where I wrote " I know I'll marry him some day." It was written maybe in the first three months of meeting him. I didn't write that about anyone else, friend or boyfriend. For the record, I don't believe in destiny or soul mates.

Even though I knew I would want to marry him, we didn't get married for several years because we both wanted to finish our graduate education and be settled in our careers before we married.