kalik Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 This is a little update to what happened. I was ready to break up because of this space thing. She said that she needed a week or two, but called me after three days. She came to me and said that she was sorry she sent me mixed messages, but that she just needed to think about what went wrong in our relationship. She said that she missed the fact that we never really dated, and that we never really got to know each other before we moved in together. It was a mistake, and I know that now. It all went too fast and too soon. It was hard on our relationship and our hearts. She said that she wants to be with me, and only me. She said that she really loves me, and that she wants to take things slowly . She doesn't want to miss out on anything between us and she wants to make this last. I know that she really wants this now, but I know that I can never open up as easily as I did before. I know that I love her, but I feel like something is missing. I feel something is amiss. I know I want to be with her, and I've forgiven the things she did to me (though I won't forget, or let her treat me that way again), but I'm worried about the way I feel. It's like we're starting over again, and giving it another try. What I'm trying to say is-what is this feeling inside. I can't describe it, and I don't like it. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 This feeling is the void you have where trust used to be. You trusted her with your heart- and she hurt you. I hope that you aren't moving back in together right now. If its dating that you missed in the beginning- try it now- while living apart. If you spend sometime getting to know each other as individuals- you may begin to rebuild the trust between you. And maybe not- you may find that you do not have the will or desire to place your heart in her hands a second time. This would be understandable- considering your history with her. At least if you aren't living together- and it ends up not working out- you don't have the pain of her leaving your home to deal with all over again. My prediction (which doesn't mean much) is that this will fizzle out. You sound like you aren't into it- and she sounds like she doesn't have any idea WHAT she wants. One day she needs space and 3 days later- she is singing a different tune. You are right to be careful this time- you should take this opportunity to take the reins and be in control of your own life. If you want to date her- then do- if you don't feel like you can put your "all" into it- you have the power to say no. I hope it works out the way you want. Good Luck, Jenna This is a little update to what happened. I was ready to break up because of this space thing. She said that she needed a week or two, but called me after three days. She came to me and said that she was sorry she sent me mixed messages, but that she just needed to think about what went wrong in our relationship. She said that she missed the fact that we never really dated, and that we never really got to know each other before we moved in together. It was a mistake, and I know that now. It all went too fast and too soon. It was hard on our relationship and our hearts. She said that she wants to be with me, and only me. She said that she really loves me, and that she wants to take things slowly . She doesn't want to miss out on anything between us and she wants to make this last. I know that she really wants this now, but I know that I can never open up as easily as I did before. I know that I love her, but I feel like something is missing. I feel something is amiss. I know I want to be with her, and I've forgiven the things she did to me (though I won't forget, or let her treat me that way again), but I'm worried about the way I feel. It's like we're starting over again, and giving it another try. What I'm trying to say is-what is this feeling inside. I can't describe it, and I don't like it. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 I made the same mistake by just getting into the intimacies of a relationship (which is very seductive) and not into the practicalities of it from the start. I opened my heart up too soon, the way you did. Then when things weren't working out well, I felt like such a fool for getting in too deep too fast. I was falling in love with an illusion, instead of the conflicted man-with-baggage and unlivable-with behavior patterns. My poor heart is still suffering from the split but I have really learned not to make that mistake again. I feel for you. But I also have lived through enough to know that one day the pain will fade away and that you have not died from it. This feeling is the void you have where trust used to be. You trusted her with your heart- and she hurt you. I hope that you aren't moving back in together right now. If its dating that you missed in the beginning- try it now- while living apart. If you spend sometime getting to know each other as individuals- you may begin to rebuild the trust between you. And maybe not- you may find that you do not have the will or desire to place your heart in her hands a second time. This would be understandable- considering your history with her. At least if you aren't living together- and it ends up not working out- you don't have the pain of her leaving your home to deal with all over again. My prediction (which doesn't mean much) is that this will fizzle out. You sound like you aren't into it- and she sounds like she doesn't have any idea WHAT she wants. One day she needs space and 3 days later- she is singing a different tune. You are right to be careful this time- you should take this opportunity to take the reins and be in control of your own life. If you want to date her- then do- if you don't feel like you can put your "all" into it- you have the power to say no. I hope it works out the way you want. Good Luck, Jenna Link to post Share on other sites
kalik Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 Now she says that she wants us to work on being friends first, and see what happens from there on. She has told me that she isn'T sure what she wants. She says that she loves me. Does she really? Why can't she decide? What the hell is going on? What am I going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 I don't think it is possible to be friends after you have been intimate. Be friends so she can confide in you about her problems with her new boyfriend? No. It doesn't work. That "Let's be friends" thing is a very old trick to try to stave off the horrible thought that the breakup is final. I think Jenna's advice to people on this site to take back their own life is good. This is your life. You are in control. Don't let this poor confused girl run your life for you. Either she wants a committed relationship or not. It is very cut and dried. It would be cool for you to go out and meet other girls and see for yourself that you can have a very good time with other ladies. Now she says that she wants us to work on being friends first, and see what happens from there on. She has told me that she isn'T sure what she wants. She says that she loves me. Does she really? Why can't she decide? What the hell is going on? What am I going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Jenna Posted September 19, 2000 Share Posted September 19, 2000 Ok- this girl is starting to get on my last nerve I try very hard to be rational in my responses- I try to see things from more than one perspective- but COME ON!! With friends like her..... who needs enemies!!! LOSE THIS GIRL!!! SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!! Please, for your own good- end any contact with her- at this point it is YOU that is making your life miserable- by allowing this nonsense to continue. I won't lie- it's gonna hurt- but unless you are getting some warped sense of enjoyment out of this- there is no reason not to end it once and for all! Jenna I don't think it is possible to be friends after you have been intimate. Be friends so she can confide in you about her problems with her new boyfriend? No. It doesn't work. That "Let's be friends" thing is a very old trick to try to stave off the horrible thought that the breakup is final. I think Jenna's advice to people on this site to take back their own life is good. This is your life. You are in control. Don't let this poor confused girl run your life for you. Either she wants a committed relationship or not. It is very cut and dried. It would be cool for you to go out and meet other girls and see for yourself that you can have a very good time with other ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
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