TekKaman_HaLo Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Hey everyone, Having some problems between my girlfriend and I. We've been dating about 7 months now and it's been going well up until about a month ago. Let me just start from the first incident. Ok, well her family has been trying to move and they recently sold their house and had about 2 weeks to get out. The week she was moving just so happened to fall in the week of my college engineering finals, and I had to study. I offered to help as much as I could but when the finals were actually upon me I needed all the time I could to study, and I couldnt be there to help move. Anyway, she got REALLY mad over this and said I wasn't there for her and wouldn't speak to me for days. I tried to point out to her that it was really important for me to study but I folded and said I was in the wrong. ( I know I shouldnt have but I was trying to keep the peace) . Next weekend, she and I go out, and she asks to bring this friend along cause she was putting her on a guilt trip, so she comes. I try and be the gentleman and sit in the back and let the two of them do their talking while I fiddle with the seat belt clip in the back. At many points in time her friend keeps bringing up ex boyfriends my gf has dated and how hot they were, what was so funny they did, etc etc. And I kinda keep my mouth shut as I listen to the two of them go back and forth about it, and it pissed me off. After we finally dropped her friend off, I said "she was getting on my last god damn nerve" and a fight erupted from that. I explained what she was saying was really bothering me but she said it was really tacky for me to say that about her friend. The next day she called and said she could understand where I was coming from and she wasn't mad, so it was ok. This past week I recently started a new job, and I wanted to go out with her to celebrate. She worked the entire week and had an excuse for every night. The only night I got to see her was friday and for the 2 hours I saw her she slept on her bed cause she felt bad and I tried to be understanding and stay cool about it all. Up until today she has still just given me excuses. Finally tonight I'd had it, I asked her what her problem is and why she kept giving me excuses. She said I was being needy for asking to see her every day and she didn't want to spend every day with me, and also that when I asked her to do something it was nearly 10 o'clock ( which isn't true I ask her early in the day and get "I dunno" as an answer). My obvious thought was she's seeing someone else but she insisted she wasn't. I used not seeing me tonight (monday) as an example and she said she needed to watch over her dad because he'd been to the hospital earlier in the day. I understand he's been through surgery (3 weeks ago he got his bladder stretched) but she took it as I was telling her to drop her family and come see me, which I wasn't . I was just using it as one of many excuses. Then she said she didnt want to continue the conversation because I wasn't being supportive and hung up. Now.......I'm at my wits end....I'd fallen in love with this girl and I really want to work all this out, but calling me needy and not seeing me for nearly 3 weeks is pushing it. I have never had a girlfriend that I didnt see at least once a week and I've expressed that I want to see her more. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I being needy? Should I just give her space and wait for her to want to see me or what? Please give me some input I am running out of ideas. Thanks, Tek Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I think you should hang back.. it seems like she's getting into the mindset where any second now she will dump your ass. Everything you do is wrong, automatically. You want to spend time with her? you're too in her face. She might be seeing someone, she might not. But basically, you should just back up because until she gets a chance to miss you for a good healthy bit, she's just going to be annoyed by everything you do on the inside. Please trust me. When this happens, you must leave our prescence. Trust me. We sometimes pretend to be super sweet about it, then we don't pretend at all and you wonder who turned the bitch on, then we're sorry so we're nice again... but the truth is you need to back off. She probably wants to break up with you. The only thing you can do to prevent this is to not contact her. Spend all your time being the attractive guy she fell in love with. The "so not needy!" one. She'll either 1) notice you haven't called and start to call you all the time. Try not to let this go far... hang back. or 2) she will totally let you back off and won't try to call you. Probably because she's seeing someone else. And this will hurt really bad, but calling her will only make it worse. good luck! Mwah~ Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 My initial reaction when I read your post is that the two of you just are not suited to each other. Your priorities do not match. You love her more than she loves you and, IMHO, the best thing for both of you is to end the relationship, or decide to date casually but not exclusively. You may both grow and change and come together again at some time in the future when you are both on the same page in your wants, desires, needs, and understanding of your own priorities in a relationship. In the meantime, dating others and just having fun and settling into a new job should be a priority. If you need some emotional support from time to time, find a friend or family member and build new relationships slowly until you have your own mental checklist of what is imortant to you and you find someone with a similar list. You both have too many other things going on in your separate lives and she seems totally uninterested in merging your lives. Her friend talking about her old bf's was rude and totally insensitive and her not stopping her friend, and even engaging in the conversation, was disrespectful to you and, in my opinion, was a clear statement that she does not place a lot of value on your feelings. However, you could have remarked on that in a more tactful way and possibly avoided an argument, but telling your gf that you found the conversation disrespectful to you and that it made you feel bad and you did not appreciate it. BTW: Congrats on passing your finals and starting a new job! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I'm with the others. She's not 'bipolar' or anything like it; she's just not much motivated to be with you or do things for you. You say you are 'falling' for her - not sure why, but if you haven't fallen yet, stop yourself. This relationship isn't going anywhere good. Even if you give her 'time' - well, you shouldn't need to give her time, actually. It's not as if you've been joined at the hip. Just give up on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 TekKaman_HaLo - To answer the question in your thread title, no, she's not bipolar and no, you're not an idiot. Have you ever read the true definition of bipolar? Here's a site: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/bpbasics/a/menu_whatisbp.htm Link to post Share on other sites
singa Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 My mom is bipolar and your gf doesn't sound like she is. What she sounds like is that she's selfish and a bit immature. Unfortunatley, there's not too much you can do to change that and as such you have to make a choice- stay in a relationship where this is how you're treated, talk to her and tell her how you feel and see what happens or get out. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts