What do I do my situation?

[gandhi]

So, for some backstory, I was with this girl for about a year before she dumped me. I kept her on an extremely high pedestal and gave her everything she wanted: love, affection, and basically my being. In the process of my making myself a human doormat for her, I somehow fell for her hard. She was my first real relationship, my first kiss, my first companion to an otherwise shy and secluded guy. To me, she opened me up to people and thats what I treasure about the relationship the most.

 

It all went sour this summer when she dumped me over text, basically telling me she didn't like me anymore. I took it bad, didnt eat, couldnt sleep for a week or two and all in that same time she insisted on talking. I went through a couple of days of where I would just ignore her texts and calls for her ego boosts and thats when she cracked the first time. Saying **** like, she still loved me, I'd be the only one she would date and so on. I fell for it but she kept insisting she couldnt have a relationship. So, we somehow got to being a friends with benefits and hooked up plenty in that time. That ended quickly as my feelings for her were still there completely and I couldnt take the fact that she had nothing for me but can still do this. Later, she wanted to try the relationship one more time, I accepted. It was good for a couple of days but then her old feelings of wanting to be alone or something came back and we ended it again. This time she told me she didnt want to talk, blocking me from fb and taking me out of her phone. Low and behold, the very next day she texts me and we get to talking again.

 

Weeks pass, we still talk almost daily and other instances of me trying to move on by just ignoring her fail as she keeps asking me to talk, and I keep coming back because I feel guilty and inside, I still want to talk her. As of most recently, she made it clear she did not want to be a couple or FWB but just friends. The thing is, this friends things entails us talking literally everyday, often late nights and its as if we are still together, or that is something I make out to be. I tried telling her I am trying to move on and I can't do that if I keep talking to her. She said okay but everyday since I have told her we cant keep talking she sends me messages like "I miss talking" to you and "I miss you" and "this doesnt feel right." She practically begged me to stay friends and I told her I always put her feelings first and I tried to be friends with her but I just couldnt. Somehow, we are still talking everyday......

 

At this point, I do not think I have moved on, but I have accepted the fact that she isnt coming back to me. I can go without talking to her, but I still have that want to talk to her and just see how she is. Just this friday, she came over and we hooked up and this only set me back.

 

So I am asking you guys, what the **** do I do? She doesnt want to let go and I am here holding on by strings because it seems like she still cares about me. HELP =(

[ken_25]

Ok, try this out... tell her, I'm sorry, but I cannot be friends right now. maybe way down the road in time we can be friends, but not now or anytime soon. I need my space to move on, I cannot keep in contact with you. If you contact me, I will not respond, please do not make this harder then it already is.

 

When she responds, do not write back. NEVER respond and she will stop. If she throws you a curve ball or you need some support, we'll be here.

[jean2011]

you have to stop talking to this girl. its the only way you'll be able to move on with your life. shes toying with you, cause she doesnt know what she wants yet. she thought single was better than you, but now it turns out its not that great for her.

You are NOT a second choice.

wait for the right girl to come along that will care about you as much as you care about her. dont wait around for a handful of crap 'maybes' and 'we will sees.' you deserve better than her.

block her from your phone, tell her to stop talking to you, delete her from facebook, change your number if you have to.

[gandhi]

I just dont get it, I have tried upwards of 3/4 times to tell her I am trying to move on but she wont let me go. I want to let go, I need to let go, but its so hard when we love talking to eachother?

[ken_25]

You need to lock down NC. Stop responding to her.

[bonpaw2008]

We all get that you love this girl and would still be with her if she didn't dump you. But she did...and now you have to move on. She won't let go because she needs to still have hooks on you if things don't work out with whatever else she is doing. NC will do her good too, she needs to live with her decision and get on with it, and you need to heal.

 

Best wishes - it will get easier but you have to take the first step. You are stuck in limbo if you keep letting her in.

[davesterr]

I think your girl likes the thought of being single and being free to date whoever.

But she also sounds scared and lonely so she is keeping you on a leash.

She's using you for her own selfish needs untill she will find a guy to replace you with permanently.

When that happens she wont talk to you no matter how much you beg her to.

You say you still hook up every once in a while.

I think you should charish those moments because it might be your last time ever doing so.

This however wont help you moving on at all.

So you have to make a decission.

Either understand that you placed her on a pedestal and gave her all your love.

But she doesn't love you.

So you can either stay friends with occasional hookups untill you get replaced by some other guy.

Or you have to make a sacrifice by not seeing her and talking to her again and start focusing on yourself by moving on.

 

I think the best thing to do is to use her like she uses you.

This way you get can pleasure from the hook ups and talking while it lasts.

But since you say you love her i know this is not possible since you're emotionally attached to her.

So the smartest choice is to cut all ties and not feel sorry for her.

Because if she really cared about your feelings than she wouldn't keep texting u for her own selfish needs while knowing you're trying to get over her.

 

Just know that if you do cut all ties and sacrifice then you will not see her or be with her again.

That will really be the last time you're with her.

Because theres no guarantee about the future.

Ofcourse theres always the what if but you cant live by that right now.

 

This is really a personal choice you have to make.

Just know that when you do get replaced it will hurt like never before because girls like her will instantly drop all communication when they found someone else to be with and who will boost their self esteem by complimenting her.

So if you're strong and want to end this with dignity and self respect which will make you look more powerful in her eyes and who knows maybe make her respect u more since you were kind of a doormat(yet i see that more as giving a girl all the love she deserves but who simply doesn't give the same amount back) then who knows maybe she will like you more than just a friend in the future again knowing what she's missing out on.

It's really up to you tho.

Really think this over.

Edited October 18, 2011 by davesterr

[gandhi]

I know she is using me, we just hooked up again yesterday night. The other time, exactly a week before yesterday, she said it would never happen again. Well, here I am, we had sex yesterday and we talked about it today, with her being extremely cold, and telling me "i dont know, it was what it was" and saying "it wont happen again."

 

What do i do?

[davesterr]

i just told u. didn't u read anything?

this is what you do:

you either cut all ties and not see her again.

or you will enjoy the hook ups aslong as they will last untill you get replaced.

 

the best thing to do is to find someone else and use her like she is using u.

but if u love her this is impossible so there is no in between.

you really either gotta sacrifice the hook ups and move on.

or wait till she finds someone else , dumps u and act cold to u permanently.

then u will have no other choice but to move on.

but the pain u will receive by getting replaced will hurt alot more than whether u call it a quits right now.

[ffw]

Gandhi, listen to Davesterr advice. She finished the relationship. Why are you still hanging? Stop acting like a doormat guy & be a man. Your falling for her breadcrunmbs. Leave her before its too late. Leave before you lose your dignity & self respect. We can just give you advice, but at the end of the day the choice is yours. If you want to burn & learn, then good luck with that.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

DUDE!!! SERIOUSLY CUT ALL TIES RIGHT ****ING NOW!! dont mean to be nasty but like everyone else says she using you as a tugboat until her jackoff in shining armor comes in to replace you.. she doesnt like the idea being alone and for the time being your the only one she can settle with ( sorry to sound harsh)

 

she is purposely playing with your feelings so she can bide time while looking for some one else.. you are her catspaw right now and she is being a absolute B****!!! these feelings of hers are just a way to keep you hooked in while she looks for a better partner ( in her eyes) and the only way this is going to end is you being left with the grief..

 

DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO GET OVER HER, ( have a few sessions with maddam palm and her five lovely daughters if you have too, as it sounds like shes tempting you with sex alot), DOWN LOADS OF SALTPETER.. take the month off in a Buddhist monastery, chop your cock off ( if you want to get to that extreme) hell if your really want to STICK it to her bloody cheat on her before she cheats on you, that'll give her a nice surprise..

 

we've all laid the tools on the table m8, your the one that has to use them..

 

there is only one way this can go ( and it sounds like your aware of this so stop lying to yourself..), and there's only so much time she will bide till she'll be-able to completely leaves you devastated .. make the cut in the bud RIGHT NOW before you hurt yourself deeply from her..

[gandhi]

See, thats the thing, my whole being says she wont go off and find someone else and then throw me to the curb, but that is being extremely naive and incompetent, and it only seems like a matter of time.

 

So, I am going to outright do it, enjoy your life, I am not being apart of it anymore.

[gandhi]

I really need help. Everytime the moment comes to just tell her for like the 3rd time that I cant do this, I can never bring myself to do it. As soon as I start to hint at it, she makes it seem likes its my fault and she will never talk to me again.

 

HOW DO I DO IT, is it like ripping a bandaid and just cutting my losses?

[davesterr]

its called sacrifice.

u know how to do it but u just dont want to yet.

in the end it happens sooner or later.

if u do choose to cut ur losses now before u bet even more then cut all ties and quit gambling.

in this case your ex girlfriend is like the casino. and in the end the house always wins.

the more u bet the more u lose.

sure its fun to gamble but when the time comes when ur whole life savings is on the table and u lose it and ur ex ditches u completely and replace u with someone else then u will be broke with no money left to gamble no matter what u do and u will be way off worse than u are now if u call it the quits at this moment.

there is no in between.

in the end remember its called sacrifice.

not becuz its fun , but becuz u have to sacrifice something good for the greater good.

ur own well being.

Edited October 24, 2011 by davesterr