Depressed, bi-polar, or just hearbroken?

[davesterr]

Hi i have a question for you guys even though i understand that most of us aren't doctors on here.

Ps: its another essay sized story sorry.

 

For starters, after my ex gf broke up with me i've been really feeling down lately.

Even though this happened more than 1.5 years ago and the last time i saw her was over half a year ago and have been on nc since 2 months.

Truth is im not feeling any better.

 

Someone told me last night i was bipolar cuz she lied about a promise and i got mad at her while we used to be sort of friends.

The promise wasn't a big deal but i still got pissed at her where as normally i shouldn't even bother about it.

Now im wondering, is she right?

 

Sometimes im doing alright looking at the future and thinking: i can fix my life again, getting a job, start working out and doing everything i want to do.

And sometimes theres even hope that maybe in the future my ex gf will come back.

Even though i know 99.99% this wont happen and i dont try to make it happen either as i let her go to live her life the way she wants to.

However the future is never sure and who knows.

This gives me a little bit more hope and tells me that i shouldn't waste my looks and my life because if in some bizarre way my ex would want me back then i would atleast want to be able to take her back instead of saying no i can't because i look terrible due to no sleep for months and letting myself go to waste.

Ofcourse even if i would never get back together with her i would still be at my very best.

Becoming a whole new better self. Physically and as in life status.

During these moments im actually really optimistic for a bit.

 

However not long after i will think of my ex girlfriend and realise that she truely was the perfect girl for me.

And everyone tells me that i put her on a pedestal but even from a outside point of view with no emotions attached, she really was!

She was one of the most gorgeous girls i've ever seen in life with the biggest heart and such a good person.

She even still wants to support me to help me get over her by listening to how i feel.

I couldn't wish for a better closure.

Yet when these thoughts of her occur, i feel so incredibly sad that i feel like theres nothing left to live for.

I won't meet anyone else that will like me back whos better than her.

And since im not in America anymore, the girls over here who are like so many times uglier than the girls i used to dance with all time in the states wont even look at me.

In a way its a huge hit against my ego and definitely doesn't make my believes of never finding someone like my ex any less true.

When these thoughts occur i feel like, whats the point of living?

There's no reason for me to get out of bed anymore because i gave up all hope on happiness.

The only thing i can live for is my single self made future which would have to be based on career which i have to start from scratch now.

But its so hard to even find the energy to get out of bed because im not myself anymore.

I'm just this guy who lost everything he cared for most and who still cries everyday.

 

Im just wondering, is what im experiancing normal for a heartbreak?

I know the depression is part of it, however sometimes i get that little bit of hope.

Does this mean i now turned bi-polar due to it being moodswings?

I also don't know if i should seek medication however im not interested in laying my entire life story in front of a shrink because when you mention you dont feel like living you get put in a psych ward with no way getting out.

 

If you guys could tell me whether its normal to experiance this and if it will pass then i would appreciate it alot.

Im a normal guy and i never had any mental problems besides depression but i guess everyone who's life isn't great has dealt with that before.

However i felt like asking this just to make sure my friend who said i was bipolar is wrong.

Thanks for reading and for all the advice.

Edited October 18, 2011 by davesterr

[broken-and-lost]

Hi m8

 

Really sorry your going through something similar to me i'm not a doctor but i have been to see doctors and had therapy.

 

I feel similar to you in many way in relation to my ex and also you mentioned her breaking a promise and you getting upset about it that kind of thing use to haven to me I'm not bi-polar and have not been told that i am.

 

I would say you have depression which has been worsened by your breakup, I would imagine something else has happened to you previously to your relationship too to trigger the depression in the relationship.

 

I would go see your doctor and try to work through the issues. Tablets may help i started a thread on anti-d's i'll see if i can get the link if you want to look at want people said

[broken-and-lost]

link to other post on tablets http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t300922/

[davesterr]

Thanks for your support and you were right.

Truth is, i lost my best friend 2 years before i met my girlfriend.

During that period i lost all feelings and didn't do anything but sat in my room starring at my computer completely empty and lifeless.

I didn't think i would ever come out of it and was the most depressed as anyone could be.

However when i met my ex girlfriend, some way some how she made me feel again.

She made me smile when i thought my whole world crashed in.

In a way she brought me back to life and actually made me happy.

She became the only thing i started caring for and the only true reason i would wake up on purpose for.

Now that she's gone though i feel like im back to where i was.

But instead of feeling nothing i just feel completely broken, torn and sad inside.

It really sucks.

I also noticed i've became really bitter at people, life and my view on the future which is really not me because i used to be the most optimistic guy ever who always tried to inspire others and who smiled all the time.

Edited October 18, 2011 by davesterr

[broken-and-lost]

I had something similar happen to me long before i met my girlfriend and when i met her something changed in me i was really happy for the first time in my life. I mean really happy like she was sent to put the spark back into my life before that i was just surviving.

 

The only problem is because of what happened when your most happiest these things have a way of surfacing only takes a small trigger like a broken promise from the person you love.

 

I can only suggest you get some help to work through the issues they won't go away on there own i've been working through them all for the last year for me it will never bring back my girl unfortunately that really hurts.

 

I can say what will happen in your situation with your ex but if you want a real shot at a happy ending with someone special i would start by trying to address the issues it's really hard and it painful process by you will be glad you've started it.

 

I think you have classic depression through past traumas their can be hope but you need to make effort to help yourself and admit you need help.

 

I've felt broken ever since she left hence my user name but i'm working on the broken heart now rather then the depression my past issues are where they belong now in the past it all takes time and their are so many lows but you have to believe in a better future for yourself

Edited October 18, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[davesterr]

Yeah your right about having to make an effort yourself to make a better life.

And like you said this is only possible if you believe in a better future.

But it's just so hard to tell yourself you're gonna do get up and make progress today when inside all you do is feel like dieing.

Im planning on going to the gym and maybe get my mind off things through working out and i really do wanna start improving when i fix my sleep schedule.

However im just a bit sceptic about getting help from a doctor.

Because all they do is talk and hear about your problems yet i feel like i already have the answers to be successful.

I just having trouble applying them.

And you can't receive medication unless you go through the screenig process of telling your entire life story and all its problems.

I also don't know whether the meds would work or whether they would only bring side effects.

Either way thank you for your advice.

I think you should change your name into: Getting there.

Or something like that.

If like you said you are working on your problems then you have to visualize yourself succeeding.

And when you see it in your mind then you will become it.

Therefore its a good start to change your name into something good.

Because you're already working on changing it for the best.

Then again you dont have to change your name.

Its really up to you but thank you for the support man.

[broken-and-lost]

I totally understand how you feel, i really do it's the hardest thing in the world it really is it's it a very lonely and isolating thing to go through.

 

i actually got told to take a 6 month break from work as they were worried about me and thought i needed the time away from work. Work was my rock so having to walk out was such a blow all it's done is give me more time to think and made it very hard to fill the time with productive things you want to lay on the sofa and just not move.

 

I can't advise you on the drugs every drug has side effects and the thread i started people did say the benefits after a few weeks helped then to motivate themselves to work through things.

 

I also knew what the problems were and what i needed to to to fix them i tried on my own at first while i was still in the relationship but knowing the problems and being able to fix them on your own are two different things .

 

Their is no shame in asking for help it's more a sign of strength then weakness it's different here in the UK you go to your GP you do have to explain the problems to them and it's not easy telling people trust me i know but talking to people really does help which route you decide really is upto you but if this has been going on over a year then you might just want to consider it.

 

Thank you i think your right about changing my user name i'm not so much lost as broken and working on it

 

Really wish you all the luck in the world and if you need to talk this is a good place to start