Does my ex have some personality disorder or issue?

[YouNeverKnow86]

Well my ex girlfriend broke up with me out of nowhere a few months ago. Everything seemed perfect (no fighting, family loved me, etc.) and she literally latched onto me/hung out with me all the time. The relationship only lasted 3 months and the breakup was a complete shock. Reflecting back I have realized some red flags and I wanted to know if anyone else has seen similar characteristics with their ex's and if this coincides with some personality disorder or issue?

 

Red Flags:

 

1). She transferred out of 2 colleges, she now lives at home with her family and commutes to school.

2). She is a homebody (doesn't like going to bars, enjoys staying home) and hasn't kept in contact with any friends from high school or college. In fact she cut contact with her only friend once she started dating me. She says her sister is her best friend.

3). It took her 1 year to get over he ex boyfriend (the breakup was 2 years ago and it was a 2 year long relationship). The boyfriend attended the one school she transferred from.

4). One time I caught her halfway in her kitchen cabinet digging for something (probably sweets) as if she was hiding something. This was a weird sight and she was doing this late at night when her family was asleep.

5). Her one friend (who she lost contact with while dating me) told me she has gone on many dates with various "good" guys before meeting me but doubted each once she found a fault (as if she was searching for the perfect guy). She says I was different because we actually got into a relationship.

 

Does this make sense to anyone?

[davesterr]

I think her life isn't going so well at this moment.

She transfered from schools and started cutting off everyone.

Including her best friends.

This is usually a sign for depression and lack of enjoying things she used to do such as socializing or going out.

 

You say you heard she dated alot of good guys yet none of them lasted long.

She may not be over her ex boyfriend and is simply trying to find someone who can replace him.

 

Truthfully i think shes not in a good state of mind right now to date anyone.

Who knows whats really going through her head.

When i cut off all of my friends i was a complete wreck.

In no way able to date.

She may need some time alone or has toomuch trouble focussing on her life that she can't have a serious relationship with epecially if shes not over her ex.

 

I guess if you really love her then you should talk to her and support her in any way possible.

However if you dont talk to her then you cant really find out what's wrong.

If the break up was out of the blue and you didn't do anything to make her dislike you then she either is going through some personal problems or she just still loves her ex boyfriend.

Thats just my thoughts though.

[mike111]

She sounds like a bit of an isolationist. But that's about all I can see.

 

Is she a happy person otherwise?

 

mike

[davesterr]

I think if you do plan on getting back together though.

Then if i were you, i would suprise her with red roses and a giant stuffed teddybear or something like that.

Then again im a real romantic guy who watches toomany movies and not all girls like this.

However you know what she likes best and i think if you suprise her and bring a smile on her face then she will be alot more willing to talk things out and work towards a solution rather than you just randomly calling her with whats up.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Hey guys,

 

She seemed happy during the relationship but now looking back it always seemed she was hiding something. We have now been broken up for almost 3 months and I tried everything to get her back for a month even though she wanted to give us space. She sometimes would be cold/distant, other times talk to me because she knew I was devastated by the breakup (I always initiated contact, but it was low contact) but we would sometimes fight/argue as well (she did call me once to apologize for flipping out on me and would constantly say sorry for breaking up with me). We tried to be friends but she was acting cold/distant so it pissed me off and then she didn't want to be friends anymore. About a few weeks ago I demanded we meet up because she didn't breakup with me in person (it was over the phone) and that was when she begged me to stop contacting her and said I was making her scared. I never did anything to scare her, she was acting like I was the dumper. She also said she no longer had feelings for me but here is the catch. Three days later she saw me out at the bar with another girl and was watching me all night and even stormed out of the place when she saw me kiss this other girl (I tried to avoid my ex all night but she kept running into me). So if she was over me I don't know what that was about (this was 3 weeks ago)?

 

So last week I texted her one last time saying I missed her and I even sent her an e-mail saying how I felt. I knew I wasn't going to get a response and I didn't. So I have given up but the breakup was a complete blindside; she told me things like: "something was missing," "felt like the relationship evolved into friendship"....A whole bunch of BS.

 

I have been moving on but I just think there are deeper issues with this girl that I will never know........

[YouNeverKnow86]

She also did tell me her ex contacted her after we brokeup. She also said she no longer had feelings for him and it didn't matter because she wasn't seeing him.

[davesterr]

I've been there with the whole bunch of bs excuses.

For the longest time this drove me insane trying to crack davinci's code.

But as bad as this is gonna sound, theres a big chance you will never find out the true reason she broke up.

The best thing for you to do is to realise the relationship is over and to continue living life the best way you can.

 

I think if a girl is genuinely getting scared then if you really love her you should respect her wishes even if this includes not contacting anymore.

Who knows in the future when she gets her stuff together, you might talk again and see from there.

But if you really tried to get back together and she really doesn't wanna talk then i wouldn't force it because you will only push her further away if she's in that state.

 

It's never easy to see your ex kissing someone else even if she dumped you.

But then again you guys were broken up and you said you couldn't get back together anymore.

If i have to give you my honest advice, i would say try to let it go.

She's really not in a state to date and even though you didn't do anything wrong on ur part by kissing a girl.

In her eyes it might've been and i dont think getting back together is gonna be easy.

I say give it time , respect her feelings.

You told her how you felt in an email, you did what you could man.

The hardest thing now is realising you're broken up and that you may never know the true reason as of why.

Since you didn't get a proper closure it will be harder to move on, but if its any relief, even after getting a great closure its still just as painful.

So if possible, dont try to focus on breaking up face to face or by hearing an explanation or anything.

Big chance is you wont get it and even bigger chance is, despite what you think it might still not make you feel better.

Because even if she told you the reason why.

You would always have that: did she say the truth, playing in the back of ur mind.

Long story short, it wont really matter so dont try to seek that perfect closure toomuch unless you feel like you really have to.

If so then just tell her how you feel and ask her for a good break up so you can move on with ur life and she can move on with hers.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Yeah at this point I have given up and I will never make initial contact with her again so it is up to her. I hope someday she will but everyday she doesn't contact me I just really lose more respect for her to be honest. Maybe one day she will reach out to me