What do you think makes people cheat on their partners?

[yeszombie]

In my case, the man I like with the pregnant girlfriend claims that he loves her. He told me he loves her but he thinks 'I'm amazing' and he 'wishes he'd met me first'.

 

But what I can't understand is - if he loves her, how can he cheat?

 

I would never have cheated on my ex because I love him with all my heart.

So what is a cheater's excuse?

Have any of you cheated? Why did you do it?

 

I can't believe he is just using me for sex.

[ladydesigner]

I believe people cheat for a myriad of reasons. They could want something different, they are filling a void inside themselves, they aren't getting enough attention and on and on. My reason for cheating was revenge.

[carhill]

I didn't 'cheat' but did have a disclosed EA. I purposely set out to get certain unfulfilled emotional needs met and did so. No excuses, no blame assigned except to myself for making the choice. I never claimed to love my wife because, at the time, I certainly did not. Once I had my ducks in a row and my lawyer had a plan, we executed. I hope my exW is a healthier, happier and richer person now. I know I am.

 

As already posted, the 'reasons' or 'motivations' or 'impetuses' are as manifold as there are people on this planet. Each of us is an individual.

 

Your man's 'reason' could have been as simple as he wasn't having sex with his pregnant partner, his balls were full, his prostate was bulging and his libido obviated any sense of fidelity he had to his partner. That's one of a thousand or more possible 'reasons'. Who knows? Maybe even he doesn't know. The end result is what you have before you, whatever that is.

 

In my experience with MW's, since I'm a man, they generally rationalize with words whatever is most expedient in getting their needs met. As a MM, my different 'style' is likely why both people are now out of my life and I'm happy about that. I wasn't interested in bullshyting someone to get a piece of tail, rather I just needed some peace. I've got that now. Hope you find yours.

[RandysOneTrueLove]

I'm sure he does love you in a way, Yeszombie. I know this road first hand. In my humble opinion, some men can separate sex and love in their minds quite easily. There is the companionship type of love, a great amazing pal mixed with sexual attraction = fun for a while as long as you don't get caught. Then there is the love that he feels he can't be without, the person he wants there for the long haul = his girlfriend. The sad thing is even his very real love for, in yr case, the pregnant girlfriend, is not enough for him to deny himself the pleasure of "loving" you. I am sure he doesn't want to hurt her, but is too immature/selfish to not have you. I'm also sure he doesn't want to hurt you, so he will minimize his relationship with her, lie about them not having sex all the time (which they likely do despite what he says) and do whatever it takes to have his cake and eat it too. If it all blows up in his face and she finds out, SHE will be the one he chooses over you.

 

As to WHY people cheat? It comes down to something missing inside them. I am like you, even after being cheated on I could never cheat on the man I love because my love for him keeps me from wanting to--no matter what temptations are set before me. Lack of self confidence (despite appearing confident on the outside), need for ego affirmation sexually or in other areas of life. Plus just plain old lack of character and morals. People will cheat on beautiful, sexually exciting, loving, amazing partners with whomever fills the void they are feeling. It doesnt mean they arent in love with their partner--it means they are not in love with themselves.

 

I wish you luck. When this relationship is done, I hope you will choose someone who ISNT in a "committed"( lol )relationship. It takes two to cheat and you should put yourself in her shoes before you let her man in you. It is true what they say--if he will cheat with you, he WILL cheat on you with another.

[missy268]

In my case, the man I like with the pregnant girlfriend claims that he loves her. He told me he loves her but he thinks 'I'm amazing' and he 'wishes he'd met me first'.

 

But what I can't understand is - if he loves her, how can he cheat?

 

I would never have cheated on my ex because I love him with all my heart.

So what is a cheater's excuse?

Have any of you cheated? Why did you do it?

 

I can't believe he is just using me for sex.

 

 

Hard isn't it to believe that they are just using you for sex - i actually asked my guy, he came over my house all stressed in the summer and said do you think we will ever get a chance to be together, will you wait, Im not using you for sex and all this and i believed that, still do!

 

I believe with my guy its one of three things

 

1. Hes young (he's 21) he got into this relationship when he was 18 and they have been living together for about 18 months

2. She is an absolute horror to him - shes awful to him , and that isnt just off his word, its off words of friends as well

3. I've always been there for him - the nice girl from work, the shy polite girl, who he has fun with, has a laugh with, used to have a sneaky cuddle with when making the tea

 

I think it happened very naturally with me and him and i believed he has cheated on her, because he's not in love with her anymore and he wants out but doesn't know how to do it

 

xx

[yeszombie]

Thank you for your opinions. He has never told me if he has sex with his girlfriend and I never, ever ask. We told one another we would either tell each other everything to do with that or nothing. I don't want to know any of it. I presume that as she is pregnant they will be having a lot of unprotect sex (one of the best bits about pregnancy lol not having to worry about getting pregnant!) lol. He is younger than I am and their child wasn't planner. She told me that if she finds out he has cheated then he would never see his child again so I see why he has to stay with her - but I also feel like - if I am not the reason they break up, something will break them up one day.

 

They can't be in love how they think they are or she would not be threatenin him with his child and he would not be chasing after me. Right? /-/

[Yianks]

 

I can't believe he is just using me for sex.

 

He likes you yes, however 'he is just not that into you'

 

(borrowing a line from a 2009 movie)

Edited October 19, 2011 by Yianks

[Pompom]

Sometimes, love is exactly the reason why someone's cheating. When I worked as a callgirl, I had a lot of committed men for customers. Many were very sexually dissatisfied with their partner, but wanted to stay with her regardless. Then what? No sexual pleasure, yet the wish to be together, there's 2 solutions to that: Masturbate forever, which isn't a reasonable demand - or find it elsewhere, relieve the sexual pressure there, then come home fresh and sassy to his partner and love her without resenting her for not pleasuring him.

So sometimes cheating is the only way to keep the relationship. There are women who won't let their partner's penis near their face, there are those women who constantly have a headache (and always in bed, somehow), then there are those women who stop caring about sex once they had all their little girl dreams fulfilled: The white wedding dress, the social prestige of being married, the house, the cute baby... So why have sex anymore?

 

Sex is, imho, a major part in an intimate relationship, or else you might as well stay just friends, right? So if sex is being denied or not satisfactory on one side, how else to keep the relationship alive, than by looking for sex elsewhere?

 

Of course, some partners cheat just because they're jerks or other reasons, but love and cheating can perfectly go hand in hand.

[woinlove]

Thank you for your opinions. He has never told me if he has sex with his girlfriend and I never, ever ask. We told one another we would either tell each other everything to do with that or nothing. I don't want to know any of it. I presume that as she is pregnant they will be having a lot of unprotect sex (one of the best bits about pregnancy lol not having to worry about getting pregnant!) lol. He is younger than I am and their child wasn't planner. She told me that if she finds out he has cheated then he would never see his child again so I see why he has to stay with her - but I also feel like - if I am not the reason they break up, something will break them up one day.

 

They can't be in love how they think they are or she would not be threatenin him with his child and he would not be chasing after me. Right? /-/

 

Difficult to determine her love for him based on her comment about reacting to his cheating. It could have been an instinctive protective mechanism as she imagines the father of her child cheating and the need to have some control and protect the baby. Extreme stress and anxiety during pregnancy can have permanent negative effects on the child and hormones can affect one's reaction to stress and anxiety during pregnancy. She suspects something is wrong, is being lied to, and she really needs to focus on the health of her and the baby at this time - so I would not try to over interpret anything she says related to this stressful situation. Unless her bf is an unfit parent, he has legal rights to the child no matter what the outcome of his cheating is.

 

It is not that uncommon for the timing of an affair to be during a pregnancy, illness of spouse/partner, or some crisis in one's life. It may be a sign of the person's immaturity and weak coping skills. It is probably not the best time to take a measure of the person's overall capacity for loving and caring about others.

[bentnotbroken]

Sometimes, love is exactly the reason why someone's cheating. When I worked as a callgirl, I had a lot of committed men for customers. Many were very sexually dissatisfied with their partner, but wanted to stay with her regardless. Then what? No sexual pleasure, yet the wish to be together, there's 2 solutions to that: Masturbate forever, which isn't a reasonable demand - or find it elsewhere, relieve the sexual pressure there, then come home fresh and sassy to his partner and love her without resenting her for not pleasuring him.

So sometimes cheating is the only way to keep the relationship. There are women who won't let their partner's penis near their face, there are those women who constantly have a headache (and always in bed, somehow), then there are those women who stop caring about sex once they had all their little girl dreams fulfilled: The white wedding dress, the social prestige of being married, the house, the cute baby... So why have sex anymore?

 

Sex is, imho, a major part in an intimate relationship, or else you might as well stay just friends, right? So if sex is being denied or not satisfactory on one side, how else to keep the relationship alive, than by looking for sex elsewhere?

 

Of course, some partners cheat just because they're jerks or other reasons, but love and cheating can perfectly go hand in hand.

 

 

That is my laugh for today.

[stillafool]

I think he is cheating on her because she is pregnant and some guys don't like to have sex with pregnant women (afraid they will hurt the baby). Yet a guy still needs sex.

[skywriter]

"She told me that if she finds out he has cheated then he would never see his child again so I see why he has to stay with her - but I also feel like - if I am not the reason they break up, something will break them up one day."

 

 

I wish people would stop saying these things! She can't legally stop him from seeing his child, without a legally valid reason. Even then, it would be up to the courts to decide. That's just a threat.

[2sunny]

I can't believe he is just using me for sex.

 

YOU have choices! WHY are YOU choosing to settle for so little for YOURSELF?

 

 

 

you choose to believe in his lies - why?

 

why do YOU not deserve more than this?

[mzdolphin]

Why can't Lindsey Lohan stay out of jail? Why is a convict allowed to have a zoo of man-eating animals? Why do the Kardashian's have a hit show?

 

Who knows? Crazy people. For some, what they have is never enough. I stopped asking why and just accepted what is. Didn't matter why he lied, or if he really loved me. He married, lying to her and lying to me. Makes no difference why he's lying and cheating. Not want I wanted so I got out.

[Pompom]

Cheating is like lying. There are selfishly motivated lies, and there are lies that are told to avoid misery for the one being lied to as well. So no, there is nothing laughable about my statement that cheating and love can go together.

[mzdolphin]

"She told me that if she finds out he has cheated then he would never see his child again so I see why he has to stay with her - but I also feel like - if I am not the reason they break up, something will break them up one day."

 

 

I wish people would stop saying these things! She can't legally stop him from seeing his child, without a legally valid reason. Even then, it would be up to the courts to decide. That's just a threat.

 

True. In fact if he had proof of her stating this he could win sole custody. My ex husband won sole custody of his daugthers, who were both in elementary school at the time. His first wife was a stay at home mom with a masters degree in education and he was worked many hours. But she constantly interfered with his ability to see the girls. He went to court, won custody and he and I raised his daughters with the mom getting visitation every two weeks. The girls are now adults, graduated from college, one married and they still spend lots of time with me even though I divorced their father.

 

Any guy using this as an excuse is either lazy or lying.

[mzdolphin]

Cheating is like lying. There are selfishly motivated lies, and there are lies that are told to avoid misery for the one being lied to as well. So no, there is nothing laughable about my statement that cheating and love can go together.

 

 

It is so easy to paint everyone into corners. I think cheaters can be lazy, cowards, selfish and or all of the above. They can also be good fathers, mothers, teachers and friends.

 

They lack character in this area of their life. My ex husband cheated, but he's been there for our son. He's raised the amount of child support three times without me asking. "I got a raise so I can pay more." He picks our son up two times a week. He is a sex addict. But I can't write him off as evil.

 

My ex MM raised five children (two not his own) and put them all through college. He volunteers his time and mentors many young professionals in his industry. He is also a coward when it comes to confrontation. Not just with the wife, he was with me too. He is so worried about rocking the boat that if he noticed a leak in the boat he'd sit there and let the boat take on water until everybody drowned. But I can't write him off as evil.

[stillafool]

"She told me that if she finds out he has cheated then he would never see his child again so I see why he has to stay with her - but I also feel like - if I am not the reason they break up, something will break them up one day."

 

 

I wish people would stop saying these things! She can't legally stop him from seeing his child, without a legally valid reason. Even then, it would be up to the courts to decide. That's just a threat.

 

I completely agree. What kind of mother would deprive their child from seeing and knowing their father? Unless of course he is abusive. I hate it when the mother is this selfish.

[woinlove]

I completely agree. What kind of mother would deprive their child from seeing and knowing their father? Unless of course he is abusive. I hate it when the mother is this selfish.

 

I think it is important to distinguish between words said once under duress and actual actions that affect people.

 

If someone deprives their child of the other parent (assuming it is not abuse related, court-ordered, etc) that is extremely selfish and hurtful behavior. For someone to even talk that way under usual circumstances is a matter of great concern. For someone to say this under extremely stressful circumstances to someone who is lying to them and, consequently, is likely making them feel that they and their baby are under some threat is a different matter. If the OP would be honest, I think a different situation would evolve, where either the father recommitted to his gf or him and the gf split up and, no doubt, some arrangements would be made with respect to the baby. Honesty would resolve this issue and is within the control of the OP if she so desires.

[GabbyGirl]

I NEVER thought I could or would cheat, but after 12 years of not intimacy with my husband I gave in to temptation and it was the biggest mistake of my life. My ex MM used me for sex too and even told me he loved me over and over. I recently found out he never loved me at all. My point is the grass is not greener on the other side and I learned the hard way.