Febreze Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm seriously wondering about this now because it looks like a trend as I'm getting older and its not right When I was in my 20s guys my age and older couldn't wait to see me and call me every other day with new plans, etc. Of course I knew that it was my looks that attracted them. I'm blonde, green eyes, 5'4 and fit But things have started shifting since I turned 30 especially if a guy finds out about that I'm 35 now btw but am still looking pretty good I think, no kids, and never married with a career as rehab nurse. I'm trying to understand what's the problem here because these guys never say anything other than take me out for a few dates, make out, try to sleep with me, but when I tell them about wanting to settle down, have a family soon, they take off. Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Maybe it's the guys you are dating? Try dating someone that's not flaky. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Hello Febreze, I agree with HDN its the guys who you are dating with. Don't take it personally its not because of your age. PS: I usually fall for the girls with your looks Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 why didn't you pick one to have that family with when you were in your 20s? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Onlyjonley Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Are you mentioning this stuff way too soon? Females who are already making wedding plans by the 3rd date scare dudes off. I've had a lot of friends stop calling girls because they got clingy way too fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I do know quite a bit of men in their 30s who are successful and want to have as much as possible and take full advantage of their new status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Febreze Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Are you mentioning this stuff way too soon? Females who are already making wedding plans by the 3rd date scare dudes off. I've had a lot of friends stop calling girls because they got clingy way too fast. No I dont mention anything like that by the 3rd date or 4th or 5th lol. I'm very laidback and usually go with the flow. The conversation about hoping to settle down comes up usually after seeing a couple with a kid or baby. I think its natural To answer "thatone" I didn't think about settling then because many men were asking me out when I was an undergrad straight into my earlier days as a nurse. Older doctors particularly came on to me. I felt it was no hurry to worry about that stuff back then. I was just dating. To answer "alphamale" I never thought of myself as having the upper hand but I do see what you're talking about as I recall having more choices as a younger woman but I'm still young. I look younger than my age and am in good shape since I do eat right and guys still hit on me but its never an attempt at being serious when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period. Today 8:16 PM Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I'm 35, and every guy I meet that I find anywhere near compatible with me just can't wait to get serious, so I agree it's the men you're meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I'm seriously wondering about this now because it looks like a trend as I'm getting older and its not right When I was in my 20s guys my age and older couldn't wait to see me and call me every other day with new plans, etc. Of course I knew that it was my looks that attracted them. I'm blonde, green eyes, 5'4 and fit But things have started shifting since I turned 30 especially if a guy finds out about that I'm 35 now btw but am still looking pretty good I think, no kids, and never married with a career as rehab nurse. I'm trying to understand what's the problem here because these guys never say anything other than take me out for a few dates, make out, try to sleep with me, but when I tell them about wanting to settle down, have a family soon, they take off. Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried Hey, wanna settle down with me? You're are still so young. The right guy will come along. How many dates have you had recently? And how are you meeting these men, if I may ask? Where you meet a guy could have a lot to do with it. mike Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 If guys don't see you as a serious prospect then you need to take a look at the guys you are picking and also how you are coming across to guys, in general. If they see you as someone just for sex then maybe you are projecting that image in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period. Sums it up. Feb, I've noticed the same thing. I was serious with a few guys in my 20's, and they all seemed in an all fired hurry to tie me down and get married. Now, I find it's not quite the case. Women in their 20's do hold all of the cards. Too bad no one told us that back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Sums it up. Feb, I've noticed the same thing. I was serious with a few guys in my 20's, and they all seemed in an all fired hurry to tie me down and get married. Now, I find it's not quite the case. Women in their 20's do hold all of the cards. Too bad no one told us that back then. this is true as much as it might disappoint. Im 30 myself and noticed that I had a harder time connecting with women throughout my 20s but since Im a little older now I get women between 35-40 trying harder to connect so Im guessing because they now realize that life is passing them by? Im not positive on it but I do wonder though. hope you're not hanging out in bars febreze because not only do I think its the worst place to meet a decent man but also its a poor pickup spot for bother genders over 30. I do go to bars after work but in my line of business I need a drink lol. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Sums it up. Feb, I've noticed the same thing. I was serious with a few guys in my 20's, and they all seemed in an all fired hurry to tie me down and get married. Now, I find it's not quite the case. Women in their 20's do hold all of the cards. Too bad no one told us that back then. I'll give you my theory on that, which is subject to change mind you, for whatever that's worth... The idea of women maturing faster than men is true, to an extent. I think that translates to women being much more driven in their 20s to figure out their education and careers and not worry about relationships until they're older and the clock starts ticking a little faster. Men on the other hand don't figure out what they're doing with their lives until they're around 30 or slightly older, at least I didn't. But men in their 30s have the upper hand just like women did in their 20s. As a result, while they might be open to the idea of long term relationships up to and including marriage, they're older/wiser enough to know that it won't happen right away, and they are more leery of mistakes than they were in their 20s. I don't have the fantasy idea of 'perfection' that younger kids do, but I'm not going to offer marriage to the first woman who'll say yes either. She'll have to prove herself to me just as much as I do to her. And the idea that they must put equal effort into relationships and dating is so foreign to many women who were used to getting attention from men whenever they wanted it in their 20s that they don't know how. So my advice to the OP is, as a 34 year old man who is single but not at all against the idea of long term relationships, telling men what YOU want isn't going to get you much progress. Telling me you want a family and kids and all of that stuff as a defense response to the question of sex in dating is the wrong approach. I can hear a 24 year old waitress tell me what she wants whenever I choose (and immediately disregard it, for that matter). If I'm dating someone closer to my own age with a relationship in mind, I don't want to hear what you want. I want to see what you do. I want to see all my effort appreciated with thank yous and smiles. I want all my phone calls and texts answered or returned. I want to see that the attraction is mutual, and little things I do such as gifts and favors returned. I want to know that I get priority over your friends and other such unnecessary activities. If you think men in their 30s are going to chase you while you disregard them as you did in your 20s you're not going to have much luck. Physical beauty isn't enough anymore. Edited October 19, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 If you think men in their 30s are going to chase you while you disregard them as you did in your 20s you're not going to have much luck. Physical beauty isn't enough anymore. Is it that an older woman's physical beauty isn't enough or that a man is just no longer as thrilled with and or sated as much by physical beauty in general??? Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 If you meet a man and there is a true connection, I would find it hard to believe that a man would stop dating you just because of your age. And if he does, he isn't the one for you anyway. Plenty of women your age and older get married and have children later in life. I know a bunch. I'm about your age, and though I have felt that way before, I really wouldn't worry about it too much. Just focus you energy on being happy. Sounds cliche, but true! Link to post Share on other sites
Wrigley2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I would say we are not as blinded by it in our 30's as we were in our 20's. We still want a women that's beautiful, but it can't be her only positive attribute. Is it that an older woman's physical beauty isn't enough or that a man is just no longer as thrilled with and or sated as much by physical beauty in general??? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Is it that an older woman's physical beauty isn't enough or that a man is just no longer as thrilled with and or sated as much by physical beauty in general??? a bit of both. arguably the two statements are the same thing. i will say that i can find a wide variety of physical traits attractive. i don't particularly care about a certain optimal appearance based on my preferences. my last gf was very plain and average in most physical aspects. it was personality that she had, not the fact that she was the best looking woman in the room, she wasn't. the reason i saw her as relationship material was the things i mentioned.... when i told her what i liked about her and told her i saw a future relationship with her after a few dates, she told me the same thing. when i called, she always answered. when i didn't call, she called me. when our schedules didn't permit time for both ourselves and our friends, she put me first, and i did the same for her. the initial few months was perfectly equal, as i remember it. incompatible issues came up later but the only reason we got that far was because it was equal to that point. if i had gotten a hint of passiveness or playing hard to get before then, we wouldn't have been together that long. Edited October 19, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Is it that an older woman's physical beauty isn't enough or that a man is just no longer as thrilled with and or sated as much by physical beauty in general??? what I think is that physical beauty starts to fade for women in their 30s and 40s most of the time, excluding big-name stars that get makeovers. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Come on people, lets not sugarcoat things. Women are most attractive in her early 20s when they are young and beautiful, while men are most attractive in their 30s when they are mature and successful. The fact is that young men and old women are comparably the least desirable people in the dating pool. People who say otherwise are in denial. Also the most ironic thing is that the older the woman, the higher her standard is when her own leverage is actually lower due to the fact that men value women not by their net worth but by their beauty. Sums it up. Feb, I've noticed the same thing. I was serious with a few guys in my 20's, and they all seemed in an all fired hurry to tie me down and get married. Now, I find it's not quite the case. Women in their 20's do hold all of the cards. Too bad no one told us that back then. And no one tells the young men that they will hold all of the cards when they are older and more successful if only they just hold off of hurrying to tie it down with their college girlfriend. Edited October 19, 2011 by musemaj11 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 a bit of both. arguably the two statements are the same thing. So because the value of physical beauty in general fades, the physical beauty of an older woman is not enough? (Where it would have been in your earlier youth? ... but then, neither is the younger woman's beauty enough? --- or is it that the emphasis on physical beauty certainly lowers, passing by most older women, but that there are still many younger women who can meet or exceed the lowered value and still do not need to compensate much elsewhere?) Also, I'm sorry your relationship with her didn't work out. I agree that mutuality is important, and it can be a rare thing to share... I would say we are not as blinded by it in our 30's as we were in our 20's. We still want a women that's beautiful, but it can't be her only positive attribute. Well, I'm not sure whether to be encouraged by that statement or to be discouraged by it --- of course, if you are stating that you will take a woman who is less beautiful with multiple personality traits that you enjoy over a woman who is far more beautiful without many personality traits that you enjoy, then I suppose it'd be the former Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Also the most ironic thing is that the older the woman, the higher her standard is when her own leverage is actually lower due to the fact that men value women not by their net worth but by their beauty. But it seems men begin to cultivate what they define as "beauty" and it goes beyond the flesh. Now, perhaps younger men are simply (mostly) incapable of seeing things that way....... but perhaps it is something that comes with time and experience... at least, that it can develop in some men, heh... Edited October 19, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Come on people, lets not sugarcoat things. Women are most attractive in her early 20s when they are young and beautiful, while men are most attractive in their 30s when they are mature and successful. The fact is that young men and old women are comparably the least desirable people in the dating pool. People who say otherwise are in denial. Also the most ironic thing is that the older the woman, the higher her standard is when her own leverage is actually lower due to the fact that men value women not by their net worth but by their beauty. And no one tells the young men that they will hold all of the cards when they are older and more successful if only they just hold off of hurrying to tie it down with their college girlfriend. This is the hardcore truth, period. Women are most desirible in their teens, from 17-19 into mid-twenties. Late twenties she could still make it up to a point, but that all comes to a halt after 30, another period. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 But it seems men begin to cultivate what they define as "beauty" and it goes beyond the flesh. We all want something more than physical and material attributes in a romantic partner. But look around you and be honest to yourself. To put it bluntly, no matter how good their personalities are, broke men and physically unattractive women will always be second choices to successful men and young beautiful women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaxNoob Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Women are most desirible in their teens, from 17-19 into mid-twenties. Late twenties she could still make it up to a point, but that all comes to a halt after 30, another period. This is the correct answer. A women's fertility peaks at age 26. Every year after that, the chance of miscarriage and birth defects increase. Hence, a genetic predisposition to perceive women older than that as less attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
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