Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Once again, the conclusion is "women are to blame for everything." It doesn't matter if the woman is younger or older. If you aren't dropping your pants by the time you hit 15 and looking for a potential man to marry you, apparently your just a b*tch who is trying to pray on men and captalize on your "youth". Meanwhile, the guys here want to run through their youth using women but what a younger woman to be waiting with open arms, warm smiles and vunerablity. Unbelievable.That's not a positive for that younger woman. That's down right insulting to her. And when your an older woman of a certain age and unmarried, all the men you date are apparently cast-offs from your youth because you didn't settle down. WTF. Insecurity about your worth much guys? It's not women's fault that you can't see women, no matter their age, as human beings.

 

The guys here just want women to be punished either way. Young or old. Heck, if I settled down at 21, there was no gaurentee that that man was going to stay with me. I'm a different person now then I was then. I also been dumped and rejected by guys and have dumped and rejected guys. But I guess the guys I dumped and rejected got it worse and some day "I'll get mine" because by the guy's standards here, that was probably the best I could do. Whatever that means. Because has I've aged, the quality of guys I've dated have also gotten better. Something having to do with knowing myself better and knowing how to pick out the bad guys from teh good guys.

 

So really guys, why don't you really say what you think. You think women, no matter her age, are less then you. You sit around touting how wonderful you are and how wonderful you become with age while you degrade young and older women alike. Guess if you got issues with women, this would make you feel good. That is why it doesn't really behoove a woman to get invovled with an older man because he's pretty much making it clear where he places his importance in on that woman. And that wouldn't even behoove the prettiest of 18 year olds because someday she will age to. So to the younger ladies, be careful when older men give you attention. They are telling you loud and clear that your youth, and not really you, is what is important to them first. And these same men one day might very well turn on you for that same reason.

[ThsAmericanLife]

There may be a good reasons to date a woman your own age if she is an equal. However, if you are a reasonably good looking doctor in your mid thirties, you have options. You may want to date a the 35 year old female version of yourself, you may prefer someone younger who works less, you may prefer something in between. The point is that you are likely in demand, so you have options. No one said that the OP will be stoned and run out of town now that she is 35. We simply said that those most in demand may no longer want to date her as much as they used to when she was younger. How is that hating on women? Most of the residents I meet are late 20's-early thirties and that is the age they like to date or younger. Will the 28 year old doctor reject her if he finds out that she is 35? Maybe. Would she have a better shot at dating him if she were 27? Probably. Why is that so hard to understand? Besides, the OP isn't going for a nice 38 year old doctor. She is going for a 28 year old and lying about her age in the hopes that he will date her. Then she comes on here and complains that guys like that will not. If a guy did that women would yell at him to grow up and date women his own age.

 

How about this....If a 35 year old male musician who did not have a steady job and still lived with his parents came on here and complained that he was not getting as much attention from women as he used to and he wanted to settle down, what would everyone say to him? I would tell him it was time for him to move out into his own place and get a more stable job as many women want that. Would that be man hating on my part?

 

In the first case, we are talking about something that people can't do anything about... their age.

 

In the second, we are talking about something the person CAN do something about.

 

To reject someone who is your 'equal' (ie age) based on something they can't do anything about IS hateful and shallow.

 

When I used to date online, I routinely avoided men who had highly skewed age ranges... and especially the ones who couldn't bring themselves to date women even a few years older.

 

Funny... these same men would be hitting on me like noone's business... (even if I was older than them). Because I don't look my age I guess.

 

In my mind though... I didn't give a crap how much money he made, or how hot he thought I was, or even how 'nice' he appeared on paper. IMHO, his values were not in the right place.

 

So, I guess it is a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy... if men put out there that they find women their own age repulsive... then the best ones their own age aren't about to give them the time of day... and then they will have to settle for the less than ideal woman who is younger than them who just happens to look good for now.

 

Funny how that works.

[xxoo]

Nah, the question was asked and real answers given, end of story. I won't date a woman over 30 seriously simply because she brings nothing to my life that is worth that level of commitment. A lot of guys feel the same way. In fact, please explain why a successful guy age 35-45 would consider marrying a woman his own age.

 

What's in it for him?

 

Just like men, women can grow and mature with age. Older people tend to be more comfortable with themselves, and may be better partners because of it.

 

It takes maturity to appreciate maturity, but it is valuable nonetheless.

[fortyninethousand322]

Once again, the conclusion is "women are to blame for everything." It doesn't matter if the woman is younger or older. If you aren't dropping your pants by the time you hit 15 and looking for a potential man to marry you, apparently your just a b*tch who is trying to pray on men and captalize on your "youth". Meanwhile, the guys here want to run through their youth using women but what a younger woman to be waiting with open arms, warm smiles and vunerablity. Unbelievable.That's not a positive for that younger woman. That's down right insulting to her. And when your an older woman of a certain age and unmarried, all the men you date are apparently cast-offs from your youth because you didn't settle down. WTF. Insecurity about your worth much guys? It's not women's fault that you can't see women, no matter their age, as human beings.

 

The guys here just want women to be punished either way. Young or old. Heck, if I settled down at 21, there was no gaurentee that that man was going to stay with me. I'm a different person now then I was then. I also been dumped and rejected by guys and have dumped and rejected guys. But I guess the guys I dumped and rejected got it worse and some day "I'll get mine" because by the guy's standards here, that was probably the best I could do. Whatever that means. Because has I've aged, the quality of guys I've dated have also gotten better. Something having to do with knowing myself better and knowing how to pick out the bad guys from teh good guys.

 

So really guys, why don't you really say what you think. You think women, no matter her age, are less then you. You sit around touting how wonderful you are and how wonderful you become with age while you degrade young and older women alike. Guess if you got issues with women, this would make you feel good. That is why it doesn't really behoove a woman to get invovled with an older man because he's pretty much making it clear where he places his importance in on that woman. And that wouldn't even behoove the prettiest of 18 year olds because someday she will age to. So to the younger ladies, be careful when older men give you attention. They are telling you loud and clear that your youth, and not really you, is what is important to them first. And these same men one day might very well turn on you for that same reason.

 

I can't speak for all the men here, but I can speak for me. And nothing that you've said here applies to me. I'd love to find a woman to settle down with (perhaps not marriage right now this instant), who was my age. I don't want to use anyone. The problem for me is that no one will have me.

 

The only thing you're probably accurate here though is that yes, I do have a sense of insecurity about my self worth. But my opinion doesn't really count.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

ThsAmericanLife;3691383]To reject someone who is your 'equal' (ie age) based on something they can't do anything about IS hateful and shallow.

 

If a man doesn't even want to date a woman his own age, why in the world would a woman want to date him either? Maybe this agism is more of how a man feels about his own age, and his own insecurities, then anything else.

 

When I used to date online, I routinely avoided men who had highly skewed age ranges... and especially the ones who couldn't bring themselves to date women even a few years older.

 

Funny... these same men would be hitting on me like noone's business... (even if I was older than them). Because I don't look my age I guess.

 

In my mind though... I didn't give a crap how much money he made, or how hot he thought I was, or even how 'nice' he appeared on paper. IMHO, his values were not in the right place.

 

I have also done the same thing. I would get a lot of messages from men that, while I may have fit into their age range, Their age range was so much below their own, even at the highest they would go, that I would respond to those men and tell them that "I'm sorry but I don't think we value the same things". Then I would get men who were my age that had put in there lowest ate as 18, and I also declined those men.

 

Which is why it's important for even younger women to pay attention to how a man feels about her age. Not all older men that date younger women feel that way. But there are a number of men that do. And it behooves any younger or older women to pay attention to what a man is saying for her own future.

 

It doesn't not behoove even younger women to be with older men that judge them for their age.

[Sanman]

In the first case, we are talking about something that people can't do anything about... their age.

 

In the second, we are talking about something the person CAN do something about.

 

To reject someone who is your 'equal' (ie age) based on something they can't do anything about IS hateful and shallow.

 

When I used to date online, I routinely avoided men who had highly skewed age ranges... and especially the ones who couldn't bring themselves to date women even a few years older.

 

Funny... these same men would be hitting on me like noone's business... (even if I was older than them). Because I don't look my age I guess.

 

In my mind though... I didn't give a crap how much money he made, or how hot he thought I was, or even how 'nice' he appeared on paper. IMHO, his values were not in the right place.

 

So, I guess it is a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy... if men put out there that they find women their own age repulsive... then the best ones their own age aren't about to give them the time of day... and then they will have to settle for the less than ideal woman who is younger than them who just happens to look good for now.

 

Funny how that works.

 

 

I've seen women here refuse to date men with uncircumcised penises and people defend it as their choice. Yet, if a man wants to date a younger woman, he is hateful and shallow. Who says he has to settle for less than if he dates younger. Why can't he find a younger doctor? My cousin is a physician and married a physician a few years older than her. Women here act like older man/younger woman couplings are not the norm or that most people don't settle down in their late twenties.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I can't speak for all the men here, but I can speak for me. And nothing that you've said here applies to me. I'd love to find a woman to settle down with (perhaps not marriage right now this instant), who was my age. I don't want to use anyone. The problem for me is that no one will have me.

 

The only thing you're probably accurate here though is that yes, I do have a sense of insecurity about my self worth. But my opinion doesn't really count.

 

Fortynine, I do recongnize there are many men like you that are looking to settle down. Its the same for me. If I had met the love of my life at 21, I would have settled down. I was looking for a mate at that young age. But things didn't work out like that for me. I went through some ups and downs both in relationships and in life in general and not all my relationships worked out like I had planned. I wasn't using men. So it bothers me that these guys have this idea that women spend their time when they are young playing guys, when there are probably women who do that, really hot beautiful women with tons of options, but regular girls like me get ignored. They don't care about what happens to women. They care about what happens to the really hot women they've been drooling after. Then they hold all women to a court that doesn't make much sense.

 

OF course your opinion counts. We all experience insecurity. No one wants to be told they are worth less.

 

Why are you insecure about your sense of self worth?

[Sanman]

Fortynine, I do recongnize there are many men like you that are looking to settle down. Its the same for me. If I had met the love of my life at 21, I would have settled down. I was looking for a mate at that young age. But things didn't work out like that for me. I went through some ups and downs both in relationships and in life in general and not all my relationships worked out like I had planned. I wasn't using men. So it bothers me that these guys have this idea that women spend their time when they are young playing guys, when there are probably women who do that, really hot beautiful women with tons of options, but regular girls like me get ignored. They don't care about what happens to women. They care about what happens to the really hot women they've been drooling after. Then they hold all women to a court that doesn't make much sense.

 

OF course your opinion counts. We all experience insecurity. No one wants to be told they are worth less.

 

Why are you insecure about your sense of self worth?

 

 

However, the OP admitted she had the attention of many doctors who wanted to settle down with her when she was younger and now she is complaining she does not. Why are you so insecure that you feel this thread is about you or all women and not the OP?

[FitChick]

I see more angry old women on this thread than the other way around.

 

Yeah, I see what you mean -- like this old hag, all alone with her millions.

[fortyninethousand322]

Fortynine, I do recongnize there are many men like you that are looking to settle down. Its the same for me. If I had met the love of my life at 21, I would have settled down. I was looking for a mate at that young age. But things didn't work out like that for me. I went through some ups and downs both in relationships and in life in general and not all my relationships worked out like I had planned. I wasn't using men. So it bothers me that these guys have this idea that women spend their time when they are young playing guys, when there are probably women who do that, really hot beautiful women with tons of options, but regular girls like me get ignored. They don't care about what happens to women. They care about what happens to the really hot women they've been drooling after. Then they hold all women to a court that doesn't make much sense.

 

Yeah I've long said that the dating "market" seems incredibly uncoordinated. All of the people who want relationships tend to find people who don't and vice versa. I don't really see it as a gender issue, more of a societal issue.

 

OF course your opinion counts. We all experience insecurity. No one wants to be told they are worth less.

 

Why are you insecure about your sense of self worth?

 

My sense of insecurity really stems from being really the last of my friends to start dating. Going to the movies and going out to eat and being the fifth or 7th wheel ain't too much fun. Add in the fact that I've tried online dating and it's been an absolute failure (I can't even get women to respond to a message) I've just sort started to feel hopeless.

[Febreze]

Why go after the jerk if a woman is simple-minded enough to fall for his game, especially when most guys warn her beforehand?

 

Bottom line: women love drama which is why they chase after guys who bring them a full plate of it. Otherwise, she'll die of self-boredom.

 

Women don't appreciate a good, honest man until she's over the hill and can no longer attract the players and bad boys to have fun with.

 

Women don't appreciate a good, strong man until she's banged up with a herd of brats and the biological fathers are nowhere to be found.

 

Women want to be entertained and put that pressure on a man to do, or they cut out, instead of equally sharing the entertainment of each other.

 

I could go on and on but I'm sure you understand my point as I've hit it on the head pretty hard.

 

All men in here who so-calledly flame women are only giving it as it is, not through any nonsensical emotional claptrap that most of you ladies often engage in.

 

Men always told it like it is and will continue to do so until the end of time. I do it on a regular basis, whether you women agree or not. I speak from experience only, not through my ass and nose.

 

And the reason the OP is struggling with men now is because she played the silly games that most young, attractive women play when they can.

 

She had her chance to tie the knot with a serious man who likely would've taken care of her. Instead, she picked the multiple choice of playing mind games and just dating around.

 

Now, the OP runs on Loveshack and cries that men her age or whatever won't take her seriously. Well, boo-hoo!

 

And to make matters worse, she's leading on a young resident by feigning to be younger than she really is.

 

Well I got news for you, OP: he'll find out. And when he does, I guarantee you it'll be a problem and you'll be left in the dust, the same way you did to those men all those years ago when you were 25.

 

No offense but you^^^^ sound like a jerk and I dont know what your problem is. Its like you're categorizing all women to be the same. Thats so sexist and its mean.

 

I wouldn't lie to the resident about my age if he asked. I just dont think its necessary to advertise my age if no one asks. I have younger men that are into me and I feel good about it

 

And with that I'm not gonna let "jerks" or "sexist" men keep me down. I'm a nice person and I believe you have to give kindness in order to receive it in return. Some of you angry guys in here need to learn that.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

fortyninethousand

My sense of insecurity really stems from being really the last of my friends to start dating. Going to the movies and going out to eat and being the fifth or 7th wheel ain't too much fun. Add in the fact that I've tried online dating and it's been an absolute failure (I can't even get women to respond to a message) I've just sort started to feel hopeless.

 

I know this might sound like rainbows and fairy dust but why don't you embrace the fact that your the last of your friends to date and that it makes you a different kind of guy. Use that to your advantage. Right now all my friends are getting married and I've gone to a number of weddings alone, while my other friends were happy couples. But I realize that while I do feel like the 5th wheel sometimes, it makes my experience unique and that I should take advantage of that. I actually think it's taught me to be more independent then I might have been otherwise. Take the time you have to work on the things about yourself you want to work on. You'll see a slow change and I think that will spark some confidence. You need to be comfortable with who you are. That advice, while cliche, is really true.

 

Online dating is the worst! It's just so contrived and boring and you are NOT alone in being a man that finds it hard to get a woman to respond. It's a commong thing for whatever reason. Go out and join some social groups that share your own interest. What kind of things do you enjoy?

[Woggle]

I don't think it should be an age thing. We all know women who spent their youth chasing after bad boys and jerks and getting played left and right by these guys but they keep going back for more.

 

Eventually they realize that these bad boys are bad for them after they have tons of emotional and sometimes physical scars and a few fatherless kids then they start looking for some poor sucker to have them but these nice guys never get them all wet like the bad boy does and it all it takes is some minor flirting from some bad boy at work to get her to cheat on this nice guy. Thanks but no thanks to all of that.

 

You also have the guys who used to be all nerdy but grew into their looks and became successes and hear come the women that used to turn their nose up at him wanting to eat from a plate they had no part in creating.

 

My wife is older than I am so don't think I am dissing older women but this often why some of these guys develop this mentality.

[Queen Zenobia]

 

You also have the guys who used to be all nerdy but grew into their looks and became successes and hear come the women that used to turn their nose up at him wanting to eat from a plate they had no part in creating.

 

 

Having conversed with a few men on LS who would fit this description I think there's a sense of trying to recapture a youth they never had. For men who never had those exploratory young years in the late teens and early twenties, I'd imagine one might want to be able to "explore" if you will with a younger woman just as green as they are. It's because sexually they have much more in common with a woman 5 years younger than they do with a woman their own age. Whether that commonality produces good relationships? Well, the jury is still out on that one.

[Woggle]

Having conversed with a few men on LS who would fit this description I think there's a sense of trying to recapture a youth they never had. For men who never had those exploratory young years in the late teens and early twenties, I'd imagine one might want to be able to "explore" if you will with a younger woman just as green as they are. It's because sexually they have much more in common with a woman 5 years younger than they do with a woman their own age. Whether that commonality produces good relationships? Well, the jury is still out on that one.

 

I think people of both genders who missed the wild years tend to want to experience no matter their age.

 

At my last reunion there was a guy who came that used to be the kind of nerd that got bullied and shoved in lockers all the time. Girls would get mad at him for even the nerve to talk to them. Now he is so attractive he could on the cover of GQ and he is rich because he has properties all over the place that he rents out. People didn't realize who he was.

 

He brought his wife who was around the same age as him and she is gorgeous and just as beautiful personality wise. You should have seen the women who used to reject him blatantly flirting with him right in front of his wife and the guys that used to bully trying to kiss his ass. He sure got the last laugh.

[Queen Zenobia]

I think people of both genders who missed the wild years tend to want to experience no matter their age.

 

 

That's true. But, I think it's more socially acceptable for a man to date a younger woman than for a woman to date a younger man, which makes the former situation much more likely.

[EasyHeart]

What do people mean by "older" and "younger"?

 

To me, a woman being 5-10 years younger than the guy (unless you're really young, of course!) is the norm. I can't think of any couples I know in RL where the women aren't at least a few years younger than the man (I'd say 5-6 years average).

 

I don't think of a woman as "younger" unless she's 10+ years younger than me.

[Untouchable_Fire]

And intelligence and charm stops around whatever age you are I suppose...

 

You realize that I stated my age directly above my response to you. You just had to read up a tiny bit. Lazy and Sarcastic.

 

For some reason that combo can be a man magnet if packaged right.

 

No offense but you^^^^ sound like a jerk and I dont know what your problem is. Its like you're categorizing all women to be the same. Thats so sexist and its mean.

I wouldn't lie to the resident about my age if he asked. I just dont think its necessary to advertise my age if no one asks. I have younger men that are into me and I feel good about it

And with that I'm not gonna let "jerks" or "sexist" men keep me down. I'm a nice person and I believe you have to give kindness in order to receive it in return. Some of you angry guys in here need to learn that.

 

Yes, don't let those guys keep you down!

 

First... you are not that old! Second if you are still fit and even moderately attractive that's ++ a high percentage of women at 30 are significantly overweight.

 

Technically you will only be competing for mates with other women within about a 5 year age range, so you are actually becoming MORE attractive compared to other women as you age!

[Sanman]

What do people mean by "older" and "younger"?

 

To me, a woman being 5-10 years younger than the guy (unless you're really young, of course!) is the norm. I can't think of any couples I know in RL where the women aren't at least a few years younger than the man (I'd say 5-6 years average).

 

I don't think of a woman as "younger" unless she's 10+ years younger than me.

 

 

I don't know about others, but I am talking 3-10 years younger. So, a 35 year old man with a 25+ woman vs a 35 year old woman.

[AHardDaysNight]

I would settle now. If that makes any difference.

[EasyHeart]

I don't know about others, but I am talking 3-10 years younger. So, a 35 year old man with a 25+ woman vs a 35 year old woman.

Oh geez, if a man is 35, I think he can date women between 25-40 without anyone raising an eyebrow about her being "younger" or "older".

[zengirl]

What do people mean by "older" and "younger"?

 

To me, a woman being 5-10 years younger than the guy (unless you're really young, of course!) is the norm. I can't think of any couples I know in RL where the women aren't at least a few years younger than the man (I'd say 5-6 years average).

 

I don't think of a woman as "younger" unless she's 10+ years younger than me.

 

Past college-age, if the people are within 5 years of each other (either way), that's the norm to me. I know more couples that've gotten married where the woman is slightly older than the other way around, but that's just my data point. They're usually within 5 years of each other.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I know this might sound like rainbows and fairy dust but why don't you embrace the fact that your the last of your friends to date and that it makes you a different kind of guy. Use that to your advantage. Right now all my friends are getting married and I've gone to a number of weddings alone, while my other friends were happy couples. But I realize that while I do feel like the 5th wheel sometimes, it makes my experience unique and that I should take advantage of that. I actually think it's taught me to be more independent then I might have been otherwise. Take the time you have to work on the things about yourself you want to work on. You'll see a slow change and I think that will spark some confidence. You need to be comfortable with who you are. That advice, while cliche, is really true.

Online dating is the worst! It's just so contrived and boring and you are NOT alone in being a man that finds it hard to get a woman to respond. It's a commong thing for whatever reason. Go out and join some social groups that share your own interest. What kind of things do you enjoy?

 

Being a guy with low social skills and below average looks is the absolute hardest life in the world.

 

I don't think most women can even comprehend just how hard that life is. I have a cousin that is 5'2" with low social skills and below average looks. Doesn't matter if he is 18 or 45, he literally can't date, and he struggles to even stay employed. Currently he does work from home web design.

 

I went to college with a woman who was born with no legs... just stumps, and not particularly attractive. She has a good personality, but awkwardly shy to the point where she would rarely leave her dorm room. I just noticed on facebook that she is married and had her first baby! Husband is actually a really handsome guy and I think works in construction.

 

So... I can appreciate that women have it hard when it comes to dating, especially harder than me. I really create most of my own problems. However, the fattest, ugliest, wierdest woman is on easy street compared to her male counterpart. I think we can all admit that. Because of how women choose to date it's either really easy for guys or a living hell.

[EasyHeart]

Past college-age, if the people are within 5 years of each other (either way), that's the norm to me. I know more couples that've gotten married where the woman is slightly older than the other way around, but that's just my data point. They're usually within 5 years of each other.

Age gaps change in significance as you get older, too.

 

I remember being a senior in high school and we gave merciless grief to a friend who was dating a sophomore (2 years younger). When I was 27, I would have thought it was creepy to date someone in college (5 years younger). But by the time I hit my 40s, 10-15 years younger seemed pretty normal.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I've seen women here refuse to date men with uncircumcised penises and people defend it as their choice. Yet, if a man wants to date a younger woman, he is hateful and shallow. Who says he has to settle for less than if he dates younger. Why can't he find a younger doctor? My cousin is a physician and married a physician a few years older than her. Women here act like older man/younger woman couplings are not the norm or that most people don't settle down in their late twenties.

 

Thank you for comparing 'fetishes'... because that is what it is.