Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[musemaj11]

Hmm... it seems there are a lot of stereotypes (and wishful thinking) that are re-enacted in this thread... LOL!

 

A few:

- The fact that young women will almost always prefer older men (i.e. with age gaps of more than 5 or 10 years). Well, some do indeed (I don't). But that's it! It's just a percentage, and I doubt it's more than 50% at any given time (at least with MODERN GENERATION females) so as to make a case. (Forced, arranged or gold-digging marriages don't count). Also, this preference for older males is mostly due to their mature PERSONALITY and not due their mature AGE. Nothing else. Had the younger men had the same mature personality, the young females would be like flies chasing around them (and they still do, regardless). So, nothing to do with the horse manure of older men being better or aging better etc...

Whats hypocritical is that most of the times, the young women who claim to seek older men for their maturity are immature little girls themselves.

 

- The fact that older women have nothing to offer to men their age. Really? This is hypocritical (for obvious reasons) and silly. Men who are married to those women would be the first to come to their defense. Because if that was the case, we would have an immense amount of old men divorcing their wives and going for their younger version. But they don't. In fact, most divorces are, according to official stats, instigated by women (could it be that after a while they can't stand the large age gap and living the rest of their lives with a grandpa?

Have you ever heard of the phrase, "Its cheaper to keep her."?

 

Even if a man has gotten tired of his wife, its not that simple to get rid of her. Many men would rather just get with other women behind their wives' backs than risk losing their houses, their kids, and half their wealth.

 

 

I'm actually expecting my boyfriend to dump me sometime in my 30s and trade me in for a younger model.

It depends on how attractive your boyfriend is physically and financially. He will dump you only if he can get someone better to replace you with in the first place.

[SteveC80]

I find it hillarous how women judge and reject men all the time on things they cant control and a lot of em are frivilous shallow reasons yet one thing that women have no control over and are judged on and lose a little power and they flip out and act like men are shallow horrible people:laugh:

 

Pot meet kettle

[Mme. Chaucer]

I find it hillarous how womne judge and reject men all the time on things they cant control and a lot of em are frivilous shallow reasons yet one thing that women have no control over and are judged on and lose a little power and they flip out and act like men are shallow horrible people:laugh:

 

Can you translate this into legible English? I mean, if you had a point that you wanted to get across.

 

Some men ARE shallow horrible people - even one or two on this very thread. There are shallow horrible women, too.

[SteveC80]

Can you translate this into legible English? I mean, if you had a point that you wanted to get across.

 

Some men ARE shallow horrible people - even one or two on this very thread. There are shallow horrible women, too.

 

Legible english? i think its clear i was saying women are shallow as well yet complain when men do it and its hypocritical

 

Youth is a huge part of attraction for Men not ALL men but a lot so i suggest you look for Men that its not important to because they are out there somewhere i guess

 

You women give the same advice to Men on here who feel they have something that makes then undesirable to a lot of women so take your own advice and dont expect everyone to be attracted to you

[Sanman]

I find it hillarous how women judge and reject men all the time on things they cant control and a lot of em are frivilous shallow reasons yet one thing that women have no control over and are judged on and lose a little power and they flip out and act like men are shallow horrible people:laugh:

 

Pot meet kettle

 

He means that women on LS have broken up with men or refused to date men over:

 

Having too many sexual partners, too few sexual partners, having an uncircumcised penis, not being tall enough, being too tall, not being good looking, being too good looking, not having a good job situation, being too cheap, spending too much, and I could go on. There is currently a thread about a guy that lives with his parents despite that he could move out as he has a job. Yet, when men suggest that an older woman may not be the best catch, women here want to crucify them. I am not saying some men are not shallow horrible people, but some women are shallow horrible people as well.

[Sanman]

 

Sanman, I know you believe in the "slow and steady" path, and that's lovely, but it fails for people every day too. There is no surefire path to success; that's a lie. My path, in my career and my love life, has never been slow and steady, and I'm very happy with both---and, in fact, I tried slow and steady, and it made me miserable. If I'd stayed in my original career field, working my way up, I wouldn't have the job security or success I have now, and I wouldn't be the person I am now, with all the skills to survive whatever comes. Just one data point, but the point is: It's a myth, this slow and steady investment thing.

 

The real investment is in making yourself into someone you love and crafting a life you love to live. If you do that, everything else will fall into place. Never take the hypothetically "smart" move; instead, know yourself and take the move that's smart for you.

 

I certainly agree that slow and steady is not a promise of success and I would not suggest that it is the path for everyone. However, I do think that many people think that everything in their life will fall into place as soon as they want it to. I met my current gf two years after I started looking for a serious relationship (and after two other relationships that did not workout). I don't plan to get married for at least 3 years and neither does my gf. We may move in together before that, but there is plenty of time. If this relationship does not work out for whatever reason (hopefully it does), then I still have time to find another partner while most people are still single.

 

The median age of first marriage in this country is 28.4 for men and 26.5 for women. The farther you get away from this median, the more difficult is will likely be to find a partner. In your late 20's most people are single or starting to settle down. By 35, your chances are significantly cut down (17% of women and 25% of men are left single). Sure, you can still meet a great partner then, but let us not pretend that the odds are equal. As men tend to not marry until a few years later, they are not as far from the mean as women and men also tend to date younger. Exclude those that are in relationships, but not married, and the numbers are lower. Realistically, the OP is looking for a man approaching 40. As a guy that fits the demographic the OP wants to date (late twenties, doctor), I don't see a good reason to date a woman age 35 when there are more single women around my age (25-30) of equal quality. Beyond that, I don't need to worry about complications regarding children and can follow a more leisurely timeline for settling down that allows me to travel and do other things I would like to do. So again, I am not hating on the OP and you are right that not all people have to go the 'slow and steady' route, but I think the numbers suggest that it is the safer (not fool-proof) way to go.

[silvermercy]

Whats hypocritical is that most of the times, the young women who claim to seek older men for their maturity are immature little girls themselves.

I won't argue with that, sometimes it's true.

 

Have you ever heard of the phrase, "Its cheaper to keep her."?

 

Even if a man has gotten tired of his wife, its not that simple to get rid of her. Many men would rather just get with other women behind their wives' backs than risk losing their houses, their kids, and half their wealth.

 

It depends on how attractive your boyfriend is physically and financially. He will dump you only if he can get someone better to replace you with in the first place.

Again, I agree. But that doesn't mean it's either right or honorable.

[musemaj11]

Again, I agree. But that doesn't mean it's either right or honorable.

I never said it was. But thats how it is in reality. If its up to them, all men wish they could have one 'queen' while at the same time allowed to have as many 'concubines' as they can afford.

[silvermercy]

My best friend and I would also love to have a "reverse harem" each (I think that's how it's called) which would be full of 6-packed men of all varieties! They would know about each other of course (as we honor honesty) and they'd be happy about it, too! LOL Ah... maybe in my next life...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't disagree with that point. The difference is that men put relatively more importance on looks and women tend to put relatively more importance on financial stability

 

Yes, that happens. But most of us are regular people. From doctors to farmers (who sometimes even make more then doctors). Most of us aren't dating super models and billionaires. Most couples I know are just regular people, most of us here are regular people. Most men here aren't pulling 6 figures. Most women here aren't super models. It's the pretense of it all that is flabbergasting. And frankly, men and women have changed a alot. Women do judge men now more for their looks then in previous generations because women have the luxury to do so now. And some men do look for independent ambitious women. I've seen enough online dating profiles to see guys say as much.

 

Now if you date younger women, yeah, most likely she is going to date you because of your money first and what she may mistakingly interrupt as social power or whatever. The reason a man would gravitate to this younger woman instead of a woman his own age because he would have a hard time convincing a woman his own age of his social power. Younger women are more easily lead. A younger woman really has no other incentive to date an older man except for that reason. Because baring all other things, there are enough hot young guys her age around. If you were the same guy and you worked at a pizza shop and where 35, she probably wouldn't want anything to do with you. So you live the reality you create. If that's the woman you want to date, have at it. But don't fool youself that if you were a 35 year old pizza delivery man, she'd still want you. If I only chase after men that own their own business or are CEOs, I create the reality I live in. Now when I was younger, I did date some older men. Due to a combination of factors and my own inexperience to boot. Alot of those guys where quick to want to settle me down. Their clocks where ticking. I started asking myself if these guys would have been just as interested in me if I had been their age. And I didn't like the answer I came up with. Do I regret passing those men by? Heck no. And honestly, my options have only gotten better. I find connecting with men my own age is so wonderfully different and deeper. With older men, it wasn't an equal playing field, we didn't dive too deep into things because frankly we didn't have the same life experience. My girlfriend divoreced her older husband and just married a man two years younger then her. And she has never been happier.

 

Men that place importance on things like age are not good investments for women. Even younger ones. That's why women need to pay attention to how a man feels about her age, and how he views women aging in general. And I give the same advice to men. Men need to pay attention to how a woman handles and feels about his money situation. Does that mean he should freak out if he pays for a date? No. But these things matter.

 

I am not denying there are not men and women out there looking for what you described. But those kind of men and women are looking for things to use the other gender for. Not have a relationship with. I don't only date men that make tons of money. I've dated men in retail sales and men that traded stocks. I suspect most women here have also dated a wide range of men with a wide range of salaries and aren't just holding out for rich dudes.

 

 

Maybe all the men here are horny ageists and women are gold diggers. That is still a dating difference that you don't want to seem to acknowledge.

 

You live in the world you create for yourself. I don't see the mentality expressed in my real world that I see guys talk about here. Most of my friends married guys their own age. Except for my one friend that divorced her older husband.

 

If you want to believe in self fulfilling prophecies you can. There are all kinds of couples in the world. I only know of one couple that has a huge age difference. That would be my own parents. And I see the issues it caused between them. My mom always tells me not to do what she did. Not to marry an older man. Not that she didn't love my father, she did. But their ages where an issue in the relatoinship. Especially as they got older. Because as you get older, you begin to age more quickly. And that happened to my dad. And he left her a widow.

 

 

Just as a man without money/ a good job will lose the attention of all the 'gold diggers', a woman that is not younger may lose the attention of those that prefer younger women. Facts of life.

 

A man without a job is different from a man that looses his job. Or a man that just has a lower paying job.

 

But that is exactly why I maintain to younger women that getting in relatoinships with such men that judge them for their age is never a good idea. It's important how a man thinks about a woman. It's important to the well being of that woman and her relationship. So if a man does date younger women, he isn't even doing that younger woman a favor if he believes that her worth is tied into it. He then ruins two lives. And if he thinks that younger woman would be dating him if he was a pizza delivery man, then he is kidding himself. If thats the kind of relationship you yern to have, no one is stopping you.

 

 

He means that women on LS have broken up with men or refused to date men over:

 

Having too many sexual partners, too few sexual partners, having an uncircumcised penis, not being tall enough, being too tall, not being good looking, being too good looking, not having a good job situation, being too cheap, spending too much, and I could go on. There is currently a thread about a guy that lives with his parents despite that he could move out as he has a job. Yet, when men suggest that an older woman may not be the best catch, women here want to crucify them. I am not saying some men are not shallow horrible people, but some women are shallow horrible people as well.

 

Excuse me but men have also not gone out with women because of too many sexual partners, not enough, not having nice bodies, not having big boobs...I could go on too.

 

Now I don't have big boobs. Do I care if a man wants a woman with big boobs? Nope. I certainly have no desire to attach something to my body just so a man likes me more. That's not the kind of man I would want anyway. But when it comes to something like age, something that happens to all of us, it's really silly to sit on your throne and act like it doesn't happen to you.

Or that your the better gender for it. Just silliness and insecurity.

[aj22one]

This thread cracks me up. Yes, it's harder to meet and marry someone in your 30s than it was in your 20s. Yes, it's generally not frowned upon for a man to date younger women (5-10 years give or take) while for women this doesn't happen as much. Now, is it fair? Perhaps, perhaps not. Is it sexist? Probably not. Even if it were, no sense crying over it.

 

For me, I tend to date women between the ages of 21-27 (I've dated younger and older than that though as well). But I'm 24 so that's kind of to be expected, older women generally don't have much in common with me. That being said, the last women I dated before I met my current gf was 33 and after 3 months broke up with me because she didn't want to settle down . So, go figure, life is weird.

[Sanman]

Most men here aren't pulling 6 figures.

 

Now if you date younger women, yeah, most likely she is going to date you because of your money first and what she may mistakingly interrupt as social power or whatever. The reason a man would gravitate to this younger woman instead of a woman his own age because he would have a hard time convincing a woman his own age of his social power. Younger women are more easily lead. A younger woman really has no other incentive to date an older man except for that reason. Because baring all other things, there are enough hot young guys her age around. If you were the same guy and you worked at a pizza shop and where 35, she probably wouldn't want anything to do with you.

 

I am not denying there are not men and women out there looking for what you described. But those kind of men and women are looking for things to use the other gender for. Not have a relationship with. I don't only date men that make tons of money. I've dated men in retail sales and men that traded stocks. I suspect most women here have also dated a wide range of men with a wide range of salaries and aren't just holding out for rich dudes.

 

I accept that the guy with a better salary will have more options. Can you accept that the younger woman will have more options? It has nothing to do with older women not being easily led on. I meet plenty of older women who are just that. This is an individual trait and not age related one. Again, guys pick the younger/pretties girl because all things equal, why not? The same way girls pick the richer guy because all things equal, why not? Some women are holding out for rich dudes. The OP specifically mentioned doctors, aka six figure salary earners, and not just 'regular people' as you seem to be so fond of saying. We said a man of such stature that was her age could opt for younger women unless she brought something more to the table than the younger woman. No one said that she could never date a guy her age making $40-50k.

 

 

But that is exactly why I maintain to younger women that getting in relatoinships with such men that judge them for their age is never a good idea. It's important how a man thinks about a woman. It's important to the well being of that woman and her relationship. So if a man does date younger women, he isn't even doing that younger woman a favor if he believes that her worth is tied into it. He then ruins two lives. And if he thinks that younger woman would be dating him if he was a pizza delivery man, then he is kidding himself. If thats the kind of relationship you yern to have, no one is stopping you.

 

No, he does not. She made her own choices. Many people prefer these more traditional relationships. It is not my thing, but there is no reason to judge it or tell people how they should act.

 

My girlfriend divoreced her older husband and just married a man two years younger then her. And she has never been happier.

 

Yeah, men are the only ageists. I suppose you read her the riot act about how younger men are more easily led and that is why she prefers them to her older ex-husband?

 

 

Excuse me but men have also not gone out with women because of too many sexual partners, not enough, not having nice bodies, not having big boobs...I could go on too.

 

Now I don't have big boobs. Do I care if a man wants a woman with big boobs? Nope. I certainly have no desire to attach something to my body just so a man likes me more. That's not the kind of man I would want anyway. But when it comes to something like age, something that happens to all of us, it's really silly to sit on your throne and act like it doesn't happen to you. Or that your the better gender for it. Just silliness and insecurity.

 

 

Never said they didn't, I just pointed out that women are just as bad as men. That you cannot admit that is just sad.

[thatone]

Women do judge men now more for their looks then in previous generations because women have the luxury to do so now.

 

......

 

 

Men that place importance on things like age are not good investments for women. Even younger ones.

 

hi pot, i'm kettle.

[Mme. Chaucer]

My best friend and I would also love to have a "reverse harem" each (I think that's how it's called) which would be full of 6-packed men of all varieties! They would know about each other of course (as we honor honesty) and they'd be happy about it, too! LOL Ah... maybe in my next life...

 

I think it's called "Brother Husbands." Isn't there a reality TV show featuring this style of family?

[cutecatch]

I'm seriously wondering about this now because it looks like a trend as I'm getting older and its not right

 

When I was in my 20s guys my age and older couldn't wait to see me and call me every other day with new plans, etc. Of course I knew that it was my looks that attracted them. I'm blonde, green eyes, 5'4 and fit

 

But things have started shifting since I turned 30 especially if a guy finds out about that

 

I'm 35 now btw but am still looking pretty good I think, no kids, and never married with a career as rehab nurse. I'm trying to understand what's the problem here because these guys never say anything other than take me out for a few dates, make out, try to sleep with me, but when I tell them about wanting to settle down, have a family soon, they take off.

 

Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried

 

You should be worried, you should have gotten married when you were in your prime. Very few succesful guys want an old 35 year old as their new wife. You will have to settle soon for a guy that will have you.Its funny how the tables turn on women once they lose their looks.

[azsinglegal]

You remind me of one of my favorite cousins, and I bet you and I agree on more things than we disagree on in real life.

 

O rly?

 

I'm just too lazy to argue honestly. I can't even read half these posts they're so long...I'd like to, but I feel like this thread needs to die.

 

The horse is dead.

[azsinglegal]

You should be worried, you should have gotten married when you were in your prime. Very few succesful guys want an old 35 year old as their new wife. You will have to settle soon for a guy that will have you.Its funny how the tables turn on women once they lose their looks.

 

This is probably one of the biggest douchebag comments I've read in this thread.

 

35 isn't old

 

Women haven't "lost their looks" at 35.

 

At 35, I've seen MANY who have "lost their looks" as you say women have.

 

Honestly...your ignorance amuses me.

[cutecatch]

This is probably one of the biggest douchebag comments I've read in this thread.

 

35 isn't old

 

Women haven't "lost their looks" at 35.

 

At 35, I've seen MANY who have "lost their looks" as you say women have.

 

Honestly...your ignorance amuses me.

 

Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but 35 is old, stop lying to yourself. You can't compete with younger women

[azsinglegal]

Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but 35 is old, stop lying to yourself. You can't compete with younger women

 

Not all women over 35 are competing with younger women. I don't want the same things they do, nor do I have the same things to offer.

 

Apples to oranges IMO

 

However, I'm guessing your posts are just to get a rise out of someone so I'll pass on responding anymore.

 

Your douchebaggery has shown itself and I'm not interested.

 

Note: A younger women would continue to argue to prove her "worth" against your statements. See the maturity difference?

[cutecatch]

Not all women over 35 are competing with younger women. I don't want the same things they do, nor do I have the same things to offer.

 

Apples to oranges IMO

 

However, I'm guessing your posts are just to get a rise out of someone so I'll pass on responding anymore.

 

Your douchebaggery has shown itself and I'm not interested.

 

Note: A younger women would continue to argue to prove her "worth" against your statements. See the maturity difference?

 

I see your maturity level and commend you for it but at the end of the day you are still pass your prime and guys will continuously pick younger girls over you and your bitterness over it is obvious, no matter how much you deny it

[Negative Nancy]

Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but 35 is old, stop lying to yourself. You can't compete with younger women

 

This is true, even I as an somewhat older woman agree with this. Of course, the 40year old fit, well-maintained woman will look better than a chubby, ugly 20year old, BUT, all things being equal, the 25year old supermodel looks better than the 40year old version of herself.

 

Here's an interesting article about how aging is not just about wrinkles, which is why no amount of botox will make a 40year old look 20 ever again, but it's about the bone structure as well.

 

Wondering why women with too much plastic

surgery only look stiffer, not younger? Because face-lifts

can’t do anything to change the bone, which also droops

with age. “The look we're born with—cherubic face, puffy

cheeks—that’ s the look of youth,” one doctor who

researched the issue tells NPR , and no amount of surgery

will give that look back. This doctor, by the way, performs

face-lifts for a living—so he should know.

 

The researchers found that bones around the eyes, jaw, and

cheek shrink and descend as people age. “It's one of those

things that, in retrospect, you sort of say, 'Duh, I should

have known that!'” the doctor admits. A Smithsonian

anthropologist adds that the bone in a 20-year-old is “really

pretty stuff,” but all the milk in the world can’t keep it that

way forever.

 

source: http://www.newser.com/story/86403/why-face-lifts-just-make-you-look-fake.html

[azsinglegal]

I see your maturity level and commend you for it but at the end of the day you are still pass your prime and guys will continuously pick younger girls over you and your bitterness over it is obvious, no matter how much you deny it

 

Oh sweetie, I'm not bitter. Not in the least actually.

 

I was once younger and pissed it away on turds like you.

[Shaun-Dro]

I don't disagree with that point. The difference is that men put relatively more importance on looks and women tend to put relatively more importance on financial stability. Hence, both look at a combination of things, but men are at their most eligible when financial stability intersects with looks (late 20s to mid thirties) and women are at their most eligible with they look their best. That is the difference between men and women in dating. If you don't like it, tell other women not to put so much importance on financial stability and weigh on looks. You don't see a lot of men here starting threads on wanting women to take care of them financially , do you? Maybe all the men here are horny ageists and women are gold diggers. That is still a dating difference that you don't want to seem to acknowledge. Just as a man without money/ a good job will lose the attention of all the 'gold diggers', a woman that is not younger may lose the attention of those that prefer younger women. Facts of life.

 

Again, I speak from years and years of experience and I've been around to know what I'm talking about. I've traveled different parts of the world and women differ outside of America. Their mindsets are most traditional which makes them more appealing to guys like me.

 

I'm not looking for agreements on here. This is just my perspective on how I see things in the world. Women's value are based on how beautiful, soft, and sweet she is toward men; her innate ability to care for her children.

 

Our values are based on our strengths, strong decision-making skills, our financial stability, and the need to protect our loved-ones.

 

And, even with how twisted and ****ed up society may be today, these core values still exist and will never go obsolete. When you don't have any of these traits in a relationship, it'll NEVER make it, period!

[Woggle]

Again, I speak from years and years of experience and I've been around to know what I'm talking about. I've traveled different parts of the world and women differ outside of America. Their mindsets are most traditional which makes them more appealing to guys like me.

 

I'm not looking for agreements on here. This is just my perspective on how I see things in the world. Women's value are based on how beautiful, soft, and sweet she is toward men; her innate ability to care for her children.

 

Our values are based on our strengths, strong decision-making skills, our financial stability, and the need to protect our loved-ones.

 

And, even with how twisted and ****ed up society may be today, these core values still exist and will never go obsolete. When you don't have any of these traits in a relationship, it'll NEVER make it, period!

 

I agree that those things are what men value in women but it is not just younger women who have those traits.

[silvermercy]

I see your maturity level and commend you for it but at the end of the day you are still pass your prime and guys will continuously pick younger girls over you and your bitterness over it is obvious, no matter how much you deny it

I'm younger and, thus, immature, so I'll bite and respond:

 

That's assuming that us younger attractive women want to be with those older men (at least long-term) - no matter how rich they are. I think of men at more than 35 and go eeeww... "wrinkles, white hair and beer bellies"! It's an increasing trend in new generation women. Sorry guys... Superficiality has started seeping into women's preferences, too, these days...