Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[dasein]

Hmmm... you got crushed in the past and you blame every woman out there for it. Now, instead of moving on in a dignified way you've lowered yourself to this angry, pathetic state where you need to lash out at an entire gender...

 

Sling more straw. I INITIATED the breakup four months ago with a woman who after 6 years of being normal, suddenly decided to convert to the omnipresent, omnipotent women's victimization movement despite the fact that she and everyone in her circle has led a very fortunate, blessed life, if anything wrongfully ADVANCED in a discriminatory fashion by whatever "patriarchy" is supposed to exist. This and watching my friends go through similar nonsense over the last 20 years is why I have a bad attitude about women.

 

Another reason we don't take much of what many women say seriously is that they show themselves incapable, over and over, of confining an argument or discussion to the words posted, to what is said, and instead INEVITABLY launch into tirades of personal insults when faced with a POV they don't like as opposed to simply discussing the actual issues. There is a difference between making legitimate connections between what someone posts and their life situation, attitude, etc., and the broken record female "discussion tactic" of stopping the analysis at "POV is different and counter to 'women are perfect' go immediately to personal character attacks, sexual or relationship proficiency attacks, playing the misogyny card." They either do this or launch into fanciful extrapolations and contortions of what was said. Both types of tactic are all through this thread and board. Argue like a guest on Springer and your POV will be discounted as such.

 

We are sick of it. And that's what I mean when I say NO MORE. I have actually stirred up longstanding friendships with women who blithely say things like "it's a man's world," "old boy network," etc. or other code phrases of the "women's victimization club." Those cliches are not representative of the world we live in, quite the opposite, and when I hear them now, or similar things such as what is repeated over and over on this board, I speak up. Keep pouring out the directed insults though, about someone you know nothing about. It proves my point nicely,

Edited October 28, 2011 by dasein

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You don't believe that western culture prizes youth and beauty, especially in women? Then my spend several posts attacking the idea that such media messages are wrong?

 

Oh I absoluetly believe that it does prize youth and beauty especially in women. That doesn't mean I have to buy into that message. It doesn't mean men have to buy into that message.

 

When I was younger, men with more money did impress me. Which is why I don't blame 18 year old boys for falling into the awe of a beautiful women. But 18 year old boys should be different at their 25 and 30 year old selves.

 

Life is a journey, and in this journey I learned that men with more money are still just men. They aren't better. They aren't kinder. They aren't even always smarter. What is sad is when people don't understand this and live their life by a code sold to them through mass media about the worth of the other gender and their worth. You can buy into the media message, cross your arms and say on well and get swept up in the consumer tide, or you can grab on to a life boat and climb on up and work with the people in it..men and women. The choice is yours.

[allina]

Sling more straw. I INITIATED the breakup four months ago with a woman who after 6 years of being normal, suddenly decided to convert to the omnipresent, omnipotent women's victimization movement despite the fact that she and everyone in her circle has led a very fortunate, blessed life, if anything wrongfully ADVANCED in a discriminatory fashion by whatever "patriarchy" is supposed to exist. This and watching my friends go through similar nonsense over the last 20 years is why I have a bad attitude about women.

 

Another reason we don't take much of what many women say seriously is that they show themselves incapable, over and over, of confining an argument or discussion to the words posted, to what is said, and instead INEVITABLY launch into tirades of personal insults when faced with a POV they don't like as opposed to simply discussing the actual issues. There is a difference between making legitimate connections between what someone posts and their life situation, attitude, etc., and the broken record female "discussion tactic" of stopping the analysis at "POV is different and counter to 'women are perfect' go immediately to personal character attacks, sexual or relationship proficiency attacks, playing the misogyny card." They either do this or launch into fanciful extrapolations and contortions of what was said. Both types of tactic are all through this thread and board. Argue like a guest on Springer and your POV will be discounted as such.

 

We are sick of it. And that's what I mean when I say NO MORE. I have actually stirred up longstanding friendships with women who blithely say things like "it's a man's world," "old boy network," etc. or other code phrases of the "women's victimization club." Those cliches are not representative of the world we live in, quite the opposite, and when I hear them now, or similar things such as what is repeated over and over on this board, I speak up. Keep pouring out the directed insults though, about someone you know nothing about. It proves my point nicely,

 

You initiating the breakup doesn't change the fact that you feel like you've been wronged by a woman and are unable to recover.

 

Now here you are with your tirade, trying to convince others that your point of view represents all men. You have your handful of broken men on LS and you guys think that the junk you spew makes a difference.

 

You don't realize that the issue isn't age, it's your borderline psychotic attitude. Your need to feel like you have some sort of power and strength over women is transparent, this is what gets you the strong reactions.

 

You continue to generalize and claim that women who don't respect you have an issue with all men, which is false. Personally, I love men, especially my amazing husband. I value and respect men, I'm not angry at men, I just don't respect you.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

A woman aged 35 looking to "settle down" and have kids with a good male prospect, when asked the question about how many prior sexual partners/sexual escapades, better be prepared to answer it acceptably and truthfully.

 

If not, or if the number is too high/escapade too outlandish, she better be a darn good liar.

 

"It's none of your business" is not an acceptable answer and will get you dumped fast.

 

The subtext of OP's thread is that she spent from her adolescence to age 35 sewing her wild oats and undoubtedly is perceived as having a huge amount of mileage on her, no matter her outward physical beauty.

 

Sorry hon but no man really wants to settle for and settle down with the town bicycle.

 

Hello 1834.

 

It's one thing to want someone with a similiar number as yourself.

 

It's another to be a grown man using high school slang.

 

You only make yourself look foolish. Not any woman that might have had a high number of sexual partners.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hello 1834.

It's one thing to want someone with a similiar number as yourself.

It's another to be a grown man using high school slang.

You only make yourself look foolish. Not any woman that might have had a high number of sexual partners.

 

This actually makes me angry. I took a 'don't ask don't tell' policy to sexual history before... and I got burned so damn bad.

 

It's a HUGE indicator of a woman's mental health... perhaps the most important one.

 

I'm completely sick of hearing this "don't judge me" attitude. I heard a child molester tell me that once, and he was crazy as hell too. Screw that... I'm going to judge BOTH types of sexual crazies.

[azsinglegal]

This may be perhaps one of the truly saddest posts I have read here and perhaps ever on the entire internet.

 

It's not so sad. It's just that I've had to adjust who I am and what I want around a different life then I thought I'd have. I'm not sad, just living my life a different way then I pictured it in my younger years.

 

I just saw the gal posting how hard she was at never wanting children and wanted to give her a point of view from someone who was her age and "been there dont that"...and wishing someone had given me the advice I just gave her.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This actually makes me angry. I took a 'don't ask don't tell' policy to sexual history before... and I got burned so damn bad.

 

It's a HUGE indicator of a woman's mental health... perhaps the most important one.

 

I'm completely sick of hearing this "don't judge me" attitude. I heard a child molester tell me that once, and he was crazy as hell too. Screw that... I'm going to judge BOTH types of sexual crazies.

 

Just for the record,

 

I am recently married to a fine man, and we have a lovely relationship. We were together for 2 years before marrying.

 

He and I did not feel ANY need to discuss our prior sexual relationships, and we never have. There was no reason that was pertinent to our own relationship. There was no inherent threat there. Neither one of us really cared about it. I started to "confess" some stuff to him once that I though he could take issue with. He listened to me for a few moments and then said something like, "you know what? That really doesn't matter to me. For some reason, you are such a clean slate for me." We didn't talk about it again. I doubt we ever will.

 

We did, however, talk about our former marriages. We were both divorced once. There were things from each one of our prior marriages that we learned, mistakes we'd made and that we each were accountable for, as well as behavior in our former spouses that we knew we didn't want to experience again. So, talking about some of that really did have pertinence to our own relationship.

 

I am not arguing about people telling each other their "number." If it's important to you, then I guess you should know it and tell it. It's not necessarily important to all of us, though, men OR women.

[nofool4u]

Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried

 

unless you are going for guys that are in their 20's it may be the more mature guys aren't all giddy to rush into anything as they have had their share of drama(as have women).

 

take me, just for one example. I am divorced. And after that gawd awful experience I am in no rush to settle again and don't break my neck to accelerate things in a relationship.

 

so it isn't that just YOU are getting older, the men are as well and they may have grown tired from their experiences. Thats just one guess.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Just for the record,

I am recently married to a fine man, and we have a lovely relationship. We were together for 2 years before marrying.

He and I did not feel ANY need to discuss our prior sexual relationships, and we never have. There was no reason that was pertinent to our own relationship. There was no inherent threat there. Neither one of us really cared about it. I started to "confess" some stuff to him once that I though he could take issue with. He listened to me for a few moments and then said something like, "you know what? That really doesn't matter to me. For some reason, you are such a clean slate for me." We didn't talk about it again. I doubt we ever will.

We did, however, talk about our former marriages. We were both divorced once. There were things from each one of our prior marriages that we learned, mistakes we'd made and that we each were accountable for, as well as behavior in our former spouses that we knew we didn't want to experience again. So, talking about some of that really did have pertinence to our own relationship.

I am not arguing about people telling each other their "number." If it's important to you, then I guess you should know it and tell it. It's not necessarily important to all of us, though, men OR women.

 

That is pretty much the same thing. It isn't the number itself that has meaning.

[azsinglegal]

Don't you have things backwards?

 

Isn't the OP by a woman, who believes she is "entitled" to find a man for a relationship, at age 35, and is embittered that, despite being attractive for a 35 year old, she's found no suitable takers?

 

I don't think the OP feels entitled to anything. I think she's frustrated because she's 35 and wants to get married and have kids but is having a hard time finding that in men her own age.

[Shaun-Dro]

I am not insulting my wife and even during my worst moments you will never find any ageism from me. A good woman is a good woman at any age.

 

What? Speak for yourself!

[Sanman]

Oh I absoluetly believe that it does prize youth and beauty especially in women. That doesn't mean I have to buy into that message. It doesn't mean men have to buy into that message.

 

When I was younger, men with more money did impress me. Which is why I don't blame 18 year old boys for falling into the awe of a beautiful women. But 18 year old boys should be different at their 25 and 30 year old selves.

 

Life is a journey, and in this journey I learned that men with more money are still just men. They aren't better. They aren't kinder. They aren't even always smarter. What is sad is when people don't understand this and live their life by a code sold to them through mass media about the worth of the other gender and their worth. You can buy into the media message, cross your arms and say on well and get swept up in the consumer tide, or you can grab on to a life boat and climb on up and work with the people in it..men and women. The choice is yours.

 

 

No one said younger women or affluent men were better than older women or less affluent men. It was simply stated that they were more in demand in the dating pool. You can get angry at people here all you want about this fact. As the OP (or any person) gets older, they he or she is in less demand for dating. No one said men get better with age, we simply said that affluence affects a man's desirability significantly more than other factors. Thus, looks do not play as large a role as it does with women. If this were not true, men would not put such emphasis on amassing wealth and women would not put such an emphasis on looking good. You can complain all you want about that, but you can see it all the time in the sating world. I didn't make those trends occur, yet you blame me personally as if I am responsible with the way men at lager or women at large think.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

This actually makes me angry. I took a 'don't ask don't tell' policy to sexual history before... and I got burned so damn bad.

 

It's a HUGE indicator of a woman's mental health... perhaps the most important one.

 

I'm completely sick of hearing this "don't judge me" attitude. I heard a child molester tell me that once, and he was crazy as hell too. Screw that... I'm going to judge BOTH types of sexual crazies.

 

Did you acutally read what I said before replying? If you did, you would have acknowledged that I said that if you are looking for someone with a similiar number of sexual partners as yourself, that's fine. However RealityCheck isn't just interested in making this point. He is more interested in shaming women with higher sexual numbers because it makes *him* unhappy.

 

The idea that a woman with high number of sexual partners reflects her "mental health" is plain ignorant. Hate to break it to you but women with mental health issues come in all shapes, sizes and situations..and yes in small numbers of sexual partners or high. Now the fact that *you* don't want a woman with high sexual partners is one thing. And perfectly fine. I myself perfer men with lower sexual numbers. But I am not ignorant enough to say a man with high sexual numbers is defective.

 

Further, breaking out something as charged as child molesters and claiming that a child molester asking not be judged with not juding grown adult women have grown adult relationships is plain digusting on your part.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

No one said younger women or affluent men were better than older women or less affluent men. It was simply stated that they were more in demand in the dating pool. You can get angry at people here all you want about this fact. As the OP (or any person) gets older, they he or she is in less demand for dating. No one said men get better with age, we simply said that affluence affects a man's desirability significantly more than other factors. Thus, looks do not play as large a role as it does with women. If this were not true, men would not put such emphasis on amassing wealth and women would not put such an emphasis on looking good. You can complain all you want about that, but you can see it all the time in the sating world. I didn't make those trends occur, yet you blame me personally as if I am responsible with the way men at lager or women at large think.

 

I'm done going around in circles with you Sanman. We have both stated our opinions on this subject again and again. As I said, you are free to live your life as you please. The men here are free to put women into any little catagory they please. Lets just not pretend that it's about liking women very much. It's not.

[Sanman]

 

The idea that a woman with high number of sexual partners reflects her "mental health" is plain ignorant. Hate to break it to you but women with mental health issues come in all shapes, sizes and situations..and yes in small numbers of sexual partners or high. Now the fact that *you* don't want a woman with high sexual partners is one thing. And perfectly fine. I myself perfer men with lower sexual numbers. But I am not ignorant enough to say a man with high sexual numbers is defective.

 

Despite what you might think, the number of sexual partners a person has and the circumstances of those encounters can tell you a lot about person's mental and emotional health. Any person, male or female, should be aware of their partner's past. This has has been evident is many of my and friend's relationships. She has 18 partners by ONS/FWB and no relationship longer than six mths? Don't expect this relationship to go well. He has a history of dating multiple strippers and dumping them after 3 mths? Don't expect him to be faithful or relationship minded. Sure there are those with mental health issues that do not express these things sexually. However, those with BPD, sexual trauma, and a number of other disorders do express these things. A high number of partners is certainly a sign to proceed with caution and consider whether the other person has a healthy view of relationships.

[zengirl]

That is pretty much the same thing. It isn't the number itself that has meaning.

 

Well, that's a notable turn-around in your attitude from a few years ago!

 

I don't think any reasonable woman would disagree that speaking about some past lessons, past relationships, past experiences is entirely reasonable and, possibly even, necessary. It's when some guy asks, "So how many dudes have you slept with?" (which no one has ever actually asked me!) like they're checking for mileage that it's gross and weird and smacks of issues. Never seen this actually come up in real life though---seems like only men on LS worry so much about numbers, though one less now, so good for you, UF.

 

I think it's important --- male or female --- to be willing to talk some about why your relationships didn't last/you didn't have a relationship/what you're looking for when looking for a new partner. And, of course, to share anything that might be truly objectionable to the person. . . for instance, if you've previously had a torrid affair with his twin brother, or a real life example, the fact that I didn't realize till I was on a date with my current BF and learned exactly where he worked that he worked in the same office/company/floor as my exBF and I had to admit that immediately for honesty's sake (obvs, he didn't care). But I've never had a guy ask my number or tell me his, and I'd find it a bit immature and sitcom if he did.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Despite what you might think, the number of sexual partners a person has and the circumstances of those encounters can tell you a lot about person's mental and emotional health. Any person, male or female, should be aware of their partner's past. This has has been evident is many of my and friend's relationships. She has 18 partners by ONS/FWB and no relationship longer than six mths? Don't expect this relationship to go well. He has a history of dating multiple strippers and dumping them after 3 mths? Don't expect him to be faithful or relationship minded. Sure there are those with mental health issues that do not express these things sexually. However, those with BPD, sexual trauma, and a number of other disorders do express these things. A high number of partners is certainly a sign to proceed with caution and consider whether the other person has a healthy view of relationships.

 

Do you want to be the one wearing the pants of holding the sword. Orange never looked good on me but on the other hand I have always been more of a nunchuck kind of girl

 

You and me... or is it Me and you

[Woggle]

I am not one to count a woman's numbers but time and time again promiscuity has been a sign of some much deeper red flags. I have seen countless men have an open mind about things and give her the benefit of the doubt only for her to cheat on him or dump him because he is boring and she wants to chase drama again.

 

It is about self protection and self protection is not always PC or progressive. If she has a sexual appetite but also shows a history of being able to be a faithful partner without getting bored then that is a different story.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Social message to women: Be sexy just don't have sex.

 

In essence...be a prop for sexual attraction for a man as long as your chaste until *he* wants you to be not chaste for him.

[Woggle]

Social message to women: Be sexy just don't have sex.

 

In essence...be a prop for sexual attraction for a man as long as your chaste until *he* wants you to be not chaste for him.

 

It is not that extreme. I used to never judge a woman on her past until that attitude came and smacked me in the face.

[dasein]

You initiating the breakup ...

 

More of the same, not worthy of further reply. Use of "psychotic attitude" (really?? LOL) ironically proves your own lack of grasp on reality, and is yet another example of the kinds of polarized, black and white BS male posters have to wade through here that I described in the last post.

 

It's amusing that even when the fallacy is specifically described to you, you continue the exact same tack. There are terms for this kind of lack of shame, "imperious" and "privileged" come to mind.

[Shaun-Dro]

Social message to women: Be sexy just don't have sex.

 

In essence...be a prop for sexual attraction for a man as long as your chaste until *he* wants you to be not chaste for him.

 

Why so silly? You come back to front with out-of-this-world remarks that never reflect what was actually stated to you. I'm glad you remind us men to never take you or women who think like you seriously.

 

Practice tucking in your emotional collar for a minute and use reasoning at least once in your lifetime when discussing matters. It would take you into the right direction and improve your scoping skills.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It is not that extreme. I used to never judge a woman on her past until that attitude came and smacked me in the face.

 

Woggle, do you realize how often you justify attitudes or treatment toward women based on things that happened to you or men collectively?

[OnyxSnowfall]

Woggle, do you realize how often you justify attitudes or treatment toward women based on things that happened to you or men collectively?

 

His "integrity" is based on how a woman negatively treats him or other men. My, what character

 

It's his excuse for not truly having any.

[Woggle]

It's just the fact that I used to do everything women claimed men should do until a woman took that trust and used it against me. I see the same thing happen time and time again. I am all about good results and men tend to not get good results by being open minded and progressive.