Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[EasyHeart]

Thank you for comparing 'fetishes'... because that is what it is.

No, it's just math. As you get older, there are fewer single people your own age. If a guy is 35+ and single, most of the single women he meets are going to be several years younger than him.

 

When I meet a woman, the only things I care aboot are whether she is attractive and whether she is interesting. Women who look like my mom aren't attractive to me, even if they're closer to my age.

[ThsAmericanLife]

No, it's just math. As you get older, there are fewer single people your own age. If a guy is 35+ and single, most of the single women he meets are going to be several years younger than him.

 

When I meet a woman, the only things I care aboot are whether she is attractive and whether she is interesting. Women who look like my mom aren't attractive to me, even if they're closer to my age.

 

Yea, that is what alot of guys with this 'fetish' say.

 

Your mom is likely more than 20 years older than you. I'm betting there are very few women your own age who actually look your mom's age.

 

Nice try.

[EasyHeart]

Your mom is likely more than 20 years older than you. I'm betting there are very few women your own age who actually look your mom's age.

Just the single ones.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Untouchable_Fire

I have a cousin that is 5'2" with low social skills and below average looks. Doesn't matter if he is 18 or 45, he literally can't date, and he struggles to even stay employed. Currently he does work from home web design.

 

I suspect his low social skills and lack of confidence has more to do with it then his height. Danny DiVito is only what 4'10? And he is married with a successful career. I don't personally know this person but I saw a special on tv about man that is all of 2 feet tall, is a doctor, and has a 5'8 blond wife. They talked about his life experience.

 

 

I really create most of my own problems. However, the fattest, ugliest, wierdest woman is on easy street compared to her male counterpart. I think we can all admit that.

 

No, we can't "all" admit that. This is what grates on me about this website. The inability for some of the guys here to see women as human beings who experience a wide range of their own issues and hurts that have the potential to be just as difficult, sad and hurtful as anything a man can experience.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Just the single ones.

 

 

I guess that's not saying much for your own looks either EasyHeart.

[EasyHeart]

I guess that's not saying much for your own looks either EasyHeart.

Ouch.

 

My mom says I am very handsome. ARE YOU CALLING MY MOM A LIAR???

[allina]

 

To me, a woman being 5-10 years younger than the guy (unless you're really young, of course!) is the norm.

 

I don't think of a woman as "younger" unless she's 10+ years younger than me.

 

Really? I don't think I would consider dating a man 10 years my senior. I have no issue with age gap relationships but to me, a guy who is 10 years older than me is just too old.

[allina]

I won't date a woman over 30 seriously simply because she brings nothing to my life that is worth that level of commitment. A lot of guys feel the same way. In fact, please explain why a successful guy age 35-45 would consider marrying a woman his own age.

 

What's in it for him?

 

 

I believe that men marry women they are in love with, women that that view as attractive, loyal, loving life partners. I do not see how you can say that there is no way you could feel this way about a woman your age.

 

When a woman brings love and joy in to your life why is that love worth less coming from a woman who is 35 than from a woman who is 25?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Really? I don't think I would consider dating a man 10 years my senior. I have no issue with age gap relationships but to me, a guy who is 10 years older than me is just too old.

 

I would agree allina. 10 years is a big difference. Maybe it would be when I'm 60 and he is 70. But right now it is.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I said it earlier in the thread, and I will say it again:

 

among my large group of friends, NOBODY wanted to "settle down" in their 20's.

 

When we all got to be in our early thirties, people started to pair off for keeps. For example, I got together with my ex husband when I was 29 and he was 31.

 

Not ONE SINGLE GUY EVER expressed the weird stuff I'm reading here; that there's "nothing in it" for a guy to be with a woman over 30.

 

Frankly, I find that attitude to be completely bizarre. I've only encountered it in much older, "midlife crisis" type guys, in my real life experiences.

 

ALL the guys WANTED to get married when they were in their 30's to women who were in their 30's, or at the very end of the 20's. People in their 20's were perceived as being pretty immature and unrooted. A mature minded and "happening" guy had no interest in marrying a woman in her 20's just because she was younger and had less wrinkles (1?!?) or whatever.

 

My daughter is 24 and lives in a busy college town. It's exactly the same among her peers. NOBODY is "settling down" in their 20's in her group of friends, and when they all get into the 30's, they pair off - with other people in their 30's.

[EasyHeart]

When two people meet, they have no idea how old the other person is. To most people, it simply doesn't matter; what matters is that the other person is attractive.

 

I wonder if this "no one should ever date anyone who is older/younger than them" is a phenomenon of online dating and being able to filter (and judge) people on their age?

[Mme. Chaucer]

but you're still 35! You must comprehend that your fertility is weakening each year.

 

This is hysterical!

 

Just how many viable eggs do you think she should have? Are you a member of the Duggar family?

 

Certainly her "fertility is weakening" as the years go by, but she still has plenty of time to squeeze out a modest number of kids, like one or two.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

When two people meet, they have no idea how old the other person is. To most people, it simply doesn't matter; what matters is that the other person is attractive.

 

I wonder if this "no one should ever date anyone who is older/younger than them" is a phenomenon of online dating and being able to filter (and judge) people on their age?

 

EasyHeart, it's not that I don't think people should NEVER date someone older/younger then them. It's when it becomes a main focus that usually doens't bode well for women. Even if she is young. If two people are attracted to each other and the man is 10 years older AND he has a history of dating only women 10 years younger then him because that's only who he wants, he is a different man then two people who are attracted to each other with the man being 10 years older and him having a history of dating a wider range of women, younger/his age/older.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I suspect his low social skills and lack of confidence has more to do with it then his height. Danny DiVito is only what 4'10? And he is married with a successful career. I don't personally know this person but I saw a special on tv about man that is all of 2 feet tall, is a doctor, and has a 5'8 blond wife. They talked about his life experience.

 

So... your point is that if a guy is rich enough some women will look past poor physical attributes?

 

No, we can't "all" admit that. This is what grates on me about this website. The inability for some of the guys here to see women as human beings who experience a wide range of their own issues and hurts that have the potential to be just as difficult, sad and hurtful as anything a man can experience.

 

You can't admit it because your just sitting in denial.

 

Yeah... most women have it harder than me when it comes to dating. I've always used that to my personal advantage... I get it.

 

However, many of the women on this site need to extract head from rear end and realize that these guys they are demonizing and constantly insulting have it very hard in dating. So damn hard that most of them would probably commit suicide rather than face it!

[somedude81]

This is hysterical!

 

Just how many viable eggs do you think she should have? Are you a member of the Duggar family?

 

Certainly her "fertility is weakening" as the years go by, but she still has plenty of time to squeeze out a modest number of kids, like one or two.

Age and fertility: Getting pregnant in your 30s

 

Every study you read or expert you consult will agree: 35 is the age of reckoning for women when it comes to having children. In your early 30s, your chances of getting pregnant are only slightly lower than in your late 20s and your risk of a miscarriage or a baby with Down syndrome only slightly higher — but at 35, that decline in fertility begins to accelerate. Age 35 is also the point when Down syndrome and other genetic abnormalities become more of a concern, so experts routinely recommend amniocentesis, chorionic villus sampling, or other detailed fetal screening during pregnancy from the mid-30s on.

 

Miscarriage risk rises slowly throughout the 30s, from about 12 percent for ages 30 to 34 to 18 percent for ages 35 to 39. First-time moms over 35 have a 40 percent chance of having a c-section, compared to 14 percent for first-time mothers in their 20s.

 

At age 30, the risk of carrying a child with Down syndrome is one in 759. That risk jumps to one in 302 when you're 35.

------------

 

FYI

[soserious1]

I would agree allina. 10 years is a big difference. Maybe it would be when I'm 60 and he is 70. But right now it is.

 

I'm in my early 50's, people keep trying to introduce me to men in their 60's and older, it is a BIG difference as many of them have chronic,fairly serious health problems. They say things like "oh my father is a sweetheart, he just needs a woman to look after him" I figure these women are just hoping to unload their father before they're stuck providing him with direct care.

 

Trust me, once you're on the other side of 50, the age difference thing does still matter.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Untouchable_Fire

So... your point is that if a guy is rich enough some women will look past poor physical attributes?

 

Umm...my point is that a very short man that probably had to struggle with alot of prejudice for how he was born overcame it to become a smart doctor AND have a beautiful wife that loves him. There are ALOT of women, no matter the money, that would not be with a man that short. But this woman loves him. They talked about their relationship and his work situation.

 

 

However, many of the women on this site need to extract head from rear end and realize that these guys they are demonizing and constantly insulting have it very hard in dating. So damn hard that most of them would probably commit suicide rather than face it!

 

A man can NOT take the question of his worth to a woman. If a man that depressed because of women, he needs to work on other areas of his life. I know you won't believe it but I've been rejected a lot by guys! I'm not some goregous beauty queen. I could get breast implants and strave myself to mold my body into what a man wants, but I like ME. So I can't take the question of my worth to a man either. It's not a fair thing to lay on anothers shoulders. We all feel nice when someone is attracted to us. But we can't let who is attracted to us be what defines us.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm in my early 50's, people keep trying to introduce me to men in their 60's and older, it is a BIG difference as many of them have chronic,fairly serious health problems. They say things like "oh my father is a sweetheart, he just needs a woman to look after him" I figure these women are just hoping to unload their father before they're stuck providing him with direct care.

 

Trust me, once you're on the other side of 50, the age difference thing does still matter.

 

I am sorry you have that experience Soserious. My mom is 54 and just this past summer we took a trip together to Florida to visit with my brother and my aunt and uncle who all now live out there. We were on the beach and a good looking 6" man started chatting my mom up. He was in his late 50s himself. There ARE men out there that are intersted in women their own age. My mom still gets hit on by men around her own age.

[Sanman]

I'm in my early 50's, people keep trying to introduce me to men in their 60's and older, it is a BIG difference as many of them have chronic,fairly serious health problems. They say things like "oh my father is a sweetheart, he just needs a woman to look after him" I figure these women are just hoping to unload their father before they're stuck providing him with direct care.

 

Trust me, once you're on the other side of 50, the age difference thing does still matter.

 

 

I'm sure people will try to pawn their sicker relatives off on you, but that does not mean that they are not good people. However, many people this age will be sick and it will be hard to date male or female. Lives are very complicated by 50 and the dating pool certainly isn't as large as it was when younger. Whether you want to compromise or stay single waiting for your dream man is up to you as it is for any of us.

[Easyguy14]

Once again, the conclusion is "women are to blame for everything." It doesn't matter if the woman is younger or older. If you aren't dropping your pants by the time you hit 15 and looking for a potential man to marry you, apparently your just a b*tch who is trying to pray on men and captalize on your "youth". Meanwhile, the guys here want to run through their youth using women but what a younger woman to be waiting with open arms, warm smiles and vunerablity. Unbelievable.That's not a positive for that younger woman. That's down right insulting to her. And when your an older woman of a certain age and unmarried, all the men you date are apparently cast-offs from your youth because you didn't settle down. WTF. Insecurity about your worth much guys? It's not women's fault that you can't see women, no matter their age, as human beings.

 

The guys here just want women to be punished either way. Young or old. Heck, if I settled down at 21, there was no gaurentee that that man was going to stay with me. I'm a different person now then I was then. I also been dumped and rejected by guys and have dumped and rejected guys. But I guess the guys I dumped and rejected got it worse and some day "I'll get mine" because by the guy's standards here, that was probably the best I could do. Whatever that means. Because has I've aged, the quality of guys I've dated have also gotten better. Something having to do with knowing myself better and knowing how to pick out the bad guys from teh good guys.

 

So really guys, why don't you really say what you think. You think women, no matter her age, are less then you. You sit around touting how wonderful you are and how wonderful you become with age while you degrade young and older women alike. Guess if you got issues with women, this would make you feel good. That is why it doesn't really behoove a woman to get invovled with an older man because he's pretty much making it clear where he places his importance in on that woman. And that wouldn't even behoove the prettiest of 18 year olds because someday she will age to. So to the younger ladies, be careful when older men give you attention. They are telling you loud and clear that your youth, and not really you, is what is important to them first. And these same men one day might very well turn on you for that same reason.

 

please try to calm down. not every man is so vicious. Im far from that. Im a good hard-working guy and have been that way all my life. I never come on LS and attack people, men, women, or children. I think alot of people here are getting far ahead of themselves and need to relax. life is way too short. trust me I know lol. and with the op being 35 and a nurse and still in good shape is definitely turn on for me. I definitely believe her when she says she looks younger with the italian genes she has. would definitely be honored to meet her .

[Sanman]

I am sorry you have that experience Soserious. My mom is 54 and just this past summer we took a trip together to Florida to visit with my brother and my aunt and uncle who all now live out there. We were on the beach and a good looking 6" man started chatting my mom up. He was in his late 50s himself. There ARE men out there that are intersted in women their own age. My mom still gets hit on by men around her own age.

 

 

See, this is where we are different. You want to be (overly?) optimistic about every situation. I will not say that it will be easy for her to meet someone at that age. She might have to compromise more if she really wants to not be single. However, the good news with divorce rates is that there are more single older adults now. Most of these people are done with having kids too. So, that will be easier than late 30s-40s.

[fortyninethousand322]

I said it earlier in the thread, and I will say it again:

 

among my large group of friends, NOBODY wanted to "settle down" in their 20's.

 

When we all got to be in our early thirties, people started to pair off for keeps. For example, I got together with my ex husband when I was 29 and he was 31.

 

Not ONE SINGLE GUY EVER expressed the weird stuff I'm reading here; that there's "nothing in it" for a guy to be with a woman over 30.

 

Frankly, I find that attitude to be completely bizarre. I've only encountered it in much older, "midlife crisis" type guys, in my real life experiences.

 

ALL the guys WANTED to get married when they were in their 30's to women who were in their 30's, or at the very end of the 20's. People in their 20's were perceived as being pretty immature and unrooted. A mature minded and "happening" guy had no interest in marrying a woman in her 20's just because she was younger and had less wrinkles (1?!?) or whatever.

 

My daughter is 24 and lives in a busy college town. It's exactly the same among her peers. NOBODY is "settling down" in their 20's in her group of friends, and when they all get into the 30's, they pair off - with other people in their 30's.

 

Well but some guys don't spend their 20s dating around and having casual fun, they spend their 20s not dating and not having sex. Then, they get to their late 20s or early 30s completely inexperienced and women their own age see them as a red flag. Then what are they to do? Stay single?

 

And as for wider trends of 20 somethings. Many of my former classmates (college and high school) are married or engaged. I can think of 8 couples right off the top of my head. All in their early 20s, all college educated. Perhaps foolish of them to get married so soon, but not everyone is waiting until they're in their 30s to settle down these days.

[Sanman]

I said it earlier in the thread, and I will say it again:

 

among my large group of friends, NOBODY wanted to "settle down" in their 20's.

 

When we all got to be in our early thirties, people started to pair off for keeps. For example, I got together with my ex husband when I was 29 and he was 31.

 

Not ONE SINGLE GUY EVER expressed the weird stuff I'm reading here; that there's "nothing in it" for a guy to be with a woman over 30.

 

Frankly, I find that attitude to be completely bizarre. I've only encountered it in much older, "midlife crisis" type guys, in my real life experiences.

 

ALL the guys WANTED to get married when they were in their 30's to women who were in their 30's, or at the very end of the 20's. People in their 20's were perceived as being pretty immature and unrooted. A mature minded and "happening" guy had no interest in marrying a woman in her 20's just because she was younger and had less wrinkles (1?!?) or whatever.

 

My daughter is 24 and lives in a busy college town. It's exactly the same among her peers. NOBODY is "settling down" in their 20's in her group of friends, and when they all get into the 30's, they pair off - with other people in their 30's.

 

 

As I stated, this is not what I find in my peer group. I find that after 25, both the men and women took dating more seriously and started looking to settle down. Now, most did not get married before 30, but they had been dating their SO for up to 5 years before marriage. So, while you say people did not settle down, that may be true here as well. However, these people are not single either. I am in my late twenties and my gf is in her mid twenties. I don't plan to get married before I am 30 and she is in her late twenties. She doesn't either. However, neither of us considers the other to be non-serious. Getting married at 3o-35 and being single (not in a relationship) at 3o-35 are different things. Most of my friends are getting married BEFORE the girls hit the big 3-0 (four 29 year old brides this year alone).

[D-Lish]

when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period.

 

Come closer... So I can punch you.

[Shaun-Dro]

Really? I don't think I would consider dating a man 10 years my senior. I have no issue with age gap relationships but to me, a guy who is 10 years older than me is just too old.

 

What are you, some 15 year old girl? You should be on your knees kissing up to an attractive man 10+ your senior who takes the time out of his busy life to show you attention. Ungrateful brat!