Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[soserious1]

I have a question, here, quite a few women, myself included readily admit & accept the fact that a lot of men won't want us because of our age, that they will choose younger women. We freely admit that these younger women look better than we do.

 

Here's the question .. having admitted & accepted these facts why do people get so angry when women like myself then choose to remain alone rather than accept one of the few remaining guys who'd be willing "settle" for us?

 

I'm frankly amazed at the number of offers I've had since my divorce from people looking to hook me up with these guys and they get mighty pissed off when I tell them thanks but no thanks I'd rather stay alone. I just don't understand this reaction.

Edited October 25, 2011 by soserious1

[Shaun-Dro]

I'm younger and, thus, immature, so I'll bite and respond:

 

That's assuming that us younger attractive women want to be with those older men (at least long-term) - no matter how rich they are. I think of men at more than 35 and go eeeww... "wrinkles, white hair and beer bellies"! It's an increasing trend in new generation women. Sorry guys... Superficiality has started seeping into women's preferences, too, these days...

 

This is bogus and you know it. I'm 33 and have no problem attracting most of these young girls age ranging anywhere from 16-25. So your comments can't be taken seriously.

 

Just last night some 17 year old girl hit me up on Facebook about my body art and wanted to know if I thought her age was okay. Interesting, huh?

[azsinglegal]

I'm younger and, thus, immature, so I'll bite and respond:

 

That's assuming that us younger attractive women want to be with those older men (at least long-term) - no matter how rich they are. I think of men at more than 35 and go eeeww... "wrinkles, white hair and beer bellies"! It's an increasing trend in new generation women. Sorry guys... Superficiality has started seeping into women's preferences, too, these days...

 

They also start to have issues getting it up over 35. This is a medical fact. It's when ED starts.

[azsinglegal]

This is bogus and you know it. I'm 33 and have no problem attracting most of these young girls age ranging anywhere from 16-25. So your comments can't be taken seriously.

 

Just last night some 17 year old girl hit me up on Facebook about my body art and wanted to know if I thought her age was okay. Interesting, huh?

 

So you can slam women, but we can't slam you back.

 

U MAD?

 

Ya'll are TOO funny.

[silvermercy]

This is bogus and you know it. I'm 33 and have no problem attracting most of these young girls age ranging anywhere from 16-25. So your comments can't be taken seriously.

 

Just last night some 17 year old girl hit me up on Facebook about my body art and wanted to know if I thought her age was okay. Interesting, huh?

I hope you don't get arrested any time soon! LOL

And I was talking about long-term relationships in my post.

 

If you look less than 33, I'd holla, too (even though I don't like tattoos). But after seeing you sexist ageist attitude, nope! No way, Jose!

[Negative Nancy]

That ED beginning at 35 may not be entirely due to just physical reasons, though. Using another example, I read that men's so-called "midlife-crisis" is not because of THEIR age, but because of their WIFE's age. in other words, the older the woman on his side gets (and looks) the less attracted he feels to her, becomes depressed and tries to regain his youth (and getting younger women) by doing "youthful" things like buying a fast car or whatever else the cliche is. Like I said, google the "coolidge effect".

 

There may be men out there who truly love their women and love the strong bond and "what they have between them", but they are NOT the majority. Real life delivers enough valid evidence for that. Who do men turn their head for? the young hot 20year old or the old 50year old? Who do most men, if they do, have affairs with? the homely, motherly 50year old secretary or the hot young co-worker?

 

A man is only as faithful as his options? I believe this to be true for the majority of men.

 

Like I said, I'm not holding my breath for the duration of my own relationship. my boyfriend might NOW rave all he wants how beautiful he finds me and how he loves what we have - I'll see what he's TRULY made of in a couple years ...

Edited October 25, 2011 by Negative Nancy

[Woggle]

Not all men are like that and women are not much better. My neighbors are in their 60s and he has never been unfaithful to her and you can tell how much they truly love each other.

[soserious1]

Not all men are like that and women are not much better. My neighbors are in their 60s and he has never been unfaithful to her and you can tell how much they truly love each other.

 

Sorry but I'll never bet the farm on that again, I'd rather simply pay men for the chance to take on spin on their disco sticks and stay single

 

Btw, you married a woman who's quite a bit older than you, old enough in fact to be your mother,wonder how often you'll be interested in porking her when she's 70 and you're still a vigorous,fit middle aged man?

Edited October 25, 2011 by soserious1

[soserious1]

That ED beginning at 35 may not be entirely due to just physical reasons, though. Using another example, I read that men's so-called "midlife-crisis" is not because of THEIR age, but because of their WIFE's age. in other words, the older the woman on his side gets (and looks) the less attracted he feels to her, becomes depressed and tries to regain his youth (and getting younger women) by doing "youthful" things like buying a fast car or whatever else the cliche is. Like I said, google the "coolidge effect".

 

There may be men out there who truly love their women and love the strong bond and "what they have between them", but they are NOT the majority. Real life delivers enough valid evidence for that. Who do men turn their head for? the young hot 20year old or the old 50year old? Who do most men, if they do, have affairs with? the homely, motherly 50year old secretary or the hot young co-worker?

 

A man is only as faithful as his options? I believe this to be true for the majority of men.

 

Like I said, I'm not holding my breath for the duration of my own relationship. my boyfriend might NOW rave all he wants how beautiful he finds me and how he loves what we have - I'll see what he's TRULY made of in a couple years ...

 

 

I married a supposed "poor but loving" man 3 years my senior, I'm now stuck paying him hefty alimony for life and he's living with a woman 22 years my junior.

 

He tells everybody who will listen that the the divorce is my fault, that I'm the one who destroyed the marriage by filing simply because I refused to accept that once I hit menopause our sex life together would cease. In other words he's a normal

man and I'm "unnatural" and my desire to continue to have a normal sexual relationship was "disgusting" based on my age.

 

Marrying a guy older than you are is no guarantee whatsoever that you won't end up old and alone in the end anyway!

[Negative Nancy]

I know soserious, I've followed your story ever since the ugly truth - or should I say your ex-husband's ugly head - reared its head in your ex-marriage a couple years ago and I felt so sorry for what you had to go thru. Your story also was one of the most warning examples that apparently it's not worth it to be the good loving partner because in the end you will get a kick in the butt anyway simply because you're "too old". You're right, it doesn't matter if the man is older or younger, cos he might trade you in no matter what. Some people on here like to claim that it must've been the woman's fault somehow, but in your case I don't see anything you could've possible done wrong in your marriage.

 

You know, I see this forum as a way to get the unfiltered truth from men, because here they are anonymous and can say what's REALLY on their mind. Around women in real life men only talk in a very watered-down version or simply say what they think women want to hear because they don't wanna mess up their chances with women. Either way, you don't get to hear their real thoughts, whereas here you do. So when men say that looks, youth and beauty are the most important thing and almost every man bangs other women on the side - even if it's just in their minds - it makes you wonder if it's worth investing in a relationship or even building a future with kids etc. What for if the man leaves you for a younger woman or cheats on you as soon as you hit your 40th or 50th birthday?

 

Your current way of life may not be what you dreamed of when you entered your marriage, but as of right now it seems less stressful and more hassle-free. If my relationship doesn't work out because he's gonna want a 25 year old when I'm 35, I'm gonna remain single too. I've always loved cats anyway. :lol:

Edited October 25, 2011 by Negative Nancy

[allina]

This is bogus and you know it. I'm 33 and have no problem attracting most of these young girls age ranging anywhere from 16-25. So your comments can't be taken seriously.

 

Just last night some 17 year old girl hit me up on Facebook about my body art and wanted to know if I thought her age was okay. Interesting, huh?

 

Yes, your chatting up of 16 year olds makes you so desirable Is that what it takes for you to feel like a man? An under aged girl?

[Mme. Chaucer]

You guys:

 

Of course it's true that younger people are more beautiful than older people, and of course it's true that this fact impacts women more that it does men, generally. That's because women's physical traits have, socially, had a lot more to do with her value than men's have with theirs.

 

There are plenty of guys here on LS who are very vocal about their belief that this is the "way it is." I think it's sad, and it even makes me, as a hater of prejudice, angry, but whatever. The bottom line is that these guys all seem to be miserable, in addition to making other people miserable.

 

There is a such thing as a raised level of consciousness, and men are as capable of having it as women are.

 

What about challenging preconceived notions, ones own reactions and responses, society's oppressive expectations that are no longer working for the individual members of society?

 

My need to surround myself with people who do challenge this way pretty much excludes those who believe that biological imperative rules our lives, or that gender roles define us, that we are victims, or that relationships have to follow a set pattern, from the close circle of important people in my life.

 

Fortunately, I found a man who is on the same level, that way, as I am. He does not want to be pigeonholed, and refuses to be. I found him when I was old - and there was no "settling" involved. Both of us felt tremendously fortunate and blessed to have found each other. We each bring so much into each other's life.

 

Certainly, he can notice and respond to young female beauty. I don't believe that has any impact upon the love he has for me whatsoever.

 

I'll let you know if he jumps ship for a young hottie. I promise.

[thatone]

That ED beginning at 35 may not be entirely due to just physical reasons, though. Using another example, I read that men's so-called "midlife-crisis" is not because of THEIR age, but because of their WIFE's age. in other words, the older the woman on his side gets (and looks) the less attracted he feels to her, becomes depressed and tries to regain his youth (and getting younger women) by doing "youthful" things like buying a fast car or whatever else the cliche is. Like I said, google the "coolidge effect".

 

 

i know it's hard to believe, but it's not all about you.

[cutecatch]

Oh sweetie, I'm not bitter. Not in the least actually.

 

I was once younger and pissed it away on turds like you.

 

And now you're alone and wishing turds like me still approaced you.

[cutecatch]

I'm younger and, thus, immature, so I'll bite and respond:

 

That's assuming that us younger attractive women want to be with those older men (at least long-term) - no matter how rich they are. I think of men at more than 35 and go eeeww... "wrinkles, white hair and beer bellies"! It's an increasing trend in new generation women. Sorry guys... Superficiality has started seeping into women's preferences, too, these days...

 

I completely agree, nobody wants to be with old people

[azsinglegal]

And now you're alone and wishing turds like me still approaced you.

 

I put shallow men like you behind me years ago. I'd rather be alone then deal with a turd like you.

 

However, I'm not alone.

[cutecatch]

I put shallow men like you behind me years ago. I'd rather be alone then deal with a turd like you.

 

However, I'm not alone.

 

Congrats on the "boyfriend", let me guess though, this guy is a timid fvvk, u would not have been caught dead with when you were in your prime. Now that your expiration date has passed you settled for this guy, and he is just happy that a once "hot" chick is finally with him. I'm guessing some sort of Steve Carrel charecter in crazy stupid love. Good luck with that, hope you and your future kids are happy, unless you are all dried up inside and unable to have any. But if thats the case you can blame turds like me who used you and abused you when you were young and find comfort that the pvvssy of your S/O was to timid to approach hot young girls and settled for you. You can envy people like me from afar

[azsinglegal]

Congrats on the "boyfriend", let me guess though, this guy is a timid fvvk, u would not have been caught dead with when you were in your prime. Now that your expiration date has passed you settled for this guy, and he is just happy that a once "hot" chick is finally with him. I'm guessing some sort of Steve Carrel charecter in crazy stupid love. Good luck with that, hope you and your future kids are happy, unless you are all dried up inside and unable to have any. But if thats the case you can blame turds like me who used you and abused you when you were young and find comfort that the pvvssy of your S/O was to timid to approach hot young girls and settled for you. You can envy people like me from afar

 

You're an angry little man aren't you.

[cutecatch]

You're an angry little man aren't you.

 

LOL angry, far from it, I'm young, good looking, fianancially well off and I live in LA by the beach, I'm getting my MBA from LMU so my future is pretty much set. I havent had trouble gettng laid since I was 16. I just call it like I see it and if people don't like it thats their problem, most likely the people that have a problem with it are insignificant anyways.

[azsinglegal]

LOL angry, far from it, I'm young, good looking, fianancially well off and I live in LA by the beach, I'm getting my MBA from LMU so my future is pretty much set. I havent had trouble gettng laid since I was 16. I just call it like I see it and if people don't like it thats their problem, most likely the people that have a problem with it are insignificant anyways.

 

Call it like you see it?

 

Well...you see it totally, 100% wrong with me. That's ok tho...your ignorance amuses me.

 

You should hook up with FrustratedStandards. I hear she's looking for a man exactly like you.

[cutecatch]

Call it like you see it?

 

Well...you see it totally, 100% wrong with me. That's ok tho...your ignorance amuses me.

 

You should hook up with FrustratedStandards. I hear she's looking for a man exactly like you.

 

Only if she is between the ages of 18~24, if not she is too old for me, also she has to be hot.

[Sanman]

You guys:

 

Of course it's true that younger people are more beautiful than older people, and of course it's true that this fact impacts women more that it does men, generally. That's because women's physical traits have, socially, had a lot more to do with her value than men's have with theirs.

 

There are plenty of guys here on LS who are very vocal about their belief that this is the "way it is." I think it's sad, and it even makes me, as a hater of prejudice, angry, but whatever. The bottom line is that these guys all seem to be miserable, in addition to making other people miserable.

 

There is a such thing as a raised level of consciousness, and men are as capable of having it as women are.

 

What about challenging preconceived notions, ones own reactions and responses, society's oppressive expectations that are no longer working for the individual members of society?

 

My need to surround myself with people who do challenge this way pretty much excludes those who believe that biological imperative rules our lives, or that gender roles define us, that we are victims, or that relationships have to follow a set pattern, from the close circle of important people in my life.

 

The way things are and the way they should be are two different conversations. Personally, I have no problem dating older women and have dated a number. However, that does not change the way things are in society. Had the OP asked whether I or another specific poster might date her is a different question from why she does not get as much attention from men in general now. I don't think it is fair that men are judged to harshly on income and expected to provide by so many women. I think it should be a joint venture and with equal expectations and that dating should be a dutch effort from the start. My gf and I do things this way and I don't judge her solely on looks. Her solid career, contributions when we are together at home, and support also factor in. However, many women expect to be taken care of and many men prefer to take care of someone pretty. Progress goes both ways and takes time. Without progress in one area, progress in another will likely not succeed. Provide something other than looks to the relationship and looks will become less important.

 

So my question here is how many of the women that don't want to be judged solely or largely on looks are willing to give up being wooed and taken out by men and to contribute equally throughout a relationship (not just financially, but to also win your man rather than just be won over)?

[El Brujo]

I'm seriously wondering about this now because it looks like a trend as I'm getting older and its not right

 

When I was in my 20s guys my age and older couldn't wait to see me and call me every other day with new plans, etc. Of course I knew that it was my looks that attracted them. I'm blonde, green eyes, 5'4 and fit

 

But things have started shifting since I turned 30 especially if a guy finds out about that

 

I'm 35 now btw but am still looking pretty good I think, no kids, and never married with a career as rehab nurse. I'm trying to understand what's the problem here because these guys never say anything other than take me out for a few dates, make out, try to sleep with me, but when I tell them about wanting to settle down, have a family soon, they take off.

 

Again people, when I was in my 20s men tried to get serious with me, but now it's the complete opposite since I'm older and I'm getting worried

 

So... what prevents you from making the first move? Are you afraid of rejection, or hung up on old-fashioned rules?

[Febreze]

The way things are and the way they should be are two different conversations. Personally, I have no problem dating older women and have dated a number. However, that does not change the way things are in society. Had the OP asked whether I or another specific poster might date her is a different question from why she does not get as much attention from men in general now. I don't think it is fair that men are judged to harshly on income and expected to provide by so many women. I think it should be a joint venture and with equal expectations and that dating should be a dutch effort from the start. My gf and I do things this way and I don't judge her solely on looks. Her solid career, contributions when we are together at home, and support also factor in. However, many women expect to be taken care of and many men prefer to take care of someone pretty. Progress goes both ways and takes time. Without progress in one area, progress in another will likely not succeed. Provide something other than looks to the relationship and looks will become less important.

 

So my question here is how many of the women that don't want to be judged solely or largely on looks are willing to give up being wooed and taken out by men and to contribute equally throughout a relationship (not just financially, but to also win your man rather than just be won over)?

 

I'm all about sharing equality in a relationship. It's getting into one that's a toughie but I wont give up. I would really like to meet someone before I hit the big 40.

 

Today at lunch the resident that took a fancy chatted to me for about 10-15 mins but left after his pager went off. He's really interesting with a great, sexy smile. I like that he's into me but there might be a problem.

 

When he returned inside there was a young cute nursing student about 19 sitting across the other table and he couldn't keep his eyes off her

 

I watched this whole thing from the other side with my coworker and she noticed this too, saying its common for young doctors to do.

 

I waited to see if he spoke to the nursing student but he didn't, just kept his eyes on her. Idk, I'm starting to get paranoid.

[Sanman]

I'm all about sharing equality in a relationship. It's getting into one that's a toughie but I wont give up. I would really like to meet someone before I hit the big 40.

 

Today at lunch the resident that took a fancy chatted to me for about 10-15 mins but left after his pager went off. He's really interesting with a great, sexy smile. I like that he's into me but there might be a problem.

 

When he returned inside there was a young cute nursing student about 19 sitting across the other table and he couldn't keep his eyes off her

 

I watched this whole thing from the other side with my coworker and she noticed this too, saying its common for young doctors to do.

 

I waited to see if he spoke to the nursing student but he didn't, just kept his eyes on her. Idk, I'm starting to get paranoid.

 

Having been where this guy is and around his age, he may very well be looking at her. However, guys that work such long hours and are still getting settled into a career are often not looking for something serious. I don't want to discourage you, but maybe he is not the best choice for you given your goals.