Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 His "integrity" is based on how a woman negatively treats him or other men. My, what character It's his excuse for not truly having any. Exactly. I agree with you ..it's just an excuse so you can justify crappy behavior toward women. Although I suspect in Woggle's case he is a lot more talk on her then action in real life. HOWEVER, justifying other men treating other women poorly breeds the exact thing he claims he hates among men and women. Hate. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Do you want to be the one wearing the pants of holding the sword. Orange never looked good on me but on the other hand I have always been more of a nunchuck kind of girl You and me... or is it Me and you Lol, well I am partial to swords... Seriously though, I would echo Woggle's sentiment a bit. It is not that every woman with a higher partner count is poor relationship material. However, there are enough out there to make a stereotype about it. Up until recently, I was very open minded about such things. However, after a few relationships with women with a higher number of former partners (15+ partners by early-mid twenties) and the accompanying trauma issues, commitment issues, etc., I decided to try something different and date a girl with more 'traditional' values. My gf is no prude for sure, but she has had fewer partners than these other girls (less than 10 guys; mostly in relationships). She just has a healthier outlook on relationships and how to treat a partner. She does not seem burned out and actually shows that that she does not take our relationship for granted like the other girls. She is not conflicted between multiple partners, freaking out and pushing me away, still hanging out with her ex on a regular basis. I don't have all the time in the world to root through all the messed up women to find the normal one with a good outlook on relationships. I am more vocal about the fact that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Exactly. I agree with you ..it's just an excuse so you can justify crappy behavior toward women. Although I suspect in Woggle's case he is a lot more talk on her then action in real life. HOWEVER, justifying other men treating other women poorly breeds the exact thing he claims he hates among men and women. Hate. It breeds hate the other way around as well. It is talk because I don't mistreat women but I understand why some men say the hell with being a gentlemen. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Zenobia Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Lol, well I am partial to swords... Seriously though, I would echo Woggle's sentiment a bit. It is not that every woman with a higher partner count is poor relationship material. However, there are enough out there to make a stereotype about it. Up until recently, I was very open minded about such things. However, after a few relationships with women with a higher number of former partners (15+ partners by early-mid twenties) and the accompanying trauma issues, commitment issues, etc., I decided to try something different and date a girl with more 'traditional' values. My gf is no prude for sure, but she has had fewer partners than these other girls (less than 10 guys; mostly in relationships). She just has a healthier outlook on relationships and how to treat a partner. She does not seem burned out and actually shows that that she does not take our relationship for granted like the other girls. She is not conflicted between multiple partners, freaking out and pushing me away, still hanging out with her ex on a regular basis. I don't have all the time in the world to root through all the messed up women to find the normal one with a good outlook on relationships. I am more vocal about the fact that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Nothing wrong with this perspective at all. You know what you're looking for and you've gone about the business of finding it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Lol, well I am partial to swords... Seriously though, I would echo Woggle's sentiment a bit. It is not that every woman with a higher partner count is poor relationship material. However, there are enough out there to make a stereotype about it. Up until recently, I was very open minded about such things. However, after a few relationships with women with a higher number of former partners (15+ partners by early-mid twenties) and the accompanying trauma issues, commitment issues, etc., I decided to try something different and date a girl with more 'traditional' values. My gf is no prude for sure, but she has had fewer partners than these other girls (less than 10 guys; mostly in relationships). She just has a healthier outlook on relationships and how to treat a partner. She does not seem burned out and actually shows that that she does not take our relationship for granted like the other girls. She is not conflicted between multiple partners, freaking out and pushing me away, still hanging out with her ex on a regular basis. I don't have all the time in the world to root through all the messed up women to find the normal one with a good outlook on relationships. I am more vocal about the fact that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. I agree as well though if a woman has shown she actually knows how to be in a healthy relationship and not freak out I don't really care what her number is. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 It breeds hate the other way around as well. It is talk because I don't mistreat women but I understand why some men say the hell with being a gentlemen. Yeah..you don't mistreat women..you just condone it when other men do. That sure is healthy of you Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I want to see what you do. I want to see all my effort appreciated with thank yous and smiles. I want all my phone calls and texts answered or returned. I want to see that the attraction is mutual, and little things I do such as gifts and favors returned. I want to know that I get priority over your friends and other such unnecessary activities. If you think men in their 30s are going to chase you while you disregard them as you did in your 20s you're not going to have much luck. Physical beauty isn't enough anymore. You sound like a woman here. I thought only women look for these things. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I have a lot of friends in their mid 30s and above who are single and they are having the same problems. First of all, when you're past 33, men know that women above this age would be very very comfortable in their own skin and are set in their own ways. Guys are more likely to want to build a family with a girl in her 20s as compared to a girl in her 30s because it's easier to compromise in the relationship. Also when a woman is in her 30s, it's just not so exciting anymore unless you get a guy in his 40s or 50s. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 (edited) You sound like a woman here. I thought only women look for these things. last time i checked we came from the same species . yes, men who are relationship minded look for the same things women do. and yes, those men have it just as hard as women do in finding what they're looking for. there are just as many female "players" as there are male "players". I have a lot of friends in their mid 30s and above who are single and they are having the same problems. First of all, when you're past 33, men know that women above this age would be very very comfortable in their own skin and are set in their own ways. Guys are more likely to want to build a family with a girl in her 20s as compared to a girl in her 30s because it's easier to compromise in the relationship. Also when a woman is in her 30s, it's just not so exciting anymore unless you get a guy in his 40s or 50s. that's where the divide comes into play. men are expected to rearrange their schedules, priorities, spend money on dates, etc. if the response they see is "set in her ways" then those men are going to go back to being set in theirs, and the attention faucet gets turned back down to normal. then those women friends of yours will complain about "lack of chemistry" when the guy they're dating distances himself from someone who doesn't seem to appreciate his effort all that much. and absent a relationship prospect their own age it's pretty easy for those men to flash a little money at shallow young girl struggling through her mid 20s to get a fling going. just as it's easy for those women friends of yours to go find some loser who just replaced his ex wife with a bottle of black hair dye and a harley/corvette. i can't speak for every other man but i'm well past 'exciting'. i've got a list of 4 or 5 things in my head that i'm looking for (just as women have their 'checklists') and if i meet someone who matches the vast majority of them, that's plenty good enough for a promising start. and i completely get the whole "set in your ways" idea. i was that way too in my 20s. never looked for relationships, didn't care if one found me while i wasn't looking for it. as a result none of them lasted that long. but i grew up and realized that i can't expect other people to live their lives by my whims. so while i'm more accommodating and "try harder" for lack of a better word, that's what i'm looking for now when i meet women, those who have also grown up and realize that i'm not going to live my life by their whims either. sadly a lot of people never grow up, and they have to be sorted through and tossed aside in the process. Edited October 31, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 What's disturbing is the continual contortion of the simple fact that women generally lose sex appeal as they age, a completely noncontroversial statement of biological fact devoid of any material gender-sensitive content, into utterly polarized mischaracterizations such as "Young women are attractive. Older women are garbage." The level of straw manning that female posters engage in here on LS would make a scarecrow blush. After a certain age, so do men. And the message usually is that older women are garbage - some men don't treat them/us that way, but many do, and we're just supposed to accept it? Why? I told a man the other day, that the women his own age have just as much value as he does, although he, at least, was looking at women up to age 49. So what's wrong with a 53 year old woman, if this man thinks that he should be able to attract a 36 year old? Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 You sound like a woman here. I thought only women look for these things. As women act more like men, so must men act more like women. It really is not about gender anymore. A woman is just as likely to use a man as a man is to use a woman. Thus, any person looking for a relationship needs to look for signs that the person is truly interested in a serious relationship. It is easy for anyone to be strung along if they are not careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 After a certain age, so do men. And the message usually is that older women are garbage - some men don't treat them/us that way, but many do, and we're just supposed to accept it? Why? I told a man the other day, that the women his own age have just as much value as he does, although he, at least, was looking at women up to age 49. So what's wrong with a 53 year old woman, if this man thinks that he should be able to attract a 36 year old? Why must men pay for dates if we are so equal(as I am fond for asking)? The answer to both questions is that it is a long-standing cultural norm and you, apparently, must accept that others will prefer this way of things. Much like I don't date a woman who expects me to pay, you don't have to date or associate with men who only want younger women. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 As previously stated, I actually prefer women my own age. This is refreshing to hear. I recently read a post from someone who's thirty-years-old, and the guys she knows in a bar, all focused on underage girls who walked in, dressed in slutty halloween costumes (a few weeks ago). It put her back up, and I don't blame her. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 The attitudes on LS from the men can be so horrible, in that you view women as trophies, objects and pretty much anything besides human beings. Young women are attractive. Older women are garbage. It's seriously disturbed and disturbing and not surprising that none of you have viable relationships. While I don't expect that any of you run out and get married, I look at my marriage and what happened. We met, treated each other very well, fell in love, got engaged, set the wedding date, had plans for the wedding, only to get unexpectedly pregnant early and ended up quasi-eloping in a rush. I can imagine what you gents would think about this, in that the judgment would be "oh, that sucks" with all the negativity displayed within this thread. Instead, we were excited about it, even though I personally didn't want a baby so soon, wanting to wait a number of years post wedding. My husband wanted children ASAP so of course he was very happy because of our accident. Next "bad" thing to happen was that in the third trimester, I ended up with placenta previa where I was bed ridden for the last trimester. Instead of my husband being negative and nasty about it (where I imagine some of you might since oh noes, old mother should not have babies, he fully supported me through this last trimester, sometimes a bit stressed but overall, he worked hard to be a great husband). We ended up with a beautiful baby boy who is our pride and joy, the crown jewel in our lives. After our baby reached a year, we decided to have another and got pregnant after a few months of trying. Unfortunately, I miscarried a month ago. We were both pretty torn up about it and still are. But we emotionally supported each other through this, as people and partners. I can imagine the judgments in this thread again about old mothers and not being able to have healthy babies easily. And yet through all of this, we continue to grow closer, building on our love and family, leaning on each other in our times of need. Two PEOPLE who love each other. So if you gents want healthy relationships, lay down your arms, forget the silly power struggles, the unhealthy egos, all that crap and start looking for a PERSON who you're compatible with, who you love and who will love you back equally, as a PERSON. /end old lady rant Beautiful! I love to hear about healthy relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 that's funny as hell but I'm not surprised. Don't be upset with him. This is the nature of the man. We crave the youthful beauty. It's like a need of having a delicious T-bone steak to fill us up. Are you for real, or are you one of the trolls who's allowed to stick around for some reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Congrats on the "boyfriend", let me guess though, this guy is a timid fvvk, u would not have been caught dead with when you were in your prime. Now that your expiration date has passed you settled for this guy, and he is just happy that a once "hot" chick is finally with him. I'm guessing some sort of Steve Carrel charecter in crazy stupid love. Good luck with that, hope you and your future kids are happy, unless you are all dried up inside and unable to have any. But if thats the case you can blame turds like me who used you and abused you when you were young and find comfort that the pvvssy of your S/O was to timid to approach hot young girls and settled for you. You can envy people like me from afar Why the insults? Link to post Share on other sites
ATrainofAngels Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I'm 22 but I love older women myself - something about their personality/presence is very attractive to me. I think the reason that a lot of older guys want to settle down with younger women is because they want to feel young (and have that "I'll be 50 when she's 35" effect). Now both older and younger guys have no problems with attractive older women in terms of sex and casual relationships, but usually serious dating/settling down is out of the picture. It's just an unfortunate part of reality... That's why all women should try to settle down at around 25-30 so they don't have to face this. Sad but true Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I have a question, here, quite a few women, myself included readily admit & accept the fact that a lot of men won't want us because of our age, that they will choose younger women. We freely admit that these younger women look better than we do. Here's the question .. having admitted & accepted these facts why do people get so angry when women like myself then choose to remain alone rather than accept one of the few remaining guys who'd be willing "settle" for us? I'm frankly amazed at the number of offers I've had since my divorce from people looking to hook me up with these guys and they get mighty pissed off when I tell them thanks but no thanks I'd rather stay alone. I just don't understand this reaction. I'm 36, and haven't wanted to be "settled for" at any age. I don't blame you. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I'm gonna burst your bubble right now with no apologies: women 35 look a lot different than a man at that same age...trust me. We age differently. This isn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 After a certain age, so do men. Couldn't agree more, and that doesn't equate to the statement that older men are garbage. And the message usually is that older women are garbage - some men don't treat them/us that way, but many do, and we're just supposed to accept it? Why? I told a man the other day, that the women his own age have just as much value as he does, although he, at least, was looking at women up to age 49. So what's wrong with a 53 year old woman, if this man thinks that he should be able to attract a 36 year old? I rarely see any men of any age treating any women of any age or attractiveness in the same haughty way that women of all ages and attractiveness treat normal, polite men who have the gall to approach them in public. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 This is refreshing to hear. I recently read a post from someone who's thirty-years-old, and the guys she knows in a bar, all focused on underage girls who walked in, dressed in slutty halloween costumes (a few weeks ago). It put her back up, and I don't blame her. Well that said, whereas I prefer women my own age, like most all men, I tend to accept and continue pursuing women who are open to my advances regardless of age, as long as they meet a baseline of attractiveness, are legal and aren't too annoying. Men look at women in revealing costumes, we have been conditioned to do so by women, as we learn that women who reveal more skin are generally more sexually available. Was your friend in a revealing costume also? If she was and they weren't checking her out too, she may have a point. But another thing is that men generally don't ogle women they know with the same ferocity as strange women who don't see them staring and aren't as likely to give us hell about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cindy P Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I am 44 and I am not miss america by any means but I go to the gym 5 days a week, and many people who meet me, don't think I look my age at all. With that being said, I sympathize with you because it seems the only thing men offer me is a fling. They dont want anything serious and because of that I have remained single for many years. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 This is refreshing to hear. I recently read a post from someone who's thirty-years-old, and the guys she knows in a bar, all focused on underage girls who walked in, dressed in slutty halloween costumes (a few weeks ago). It put her back up, and I don't blame her. If those girls are in the bar then chances are they are not underage. Nature for the sake of propegation of the species did a really great job of making young women desirabe, not just the very attractive, even the average looking ones. Put a 20 yr old girl in a slutty costume and that just amps up the appeal even more for guys, and these girls know it. Guys don't lose the desire for young women when they hit 35. Females sexiness still stimulates a guy's desire, its just that younger women have it in greater abundance. Guys from 15 to 80 are going to be rubbernecking at those slutty halloween girls, its not like something has changed in this respect in the past few years. Its as simple as what dasein said, however it doesn't mean older guys want to have a meaningful relationship or settle down with slutty halloween girls though. Anela, you said many men treat older women as garbage, excluding a couple of the nastier posts here, in what way? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Men who got divorced because their wife had kids and let herself go and/or had no time for them, no interest in sex, think they are hot **** getting a younger, attractive woman. Arm candy. The joke is on them most of the time because these women quickly become pregnant when they find a man with a steady income. They let themselves go, lose interest in sex and have no time for them either, but the man is too broke from the first divorce to leave. Women have the last laugh. Now if men had half a brain in their big (not their little) head, they'd find a woman close to their own age, who never wanted kids or whose kids were independent, a woman who makes an effort to look good, for lifetime companionship, sex, happiness and a lot less drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I am 44 and I am not miss america by any means but I go to the gym 5 days a week, and many people who meet me, don't think I look my age at all. With that being said, I sympathize with you because it seems the only thing men offer me is a fling. They dont want anything serious and because of that I have remained single for many years. A lot of younger women have the same problem Cindy P. Men that don't want to settle down and just want to sleep around and use women. It's a common compliant I've heard amoung my friends. I don't know this magic world men speak of that just becaue your a young woman, that means men want to settle down with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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