Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[Woggle]

I think that many men in general these days just don't want to get too committed or attached to women these days. I am happily married but I understand why some men just want to be a player. Unless you find a great woman like I did it's much less drama.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Ascendotum

Nature for the sake of propegation of the species did a really great job of making young women desirabe, not just the very attractive, even the average looking ones.

 

Nature for the sake of propagation of the species did a really great job of making young women AND men desirable. It was a male dominated society that created the idea that older men were more desirable then their younger counterparts in an attempt for older men to compete with younger men when they knew they couldn't biologically. A woman marrying an older man and having a younger lover isn't a cliche for nothing.

 

However, just because a 21 year old male is in his biological and physical prime, doesn't mean that I'm going to be attracted to him. I am more evolved in that. And men are able to be more evolved then that. Just because it makes *me* feel good to exploit a male for my personal financial gain, does't mean it's right or how I even really want to treat men. So likewise, just because it makes a man feel good to exploit a female for personal sexual gain, doesn't mean it's right or even how he should treat a woman that way. Simple pop biology is not reason enough alone to treat each gender like they are disposable.

 

Guys don't lose the desire for young women when they hit 35.

 

Neither do women. However, with age, these things should become less important because older people are usually in a different place in life then younger people.

 

 

Females sexiness still stimulates a guy's desire, its just that younger women have it in greater abundance.

 

This applies in the reverse as well. Male sexiness still stimulates female desire, it's just that younger men have it greater abundance. Of course, that is if A) you purely define the other gender through looks B) are an agiest C) conformed to social standards of beauty which tend to be accepted from culture to culture.

 

 

Guys from 15 to 80 are going to be rubbernecking at those slutty halloween girls, its not like something has changed in this respect in the past few years. Its as simple as what dasein said, however it doesn't mean older guys want to have a meaningful relationship or settle down with slutty halloween girls though.

 

Your right..it just means they want to use them and pretend they respect women. Or they want to masturbate to them, and pretend they respect their real life partner. At the end of the day, men are just using women and wome nbecome fodder for sex and nothing more. Just because perky boobs turns you on, doesn't mean you really like women. Just because you jerk off to sexy young women, doesn't mean you like young women or even older ones. All it means is you see women as an end to your own needs. All it means is you can touch yourself and pull one out. But real enjoyment of women? Real enjoyment of true feminity? That requires a real man with a real like for womanhood. Usually these men aren't rubbernecking young girls in slutty halloween costumes. Usually these men don't proudly group themselves in with the actions of 15 year old boys. And that's really one of the saddest things about your post.

 

You happily group 15 year old boys and how they behave with men past the age of 30. As if it's a compliment to men that they act like 15 year old boys well into adulthood. That's not really a healthy mentailty. It certainly is a popular one in current culture where grown men don't take pride in themselves anymore so instead the down play their abilities by saying they are no better the n15 year old boys. After all, if no one expects much from you how can you disappoint anyone. But I personally think men are capable of being better then that and that they don't have tobe lead around on a leash by their hormones 24/7 just because they are men. 15 year old boys cranning in their necks to oggle girls? yeah, that's understandable. 30 year old men doing the same? That doesn't make any sense. Not if you want to respected as a man. Not if your a man that really truly like women. But either way, no woman wins and maybe that's what men really like about this. Since a woman's worth is being determined by her youth, it's not a true enjoyment of women. It's only an enjoyment of her body based on what *he* can take from her. Not about what he can give her. So continue to preach about how grown men act like 15 year old boys with a puffed out proud chest. And keep pretending that it's because men like women so much. But it's not. Liking perky breasts and checking out girls isn't about a honest like and enjoyment of feminity. its about using women and tossing them aside when your done. It's about not respecting a woman young or old. It' about making you and the role of men more important and diminishing women all the time. We get it..women are a joke. Even if you get married when your a young woman you can gaurentee that your husband is going to be at some point lusting after his daughter friends...after all..he's a man. He's the one of worth. And a woman? What is she? Nothing but some t&a to oggle, use and throw away because hey..what was it that you said ? That guys don't take those women seriously? Nahh..they just enjoy using them..and they enjoy using them and thinkign about even maybe while their wives are by their side..So he can establish his worth over the girl he is fantasizing about and he can establish his worth over his aging wife while acting like he's some kind of great prize when all he is is some old dude humilating the woman that loves him and using women for his sexual lust.

[ATrainofAngels]

Neither do women. However, with age, these things should become less important because older people are usually in a different place in life then younger people.

.

 

I don't agree with this at all

 

 

men and women operate totally differently in that regard - I don't want to brag but I think I'm a pretty decent looking guy (picture - http://oi52.tinypic.com/21l678w.jpg). My sister is absolutely beautiful. Guess what?? Your average woman out there would jump all over a rich and famous old man before they would approach me. You think the average man would take a rich old woman over my gorgeous sister?? No chance in hell

 

 

 

Women in our society are rated on their beauty, men are rated on their status - that's how it works unfortunately and that's how it's been pretty much since the dawn of time. I don't agree with it - personality to me is equally if not more important as looks are, but I imagine I'm in the minority

Edited November 1, 2011 by ATrainofAngels

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't agree with this at all

 

men and women operate totally differently in that regard - I don't want to brag but I think I'm a pretty decent looking guy (picture - http://oi52.tinypic.com/21l678w.jpg). My sister is absolutely beautiful. Guess what?? Your average woman out there would jump all over a rich and famous old man before they would approach me. You think the average man would take a rich old woman over my gorgeous sister?? No chance in hell

 

Women in our society are rated on their beauty, men are rated on their status - that's how it works unfortunately and that's how it's been pretty much since the dawn of time. I don't agree with it - personality to me is equally if not more important as looks are, but I imagine I'm in the minority

 

No, I don't think your average woman would jump all over a rich and famous old man before they would be with someone they were really attracted to.

 

I also don't think your average guy would take a rich old woman.

 

Most men today don't even really want to fincially support a woman anymore. Women today still have to get jobs right along side thir man. So maybe if men were still shucking out the bucks that would be the case, but since they aren't, and since women are going to college and earning their own money, women have been picking men more based on looks that past generations.

[Sugarkane]

Febreze- I'm in my 20s and I'm finding it the opposite. All guys want is sex and I'm finding it difficult finding someone who even wants a relationship. People always seem to say things like "You're only young, you've still got plenty of time" or "20s are for playing the field, not settling down" or "you have to kiss alot of frogs to find someone".

[ATrainofAngels]

No, I don't think your average woman would jump all over a rich and famous old man before they would be with someone they were really attracted to.

 

 

You think the average woman out there would take a beautiful 21 year old man who was a nobody over let's say the president of the united states??

 

 

You think the average man out there would take Hilary Clinton (if she was the president) over a perfect looking 21 year old babe??

 

 

 

that's pretty much all you need to know - men will always be judged on status and women will always be judged on beauty

[Sugarkane]

If being young and attractive is all you need, why don't majority of people marry in their 20s anymore?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You think the average woman out there would take a beautiful 21 year old man who was a nobody over let's say the president of the united states??

 

You think the average man out there would take Hilary Clinton (if she was the president) over a perfect looking 21 year old babe??

 

that's pretty much all you need to know - men will always be judged on status and women will always be judged on beauty

 

You are free to live life by any criteria you choose.

 

I dated a man a long time ago that wanted to marry me and pay for my college education and set me up for life. It was then I realized that I wasn't in love with him and I quickly broke it off. I could have let him do all those things for me. He was in the position to do so. I would have been set for life. But I didn't him. I think when push comes to shove, most people make choices that might be different then what they claim are absolute truths.

[Sugarkane]

If being young and attractive is all you need, why can't I find someone who wants more than sex? Why haven't I been married yet?

[GildedLily]

I'm an 'old guy' in my 50's. I met my wife when I was in my mid .30's and she was 27. Loved her dearly until she passed away from Lupus 8 years ago.

 

In the last 5 years or so I've only been attracted to women my own age. Perhaps after 'the breeding' influence has diminished, we return more to a pursuit of companionship.

 

I'm a health and fitness nut...enjoy outdoor pursuits, etc. That's what I look for in a female companion. Physical sex, etc. is a positive but less of a variable than in my younger days. Happy to hike up a mountain together or hold hands while attending the theater.

 

Bottom line...to all you 'older' ladies in your mid 30's. I say be patient and in a few years the guys your own age will be as thrilled at wooing you as they would a younger woman. In fact, those fellows who are the real catches are the ones closer to your own age with whom you'll find a mutual comfort zone.

 

To all you 'nice guys'. You do eventually get the best gals . Never stop being the nice guy. Never ever lower your standards of behavior. As most women experience less than fulfilling relationships in younger years, they'll appreciate you more than ever. It's not as if you get her 'at the end'. You'll still have 30 or 40 years to do what you always wanted to do ...make her feel special and the center of your universe. She'll reciprocate in kind because she'll know you mean it.

 

What an amazing post; thank you for this!

[ATrainofAngels]

If being young and attractive is all you need, why don't majority of people marry in their 20s anymore?

 

 

correction - that's all you need as a woman. Being attractive as a male is a nice bonus but it doesn't mean too much. I'm a 6'1 220 bodybuilder and I've never had a girlfriend, my best friend's older brother is a 5'6 chubby 35 year old male who has always dated beautiful women because he's a millionaire now

[ATrainofAngels]

You are free to live life by any criteria you choose.

 

I dated a man a long time ago that wanted to marry me and pay for my college education and set me up for life. It was then I realized that I wasn't in love with him and I quickly broke it off. I could have let him do all those things for me. He was in the position to do so. I would have been set for life. But I didn't him. I think when push comes to shove, most people make choices that might be different then what they claim are absolute truths.

 

 

Look, I am not disagreeing with the general message of your posts. I'm a lot like you - I would not date a beautiful woman who was a bad person just because she was attractive (If I was a woman, I would never go out with a man just because he had money).

 

 

But it's better to live in reality than persist in delusion. You should go hang out with some rich men, you would be shocked at how often you will find chubby Average Joe types dating gorgeous women

 

 

A beautiful woman is the most valuable commodity in our society - that's just the reality of the situation. For men, looks are nothing but a little bonus

[Sugarkane]

I look similar to Sophie Ellis Bextor, yet get dumped by text, coz guys "want to be single". If I get dumped by another jerk who doesn't appreciate a good woman who never cheats, I'm going to scream. I'm in my 20s and want to give up already.

[ATrainofAngels]

I look similar to Sophie Ellis Bextor, yet get dumped by text, coz guys "want to be single". If I get dumped by another jerk who doesn't appreciate a good woman who never cheats, I'm going to scream. I'm in my 20s and want to give up already.

 

 

 

Let's be realistic, you get hit on what?? 50 times a day??

 

 

 

I don't want to sound like an azzhole but It's your fault for not being able to tell who the good guys are who want to settle down and have a serious relationship from the player types who are just looking to sleep with you and then leave when they get bored

[Sugarkane]

Let's be realistic, you get hit on what?? 50 times a day??

 

 

 

I don't want to sound like an azzhole but It's your fault for not being able to tell who the good guys are who want to settle down and have a serious relationship from the player types who are just looking to sleep with you and then leave when they get bored[/QUOT

I am being realistic, of coarse I wouldn't get hit on 50 times a day. Who would? I would be impressed if someone did.

 

How do you tell the good guys, from the bad? It's alot easier said than done alot of the time. I don't sleep around and I don't sleep with someone the first date. I make them wait like they should.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

 

But it's better to live in reality than persist in delusion. You should go hang out with some rich men, you would be shocked at how often you will find chubby Average Joe types dating gorgeous women

 

 

A beautiful woman is the most valuable commodity in our society - that's just the reality of the situation. For men, looks are nothing but a little bonus

 

Who are you to claim that every chubby average joe type dating a beautiful women is only doing so because he has money and she only cares about his money?

 

Who are you to claim that your so "attractive" that the reason women haven't dated you is because you don't have money.

 

It takes much more then just thsoe two factors. Now you can claim that I am living delusionary but I think it's more of a matter of who YOU choose to have in your life. if you want women in your life that rate your worth on your money, have at it. That WILL be your reality. But if you want a woman that wants you for you, you can find that if you put the right work into it.

 

Yes, beauty in women is a commodity. We get it. women are junk unless they fit what a man wants. You don't have to keep judging women for that alone though. You have the power to pick the kind of life you desire. Does that mean your life works out perfectly? No. It just means that your life is a lot about what you make of it. You choose the people you let into it.

[ATrainofAngels]

Who are you to claim that every chubby average joe type dating a beautiful women is only doing so because he has money and she only cares about his money?

 

 

why aren't these gorgeous women dating 5'6 average joe chubby types who don't make any money?? Explain that to me

 

 

I've met tons of frumpy men in my life who were fantastic guys who never had any luck with women. Yet I go to parties with my best friend and his super rich family friends and it's just absolutely mind blowing how often you see men dating women way out of their league

 

 

 

 

Who are you to claim that your so "attractive" that the reason women haven't dated you is because you don't have money.

 

 

I haven't had any women because I'm shy - but that's the difference right there

 

 

If I was a woman, it wouldn't matter if I'm shy, stupid, unemployed, or whatever. As long as I was good looking, I would have a line of men approaching me at all times. My sister gets hit on constantly everywhere we ever go... she's been dating guys since she was 14 years old and she's even more shy than I am. I've seen her get hit on by professional athletes for god's sake

 

 

 

On the flipside, I just don't think my looks are any significant advantage. I would trade my physique and face to be a 35 year old frumpy high status male any day of the week

 

 

 

Yes, beauty in women is a commodity. We get it. women are junk unless they fit what a man wants. You don't have to keep judging women for that alone though. You have the power to pick the kind of life you desire. Does that mean your life works out perfectly? No. It just means that your life is a lot about what you make of it. You choose the people you let into it.

 

 

this conversation is about our society, not me and you. I like to think of people like me and you as being enlightened (people who want real 100% equality on both sides for everything), but we're part of the minority here

[ATrainofAngels]

I am being realistic, of coarse I wouldn't get hit on 50 times a day. Who would? I would be impressed if someone did.

 

How do you tell the good guys, from the bad? It's alot easier said than done alot of the time. I don't sleep around and I don't sleep with someone the first date. I make them wait like they should.

 

 

 

I dunno what to tell you - to me it's very easy

 

 

I knew which one of my friends were players and which ones were loyal relationship types well before they told me about their sexual escapades

 

 

I think your problem is that you probably just want the most exciting man, instead of looking for the most stable one. Look for guys who are stable and for guys who aren't necessarily all that great with women (the types who are very shy and awkward at first but are great once you get to know them)

 

 

my guess is you only go for the very smooth and confident types... well guess what, those guys have a ton of options themselves. I hate to say it, but the more options a man has the more likely he is to be a player

Edited November 1, 2011 by ATrainofAngels

[123321]

I like to think of people like me and you as being enlightened (people who want real 100% equality on both sides for everything), but we're part of the minority here

 

You like to think that, however why is fighting uncountable centuries of finely tuned, successful, and proven wetware that has propelled our species to the top of the ladder "enlightened", exactly?

[Woggle]

I look similar to Sophie Ellis Bextor, yet get dumped by text, coz guys "want to be single". If I get dumped by another jerk who doesn't appreciate a good woman who never cheats, I'm going to scream. I'm in my 20s and want to give up already.

 

Most men would love and I mean love to find a good and trustworthy woman that does not cheat but they are damn hard to find.

[Chicago_Guy]

when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period.

 

I haven't read all of the comments, but I assume that most of the men agree with what you wrote.

 

A woman who wants to get married absolutely has the upper hand when she is in her 20s and loses quite a bit of power as they age into their 30s in part because men tend to assume (rightly or wrongly) that an older woman might have trouble bearing healthy children. Also, many women in their mid-late 20s are very open to dating men in their 30s, so the men often have far more options in their 30s than they did in their 20s when a lot of women their age ignored them.

[Negative Nancy]

so the men often have far more options in their 30s than they did in their 20s when a lot of women their age ignored them.

 

That is true...I guess you could call it "poetic justice"?

 

On the flipside though, I see girls like Sophie Ellis Baxtor on here that want to get married in their 20s but can't for the life of her find a good guy; and by my experience she is not a single case. I wouldn't have minded getting married in my 20s either, but I had no luck. So where are all these relationship-/married-minded guys in their 20s? I think it's a myth because in my opinion 90 % of men in their 20s wanna party, drink, f*** and live the fratboy lifestyle. So I think it's just something men like to tell women out of hurt feelings. "You should've gotten married when you were in your 20s cos now you're too old and now finally us guys who you rejected back then are having the upper hand, har har."

[Chicago_Guy]

That is true...I guess you could call it "poetic justice"?

 

On the flipside though, I see girls like Sophie Ellis Baxtor on here that want to get married in their 20s but can't for the life of her find a good guy; and by my experience she is not a single case. I wouldn't have minded getting married in my 20s either, but I had no luck. So where are all these relationship-/married-minded guys in their 20s? I think it's a myth because in my opinion 90 % of men in their 20s wanna party, drink, f*** and live the fratboy lifestyle. So I think it's just something men like to tell women out of hurt feelings. "You should've gotten married when you were in your 20s cos now you're too old and now finally us guys who you rejected back then are having the upper hand, har har."

 

I don't think what you wrote is true at all. Look at all of the guys who are in medical school, law school, or some other grad school when they are in their mid-20s. A lot of women simply don't want guys like that when they are in school either because those guys are too busy, don't have money, or are too "boring" perhaps because they are wrapped up in their schoolwork. Those guys certainly aren't fratboy-types.

 

If you only meet guys who want to live the fratboy lifestyle, it is probably because you meet men are bars or you don't show any signs of interest to non-player-types and are left with the type of men who hit on 20 women a night. Maybe you should go for older guys?

Edited November 1, 2011 by Chicago_Guy

[Chicago_Guy]

If being young and attractive is all you need, why can't I find someone who wants more than sex? Why haven't I been married yet?

 

There are quite a few guys in their 20s who are getting little or no sex at all. A lot of those guys would love to be in a relationship leading to marriage with an attractive women. You either aren't meeting those guys or if you do they don't ask you out because they don't think that you are interested in them.

[Negative Nancy]

Maybe you should go for older guys?

 

Would you advise a man that can't find a relationship to "go for older women"? I don't think so...so spare me the advise of going after older men. Aside from the fact that I'm already taken anyway. Why should I settle for an older man? I want someone from my generation - my boyfriend is only 3 years older and HE already grew up listening to some lame 80s bands that I can't relate to. So even at this little difference in age there already is some sort of disconnect. I can't imagine what would it be like with an older man who grew up listening to the Beatles or was part of the peace, love and happiness movement. He probably wants to drink wine on the weekends and watch some boring movie instead of living it up. I get along better with guys from my generation and I find that this holds true for most people.

 

Besides, men my age are more attractive to look at. I feel like I'm looking at what could be my dad when I look at older guys. Which is kinda weird. That doesn't mean I'm a hypocrite who whines about men going after younger women and in turn bashes older men herself. No, I've always been attracted to "my generation" and I assume it will always be like that up until old age. When I was 20 I found people my age attractive, now at 29 I see 20 year old boys and all I see is a baby face. Nothing attractive, nothing manly about it, all it brings out is the motherly instinct at most. And I'm sure even though I don't find men at 50 attractive NOW (I'm not gonna f*** my father), I'm sure I will find them attractive at 50. Whereas I doubt it's gonna be the other way around. Women basically get screwed over no matter what age. If they are young and beautiful enough during their 20s, they get tons of attention only because of that, but it's no real commitment, just being used as a trophy. And when they're older they get tossed to the side because they're too old. Men complain that there are no good women left anymore, but to me it seems the other way around. And men contribute to the hardening of women by using them for sex only and nothing else.

Edited November 1, 2011 by Negative Nancy