Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[Andy_K]

Being a 38 yr old single woman, this makes me want to sit in the corner listening to Suicidal Tendencies and cut myself.

 

Seriously, if all you men are saying a woman over 30 is doomed to spend her life alone that's pathetic and sad.

 

However, I've come to accept this for the most part. And why I have dogs.

 

Not exactly doomed. Just relatively speaking. An attractive 38 year old woman won't have anywhere near as many guys wanting to commit to her as an attractive 21 year old woman, but she'd still have way more options than an average looking 5'6" guy at almost any age. And you wouldn't tell him to just give up.

 

The difference is, he's always had it extremely hard. The woman just has to adjust herself to the reality that its a lot harder than it was.

[Woggle]

At this age most men have at least seen one nasty divorce amongst their peers and have seen one relationship after another burst into flames. They have also seen some friends get married and turn into emasculated shells of themselves. It scares the crap out of them.

 

They might want to settle down but they want to avoid going down the same road and will be careful.

[Easyguy14]

we're not saying that, we're saying that men grow up in their 30s and are looking for women who are grown up as well. a 35 year old woman who thinks she's still 25, and still has nothing to offer other than her appearance is not attractive. those women are playing a game they can't win, because that game has passed them by. it doesn't have to do with their appearance fading, it has to do with the rest of them not maturing.

 

was this comment in reference to the op febreze? she says she's a nurse, so she would have a lot to offer I think, like round-the-clock tlc. I always liked nurses especially if they're attractive and fit. 35 is not too bad since Im not looking for to settle with kids or anything, but for dating and fun its definitely up my alley. I think our jobs go hand-in-hand

[azsinglegal]

Not exactly doomed. Just relatively speaking. An attractive 38 year old woman won't have anywhere near as many guys wanting to commit to her as an attractive 21 year old woman, but she'd still have way more options than an average looking 5'6" guy at almost any age. And you wouldn't tell him to just give up.

 

The difference is, he's always had it extremely hard. The woman just has to adjust herself to the reality that its a lot harder than it was.

 

You haven't dated much have you?!?

 

My options really ARE limited. Men my age want women late 20s/early 30s. Men younger then me, like me for fun, but no commitment. Men older then me have kid/ex-wife baggage.

 

My best option is a guy in his early 50s cuz his kids are grown and he has freedom for a relationship now.

 

Sadly...that's too close to dating my dad. AND...(I know I'm going to get creamed for this) I haven't met a guy over 36 who didn't have issues "down there". Sorry boys...and no, it's not me.

[iris219]

You haven't dated much have you?!?

 

My options really ARE limited. Men my age want women late 20s/early 30s. Men younger then me, like me for fun, but no commitment. Men older then me have kid/ex-wife baggage.

 

My best option is a guy in his early 50s cuz his kids are grown and he has freedom for a relationship now.

 

Sadly...that's too close to dating my dad. AND...(I know I'm going to get creamed for this) I haven't met a guy over 36 who didn't have issues "down there". Sorry boys...and no, it's not me.

 

I'm 32 and I love older guys. I've never encountered a problem in the sex department even (though I haven't slept with many people, so I may not be the best source). I'll take a man over 40 any day. I'm not attracted to younger guys--never was, really. I haven't dated anyone under 30 since I was in high school.

 

Unfortunately, I look young for my age and have been told this is a turn-off. I just went on a date with a 42 year old who said he didn't ask me out sooner because he thought I was too young for him.

[azsinglegal]

I'm 32 and I love older guys. I've never encountered a problem in the sex department even (though I haven't slept with many people, so I may not be the best source). I'll take a man over 40 any day. I'm not attracted to younger guys--never was, really. I haven't dated anyone under 30 since I was in high school.

 

Unfortunately, I look young for my age and have been told this is a turn-off. I just went on a date with a 42 year old who said he didn't ask me out sooner because he thought I was too young for him.

 

I can't seem to get myself to date a man over 40 or even 40. Which is silly because I'm 38. I think the whole idea of "40" makes me feel old so I avoid it like the plague.

 

I used to look much younger until the sun got a hold of me. Now I'm trying to reverse some of the damage from all those years of tanning.

[iris219]

I can't seem to get myself to date a man over 40 or even 40. Which is silly because I'm 38. I think the whole idea of "40" makes me feel old so I avoid it like the plague.

 

I used to look much younger until the sun got a hold of me. Now I'm trying to reverse some of the damage from all those years of tanning.

 

When you date older men, it makes you feel younger!

 

And many older guys are very hot. Hugh Laurie from House is so sexy.

[thatone]

was this comment in reference to the op febreze? she says she's a nurse, so she would have a lot to offer I think, like round-the-clock tlc. I always liked nurses especially if they're attractive and fit. 35 is not too bad since Im not looking for to settle with kids or anything, but for dating and fun its definitely up my alley. I think our jobs go hand-in-hand

 

no, just a general statement.

[azsinglegal]

When you date older men, it makes you feel younger!

 

And many older guys are very hot. Hugh Laurie from House is so sexy.

 

Good point! I'm pretty sure if I want a man who will settle down and appreciate me for all I can do for them and who I am, I need someone 45+.

 

I dunno why I just can't date older men. It's not like I don't have grey hairs - 80% of my head is white!

 

I think I'm petrified to admit I'm older and if I date an older man we'll be the "older couple" and I won't feel young anymore. I realize this is silly...I have some serious age issues.

[Monm82]

when women are young and have a lot to "offer" then they have the upper hand in the dating scene. as women age the men get the upper hand. period.

 

I don't agree. I think women always have the upper hand when it comes to dating. Guys don't have nearly as many options as women do.

Edited October 19, 2011 by Monm82

[Febreze]

I can't seem to get myself to date a man over 40 or even 40. Which is silly because I'm 38. I think the whole idea of "40" makes me feel old so I avoid it like the plague.

 

I used to look much younger until the sun got a hold of me. Now I'm trying to reverse some of the damage from all those years of tanning.

 

I try not to think of the # 40 since its still 5 years away but I do work hard to maintain my figure which I have to admit is harder to do after 30.

 

I'm not pleased with some of the ageist responses I'm seeing in here like a woman is only good for sex after 30 and good for the long-term when she is in her 20s? Thats just so wrong

 

What would happen if that said woman gets into her 30s and beyond? Will you men just drop her or trade her in for another young one or just ignore her and cheat on the side?

 

I really hope this is not the case but some of these responses are awful here and makes me feel like I have to work harder when I shouldn't.

 

I do thank some of the positive people in here. I think everyone needs to stay positive in order to get that in return or you'll feel down all the time.

[azsinglegal]

I try not to think of the # 40 since its still 5 years away but I do work hard to maintain my figure which I have to admit is harder to do after 30.

 

I'm not pleased with some of the ageist responses I'm seeing in here like a woman is only good for sex after 30 and good for the long-term when she is in her 20s? Thats just so wrong

 

What would happen if that said woman gets into her 30s and beyond? Will you men just drop her or trade her in for another young one or just ignore her and cheat on the side?

 

I really hope this is not the case but some of these responses are awful here and makes me feel like I have to work harder when I shouldn't.

 

I do thank some of the positive people in here. I think everyone needs to stay positive in order to get that in return or you'll feel down all the time.

 

I've been hearing a woman is passed her prime at age 35 for years now. It's very disheartening. Especially to someone like me who's single and really wants to get married.

 

I always tell myself the following:

 

1) I hope in my heart that I find someone who wants to get married and share their life with me, plan a future

 

2) I accept the fact that I might not find that person and I may be single for the rest of my life

 

With that in mind...I keep hopeful but remain realistic. I'm in the best shape of my life. I work out 6 days a week. I lift heavy weights, I'm really proud of my body and especially all the muscle I have. But I realize the years are showing on my face and skin so I'm doing what I can to combat that. Getting a chemical peel here in the next few weeks to hopefully take some of the sun damage/wrinkles out.

[Febreze]

I've been hearing a woman is passed her prime at age 35 for years now. It's very disheartening. Especially to someone like me who's single and really wants to get married.

 

I always tell myself the following:

 

1) I hope in my heart that I find someone who wants to get married and share their life with me, plan a future

 

2) I accept the fact that I might not find that person and I may be single for the rest of my life

 

With that in mind...I keep hopeful but remain realistic. I'm in the best shape of my life. I work out 6 days a week. I lift heavy weights, I'm really proud of my body and especially all the muscle I have. But I realize the years are showing on my face and skin so I'm doing what I can to combat that. Getting a chemical peel here in the next few weeks to hopefully take some of the sun damage/wrinkles out.

 

I'm sorry to hear that the sun damaged your skin and I'm lucky to have clear olive skin because I'm part Italian/Irish but working out 6 days is too much dont you think?

 

I go to the gym 4 out of 7 and I still have a flat tummy. Its the diet that really makes a difference because certain foods go straight down there if you know what I mean

 

I wanna get married just like you. I dont believe I'm passed my prime just yet til I begin to look it. The same can be said for you.

 

I do think us women over 30 have to put ourselves out there a little more with men we're interested in; sometimes even make the first move in just getting conversation going and then leave the rest up to him.

 

The thing I wanna point out is that I'm interested in men anywhere from 30 to 45. Its the maturity I'm concerned with. I want them to be at best decent looking, no GQ stuff lol, and to have their **** together, excuse my language.

 

The chances of finding that in guys in their 20s are very slim and I know it so I stay away from that pool. I just dont want men in my age bracket to hold my age against me because I do have a lot to offer besides my looks.

[Wrigley2011]

Bingo!

 

At some point we realize, we actually have to live with her.

 

if you are stating that you will take a woman who is less beautiful with multiple personality traits that you enjoy over a woman who is far more beautiful without many personality traits that you enjoy, then I suppose it'd be the former

[thatone]

Bingo!

 

At some point we realize, we actually have to live with her.

 

yep, that's pretty much it.

[Shaun-Dro]

I'm sorry to hear that the sun damaged your skin and I'm lucky to have clear olive skin because I'm part Italian/Irish but working out 6 days is too much dont you think?

 

I go to the gym 4 out of 7 and I still have a flat tummy. Its the diet that really makes a difference because certain foods go straight down there if you know what I mean

 

I wanna get married just like you. I dont believe I'm passed my prime just yet til I begin to look it. The same can be said for you.

 

I do think us women over 30 have to put ourselves out there a little more with men we're interested in; sometimes even make the first move in just getting conversation going and then leave the rest up to him.

 

The thing I wanna point out is that I'm interested in men anywhere from 30 to 45. Its the maturity I'm concerned with. I want them to be at best decent looking, no GQ stuff lol, and to have their **** together, excuse my language.

 

The chances of finding that in guys in their 20s are very slim and I know it so I stay away from that pool. I just dont want men in my age bracket to hold my age against me because I do have a lot to offer besides my looks.

 

Look, I'm sure you're attractive. Being part Italian and Irish with olive skin is definitely sexy. I dated a girl like that years ago, but you're still 35! You must comprehend that your fertility is weakening each year. That's a fact you're gonna have to accept, which will catch up on the outside soon!

 

As far as getting married is concerned, sure, you can still get that done, but it'll most likely be with men in the early 40s range much more so than men in their 30s such as myself. We want those 20+ year olds and yes it is also true that the older and more successful the man gets, the better his options of finding who he wants, because frankly, there's always going to be a vast number of attractive young dames seeking the established.

[musemaj11]

I don't agree. I think women always have the upper hand when it comes to dating. Guys don't have nearly as many options as women do.

Ugly women dont have the upper hand regardless their age. And neither do broke men.

[FitChick]

When I was in my twenties and thirties, men were only interested in sex, not a relationship. I got my first marriage proposal in my forties. It depends more on you than your age. By that I mean that I was insecure and neurotic when I was younger. Past 40 I became more confident, less needy and even more attractive because I knew how to present myself and make the most of my looks. Of course, I never wanted kids so didn't have time pressure.

[Sanman]

I try not to think of the # 40 since its still 5 years away but I do work hard to maintain my figure which I have to admit is harder to do after 30.

 

I'm not pleased with some of the ageist responses I'm seeing in here like a woman is only good for sex after 30 and good for the long-term when she is in her 20s? Thats just so wrong

 

What would happen if that said woman gets into her 30s and beyond? Will you men just drop her or trade her in for another young one or just ignore her and cheat on the side?

 

I really hope this is not the case but some of these responses are awful here and makes me feel like I have to work harder when I shouldn't.

I do thank some of the positive people in here. I think everyone needs to stay positive in order to get that in return or you'll feel down all the time.

 

 

It is not about cheating or tossing women aside necessarily, but I do agree with what most of the men here say. The issue is that men are the same. The well established doctors that are nice and fit are still interested in you... the 20 something version of you (or whoever that currently is at your work). You still want those guys and they still want a good looking nurse in her mid twenties. It is great that you look good at 35, but a guy is not going to get 10 years of a sexy young wife as he would have a decade ago. Guys age 25-35 are in the highest demand (as I am learning) because they are established career-wise and still do have the hair and are in decent shape. However, they have their choice of 25-30 year olds looking for a relationship. Some will chase youth and looks. Those guys will not be interested as they can get younger. Those who date closer than their age will expect more, as Thatone mentioned. I dated a number of women for looks for a while after turning 25 and realized that I wanted more. I have to live with this woman everyday and I don't want to do all the work in the relationship. Women are taught that a man will woo them and treat them like a princess. I treat women well, but at this point I have plenty of choice and need to be wooed too. My current gf is not the hottest woman I have ever dated, but she makes a very good income and can contribute to the relationship equally. I do buy her dinner, gifts, call when I say I will, cook for her, treat with respect, and spoil her with massages. However, she buys me gifts, bakes me treats, gives me massages, and generally spoils me as well. She is also trustworthy and puts forth her half of the effort in communication. Overall, she a good person and treats me really well and that is why I have chosen to be with her. It is not that men won't date and older woman, but we need a reason to do so. Sure, you look good for 35, but a 25 year old may look good for 25. Can you treat me better, be a better partner, and put more effort into a relationship than those younger women? If not, why wouldn't I opt for youngest and prettiest? Your other options are to forgo dating someone as good looking or with such a good job. I mean, if we get real about this, we are all looking for the best we can get and the truth is men that women peak in their late teens to twenties and men peak in the their late twenties to thirties.

[musemaj11]

What would happen if that said woman gets into her 30s and beyond? Will you men just drop her or trade her in for another young one or just ignore her and cheat on the side?

My neighbor just got left by his wife because he hadnt had a stable job that he once had when they first got married, for the past few years and she didn't want to have to provide for him anymore.

 

So if its okay for women to not want to have anything to do with a man who can no longer contribute financially when she can find another man who can, then its okay for men to not want to have anything to do with a woman who is no longer young and beautiful if he can find another woman who is.

 

This is just reality.

 

Eh, everything's relative (and I don't watch TV, so I have no idea what things are being portrayed and fed through the screens to people --- and I probably only watch two or three selected movies a year).

 

In real life, I definitely see that there are a lot of greedy people with skewed desires haha, but I see the "exceptions" (if that is what they truly are) too --- and I myself am one

 

Others seem to be attracted to convenience and pleasure, not TRULY to who other people are. And no wonder so many people are miserable, even despite all their "luxuries". To BASE the majority of attraction on such generic "qualities" (that are often associated with all kinds of ****) is just lovely.

 

All I'm getting from this is that:

 

If people evolved from apes, I guess most of them are regressing back into them.

To be fair though, its normal for people to want the best deal for themselves.

 

Its normal for a woman to want a man with the highest status and income that her youth and beauty can get.

 

And its normal for a man to want as many young beautiful women his status and income can get.

Edited October 20, 2011 by musemaj11

[Shaun-Dro]

It is not about cheating or tossing women aside necessarily, but I do agree with what most of the men here say. The issue is that men are the same. The well established doctors that are nice and fit are still interested in you... the 20 something version of you (or whoever that currently is at your work). You still want those guys and they still want a good looking nurse in her mid twenties. It is great that you look good at 35, but a guy is not going to get 10 years of a sexy young wife as he would have a decade ago. Guys age 25-35 are in the highest demand (as I am learning) because they are established career-wise and still do have the hair and are in decent shape. However, they have their choice of 25-30 year olds looking for a relationship. Some will chase youth and looks. Those guys will not be interested as they can get younger. Those who date closer than their age will expect more, as Thatone mentioned. I dated a number of women for looks for a while after turning 25 and realized that I wanted more. I have to live with this woman everyday and I don't want to do all the work in the relationship. Women are taught that a man will woo them and treat them like a princess. I treat women well, but at this point I have plenty of choice and need to be wooed too. My current gf is not the hottest woman I have ever dated, but she makes a very good income and can contribute to the relationship equally. I do buy her dinner, gifts, call when I say I will, cook for her, treat with respect, and spoil her with massages. However, she buys me gifts, bakes me treats, gives me massages, and generally spoils me as well. She is also trustworthy and puts forth her half of the effort in communication. Overall, she a good person and treats me really well and that is why I have chosen to be with her. It is not that men won't date and older woman, but we need a reason to do so. Sure, you look good for 35, but a 25 year old may look good for 25. Can you treat me better, be a better partner, and put more effort into a relationship than those younger women? If not, why wouldn't I opt for youngest and prettiest? Your other options are to forgo dating someone as good looking or with such a good job. I mean, if we get real about this, we are all looking for the best we can get and the truth is men that women peak in their late teens to twenties and men peak in the their late twenties to thirties.

 

This is an excellent post, thank you. I hope you reviewed this OP because you better hurry up if you still want a family. Again, your fertility is closing out sooner than you think.

[OnyxSnowfall]

To be fair though, its normal for people to want the best deal for themselves.

 

Its normal for a woman to want a man with the highest status and income that her youth and beauty can get.

 

And its normal for a man to want as many young beautiful women his status and income can get.

 

Normal in the sense of what is "common"?

 

I've always been amused that the perceived majority gets to define what is "normal"... but...

 

My boyfriend is broke as all hell and he has no status

 

Men find me "young and beautiful" (currently LOL) --- and I've had ample opportunities to couple with (or even just become the mistress of ) older wealthy men (and otherwise heh)... but it's just not what I value. My boyfriend is fascinating, his mind is beautiful and he treats me beautifully --- his character astonishes me (though he has his flaws like everyone else) --- and all these things money can NEVER purchase. Ever (not to mention he's an amazing lover, but our intimacy intensifies our sex life too).

 

I don't get the draw to materialistic bull **** --- I see those things as band-aids or even just completely toxic to *my* character heh... and besides, I can earn my own damn money

 

I do agree that people want the best but... the best to me doesn't equate into a wealthy and successful man --- but someone I can grow from and with and teach and connect to and share life with...

 

where I've gotten stuck in the past is in attempting to unravel whether or not he is with me for superficial reasons LoL... but even if I'm "wasting" my "prized youth" on him --- I doubt it would have been sacred to any other guy anyway... heh, it would probably have always been "wasted"... I actually think life will become better for me as my apparent "prime" fades away.

 

I guess I don't have the mind-set of wanting to "use" people and I don't want to be "used" either... I adore the idea of mutuality, but I also think things should be done out of care for someone else and selflessness when possible, not because I'm going to get something "out of it" etc...

Edited October 20, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Sanman]

Normal in the sense of what is "common"?

 

I've always been amused that the perceived majority gets to define what is "normal"... but...

 

My boyfriend is broke as all hell and he has no status

 

Men find me "young and beautiful" (currently LOL) --- and I've had ample opportunities to couple with (or even just become the mistress of ) older wealthy men (and otherwise heh)... but it's just not what I value. My boyfriend is fascinating, his mind is beautiful and he treats me beautifully --- his character astonishes me (though he has his flaws like everyone else) --- and all these things money can NEVER purchase. Ever (not to mention he's an amazing lover, but our intimacy intensifies our sex life too).

 

I don't get the draw to materialistic bull **** --- I see those things as band-aids or even just completely toxic to *my* character heh... and besides, I can earn my own damn money

 

Onyx,

 

I tend to find that when someone has been through difficult circumstances, they tend to figure out what is really important in life. Those who have not been through such things tend to be interested in more materialistic things as they never think about such bad things happening to them.

[musemaj11]

Normal in the sense of what is "common"?

 

I've always been amused that the perceived majority gets to define what is "normal"... but...

 

My boyfriend is broke as all hell and he has no status

 

Men find me "young and beautiful" (currently LOL) --- and I've had ample opportunities to couple with (or even just become the mistress of ) older wealthy men (and otherwise heh)... but it's just not what I value. My boyfriend is fascinating, his mind is beautiful and he treats me beautifully --- his character astonishes me (though he has his flaws like everyone else) --- and all these things money can NEVER purchase. Ever (not to mention he's an amazing lover, but our intimacy intensifies our sex life too).

 

I don't get the draw to materialistic bull **** --- I see those things as band-aids or even just completely toxic to *my* character heh... and besides, I can earn my own damn money

 

I do agree that people want the best but... the best to me doesn't equate into a wealthy and successful man --- but someone I can grow from and with and teach and connect to and share life with...

 

where I've gotten stuck in the past is in attempting to unravel whether or not he is with me for superficial reasons LoL... but even if I'm "wasting" my "prized youth" on him --- I doubt it would have been sacred to any other guy anyway... heh, it would probably have always been "wasted"... I actually think life will become better for me as my apparent "prime" fades away.

 

I guess I don't have the mind-set of wanting to "use" people and I don't want to be "used" either... I adore the idea of mutuality, but I also think things should be done out of care for someone else and selflessness when possible, not because I'm going to get something "out of it" etc...

Personally I treat someone the same way that person treats me.

 

If I sense that a girl is showing superficial expectations of me, then I will do the same toward her and vice versa. I believe in fairness.

 

Once when I was 20, I got with a girl with whom I only intended to have short term fun with. But then I found out immediately that she was a really kind and considerate girl. So before I did anything to her, I decided to back away because I didn't want to take advantage of and hurt her. She deserved someone who could give her equal treatment, something that I wasnt ready to give at that time.

Edited October 20, 2011 by musemaj11

[Sugarkane]

I disagree that men avoid settling with older women. If so I am 24 attractive, tall, slim brunette. So why is it do hard to find someone interested in more than just sex? If being beautiful alone was enough, why am I not married yet? Why are people settling down later and later? It's very rate to find a guy who will settle in his 20s. They always want to okay the field and they always think there's something better out there no matter how attractive or interesting person you are.