Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[Sugarkane]

If being young and fertile us important, why dovt mist people get married before they're 25? Majority don't anymore

[AHardDaysNight]

I just want someone around my age who wants a relationship.

 

Not games. Not just sex. A relationship.

 

It seems I ask for too much, at my age. Maybe by the time I'm 40, the women will have matured enough!

[musemaj11]

I disagree that men avoid settling with older women. If so I am 24 attractive, tall, slim brunette. So why is it do hard to find someone interested in more than just sex? If being beautiful alone was enough, why am I not married yet? Why are people settling down later and later? It's very rate to find a guy who will settle in his 20s. They always want to okay the field and they always think there's something better out there no matter how attractive or interesting person you are.

Because in developed countries, thanks to technological advances, the men are a lot more informed in terms of the types of relationships and their advantages and disadvantages.

 

Currently Im residing in a third world country with a lot more traditional society. Over here, young men hurry to get established so they can find a young woman, marry her and start a family with her because this is what they have been programmed to do as had their fathers and grandfathers before them. Unlike the newer generations of men in other parts of the world, they dont yet know a different alternative that many Western men have learned, which is to avoid marriage so you could keep your options open endlessly and most importantly avoid being contractually forced to be a workhorse by a woman for the rest of your life.

Edited October 20, 2011 by musemaj11

[elenda]

To be honest, You can't stop aging. Everyone pursues beauty, and this is nature. I think you need try to find a man that really good to start a family. When you become couple, something others will be the focus of your life.

[Andy_K]

I disagree that men avoid settling with older women. If so I am 24 attractive, tall, slim brunette. So why is it do hard to find someone interested in more than just sex? If being beautiful alone was enough, why am I not married yet? Why are people settling down later and later? It's very rate to find a guy who will settle in his 20s. They always want to okay the field and they always think there's something better out there no matter how attractive or interesting person you are.

 

If you're 24 and attractive, the sole reason you're not getting any men who are interested in more than sex is because you're picking the wrong guys. Whether this is purely because you go after a certain type, or whether it is because you just let the players come to you instead of making any moves yourself, I couldn't speculate on.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I've noticed that most of the men that have jumped on the "older women are doomed" banned wagon are men, that at some point, have illustrated a bitterness toward women in general at some time in their posts. I don't think these are the best men to take advice from because in general, they consider women lesser people.

 

Now there are people that only judge men by the money they make and women by the look they "offer". The irony is that when we reduce each gender to these we cause more bitterness between each other. Men don't want to be wanted for their money and women don't want to be wanted for their looks alone. However, when these threads come up, men get all up in arms when it comes to money and yet they rush to join in a conversation to basically tell women how worthless and what pieces of crap they are. Funny that isn't it.

 

There are several things at work here though. OP, I do think it's the men you are picking though. Finding a good man is hard no matter your age. Truth is, there aren't that many good men around. Finding a man that *really* respect women is hard. Men that tell you that a woman's worth declines does not respect women. LOok at at all the men on this thread. They don't have a real respect for women. They might thing they do, they even might tell you they do, but the truth is, that when a man picks a woman because of her age, he isn't respecting that younger woman any more then he would be an older one. BUT, there are good men out there. Most likely they aren't going to be on the internet eager to tell women what crap they are so I wouldn't take the response here too seriously. Some of these guys just can't weight to tell women that because of the bitterness in their own hearts and their own experiences.

 

I also think it has to do with how men and women have changed in their relation to one another. Just 20 years ago the internet was not the prevelant beast it is today. Today, you don't even have to talk to anyone out in the real world. You go to school or you go to work, you come home, you hop on Facebook or Match.com or any other numerous social networking sites that prohibits people from interacting with each other, and we call that living. Men today do not approach women as much as they use to. They are sitting at home on their social network websites and "feeling" out women on dating websites. Not to mention the continuous real of options available online that just make people keep looking and looking and looking. Lets also take into account to porn. Which today's man look at 10 times more then their fathers ever did. While their fathers were out working hard, the men today are sitting infront of the computer dulling themselves with porn or video games. We got a serious social issue going on with men and women and the internet and no one wants talk about it because heck, Facebook and internet porn is just so gosh darn fun. At the end of a life, no on is going to wish they spent more time on Facebook and internet porn. But that is what many men today do.

 

Lets also look at the fear monguling alot of men are trying to feed in this very thread. Social dynamics that a man's worth goes up in society and a woman's goes down has nothing to do with "nature" and was a tool implemeted by a male dominated society that gave older men the edge over younger men and women alike. Men do not get better with age. Men's sperm declines by 30. Not that different from women. Nature doesn't want old dudes having babies with young women. It wants young dudes having sex with young women. Younger men are much hotter, much more sexually exciting, just as younger women are. It comes down to what you value though. I find myself attracted to all different kind of ages for different reasons. Although, usually anything over 40, unless a movie star, is less likely. And I'm a woman! I know it's a nice fantasy for men to believe their worth goes up but it's not the reality. If it was, you'd see a different mentality amoung older men thaty ou don't. Older men tend to be just as cycnical as older women can be. They don't have a market on "happy-life -fullfilled" experiences that women don't. That's just not the way the world works. I understand men would like to believe that everything gets better for them with age and that women get what they "deserve" for some imagined slights because Hot Tammy down the block back in his day didn't want to date him, but that's just not the reality.

 

I also think men just don't really talk and engage with women like they use to. Again, because of the internet. I had a conversation with a woman from England that said American men were no fun because they don't flirt.

[123321]

 

Can you not understand that maintaining a 15 year old relationship with the 35 year old mother of your kids is fundamentally different from contemplating starting a relationship with a 35 year old woman who has spent the last 15 years fooling around with other guys?

[Sanman]

Finding a good man is hard no matter your age. Truth is, there aren't that many good men around.

 

While their fathers were out working hard, the men today are sitting infront of the computer dulling themselves with porn or video games.

 

Social dynamics that a man's worth goes up in society and a woman's goes down has nothing to do with "nature" and was a tool implemeted by a male dominated society that gave older men the edge over younger men and women alike.

 

So, what you are saying is that we are all bitter for suggesting men get more attention for their money and women get more attention for youth and looks. Yet, you say most men are not good, lazy, and addicted to porn/video games. Yeah, we are all the bitter ones.

[stillafool]

My current gf is not the hottest woman I have ever dated, but she makes a very good income and can contribute to the relationship equally. I do buy her dinner, gifts, call when I say I will, cook for her, treat with respect, and spoil her with massages. However, she buys me gifts, bakes me treats, gives me massages, and generally spoils me as well. She is also trustworthy and puts forth her half of the effort in communication. Overall, she a good person and treats me really well and that is why I have chosen to be with her.

 

If I were your current gf I would not be too happy with the above. There is nothing mentioned about romantic love and attraction.

[Sanman]

If I were your current gf I would not be too happy with the above. There is nothing mentioned about romantic love and attraction.

 

Yeah, she has it rough. She should go back to the guys that cheated on her and used her for sex and then dumped her. I never said I wasn't attracted to her, i just don't need to mention every detail about my relationship in every post here. However, please find better than me if you can, since you would not be happy.

[stillafool]

I see it like this: Most people (not just men) are attracted to youth. Let's be honest, youth is pretty. We all have our time to be young and when it is over, it's gone. It's not just a matter of men wanting a young beautiful woman. Women also want a young, virile, handsome man. If we all could have those people and knew they loved us "unconditionally" most of us would go for it. However that is not how this life works.

 

It is silly to try to make women feel bad because they have reached or are near the end of their fertile period. It's not fair. I'm sure given the choice women also would prefer a young, handsome, guy to father their babies rather than a close to or middle aged man. Again, that is not how life generally works.

[Sanman]

OP, one other point I know a lot guys talk about with older women. As women get older, they tend to want marriage and kids faster due to biological issues. Most guys don't see it that may, a 35 year old guy likely still wants 2-3 years of relationship without marriage. The need women have to get married quickly often clashes with most men's need to wait and evaluate if this is the right relationship. I'm not sure this happens with you, but it might be an issue. Men tried to lock you up when you were younger because of the competition (the reason you did not commit), they have less reason to do that now.

[ascendotum]

I've noticed that most of the men that have jumped on the "older women are doomed" banned wagon are men, that at some point, have illustrated a bitterness toward women in general at some time in their posts.

....

LOok at at all the men on this thread. They don't have a real respect for women.

 

A number of the guys have been forthright here, but they have not exactly gone in with the boot like say EP. They aren't saying older women are doomed, just that women need to adjust their mindset if they think being 35+ is like being 25 when it comes to the power she had to be picky, flakey or rude or in going for guys based on short term outlook and not whats best in the longterm. The dating scene & relationships have changed a lot in the past 30 yrs especially for women, but when it comes to guys desiring women to settle down for life after they are past their most desirable years, sorry but nothings changed there.

It shouldn't matter to the OP what the guys here think if her love life and those of her single friends was going fantastic and what they experience in day to day life was totally at odds with what some of the guys are posting here. Real life is what counts, and obviously she's picked up on the fact that men aren't tripping up in the rush to have their life focused around her attention anymore, sorry to say.

 

Personally from what she wrote about herself I also think its the men she is picking. Plenty of guys out there that would still be happy to settle down and start a family with the OP, but its no shock the more desirable guys her age are going to want to settle down with a younger version of her, just like she said it was like back in her 20s. I can also relate to what thatone wrote regarding..."I want to see what you do. I want to see all my effort appreciate... I want to see that the attraction is mutual, and little things I do such as gifts and favors returned."

Edited October 20, 2011 by ascendotum

[ascendotum]

OP, one other point I know a lot guys talk about with older women. As women get older, they tend to want marriage and kids faster due to biological issues. Most guys don't see it that may, a 35 year old guy likely still wants 2-3 years of relationship without marriage. The need women have to get married quickly often clashes with most men's need to wait and evaluate if this is the right relationship. I'm not sure this happens with you, but it might be an issue. Men tried to lock you up when you were younger because of the competition (the reason you did not commit), they have less reason to do that now.

 

I second this, and know this is an issue with a number of other single guys I know.

[alphamale]

I second this, and know this is an issue with a number of other single guys I know.

thirded, excellent point

[Woggle]

I think the desperation to get married is also a big reason why some men in their 30s tend to run from commitment. It's not that these men don't want that but with some women who really want marriage a man is just a prop for her biological

clock and he desire for a white dress day. They really don't care much about him as an individual. There is no bigger turn off for a man.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

So, what you are saying is that we are all bitter for suggesting men get more attention for their money and women get more attention for youth and looks. Yet, you say most men are not good, lazy, and addicted to porn/video games. Yeah, we are all the bitter ones.

 

Sanman, in all seriousness, you are a very bitter man toward women. By now, I've become familiar with your comments. You couldn't say a positive thing about a woman if there was a gun pointed to your head to do it. So excuse me if your sarcasm here is ineffective.

 

What I am suggesting that the men that have responded to this thread have displayed a number of bitter attitudes toward women across the board. I am also outright saying that the internet has changed the way people socialize. I did not say most men weren't good. I said it WAS hard to find a good one and yes, men today do have more issues with porn/video games then in previous generations. Which succeeds in dulling their senses. My point being is that it's not just this very old school patriarchal system that touts the idea that men get better with age and women don't. Things have changed and we need to look at those things if we are going to be honest about what is happening. Despite all this fear monguling about women and age, women have more freedom then ever and some women even date younger men. ... In serious relationships. Some men, even like women their own age. The horrors!

 

I also hold firm that when women hold tight to the idea that men are only as good as their money and that when men hold tight that women are only as good as their age, that all it does is foster more disconnect and bitterness between both genders. The end result is that it doesn't help anyone. Both genders end up butting heads up and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[123321]

Normal in the sense of what is "common"?

 

I've always been amused that the perceived majority gets to define what is "normal"... but...

 

Well "words mean things" and normal is "to conform to the norm", so ..... why is it amusing again?

 

 

 

Social dynamics that a man's worth goes up in society and a woman's goes down has nothing to do with "nature" and was a tool implemeted by a male dominated society that gave older men the edge over younger men and women alike.

 

Simply not true, feminist claptrap.

 

Men who are better able to protect and provide are better workhorses and are/were valued more as mates for that reason. Women selected them because the previous generations of women who selected such men were more successful in reproducing, whereas women who had other strategies for mate selection were less successful overall.

 

There are other sort of edge cases (the beautiful son strategy for instance) but overall it was done simply because it succeeded over and over, reliably and repeatably.

[Woggle]

It might be hard to find a good man but it is just as hard to find a good woman.

[grkBoy]

I think older women have plenty of chances to find husbands.

 

Unfortunately, too many are holding on to what I think are unrealistic standards.

 

I see some who still want a tall athletic male with a full head of hair and financial success to a certain degree...but they find that all the guys who fit that standard won't get married, or they're already married. Then they look at their available dating pool and think there's no good men left.

 

People age...it happens. I won't fault someone who takes amazing care of themselves mentally, physically, and financially if they want someone like-minded. I will fault them if they set the bar too high.

 

So the guy who makes 6-7 figures and works out four days a week wants a "retired model" who has a career making good money and no kids in her life...he's also going to hit a lot of difficulty because IMHO he's being unrealistic.

 

 

In the end, men and women either have to pick from what's available to them...which also means men and women who want the same things in life that they do...or choose to be alone.

[ThsAmericanLife]

There are a number of ways around this if you are a woman in her mid-thirties or older and want to start a family...

 

Get a good education, get a good job... then go to a sperm bank. Or find a gay male friend willing to get out the turkey baster.

 

No offense to the wonderful men and fathers here... If a man isn't pulling his weight as an equal partner and father, you will end up with more aggravation having him in in your life... not less.

 

Don't feel like you have to settle just because you are getting older.

 

Men have issues with aging just like women do. Alot of them don't settle down again soon because they've been burned by previous relationships... or have children from a prior relationship themselves.

 

Men may WANT a younger version... but if younger women don't comply, there isn't much the guys can do about it. Besides, if all they care about is youth, they will have a bunch of other problems related to major age differences in relationships that come to haunt them later on.

 

I'm happy to help blaze this trail. I won't date men more than a few years older than me just on principle. I'm sure there are some very nice older men out there... but they don't have anything I want. I don't need their money, and they can't keep up with me sexually (men lose sexual function before women do)... plus they die younger. Why should I give them my youth??? So that they can brag to their friends and feel younger??? nah... not worth it.

 

alot of the guys on LS keep pushing the idea that women are the ones who are the losers with age... so they can keep things the way they are.

 

But there really is nothing they can do about it. I can't remember the last modern movie I saw featuring a male/female May/December romance. Women don't wanna see that crap...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

ascendotum

A number of the guys have been forthright here, but they have not exactly gone in with the boot like say EP. They aren't saying older women are doomed, just that women need to adjust their mindset if they think being 35+ is like being 25 when it comes to the power she had to be picky, flakey or rude or in going for guys based on short term outlook and not whats best in the longterm.

 

Oh bull. This isn't about men being "forthright". This is about bitterment directed to women no matter her age and trying to tout a man's importance over a woman. Your comments are a perfect example of this. You make the horrible assumption that every young woman is single because she is "picky, flakey or rude..." That's the common justification on why it's okay to say abusive things about women no matter her age. When we are younger, we are heart breaking b*tches that have left a destructive path of ruined men behind us and we are only single because of how awful and picky we are. When we are older, we are bitter old b*tches that deserve everything we get because apparently all single older women have done nothing but abuse men with crappy behavior. It makes no sense and it's really actually hateful toward women. This thread is chalked full of men "pretending" they care about women meanwhile telling them with gleeful little smiles hidden behind their computers that "they deserve it" and that women are somehow less then them with age. How misognistic can you get?

 

Everything is women's fault! Nevermind that alot of young men today don't want to settle down. Nevermind all the men that string women along. Nevermind all the men that play women. It's still a woman's fault if she picks that kind of man but it's not a man's fault if he picks a "flakey, rude or picky" women. Funny that isn't it. How it all leads back to being a woman's fault and this meantality that a woman "gets" what she "deserves" if she somehow is single beyond a certain age. Well I call bull on that nonsense. I've heard it said over and over again by guys here that are bitter because women turned them down. So they attach these feelings to other women they see with their own dating issues and BLAME these women for what another woman might have done to them. Heck, they BLAME women for what another woman might not have EVEN done to him but maybe he heard some friend it happened to.

 

I refuse to let men like that punish me or say horribly abusive things about me because I'm single past a certain age. Or make the horrible rationalization that women are worth less then men. Which is basically what is being said in this thread.

 

 

The dating scene & relationships have changed a lot in the past 30 yrs especially for women, but when it comes to guys desiring women to settle down for life after they are past their most desirable years, sorry but nothings changed there.

 

Yes, the dating scene has changed. Women have more choices now. No longer to women have to marry old dudes because of economic choices. They can now wait to get married because they go to college and get jobs and make their own money.

 

Oh and by the way, a man peeks way before 30. By 30, his sperm is on the decline. So if you want to talk about people settling down in their prime years, lets do that. But lets not hold women to a standard that you refuse to acknowledge should be held to men too. If men are waiting until their 30s to settle down, they are past their primes. They aren't all the sudden better at 30. And it's not like most guys are going to be making loads of money anyway. So what we have is guys past their prime with an over inflated idea about their own worth while they condemn women all based out of their internal bitterness. And when women don't buy into it, then you get this vomit fest we are seeing in this thread about how worthless women are when compared to men and how much better men get. Nonsense. Men don't get better with age. they get older like everyone else. And if a guy wants to wait until he is 40 to have kids, his kids are the only ones that are going to have to deal with the possible health side affects of that.

 

 

 

Personally from what she wrote about herself I also think its the men she is picking. Plenty of guys out there that would still be happy to settle down and start a family with the OP, but its no shock the more desirable guys her age are going to want to settle down with a younger version of her, just like she said it was like back in her 20s.

 

Oh I don't deny that there are men that seek out younger women.

 

Just as I don't deny that there are women that seek out richer men then what other men can provide.

 

You get bad seeds on both sides of the spectrum.

 

Usually younger women don't want to settle down so while these men move to younger women to settle down with, the younger woman is playing him for all he is worth. Because *that* is the kind of woman *he* picked. And once again, the revolving door of bitterment is fed.

 

I do know this though. I have no doubt in my mind that most women are happy they didn't settle for someone just because they were young and in a relationship. That most women, while wanting a relationship with a truly good man, not just a man that thinks he good while he talks about how much women are to blame for everything and how worthless they are, are happier to be single if they haven't found him yet. Better to be single and living your life then to be with someone you felt you had to settle for because of fear monguling from either sides.

 

Lets stop this nonsense of blaming women for everything and touting the virtues of how much better men are when it's not even true.

[fortyninethousand322]

Lets stop this nonsense of blaming women for everything and touting the virtues of how much better men are when it's not even true.

 

Here's my theory on this (men seeking younger women) you can take it or leave it.

 

Many of the men who become late bloomers (say late 20s to early 30s) spent most of their early "dating years" not dating. That might have been due to bad luck, social awkwardness that they lost once they matured a little bit, focusing on other things, etc. I would say the number of women who spend their early dating years celibate or not dating at all is comparably low. There are a number of factors that could explain this. The biggest two in my opinion are a) there are more young men than young women in the Western World thus the numbers don't match up and b) men are more likely to multi-date and/or cheat than women (no scientific evidence to back this up just my own personal observations).

 

So, what you end up having is men and women around age 30 reaching that age with very different dating and life experiences. Many of these men simply cannot relate to the dating experiences of women their own age and seek out younger women with whom they can relate to more. And, of course there's the added stigma of more "extreme" cases such as a 30 year old male virgin who would be persona non grata to many women his own age and would thus be forced to seek younger women who wouldn't mind his inexperience.

 

Sure, there are men who simply prefer younger women and are going to seek out younger women regardless, but I don't think those guys make up the majority. And of course there are men who don't care about dating a women their own age too, but obviously this thread is about guys who don't.

[azsinglegal]

Oh bull. This isn't about men being "forthright". This is about bitterment directed to women no matter her age and trying to tout a man's importance over a woman. Your comments are a perfect example of this. You make the horrible assumption that every young woman is single because she is "picky, flakey or rude..." That's the common justification on why it's okay to say abusive things about women no matter her age. When we are younger, we are heart breaking b*tches that have left a destructive path of ruined men behind us and we are only single because of how awful and picky we are. When we are older, we are bitter old b*tches that deserve everything we get because apparently all single older women have done nothing but abuse men with crappy behavior. It makes no sense and it's really actually hateful toward women. This thread is chalked full of men "pretending" they care about women meanwhile telling them with gleeful little smiles hidden behind their computers that "they deserve it" and that women are somehow less then them with age. How misognistic can you get?

 

Everything is women's fault! Nevermind that alot of young men today don't want to settle down. Nevermind all the men that string women along. Nevermind all the men that play women. It's still a woman's fault if she picks that kind of man but it's not a man's fault if he picks a "flakey, rude or picky" women. Funny that isn't it. How it all leads back to being a woman's fault and this meantality that a woman "gets" what she "deserves" if she somehow is single beyond a certain age. Well I call bull on that nonsense. I've heard it said over and over again by guys here that are bitter because women turned them down. So they attach these feelings to other women they see with their own dating issues and BLAME these women for what another woman might have done to them. Heck, they BLAME women for what another woman might not have EVEN done to him but maybe he heard some friend it happened to.

 

I refuse to let men like that punish me or say horribly abusive things about me because I'm single past a certain age. Or make the horrible rationalization that women are worth less then men. Which is basically what is being said in this thread.

 

 

 

 

Yes, the dating scene has changed. Women have more choices now. No longer to women have to marry old dudes because of economic choices. They can now wait to get married because they go to college and get jobs and make their own money.

 

Oh and by the way, a man peeks way before 30. By 30, his sperm is on the decline. So if you want to talk about people settling down in their prime years, lets do that. But lets not hold women to a standard that you refuse to acknowledge should be held to men too. If men are waiting until their 30s to settle down, they are past their primes. They aren't all the sudden better at 30. And it's not like most guys are going to be making loads of money anyway. So what we have is guys past their prime with an over inflated idea about their own worth while they condemn women all based out of their internal bitterness. And when women don't buy into it, then you get this vomit fest we are seeing in this thread about how worthless women are when compared to men and how much better men get. Nonsense. Men don't get better with age. they get older like everyone else. And if a guy wants to wait until he is 40 to have kids, his kids are the only ones that are going to have to deal with the possible health side affects of that.

 

 

 

Personally from what she wrote about herself I also think its the men she is picking. Plenty of guys out there that would still be happy to settle down and start a family with the OP, but its no shock the more desirable guys her age are going to want to settle down with a younger version of her, just like she said it was like back in her 20s.

 

Oh I don't deny that there are men that seek out younger women.

 

Just as I don't deny that there are women that seek out richer men then what other men can provide.

 

You get bad seeds on both sides of the spectrum.

 

Usually younger women don't want to settle down so while these men move to younger women to settle down with, the younger woman is playing him for all he is worth. Because *that* is the kind of woman *he* picked. And once again, the revolving door of bitterment is fed.

 

I do know this though. I have no doubt in my mind that most women are happy they didn't settle for someone just because they were young and in a relationship. That most women, while wanting a relationship with a truly good man, not just a man that thinks he good while he talks about how much women are to blame for everything and how worthless they are, are happier to be single if they haven't found him yet. Better to be single and living your life then to be with someone you felt you had to settle for because of fear monguling from either sides.

 

Lets stop this nonsense of blaming women for everything and touting the virtues of how much better men are when it's not even true.

 

Whoa. Thank you.

[silvermercy]

I think "Disenchantedly Yours" totally nailed it!