Do men avoid settling as women get older?

[Sanman]

I have yet to see you say a nice thing about a woman Sanman. All I've seen is about how much less women are then you. Must be nice to believe that.

 

You see what you want to see. Please show me where I have ever said women are less than me. Go ahead, I challenge you to that.

 

 

Not clear what you are refering to here.

You specifically stated:

 

 

"Personally from what she wrote about herself I also think its the men she is picking. Plenty of guys out there that would still be happy to settle down and start a family with the OP, but its no shock the more desirable guys her age are going to want to settle down with a younger version of her, just like she said it was like back in her 20s."

 

I essentially said the same thing.

 

 

 

Well actually, men's declining sperm count is an important issue to consider. They contribute to birth defects in their children if they decide to have children later in life, just like women. It's more high risk when it's a man or woman. Although the men here like to ignore that little piece of science because it would mean that you weren't as important to the world as you wish you were. It goes to show that nature doesn't support a system where men are forever in their primes despite what men like you like to tout.

No one said anything about sperm or egg count from what I recall. This is just your warped war on men. No one ever said men are forever in their primes. I stated that men are most eligible from 25-35 and stated my reason for such several times.

 

Most of us are pretty normal people. I doubt that most men here are dating 20 year olds and are such high successful individual that women are throwing their panties at them. I remember the older men that hit on me when I was 20, I also remember how much I rejected the because of their age.

Who is talking about 20? I stated 25-30. I am in my late 20s and my gf is in her mid twenties. She would date someone in their early 30's and certainly a 28 year old medical resident the OP mentioned in a recent post. I know this because she is dating me and I am that age on fellowship.

 

I have looked around this forum and what I see is men and women of all ages struggling. I see older women struggling and then there are older women in wonderful relationships. I see younger women struggling and then there are younger women in wonderful relationships. Much the same with men. Across the board, you're going to have dating troubles no matter your age. Just because there are 50 posts, posted by unhappy men, about how worthless women are on this forum, doesn't mean women are worthless or that's the reality. Dating and relationships are hard at any age. And it would behoove both men and women to try and understand each other instead of reinforcing stereotypes about each other that only make each other more upset and frustrated and bitter with one another.

Of course, people have different issues, but let us not pretend that everyone is on equal footing and that we are all special flowers, yada,yada, yada... Some people will be inherently more eligible than others largely due to physical attractiveness and financial status.

 

 

Yes, we are familiar with the fear mongulling that a number of men here like to engage in concerning women an their worth. I've gone out with all kinds of men from men that made really good salaries to more blue collar kind of guys. I suspect in the real world, that more healthy men also approach dating that way instead of making all encompassing statements about how much better men are then women. Cling tight to those beliefs Sanman. It's not anything men having been doing for billions of years now. And yet, women are moving ahead and still living the lives they want.

First of all, the term is fear mongering...not mongulling. I have a feeling that this is personal to you as you are in this age range and single (I believe). I really don't have a personal stake in this. I am both younger and in a relationship. However, I am not just making this up. Since I turned 25 and am becoming more settled in my career, I have plenty more dating options than I used to when I was younger. While I am in pretty decent shape, I was in better shape when I was younger. I really have not changed so drastically over the years and am a fairly average looking guy. The big thing is that I am coming into a good career and it has made me more eligible to women. Of course women dated me before, but more are interested now. If I lost my hair or gained weight, I am sure less would be interested. That is how it goes. I have never said that anyone is doomed, nor has anyone else. We have simply said a 35 year old woman shouldn't expect the same level of attention as a 25 year old. I will also say that average looking people will get less attention and have less options than really good looking people. These are generalities that tend t hold up. Most of us are not Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, or George Clooney. I really don't believe that any of them have much to complain about in the dating arena. I never said anyone should stop living their life or be put down. The OP came here with a complaint and I gave her my opinion. Maybe you need to get the chip off of your shoulder before attacking us. You make everything about men putting women down and having a big conspiracy, but the truth I really could care less how most people here fair in dating. I care for my gf, family, and friends. Strangers on the internet don't rank that high in my thoughts, I have more important things to do. I simply give my opinion/advice and they can choose to heed it or not.

 

As I mentioned before, I have more options at this point in my life than I did earlier or likely will later. I am using this time to find a life partner rather than be a player ( and I could do that as there are enough women interested) because I realize that I will not always have such opportunity and I realize it will take a few years to find the right one and settle down. I started looking for a serious relationship after 25 because I knew it would take five years to likely find a good partner and get to the point of marriage based on what I have seen from most of my friends/family. Thatone and a few others here are doing the same. We simply pointed out to the OP that it is not going to be as easy to find a life partner now as it would have been years ago. If she finds one now, good for her. Life for everyone is a bit of a gamble. You take chances and hope for the best life possible. Every option you choose or pass up plays into that. Maybe the next option will be better and maybe you missed your big opportunity. That is life.

 

This is not really about just men thinking women are less than them. Some women hold this opinion too. Here is an article I think articulates some good points. Though I think the main idea here goes for both men and women:

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/

Edited October 21, 2011 by Sanman

[AHardDaysNight]

Little boys avoid settling as women get older. There's a difference.

 

And yes, this is coming from a man!

 

Look, we're all going to grow old eventually. We'll all age, we'll all get wrinkles, loose our hair, get beer bellies, lose mobility.

 

It's the woman who would stick around, through all of that, that you want. Not someone who will just pack up and leave when you start to become less attractive.

 

Settling is not such a bad thing. After all, we all settle, on something. I wanted an expensive laptop, but took the one that was cheaper, because I didn't have the money. I wanted that electric piano I just walked by today in the store, but since it was $1,000, I didn't have the cash to buy it (and where would I put it, anyways?)

 

Sometimes, second best is what you need. As The Rolling Stones put it, "You don't always get what you want...but sometimes you get what you need."

[Sanman]

This sums up the issue fairly well.

 

I honestly don't see why this thread is so controversial. All things being equal, people in general have fewer options once they hit 35 (or thereabouts) than they did when they were 25. I mean it seems like fairly straightforward common sense.

 

Now, we don't live in a world where all things are equal. It's never been a secret that it's more socially acceptable for a man to date a woman 10 years his junior than for a woman to do the same. Thus for a man who works off his social awkwardness or anxieties and makes a good life for himself, his options will tend to expand while comparably women's dwindle. How much dwindling depends on various factors and varies from person to person. Some women will undoubtedly have no problems attracting men for serious relationships when they're 35 while some will. Now, we can gripe about whether or not it's fair or right or sexist or whatever. OR, we can simply figure out the best way to fix the situation we find ourselves in. It's maddening that I'm the only one who sees simple reality and mathematics instead of malice. It's simply too much effort to worry about possibly sexist people, because even if they are sexist (which I highly doubt most are) berating them for it is hardly a good strategy for getting them to change their views.

 

But hey, what do I know? I'm just that crazy gal who's getting married at 23 .

 

See, I should have added you to the list of women here I respect here, you definitely belong on such a list. This post certainly reinforces what I think many of us are trying to say. Again, I don't think that it is a coincidence that most of the women that I respect on here are the ones in relationships.

[123321]

I can't make $30k as a kindergarten teacher and have as many dating options as a woman. Similarly, the opposite is true for women, having a solid career does not give them as many options as looks fade. I never said the OP has not options, just that she may either need to offer guys more in a relationship or lower her standards.

 

Well stated in a few words but those who will not hear will still not hear.

 

 

 

.... I will let him continue to think that since I do look and feel young.

 

 

 

 

 

Especially when a lot of men have expressed a desire for women to be independent and share equal expeditures today! So somehow, we are all suppose to be sweet, kind and giving, settle down before 24, meanwhile having enough resources to pay for dates while being independent but not having a real "serious" carreer in the process.

 

Nah, stop being silly.

 

You're conflating two different things; the guys who expect you to share the expenses are tightwads according to many women, but they are generally the ones who are willing to treat you as you say you like to be treated. They are generally guys who have embraced the new way of being a man so completely that they don't see much need for marriage, however. The fact they don't want to pay for dates also seems to be a sore spot for a lot of women.

 

Then you have the other guys, who expect to pay for dates, marry, support the family, and do a lot of other things women also want, but who expect their own requirements be met as well.

 

A small minority of manginas think they should give everything but they seldom have the means and usually end up being your emotional washcloth anyway.

 

 

 

Well actually, men's declining sperm count is an important issue to consider. They contribute to birth defects in their children if they decide to have children later in life, just like women.

 

"Just like women", well no.

 

For women, the odds of causing a birth defect or miscarriage increase by a factor of about 300% for defects and 100% for miscarriages comparing age 25 to age 35, and the slope just keeps getting steeper.

 

For men, it's detectable with statistical techniques but it's small, and is less in most cases than the "second child deficit", and only starts to show up with any significance after 55 or so.

 

So ... how is it "the same" again?

 

 

 

Yes, I'd pick Ryan over George any day.

 

Interestingly, Ryan Gosling, who could have any hot 22 year old, is dating 37 year old Eva Mendes. Guess she hasn't heard that dating is pretty much over for women after 30.

 

 

I don't think anyone has said dating was over, just, if you can bother to read the OP, that men tend to not want to commit to a woman who is older. They are still perfectly great for "dating".

Edited October 21, 2011 by 123321

[Alma Mobley]

That is later than many of the couples I know. Most have been dating since they were ~25-27 and are getting married now that they are about 30. Most of the women I know seem to get serious about relationships about 25 and the guys around 27-28. I know very few people over 30 that are not in a steady relationship. Most of the singles are socially awkward guys.

 

Do you mean that is late for my case or that I said most people didn't want to settle down in their 20's but married their peers in their 30's? If so, I would say that isn't too far off from your own observations since the many couples I know that are getting married in their 30's began dating their partners in their late 20's or so. Like I said, when I was in my early 30's it was hard to find a man in his 30's who wasn't attached, which was why I dated and ended up marrying a younger man.

 

Statistically, at least, couples who marry later have a decreased chance for divorce. Sometimes I think NO ONE should get married until 30.

 

I've spent a few years there, no, there is almost nothing normal about SF, from banning happy meals onward it's just a very odd little microcosm of .... something.

 

True, SF is a great city but no, not exactly normal, but I wonder if the dating market isn't similar in other large metropolitan areas. (I have no idea.)

 

BTW, we didn't TECHNICALLY ban Happy Meals. They passed an ordinance that doesn't allow restaurants to include a toy with a meal unless the meal -- which includes both food and drink combined -- doesn't exceed 600 calories, with less than 35% of the calories coming from fat. So you can still get the standard Happy Meal, you just don't get the toy!

 

Btw, I met a young resident today at work. He's 28 and doing his 1st of 4 years at the hospital and he instantly took a fancy to me

 

He didn't ask my age so I think he thinks I'm around his age or maybe few years younger which is nice and I will let him continue to think that since I do look and feel young.

 

That sounds promising! I hope you give him a chance, if he asks you out (or vice versa). That is not a huge age difference, IMO. I was SO NERVOUS about telling my husband my age when we first started dating. He didn't ask, but after a few dates I felt that I had to tell him. I was working up the courage to reveal what felt to me at the time this HUGE information and had decided to tell him on our next date, but on that next date he was with me when I bought a bottle of wine and the clerk OUTED ME! He carded me and said, "34, huh? You don't look it" and I was MORTIFIED! We left the store and I didn't say anything to him, but then he broke the silence and said, "34, huh?" I said, "Is that a problem?" And he said, "No! I'm happy I can please an older woman!" Haha. He had thought I was around 27.

[musemaj11]

See, I should have added you to the list of women here I respect here, you definitely belong on such a list. This post certainly reinforces what I think many of us are trying to say. Again, I don't think that it is a coincidence that most of the women that I respect on here are the ones in relationships.

Logical women are a very rare breed.

 

I heard logical capability is highly related to testosterone level.

[Woggle]

Everything is justifyable to you as long as you can lay on the idea that men are always hurt, always first. Welcome to the real world Woggle where both men and women experience deep pain. Keep justifying degrading commentary about women expressed here on the back of how much pain men *only* feel. Let us know how that works out for you.

 

And for once, take a stand either way. You DO condone what hte men here are saying. You condone it because you think only men get hurt and you only care when men get hurt. Women be damned..once again it's the idea that women "deserve what they get". And apparently it makes a lot of men here happy that women "get" everything short of the black plague.

 

Understanding it is not the same as condoning it. I never said it was a healthy response or a good way to think but it doesn't happen in a vacuum. After being burned so many times many men just start to think about what they want and the hell with being enlightened.

 

I never said that men should do this but the emotional scars run deep in most cases.

[Alma Mobley]

Logical women are a very rare breed.

 

I heard logical capability is highly related to testosterone level.

 

That is funny, where did you hear that? I don't think I have high testosterone but have an organized, very logical type of thinking and have always been good at math and systems. I am not girly but still feminine. I drive my husband crazy sometimes since he is more the artistic type. I always thought I got it from my father, who is an engineer and very, very gifted at math, yet unlike him, I also love art, music and literature. I don't think logic is the province of males, and I see this "women aren't logical" meme pop up a lot.

[Sugarkane]

Because in developed countries, thanks to technological advances, the men are a lot more informed in terms of the types of relationships and their advantages and disadvantages.

 

Currently Im residing in a third world country with a lot more traditional society. Over here, young men hurry to get established so they can find a young woman, marry her and start a family with her because this is what they have been programmed to do as had their fathers and grandfathers before them. Unlike the newer generations of men in other parts of the world, they dont yet know a different alternative that many Western men have learned, which is to avoid marriage so you could keep your options open endlessly and most importantly avoid being contractually forced to be a workhorse by a woman for the rest of your life.

 

That's where I think developing countries are smarter than us. The society doesn't tell you to play the field forever. And then have trouble having a family, because you've left it too late.

[Sugarkane]

 

There are several things at work here though. OP, I do think it's the men you are picking though. Finding a good man is hard no matter your age. Truth is, there aren't that many good men around. Finding a man that *really* respect women is hard. Men that tell you that a woman's worth declines does not respect women. LOok at at all the men on this thread. They don't have a real respect for women. They might thing they do, they even might tell you they do, but the truth is, that when a man picks a woman because of her age, he isn't respecting that younger woman any more then he would be an older one. BUT, there are good men out there. Most likely they aren't going to be on the internet eager to tell women what crap they are so I wouldn't take the response here too seriously. Some of these guys just can't weight to tell women that because of the bitterness in their own hearts and their own experiences.

 

I also think it has to do with how men and women have changed in their relation to one another. Just 20 years ago the internet was not the prevelant beast it is today. Today, you don't even have to talk to anyone out in the real world. You go to school or you go to work, you come home, you hop on Facebook or Match.com or any other numerous social networking sites that prohibits people from interacting with each other, and we call that living. Men today do not approach women as much as they use to. They are sitting at home on their social network websites and "feeling" out women on dating websites. Not to mention the continuous real of options available online that just make people keep looking and looking and looking. Lets also take into account to porn. Which today's man look at 10 times more then their fathers ever did. While their fathers were out working hard, the men today are sitting infront of the computer dulling themselves with porn or video games. We got a serious social issue going on with men and women and the internet and no one wants talk about it because heck, Facebook and internet porn is just so gosh darn fun. At the end of a life, no on is going to wish they spent more time on Facebook and internet porn. But that is what many men today do.

 

Lets also look at the fear monguling alot of men are trying to feed in this very thread. Social dynamics that a man's worth goes up in society and a woman's goes down has nothing to do with "nature" and was a tool implemeted by a male dominated society that gave older men the edge over younger men and women alike. Men do not get better with age. Men's sperm declines by 30. Not that different from women. Nature doesn't want old dudes having babies with young women. It wants young dudes having sex with young women. Younger men are much hotter, much more sexually exciting, just as younger women are. It comes down to what you value though. I find myself attracted to all different kind of ages for different reasons. Although, usually anything over 40, unless a movie star, is less likely. And I'm a woman! I know it's a nice fantasy for men to believe their worth goes up but it's not the reality. If it was, you'd see a different mentality amoung older men thaty ou don't. Older men tend to be just as cycnical as older women can be. They don't have a market on "happy-life -fullfilled" experiences that women don't. That's just not the way the world works. I understand men would like to believe that everything gets better for them with age and that women get what they "deserve" for some imagined slights because Hot Tammy down the block back in his day didn't want to date him, but that's just not the reality.

 

I also think men just don't really talk and engage with women like they use to. Again, because of the internet. I had a conversation with a woman from England that said American men were no fun because they don't flirt.

I agree 100% with you. With internet dating etc there's endless options for people. It's easy to never commit to anyone. I find alot of guys unromantic. In the old days you took things slow and men were supposed to be gentlemen. Today it's like if you don't sleep with someone on the third date, they think NEXT.

[Sugarkane]

It annoys me to no end how the media always says about not leaving settling down until it's too late. Easy for them to say. You can't plan on meeting the right person, like you can plan your career or buying a car or going on a holiday.

[alphamale]

BS. 45 is "older" for a man. "50" is my like dating my dad.

bulloney, i'm 46 and just went out with a 32 yr old chick on last monday nite

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Where do you get this silliness? It's like you pull out of the air and assume that "we" as in the male population on here must be thinking that crap.

 

This is exactly the point that Musej made earlier in that women, you as a case in point, run far away with emotional tirades while men lay back and think on logical, realistic terms before opening our mouths.

 

The irony in your post Shaun-Dro is that all you did was some mild accusations with no factual basis to back yourself up. You talk about how logical men are and how they think things out before they open their mouths but this post clearly displays otherwise! You haven't said one word in regards to the comments I acutually made.

 

I also have to say that the idea that men are more logical then women is one of the more misoginistic viewpoints.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Sanman

 

You specifically stated:

 

"Personally from what she wrote about herself I also think its the men she is picking. Plenty of guys out there that would still be happy to settle down and start a family with the OP, but its no shock the more desirable guys her age are going to want to settle down with a younger version of her, just like she said it was like back in her 20s."

 

I essentially said the same thing.

 

Yeah, I never said that.

 

Of course, people have different issues, but let us not pretend that everyone is on equal footing and that we are all special flowers, yada,yada, yada... Some people will be inherently more eligible than others largely due to physical attractiveness and financial status.

 

Yeah, I never said that everyone was on equal footing. However, most of us here are just regular people. We aren't super models and billionaries. Most regular guys have regular girlfriends and vice versa. The guys here all talk like they are big studs and women are worthless wastes of space.

 

First of all, the term is fear mongering...not mongulling.

 

Thanks. I knew I wasn't getting it right.

 

I have a feeling that this is personal to you as you are in this age range and single (I believe). I really don't have a personal stake in this. I am both younger and in a relationship. However, I am not just making this up. Since I turned 25 and am becoming more settled in my career, I have plenty more dating options than I used to when I was younger. While I am in pretty decent shape, I was in better shape when I was younger. I really have not changed so drastically over the years and am a fairly average looking guy. The big thing is that I am coming into a good career and it has made me more eligible to women. Of course women dated me before, but more are interested now.

 

This is personal to everyone here. You included or you wouldn't be posting in this thread. Youre not posting because you don't care. You're posting because like some of the other guys here, you like reinforcing negative stereotypes against women. There is so much anger and meaness directed to women on this board. It's mind boggling how much the men here just think women are crap all around. I am currently single but it's not because of lack of options. I don't know your age so I don't know if your younger then me or not. I haven't really been putting effort in dating right now due to other things. BUT, the older I've gotten, the better my options have gotten as well. The quality of men improved and the more attention I received. *shrug* Youre situation isn't unique to men. I know a lot of men in the 25-35 age range that really struggle to date.

 

If I lost my hair or gained weight, I am sure less would be interested. That is how it goes. I have never said that anyone is doomed, nor has anyone else. We have simply said a 35 year old woman shouldn't expect the same level of attention as a 25 year old.

 

I think it depends more on how inshape someone keeps themselves. I've seen both men and women over the age of 25 just let themselves go. Its easier for both genders to keep in shape when they are younger. I suspect this plays a major part.

 

I also know a number of men that are struggling with dating and are in this "prime" bracket you've placed men in. My only point is that life isn't this all encompassing stereotype that a lot of people here like to believe to make themselves feel better.

 

The OP came here with a complaint and I gave her my opinion. Maybe you need to get the chip off of your shoulder before attacking us.

 

Show me where I attacked you? I am however speaking out against the bull that gets tossed around here because of a bitterness directed to younger women and older women alike.

 

Maybe you need to give that advice to yourself and the other guys here who all day long attack women and act like your better then women. But I've never once seen you say that to any man here have I.

 

You make everything about men putting women down and having a big conspiracy, but the truth I really could care less how most people here fair in dating. I care for my gf, family, and friends. Strangers on the internet don't rank that high in my thoughts, I have more important things to do. I simply give my opinion/advice and they can choose to heed it or not.

 

Who cares what you care about? This is getting silly. My point is to illustrate that some of the opinions aren't posted here because of truth, but because of active desrespect for young and older women alike.

 

I am using this time to find a life partner rather than be a player ( and I could do that as there are enough women interested) because I realize that I will not always have such opportunity and I realize it will take a few years to find the right one and settle down. I started looking for a serious relationship after 25 because I knew it would take five years to likely find a good partner and get to the point of marriage based on what I have seen from most of my friends/family. Thatone and a few others here are doing the same. We simply pointed out to the OP that it is not going to be as easy to find a life partner now as it would have been years ago. If she finds one now, good for her. Life for everyone is a bit of a gamble. You take chances and hope for the best life possible. Every option you choose or pass up plays into that. Maybe the next option will be better and maybe you missed your big opportunity. That is life.

 

Good for you that your not "playing" women but do not indirectly insinuate that becaue the OP is single at a certain age she passed up options. Life is totally a gamble. At any age. And the choices we make determine our life. No arguments there. But the idea that all women need to settle down before they hit 25 and the shaming that's being perpetuated if she doesn't is really astonishing. It's not about truth and life. It's about what men like you want to be true so you can thumb your nose at the female gender.

 

This is not really about just men thinking women are less than them.Some women hold this opinion too. Here is an article I think articulates some good points. Though I think the main idea here goes for both men and women:

 

 

Oh Sweetie, we could both post articles all day long that support our own thoughts. Did you really think that was going to make a difference?

 

This is absoluetely about men thinking women are less then them. And the shaming and fear "mongering" that goes into it.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Nah, stop being silly.

 

Stop being purposely condsending.

 

You're conflating two different things; the guys who expect you to share the expenses are tightwads according to many women, but they are generally the ones who are willing to treat you as you say you like to be treated.

 

You don't know anything about how I like to be treated. But if you think you do, go ahead and tell us.

 

A small minority of manginas think they should give everything but they seldom have the means and usually end up being your emotional washcloth anyway.

 

Manginas - a name used to put men down that implies an over sensitivity toward women. So you are one of those guys huh 123.

 

 

For women, the odds of causing a birth defect or miscarriage increase by a factor of about 300% for defects and 100% for miscarriages comparing age 25 to age 35, and the slope just keeps getting steeper.

 

For men, it's detectable with statistical techniques but it's small, and is less in most cases than the "second child deficit", and only starts to show up with any significance after 55 or so.

 

So ... how is it "the same" again?

 

Hey, I don't deny that as a woman ages she as an increase chance in birth defects or troubles for her baby. But the truth is the risk in older fathers is just as important. You can't use science when it best suits you and manipulate it when it doesn't. The only one that is going to pay for an older father's ignorance about his own sperm quality is that man's children. Not any woman. So if you want to lie to yourself and say that men don't contribute to birth defects in their children when it comes to age, you're pretty much going up against the entire medical community. Sperm Banks and fertility clinics do not accept sperm of men over the age of 30. This isn't because their sperm is just so healthy. It's because it's not as healthy.

And if you want to lie to yourself about that, and live in a world where men contribute all the good to their children, but none of the bad, then that man is only doing harm to his own child. No one else. More and more research is coming out everyday about the impact older fathers play on their children's health. It use to be a taboo subject but more information is coming to light.

[aj22one]

 

This is absoluetely about men thinking women are less then them. And the shaming and fear "mongering" that goes into it.

 

Well if it works the other way too (women thinking men are less than them) why should it be a big deal?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

bulloney, i'm 46 and just went out with a 32 yr old chick on last monday nite

 

Naturally, some women will date older guys. Nothing wrong with that. But then again, some women don't want to date older guys at all. Again, nothing wrong with that. If you found a woman that likes you, that's great. But it doesn't mean that your a big stud, although that's what your insinuating, because a 32 year old went out on a date with you.

[xxoo]

Reading through all of these points of view, it occurs to me that age will be a limiting factor in dating.....BUT it also helps to refine the dating search. You can look at it as a positive.

[thatone]

So if you want to lie to yourself and say that men don't contribute to birth defects in their children when it comes to age, you're pretty much going up against the entire medical community. Sperm Banks and fertility clinics do not accept sperm of men over the age of 30. This isn't because their sperm is just so healthy. It's because it's not as healthy.

And if you want to lie to yourself about that, and live in a world where men contribute all the good to their children, but none of the bad, then that man is only doing harm to his own child. No one else. More and more research is coming out everyday about the impact older fathers play on their children's health. It use to be a taboo subject but more information is coming to light.

 

more and more research, by that you mean more and more of you googling to find criteria that match your assumptions.

 

http://www.hfea.gov.uk/2627.html#2643

 

Stop being purposely condsending.

 

don't tell other people to stop doing what you're doing.

[Sanman]

Yeah, I never said that.

 

 

Wow, I quoted you. Post #97 (third paragraph under quote 2). Do you even pay attention to what you say?

 

Yeah, I never said that everyone was on equal footing. However, most of us here are just regular people. We aren't super models and billionaries. Most regular guys have regular girlfriends and vice versa. The guys here all talk like they are big studs and women are worthless wastes of space.

 

Just plain absurd.

 

 

 

This is personal to everyone here. You included or you wouldn't be posting in this thread. Youre not posting because you don't care. You're posting because like some of the other guys here, you like reinforcing negative stereotypes against women. There is so much anger and meaness directed to women on this board. It's mind boggling how much the men here just think women are crap all around. I am currently single but it's not because of lack of options. I don't know your age so I don't know if your younger then me or not. I haven't really been putting effort in dating right now due to other things. BUT, the older I've gotten, the better my options have gotten as well. The quality of men improved and the more attention I received. *shrug* Youre situation isn't unique to men. I know a lot of men in the 25-35 age range that really struggle to date.

 

See, this is what I mean. No, I post here when I am bored and have free time. This site simply kills time for me when I am not doing anything better. However, thank you for telling me why I am here and what my agenda is. Again, you refuse to listen and just spew vitriol.

 

 

Show me where I attacked you? I am however speaking out against the bull that gets tossed around here because of a bitterness directed to younger women and older women alike.

 

Post #92, first line. Again, do you even read what you write?

 

 

 

Good for you that your not "playing" women but do not indirectly insinuate that becaue the OP is single at a certain age she passed up options. Life is totally a gamble. At any age. And the choices we make determine our life. No arguments there. But the idea that all women need to settle down before they hit 25 and the shaming that's being perpetuated if she doesn't is really astonishing. It's not about truth and life. It's about what men like you want to be true so you can thumb your nose at the female gender.

 

I am not insinuating anything, the OP stated she hah lots of attention from doctors who wanted to marry her when she was younger and not so much right now. My point was that we (men and women) all have a choice to settle with someone or keep moving. If you keep moving on, there is not guarantee that you don't let go of your best options and regret it.

 

 

Oh Sweetie, we could both post articles all day long that support our own thoughts. Did you really think that was going to make a difference?

 

This is absoluetely about men thinking women are less then them. And the shaming and fear "mongering" that goes into it.

 

Nothing is going to make a difference to you. You are the one with the agenda and no one is going to change your mind. You see what you want to see. I really am done with you.

[zengirl]

We have simply said a 35 year old woman shouldn't expect the same level of attention as a 25 year old. I will also say that average looking people will get less attention and have less options than really good looking people. These are generalities that tend t hold up. Most of us are not Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, or George Clooney. I really don't believe that any of them have much to complain about in the dating arena.

 

Or, as pertinent to the OP, I'd say it makes perfect sense that a 35 year old version of the OP gets less dates than a 25 year old version, based on what little description I have of her. She's a nurse, which is a field that does not increase in "attraction capital" over time (some careers do, for men and women, but more for men. . . though that is changing as finances become more important to men in selecting mates----younger men are more likely to care how much money a gal makes than older men; none of this helps nurses, who while they make a good living doing great service, aren't exactly going to build fortunes). She doesn't seem to have had any great revelations or self-improvements she mentions over time, and she never even really had any great investment into relationships, thinking, "Hey, there's all these men, why get serious now?" So, my guess is, whether it was conscious or not, she was leaning on her looks----part of which is YES, youth----somewhat heavily, if that was the case and she wasn't seriously investing in relationships.

 

The truth is, I don't think 25 is better than 35 for everyone. My mother got divorced in her 30s, and she had guys falling all over themselves to date her. Now, my mother was still gorgeous---and actually looked better in her 30s than in her 20s, if pictures tell the truth about her 20s (I was a kid, so what do I remember?). But more than that, my mother had made HUGE improvements in her self and self-esteem by then that made her feel more confident in her 30s than she did in her 20s, and she had a lot of other things to offer a partner. The truth is, individual strengths and weaknesses don't "disprove" trends, but they are more worth noting, since we will all live our lives as individuals.

 

The trend is: Men think younger (looking---they mostly care how young and pretty you look; only a select few actually give two hoots about the number) is better.

 

Sure, that's a trend. But you're going to have to relate it to yourself. Some women at 40 will be more attractive than others ever were. Some people will get lucky and find their mate at 23, and some will be searching for a lot longer. Why do these trends matter to people? What should matter, and what would be a more productive question for the OP is, "How can I fix what's bothering me?" If what's bothering you is some overarching trend's existence, then, you have your priorities all wrong!

 

I'm not scared of being 35 and alone personally. (And yes, I'm in a relationship, BUT I'm not married. So, who knows?) I have lots of other fears (they really could fill a few trunks), don't get me wrong, but I don't think there's some age you pass and it's, "End of the line." And I'm not even sure it's harder; I think it does SEEM harder if you keep trying to approach dating as though you're 25 when you're not.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You've made a lot of good points Zengirl.

[iris219]

Bottom line: there are less quality single people over 30. I know very few single men, and the ones I do know have, for the most part, issues that make them undateable.

 

I'm not rejecting nice guys or getting rejected by men who want younger women. I have VERY realistic standards (I'm probably not selective enough), and I don't meet men who are even close to dateable (except for a coworker. He's the most normal and dateable guy I've met, but he's not over his ex, he's s bit self-absorbed, and we don't click in a romantic way).

 

I didn't date in my 20s. I had a couple of serious, long term relationships, so it's a myth that single women in their 30s were living it up, moving from guy to guy, in their 20s, and that's why they're single. That wasn't me AT ALL. Don't assume all single women over 30 had a rotating door of men in their 20s.

[azsinglegal]

As The Rolling Stones put it, "You don't always get what you want...but sometimes you get what you need."

 

I agree with this. My current man isn't as affectionate as I'd like him to be...doesn't talk about his feelings so we're not big "I love you" or "public affection" folks.

 

BUT...he's motivating, positive, supportive and has never said ONE negative comment to put me down or make me feel bad - EVER. When I'm with him, he makes me feel loved and accepted with his actions without ever having to speak the words.

 

I've always said actions speak louder then words.

 

Need > Want

[stillafool]

There are a number of ways around this if you are a woman in her mid-thirties or older and want to start a family...

 

Get a good education, get a good job... then go to a sperm bank. Or find a gay male friend willing to get out the turkey baster.

 

No offense to the wonderful men and fathers here... If a man isn't pulling his weight as an equal partner and father, you will end up with more aggravation having him in in your life... not less.

 

Don't feel like you have to settle just because you are getting older.

 

Men have issues with aging just like women do. Alot of them don't settle down again soon because they've been burned by previous relationships... or have children from a prior relationship themselves.

 

Men may WANT a younger version... but if younger women don't comply, there isn't much the guys can do about it. Besides, if all they care about is youth, they will have a bunch of other problems related to major age differences in relationships that come to haunt them later on.

 

I'm happy to help blaze this trail. I won't date men more than a few years older than me just on principle. I'm sure there are some very nice older men out there... but they don't have anything I want. I don't need their money, and they can't keep up with me sexually (men lose sexual function before women do)... plus they die younger. Why should I give them my youth??? So that they can brag to their friends and feel younger??? nah... not worth it.

 

alot of the guys on LS keep pushing the idea that women are the ones who are the losers with age... so they can keep things the way they are.

 

But there really is nothing they can do about it. I can't remember the last modern movie I saw featuring a male/female May/December romance. Women don't wanna see that crap...

 

Great Post!