I have been pinning here and there for 2 years, but will not for the third!

[health]

Hello. Just a note.

 

With exgirl for 5 years 4 months.

Broken up for almost three years.

 

Focused on me kept no contact for last 2 years - she kept getting at me.

 

I've been with 3 other girls. Travelled, quit alchohol, weed, ciggs etc.

 

Now. Sometimes I think of her. Yesterday I actually fantasized about her.

 

I am a bit obsessive and sometimes I'm scaredd I'll never get her out of my head.

 

My therapist says it's because I haven;t found anyone else yet.

 

Oh boy have I tried, I suck at meeting girls. I work, look good but I don't know. The whole process - talking, getting number - then they don't call back.

 

I just want another love, more healthier and more powerful so I can wipe her out of my head.

 

I have tried, and am committed to get her out of my head - sometimes I get triggered.

 

I feel alone sometimes, however SO many good things are happening in life.

 

I just hate the fact seeing couples and I can't seem to find a girl who likes me enough to start a relationship.

 

Oh well, I'll keep trying.

[Dmoney28]

Hey whats up Health, im not sure you read my thread. but i was in a similar situation as you. 4 years together, 2 years NC. And i get a email from her after those 2 years after NC. And honestly when i saw it, it didnt phase me like i thought it would. Annoyed, yes...heart broken..no. My point is you have to give yourself more time. There is no set amount of months or years in which you get over someone. And i can tell you from experience, dating to get over your ex, when you're not ready wont help. it makes things worse. I ended things with several young ladies, because i wasnt at a stage where my ex still had major influence on my emotional state. I tried to force myself to ask women out, and i ended up looking like a freak in the process. My self confidence was gone...and women can smell that a mile away.

 

I know what its like...trust me. You're sitting across from a girl you met...she's pretty, she's smart. But you are comparing her to your ex. You analyze this girl, and look for any flaws. Doubt will flood your thoughts. The truth of the matter is, she could be a better partner for you...but you'll never know, because you're still hung up on your ex. What help me reach a point were i could date again....or at least enjoy her company ( not to mention the after dinner activities..wink .wink) was giving myself a good solid year and a half for me only. I mean not dating, but focusing on my physical, mental and emotional well being. Let the poison of your ex work its way out of your system.

 

The key is distraction. Burry yourself in the mean time withhobbies, gym, video games..whatever you can to get your mind off the miserable state you are in. Week by week, she will be less on your mind. I know all of this sounds so cliche, and you read it a million times on LS. There is a reason why...cuz is works, eventually, lol. You will get to a point where you can date again comfortably. but dont try to replace the pain and void of your ex, with another person. It dosent work. It may be cool for however long...but if you dont heal before starting another relationship...your sub-con mind will lash out towards the new girl, or the brand newness of your relationship will erode fast. then not only will you be left with the fall out of the recent breakup, but also the baggage from the first one. Hang in there..its tough road to walk, but you'll be a better person in the long run. You have to get your self confidence back...once that is restored, then try dating again. Baby steps my friend, it is a process.