Walk with the wise and gain wisdom... I've learned this!

[Teknoe]

It's so helpful to have different healthy friends.

 

Walk with the wise, be wise.

 

Walk with fools, be foolish.

 

Walk alone, be easily prone to depression, lack of fulfillment/enjoyment, lack of purpose, etc.

 

Tonight spoke with a friend, she's a mid-aged wife with 4 kids. Lives in a nice house. Has worked hard all her life. Is a good woman. Just a healthy person.

 

She gave me great advice. I'm meeting up with an old crush, and I was planning to talk to my old crush about my latest crush failures... and my friend told me DO NOT.

 

She helped me to realize... I was planning to self-sabotage myself!

 

Gosh, how great it is to have diverse, healthy friends who have lived life some.

[Eve]

It is good that you could hear her. Most cannot hear good advice as they live in their heads.

 

I would agree with her stance. When looking to connect with someone, it is better to choose the positive. That's where life is.

 

How did the date go?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Teknoe]

It is good that you could hear her. Most cannot hear good advice as they live in their heads.

 

I would agree with her stance. When looking to connect with someone, it is better to choose the positive. That's where life is.

 

How did the date go?

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Thanks Eve. Trust me, I was once a person who lived in his own head. I refused to take people's advice. I was adamant on doing things my way, especially when it came with my crushes. And it rarely worked out.

 

It took many years of being humbled, until I now finally realize... there's a reason these people (i.e. healthy married people) know a thing or two about relationships and what works/doesn't work.

 

As for the date, I wouldn't call it a date, especially since she has a BF. Just a meet up of 2 old pals reconnecting. She postponed it from tonight because she's really busy this week. We'll figure out another time. Thanks for asking.

[AHardDaysNight]

So, old wise one...

 

What would you recommend for someone like me?

[denise_xo]

I so agree. All my life I've had a selection of friends who have been significantly older than me (not always in terms of age, but in terms of life experience), and I have been very conscious about learning as much as I can from them. It's been a true blessing. I just love having people like that in my life.

[Eve]

Thanks Eve. Trust me, I was once a person who lived in his own head. I refused to take people's advice. I was adamant on doing things my way, especially when it came with my crushes. And it rarely worked out.

 

It took many years of being humbled, until I now finally realize... there's a reason these people (i.e. healthy married people) know a thing or two about relationships and what works/doesn't work.

 

As for the date, I wouldn't call it a date, especially since she has a BF. Just a meet up of 2 old pals reconnecting. She postponed it from tonight because she's really busy this week. We'll figure out another time. Thanks for asking.

 

Sorry for calling it a date.

 

Yeah, I think being open to those who know a thing or too about life is important and sometimes it takes a few knocks to be open to hearing what is said. I learned early to listen to key teachers growing up who really believed in me and even now I like to think that really it is that same light which was given to me that I try to keep passing on. They saved my life may times over..

 

Well, it may be interesting to see how this person has changed and hear her perspectives on changes in you too. That is always good. I reckon romantic interests, from the past and even in fantasy have a special something that our highest match also has and it is important to identify these characteristics so that the Universe can honour our learning curve. That may sound a bit weird but seriously I can see certain characteristics in my gorgeous Hubby that I admired in others (not just romantic interests, friends, relatives etc) all rolled into one big fat ball of attraction.

 

I reckon this is how love really works.

 

Couplings with few connections are such because the partners have not processed the characteristics present previously in others.

 

.. but then I attribute a lot to the subconscious mind, lol.

 

Well, I chatted a lot there but just wanted to express something I have encountered and hope that you really open yourself to the meeting as it feels potentially like one of those special times where you will have opportunity to both learn something about yourselves.

 

BTW, I will add no cheating to no talking negatively. No hot cheating sex in the back of the car, ok?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Teknoe]

HardDays,

First off I'm not wise. Whatever wisdom I have gained I credit to God and His grace through provision of older, wiser friends. Add to that a humbled heart open to these friends' life/relationship advice.

 

Secondly, it's hard to give you advice when I don't know you at all. At least for SD81 for example I have some clue of his characteristics, tendencies, thought life, etc. (Because he and I connected a year ago on LS and I've read enough of his posts to know sort of how he tends to operate).

 

So my suggestion to you is to do what I have done -- find real life friends with life experience! I'll tell you this hint, if you are open to church life, that helps so much. There are so many Christian married couples who love to give back and help out the young singles. You can gain much wisdom through them

 

 

Denise, AMEN to that! I feel so blessed to have these wise friends in my life who can help direct my thought life and paths. I feel sorry for the LS posters here in particular who either have none or worse yet, refuse to seek out these wise friends.

 

As my title says, walk with the wise and gain wisdom! It's not rocket science...

 

 

I will add no cheating to no talking negatively. No hot cheating sex in the back of the car, ok?

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

 

Eve, you are so sweet. From your posts I can tell not only are you a bit of a romantic thinker, but with a sense of humor too

 

And no worries on cheating or sex. I'm a devout Christian man, and my duty is to honor God first and foremost, no matter what my fleshly urges may say. I won't have sex again (I converted to Christianity 2 years ago) until it's with my wife.

 

I've also been dumped in the past by another guy getting into the picture. Trust me when I say I know how much it hurts and I would never want another guy to go through this pain.

 

For more info on my lady friend though, you can see this 27,000+ view thread I wrote about her. It chronicles the highs and lows.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252255/

 

Yes, I'm keeping an open mind to meeting her again, but more in a "how can I bless her/how can she speak life into me" mutual situation, rather than a "hmmm, could this be a second chance of sorts?" mentality, which would be dangerous in my view.

[thatone]

i really don't mean this in a condescending way, although it'll sound like it...

 

the reason you're not wise is because you judge yourself by the approval of others. failing with women, you turned to the church, because the church doesn't refuse anyone, and therefore the church is an easy crutch to lean on.

 

but the problem is that flies in the face of your religion's notion of 'free will'. i can show you lots of former friends of mine who are lonely and desperate in their middle aged years and have turned to the church for their crutch too. the bottom line is god isn't going to give you a wife. god isn't going to give you a family. god isn't going to give you the approval of women. it's all on you. that's what free will is all about.

 

did it never cross your mind that the entire premise of your belief is contradicted by the religion that promotes it? why does god want you to have free will, but the religion that claims to glorify him want your submission?

 

try being wise, rather than being submissive for the approval of others. then maybe you can live the life you believe that god gave you rather than sacrificing it as a sort of offering to your eventual death, which....isn't wise .

[Teknoe]

the reason you're not wise is because you judge yourself by the approval of others. failing with women, you turned to the church, because the church doesn't refuse anyone, and therefore the church is an easy crutch to lean on.

 

but the problem is that flies in the face of your religion's notion of 'free will'. i can show you lots of former friends of mine who are lonely and desperate in their middle aged years and have turned to the church for their crutch too. the bottom line is god isn't going to give you a wife. god isn't going to give you a family. god isn't going to give you the approval of women. it's all on you. that's what free will is all about.

 

did it never cross your mind that the entire premise of your belief is contradicted by the religion that promotes it? why does god want you to have free will, but the religion that claims to glorify him want your submission?

 

try being wise, rather than being submissive for the approval of others. then maybe you can live the life you believe that god gave you rather than sacrificing it as a sort of offering to your eventual death, which....isn't wise .

 

 

Wow, a lot of assuming on your part.

When did I ever say God is guaranteed to give you/me a wife??

Sorry, you don't know me. Therefore, your post is pretty much your opinion and of no weight to me. I know who I am, and I'm good with that.

[Eve]

 

Eve, you are so sweet. From your posts I can tell not only are you a bit of a romantic thinker, but with a sense of humor too

 

And no worries on cheating or sex. I'm a devout Christian man, and my duty is to honor God first and foremost, no matter what my fleshly urges may say. I won't have sex again (I converted to Christianity 2 years ago) until it's with my wife.

 

I've also been dumped in the past by another guy getting into the picture. Trust me when I say I know how much it hurts and I would never want another guy to go through this pain.

 

For more info on my lady friend though, you can see this 27,000+ view thread I wrote about her. It chronicles the highs and lows.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t252255/

 

Yes, I'm keeping an open mind to meeting her again, but more in a "how can I bless her/how can she speak life into me" mutual situation, rather than a "hmmm, could this be a second chance of sorts?" mentality, which would be dangerous in my view.

 

What a great thread!

 

Frenchtelephones was very honest and thoughtful! Loved her!

 

Yeah, my humour can often be quite inappropriate though.. but I like to laugh so hey!

 

To me this sounds like a bit of an obsessive thing. I read somewhere that we all have at least one obsessive relationship. You both seemed slightly out of sync but there still seems to have been a spark of something enough to have kept you remembering her and her responding to you.

 

In retrospect my obsessive love looked very much like my Hubby! There will be a semblance of something from this girl that you will find in the one you chose to marry one day Teknoe, if it isn't actually her.. but ignore me because of I am sooooooo Disney.

 

I think you have to let go off the bad experience you have had in order to make room for other things. Do you know if your ex and the guy she left you for are still together? I know it stung and sorry to ask if it still hurts, however it is good to to examine things.

 

Yeah, I am a Christian too by the way. I was lead to my Hubby by God.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Teknoe]

Eve,

Man... your reply is crazy... read on...

 

 

What a great thread!

 

Frenchtelephones was very honest and thoughtful! Loved her!

 

Yup! Me too, love her! I hope she's doing well, haven't heard from her in months. Hopefully she's well and good

 

 

To me this sounds like a bit of an obsessive thing. I read somewhere that we all have at least one obsessive relationship. You both seemed slightly out of sync but there still seems to have been a spark of something enough to have kept you remembering her and her responding to you.

 

I think it's more on my end, though. I've been the one moreso initiating. She and I get along REALLY well. In hindsight, part of me wishes I had pursued her instead of A (my summer 2010 crush). I told E about A so much too that it drove E crazy. (E is the lady friend/minor crush, A was the lady friend/major crush)

 

In hindsight E was more receptive to me as a potential BF 100x more than A. I used to wonder often what would have happened had A not enter the picture, or had I chosen to pursue E instead.

 

However, today, I try my best not to think like that. As the past is the past, and there's no changing it.

 

E is just one of those friends I could talk to about anything, at any time. On top of this, she's pretty darn cute, too. She's kind of introverted, kind of shy, and kind of quirky.

 

 

In retrospect my obsessive love looked very much like my Hubby! There will be a semblance of something from this girl that you will find in the one you chose to marry one day Teknoe, if it isn't actually her.. but ignore me because of I am sooooooo Disney.

 

Whoa, I fell outta my chair reading this!

 

I told E all about A summer 2010. E started to call me "Disney!" She would say all the time "Oh gosh, YOU ARE SO DISNEY!!!" Several times. Wow. That's... weird that you mentioned Disney in a way E did to me, lol.

 

And yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if my future wife has some semblances to E. I don't think I could handle an overly social spouse. I took a Myers Briggs personality quiz once and I was rated as an ENFJ. I think I'm a low-tier ENFJ though... and in recent years I feel I have become slightly more introverted. I like hanging out, but only so much and love my alone time to just be by myself, too. I once had a group of friends that we saw each other like 4x a week, and it just became too much for me, lol. They weren't really friends friends though, it was an old small group I was a part of at church, and over time my heart for that church shifted to another church (one I knew God wanted me to be at).

 

Anyway, where was I, lol. Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like my wife (if possible) to be more introverted, although not a shy clam either. E was a nice balance. What I also liked about E was she was cool if we just went out for fast food. That's hard to find in a 20 something woman these days. There are so many foodies out there... and while I love to eat, I have a very simple menu of choice I guess you can say. All these elite Yelpers scare me a bit. E was chill though. We could go out to McDonald's and chat for 2 hours after church service, and it would be amazingly fun.

 

I just really enjoy her company and being around her.

She also seems to have a good heart that yearns to be more conformed to the image of Christ.

And she's easy on the eyes.

 

 

I think you have to let go off the bad experience you have had in order to make room for other things. Do you know if your ex and the guy she left you for are still together? I know it stung and sorry to ask if it still hurts, however it is good to to examine things.

 

Ha.... not only is my ex and the guy she left me for still together, but they got married last year. No, it doesn't still hurt. It was years ago.

 

It happened December 2004, believe it or not.

 

I got over it some time in Spring 2005.

 

October 2010 they married.

 

I still sparingly K.I.T. with my ex these days. Wished her happy bday earlier this month. I am over that experience, all I'm saying is I recall the hurt I felt when another guy came into the picture and I don't want to do that to E's current BF. I ain't no homewrecker. However, I think we can meet up as two friends in a public place to catch up and that would be fine.

 

You're getting more than you bargained for, aren't cha Eve, lol

 

 

Yeah, I am a Christian too by the way. I was lead to my Hubby by God.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Awesome. Yeah, I pray God will also lead/reveal me to the woman He wants me to marry and that He'll put it in her heart as well. It might be months, might be years, might be NEVER. I'm open to all possibilities. May His will be done.

 

In the meantime, on the girl front, really got no targets. My latest crush I realized it was just infatuation so I dropped her off my radar, we're also ministry partners so I don't want to make it messy. My only real interest at this point is E, but she's taken, and my interest is very subdued as a result. Now if she were single... but this is how it is for now.

 

Actually, there is another girl I kind of like, great sense of humor, easy on the eyes, faithful to God, and I also get along pretty well with her, but like E, she also is taken (from what I understand, even though rumor has it their relationship is not very strong right now).

 

I ain't complaining to God though about why the two girls I like and who seems to get along super well with me aren't single. I don't want to be ingrateful, rather, I'm trusting His plan and being thankful for what I do have. Thank God for Jesus. I'm broken, but not alone and not without hope. If it weren't for my faith in Christ, I would be broken AND alone, AND hopeless.

[Eve]

Eve,

Man... your reply is crazy... read on...

 

 

 

 

Yup! Me too, love her! I hope she's doing well, haven't heard from her in months. Hopefully she's well and good

 

 

 

 

I think it's more on my end, though. I've been the one moreso initiating. She and I get along REALLY well. In hindsight, part of me wishes I had pursued her instead of A (my summer 2010 crush). I told E about A so much too that it drove E crazy. (E is the lady friend/minor crush, A was the lady friend/major crush)

 

In hindsight E was more receptive to me as a potential BF 100x more than A. I used to wonder often what would have happened had A not enter the picture, or had I chosen to pursue E instead.

 

However, today, I try my best not to think like that. As the past is the past, and there's no changing it.

 

E is just one of those friends I could talk to about anything, at any time. On top of this, she's pretty darn cute, too. She's kind of introverted, kind of shy, and kind of quirky.

 

 

 

 

Whoa, I fell outta my chair reading this!

 

I told E all about A summer 2010. E started to call me "Disney!" She would say all the time "Oh gosh, YOU ARE SO DISNEY!!!" Several times. Wow. That's... weird that you mentioned Disney in a way E did to me, lol.

 

And yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if my future wife has some semblances to E. I don't think I could handle an overly social spouse. I took a Myers Briggs personality quiz once and I was rated as an ENFJ. I think I'm a low-tier ENFJ though... and in recent years I feel I have become slightly more introverted. I like hanging out, but only so much and love my alone time to just be by myself, too. I once had a group of friends that we saw each other like 4x a week, and it just became too much for me, lol. They weren't really friends friends though, it was an old small group I was a part of at church, and over time my heart for that church shifted to another church (one I knew God wanted me to be at).

 

Anyway, where was I, lol. Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like my wife (if possible) to be more introverted, although not a shy clam either. E was a nice balance. What I also liked about E was she was cool if we just went out for fast food. That's hard to find in a 20 something woman these days. There are so many foodies out there... and while I love to eat, I have a very simple menu of choice I guess you can say. All these elite Yelpers scare me a bit. E was chill though. We could go out to McDonald's and chat for 2 hours after church service, and it would be amazingly fun.

 

I just really enjoy her company and being around her.

She also seems to have a good heart that yearns to be more conformed to the image of Christ.

And she's easy on the eyes.

 

 

 

 

Ha.... not only is my ex and the guy she left me for still together, but they got married last year. No, it doesn't still hurt. It was years ago.

 

It happened December 2004, believe it or not.

 

I got over it some time in Spring 2005.

 

October 2010 they married.

 

I still sparingly K.I.T. with my ex these days. Wished her happy bday earlier this month. I am over that experience, all I'm saying is I recall the hurt I felt when another guy came into the picture and I don't want to do that to E's current BF. I ain't no homewrecker. However, I think we can meet up as two friends in a public place to catch up and that would be fine.

 

You're getting more than you bargained for, aren't cha Eve, lol

 

 

 

 

Awesome. Yeah, I pray God will also lead/reveal me to the woman He wants me to marry and that He'll put it in her heart as well. It might be months, might be years, might be NEVER. I'm open to all possibilities. May His will be done.

 

In the meantime, on the girl front, really got no targets. My latest crush I realized it was just infatuation so I dropped her off my radar, we're also ministry partners so I don't want to make it messy. My only real interest at this point is E, but she's taken, and my interest is very subdued as a result. Now if she were single... but this is how it is for now.

 

Actually, there is another girl I kind of like, great sense of humor, easy on the eyes, faithful to God, and I also get along pretty well with her, but like E, she also is taken (from what I understand, even though rumor has it their relationship is not very strong right now).

 

I ain't complaining to God though about why the two girls I like and who seems to get along super well with me aren't single. I don't want to be ingrateful, rather, I'm trusting His plan and being thankful for what I do have. Thank God for Jesus. I'm broken, but not alone and not without hope. If it weren't for my faith in Christ, I would be broken AND alone, AND hopeless.

 

LOL, I have no idea how to multi quote, so forgive my ramblings.

 

BTW, I come out as ENFJ too! I had just thought that people of faith tend to come out as this on the Myers Briggs personality thing?

 

Sounds like you have an eye and ear for meaningful expression and you have been making sure you are well fed by your choice of films! I love films as well!. H'mmm, I would approach the meeting with this girl as a puzzle and really be open within your prayer life. LOL, when I was your age I was just about coming out of having regular bust ups with God! Open, honest, messy prayer is so important. I say The Lords Prayer firstly and then really open up about stuff.

 

I am of a mind that does not believe in cheating BUT if a person is not married I think there are different rules at play. I suppose I see marriage as being a spiritual thing, I call it 'marriage of the heart', which comes from unions directed from God. If people find this as singles then I think it is right that they leave whatever relationship they have and pursue this. Dunno, I have just seen it happen in life and as messy as it initially is, I think it is right to let the person go, so that they can be complete. Anyhow, glad you do not have any bitterness towards your ex. All in all, I don't want to be brazen but life really is very short. Please be careful that you are not restricting yourself within your affections for this girl because she is in a relationship. It does sound as though you went after the wrong girl.

 

Anyhow, there, I said it.

 

Being of a Disney mindset can be a hard path to tred but I reckon it is a worthwhile one. It is funny that E would say this to you and you have remembered it so well. I dont know, nothing may happen in the relationship with E but I do think that the connection will eventually become clearer. Make sure though that you explore this in it's fullness before God. All in all, don't think you have to be clean and holy to approach God. Much of the time it is about our messiness and within this our paths are made straight. Also, it makes for an interesting life to be bold and to ask difficult questions. I mean, you do not know whether E really had any deeper feelings for you back then, or even now. That would bother me. Personality wise we become stronger and more attuned to the humour of situations too when we take a stance of being more direct with those who are in our lives. I suppose I was wondering why she backed off from the inital sarcastic comment and what even the comment was about???

 

We are not in control of everything and can't lead on everything but I was really wondering if that moment was like a point in the relationship were certain revelations needed to be made but because of past hurt you did not pursue her. As long as you didn't go all carnal, in my opinion, it would not have been cheating for you to pursue this girl. She would have had to have made some choices and really she may have made the choice to be with you... but once again, you may have to ignore me because I am sooooooo Disney. I am Disney in action, LOL. I suppose the difference with me is that I am not part of a Church as such, I have no choice but to follow God because He is in my blood... which is a long, mad story.

 

Just be careful Honey. Be careful that the former experience has not made you withdraw too much from what could be happiness for you down the road, as it has proved to be for your ex. I wonder if you and the other guy your ex chose have anything in common?

 

The area we have to be careful off, (in my opinion) is carnal sex because sex is a spiritual union where we do literally share all aspects of ourselves with another person and can get messed up if we do so without there being a 'marriage of the heart'. Hope this does not sound patronising. I just believe that there are different baptisms or blessings and this is the highest form of blessing on a marriage. You praying for this is a very special thing to have as a hope in your life. Very special indeed. I prayed my Hubby into my life, lol. When it did happen it scared the life out of me though.

 

All in all, I would find a way to have that conversation with E about you wishing she had been single and see where things go from there. I reckon this will release you in one way or another.

 

As for the other girl/s, yeah it could be infatuation or it could be that you need to resolve this thing with E once and for all. So, yeah, I reckon it would be good for you to meet up with E but this time I think you have connect on a friendship level but if she is still blowing your mind to the extent you have expressed here, you need to have that conversation and leave the ball in her court.

 

.. But I am a risk taker and what I have said may make you feel sick, lol.

 

Anyway for some reason, you are in my heart now and I am really interested to hear how things work out for you in general.

 

Really pray about this, like it is a blockbuster film or something.

 

Life is very short Tecknoe. Be the best you can be. God's got your back.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

 

 

.

Edited October 23, 2011 by Eve

[Teknoe]

Dear Eve,

Thank you for your thoughts (and prayers in advance). I'm humbled to be impressed upon your heart. As for Christian ENFJs, I have a lot of Christian friends but of the many I have only 2 others have scored as an ENFJ. E is I can't remember exactly, but she's Isomething, lol.

 

I just emailed E to ask her to confirm for me whether she has worship practice Tuesday or not, and if she does, whether Sunday evening 10/30 would work. I tend to overread into things, but the last time we chatted this occurred

 

---

 

me: wednesdays i get out of work at 7, thursdays i'm free after 5

lemme know your preference

E: hmmmm ok

do any lunch days work for u?

me: yah

E: or actually evenings are fine too

me: lunch hour works too

E: lets shoot for a wednesday evening then

 

---

 

Dunno if it means anything, but she was asking if lunch "date" works, but then quickly said nevermind, evenings work too. Maybe I'm overreading into it (as always, lol), but maybe she's thinking "Well, I want him to be open at least to seeing me THAT way..."

 

Probably overanalyzing there, lol. Though I hear from my GFs a lot "don't be that lunch date friend zone buddy" lol.

 

Anyway, regarding what happened with my sarcastic comment I thought it was pretty harmless, but she obviously was offended/hurt by it.

 

November 2010 A had rejected me going on a month now. I was still kind of lamenting it, and being a baby about it, so I wasn't in the greatest of moods. Usually I'm cheerful, positive and encouraging. That night I was a little more curt and had a very sarcastic tongue.

 

E was telling me about the two guys she likes, while I was here still hurt over the A rejection. I found it ironic because summer 2010 as I was sharing with E stories of me and A (for example, we went on a mission trip together to Africa) and E said with great sadness "I feel sad because I'm alone and it looks like you're about to get into a relationship."

 

Ironically, now Nov. 2010 the tables had truly turned!

 

Anyway, she wanted to tell me about her two guy interests, Mr. X and Mr. Y.

 

She goes "I'll tell you about Mr. X first"

 

I replied sarcastically but in good nature harmless jest "Darn, I was hoping to hear about Mr. Y first" or "No, tell me abou Mr. Y first" -- something along those lines.

 

Then she goes "You know what, nevermind"

 

And she signed off.

 

I sent her an email apology, she accepted, but after that our chatting changed. She didn't reply as fast, nor as in-depth as before. I felt a shift changed in our friendship.

 

So that's that.

 

Anywho, when I see her in person I want to respect God, her and her BF... I ain't going to move unless God makes it clear for me to move. I have no plans whatsoever to look back into the past with her at this particular point in time. I just want to meet up, catch up, and encourage each other. Anything else I'll see how the Spirit leads but I really don't want to bombard her with my mess, just because I didn't pursue her summer 2010.

 

If God intends for me and her to be together, I trust He will open the path one way or another. I've found out I don't need to move unless He prompts me to. So yeah, that's my plan.

 

Just focusing on our friendship, nothing more, nothing less, until God tells me otherwise.

[Eve]

Well, however they work it out I do like personality questionaires much muchly!

 

What matters is yes, that you keep God central and it seems like you are at that point of faith where you know this and can hold it down. So, cool. Yeah, God isn't going to leave you.

 

It sounds like very classic communication issues. Just ask E to clarify what she means and if she draws back, don't automatically see this as her drawing back from you. Men can do this and it can stop the flow of conversation just when things are getting interesting. Well, that was my interpretation of the sarcastic comment. It wasn't even that bad! Man, you should hear the things my Hubby says!

 

Anyhow I am sure you have thought through this many times.

 

The way to get that flow you want could simply be to just ask E or any other woman what they mean if you are not sure and still stand by what you said because really, you did not mean anything bad. This is clear. She probably thought that her choice of partners was somehow seen to you to be an indication that she has too much choice, like she is not a person who takes things seriously... or something. You needed to show her a bit of humour at that moment to tie up the meaning and then let her continue.

 

But I suppose these things cannot be planned and sometimes go a bit wrong.

 

Also, if you are not clear if it is a date, clarify. Put in a bit of flirting too and then secure the date if you want it to be a date. Be bold.

 

I suppose my Hubby stood out because even though he is not an over confident man, he means what he says and this comes across strongly. If he is not sure what I mean, he asks.

 

I think men and women can be very different and it is all about leaning towards each other and really connecting. Wanting to understand is everything. Personally, in my single days, unless this sort of interaction was on the table I completely missed signals that someone fancied me. I just thought they were being nice, wondered why they were so awkward and then thought nothing more of it. Dunno, with some women you really do have to be very very clear.

 

Just make sure that your position does not make you feel like you are letting God down by being open about feelings. Obviously you are not a slut and neither is she by the sounds of things, so don't overthink, be real.

 

It is good that you have moved on from being anxious though and I have been praying for you and shall continue so that you get a full answer about this situation. Her too.

 

All the best with this.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Teknoe]

Hi Eve, wanted to update you.

E (her name is not Eve, lol) and I have just been missing each other

 

Our original date got cancelled because she had to work on her grad apps.

 

She proposed next Tuesday but I have small group, and I was tempted to skip it, but my small group leader encouraged me not to (understandably so but I also knew it was the right choice)

 

So I told E sorry I couldn't. I asked her if she could meet the other night but she was busy.

 

Then I asked her to let me know if next Wednesday was possible -- I had asked her earlier but she didn't get back to me. My accountability partner asked me if I was free Wed. and I told him I asked E first and would wait on her answer.

 

She told me "Go meet your acct. partner. I don't think I'm free that night"

 

I dunno what happened Eve but it seems "the steam ran out" -- like our last real chat we were reconnecting and adamant on meeting up. Now she seems "meh-ish." I dunno, I can't tell since I can't see her body language or hear her voice inflections. I'm trying not to worry about it as Jesus has told us not to do, but it's a little bit hard.

 

Trusting God to have His way though, even if... His will is for me and E to completely part ways... (gulp)... but maybe it's for the best?

 

Different seasons and different friends... perhaps E was a summer 2010 friend and nothing beyond? I don't want to start obsessing about her, but I fear part of me already has. I don't want to turn her into an idol, but it might already have been too late. Not an intense idol, but definitely a mild one at the very least. Just a little maddened that the timing hasn't worked out and for whatever reasons, our next meet up has been blocked.

 

And now it seems like she's fine if we don't end up meeting. She has stopped offering me make-up dates. Now it's just me asking does this work and she says sorry no it doesn't without offering me any back. It's a little infuriating but I'm biting my tongue, swallowing my pride and trying my best to just wait and trust God with this.