Heartache a Year Later

[yerbigpops]

Hi everyone, I will try to keep this short. Over a year ago I experienced a nasty breakup with my first love. We dated for 3 years starting in high school to our early college years. We even lost our virginity to each other.

 

To make a long story short, things got bad towards the end and she brutally ended things. We lasted a whole year in colleges 40 minutes apart. Problems persisted and persisted after the breakup. I would try to get her back, she would reject me, she would string me along whenever I tried to move on, ect. She showed up in my life whenever I would start to feel better and use my raw emotions and love for her to gain my attention back. I did not even understand why we broke up to begin with, so I always clung to hope.

 

I eventually grew sick of this and decided to leave it behind me and didn't speak to her for 4 months. I wanted to feel good again. I met a new girl who treated me like a king and was the most loyal, loving person I have met. I did not realize relationships could be this way. For some reason though, I could not bring myself to feel for her the way I did for my ex, though I enjoyed being with her a lot. It just wasn't happening. After I had been dating this girl for about a month, my ex came back into my life and sincerely and emotionally explained that she had made a horrible mistake and she took me for granted and wanted to make things work with me.

 

After some time I grew distant with the current girlfriend and eventually broke it off with the reasoning that if I was in this state of mind I shouldnt be with her regardless of my ex. She was completely devastated. I went back to my ex for a very short time. She was into it for about the period of 2 days then lost interest all of the sudden. I got kicked to the curb once again. I found out she was interested in another guy. I told her never to contact me again, and she heartlessly said no problem.

 

After being left utterly alone I decided to push forward on my own. I took a few months off, and agreed to meet up with my newer ex to talk things out after my head had cleared. We ended up getting back together, and we have been together for almost 6 months, in which time I have had no contact with my ex. Things have been great, though there is always a love for my ex lingering in the back of my mind that I cant seem to get past. It was kind of brought to the surface the other day when my ex added me on facebook out of the blue. We had a little civil chat, catching up and what not. She has a boyfriend now, and it seemed like a talk between friends, though it still hurt for me to know she was with someone. I guess part of it is shame that this guy can provide her with happiness or satisfy her in ways I cant. He is giving her something I apparently never could, though I gave her my love on a deeper level than I can explain and valued her as a person and a friend and looked to a future with her.

 

I guess my main point is this - Why do I still care so much? I still find myself thinking about her sometimes, though it does not affect my life the way it used to. I remember our summer days together in high school experiencing new things together and being best friends and lovers without any cares in the world, thinking we would be together forever. Then college happened and she lost her love and I didnt. Why do I still care about her so much a year later and she has found someone better without a care in the world for me? Why cant I bring myself to love my current amazing girlfriend on a level anywhere near my ex? I have not even been able to say those words to my girlfriend. Why do I sometimes still long to have things the way they used to be. Can anyone offer an answer to why I am still hung up on her a year later? Is this unnatural?

 

Sorry for the long post. Haha I guess I completely did NOT keep this short. Thanks for reading.

[LoveYourself]

Because she was your first love

 

ah first love...I understand completely what you're going through.Getting over your first love is very painful.It took me a long time but you won't forget and even after 3 years the slightest contact from my ex brought out all different kind of reactions from me .

 

But remember she was your first love....you will find a greater love one day.This will pass.

 

Hang in there the worst is over

[health]

I don;t think cause it's your first at all. I think it's cause of this.

 

You did no healing, or greiving. You jumped into a new relationship with feelings for her still. Even now your being unfair to your current, girl, if you never loved her chances are you won't. Unless you work at it, or I don't know. It's kinda fould you left her for you ex mid way, and went back with her - it's like it's out of neediness.

 

I've been thinking I can't really get in a relationship now, cause I'm still thinking of my ex and it's been almost 3 years since the break up.

I have to get my life together - the first 2 girls after my break up - I'd talk about how angry I was at my ex.

 

When you get to the point you do not want a romantic relationship or sexual connection with them and your hardly talking about them - that's when to get into a new relationship. Good luck.

[wilsonx]

The number 1 reason why you are still hung up on your ex is because you still communicate with your ex. You are still her puppet. Whenever she becons you, you come running.

 

That has to end. It doesn't matter if you are good friends or not because you cant be friends with someone you still have feelings for. She is using you and you are enabling her to.

 

Block her from facebook, remove her from your life and focus on now, not the past, or the future, just now. That is never going to end as long as you keep allowing her back in your life, you are always going to have those feelings.

[davesterr]

if you truely loved your first girlfriend then thats your true love.

it doesnt matter how long u will be seperated or how nasy the break up.

it doesnt matter whether you stay nc forever or move on.

she will always be your first and the girl you loved most.

no other girl can ever replace her and thats the way it is.

 

i know exactly what your going through since it happened to me too.

however i only got to kiss my first love and not lose our virginities together like you have.

if i were you i would be super thankful that you got to be with your true love for such a long time and had a chance to have the most amazing memories together.

 

it really does hurt to no longer be together but sometimes you cant get everything you want in life no matter how hard you try when another person is involved.

i know exactly what it means to not understand what some other guy can give your ex gf that you cant when your willing to sacrifice and give everything you have.

 

either way its not for you to understand because it wont change anything.

the best thing to do is to keep living your life the best way you can.

its good for you to have a new girl that treats you right.

she may not be someone you truely love and im not sure whether this is because you still love your ex or whether this new girl just doesnt measure up.

either way its not like you have plans to marry this new girl so if i were you i would enjoy the relationship and use it become a better man.

but dont break her heart like your ex broke yours.

always be honest and dont use her for your own selfishness.

 

maybe in the future you will find someone who you will love with all your heart again who will love you back aswel.

then again maybe you wont but atleast you had the most amazing times with your ex girlfriend.

i think you're really lucky to have spent so much time with her and you should look back at all those memories being happy whilst moving forward and stop looking back with the only thought of: what could've been.

because you already have done everything.

 

i guess the reason you still care is because you still love her and i think you always will. but in a different way over time.

right now you still see her as the desiring could be perfect girlfriend.

but when you moved on you will simply love her as a caring person who you had great times with.

 

you cant force yourself to love your current girl more.

the heart wants what it wants.

i dont think the new girl is the one for you.

but like i said , just enjoy what you have and focus on the important things right now and who knows who you will meet in the future or what will happen.

stay positive and keep doing good.

Edited October 21, 2011 by davesterr