I like my ex's friend.

[ahhh]

Alright, so I'm not one for really blogging, or using the internet...but I am also just now getting good at actually talking about how I feel, so this is where I have ended up.

 

I am going to make this as short of a story that I can.

 

I am currently in my sophomore year of college, I am very happy, healthy, and surrounded by love. I have made friends here, I am involved with school, and I maintain a pretty decent GPA.

 

Anyways, in my freshman year...during the end of fall and into the beginning of spring I had a boyfriend. We will call him Andy. Andy and I had been friends for 6 years at the time, and we had also tried 'dating,' before.

 

The first time we dated was in our senior year of high school, however we were never public about it-in fact, nobody knew. I was somewhat bothered by this, and I later found out that after only a month of being with him-he had cuddled with some other girl. Cuddling..no big deal, right? Not after you've already been cheated on...I didn't break it off with him until the end of senior year when I thought I had made some huge mistake with some other guy-blah blah, that went sour as well.

 

So, me and Andy gave it another go and all was well until I hit a new road block. Andy had made a new friend at his college, his friend we will call Joe. Upon meeting Joe, we hit it off almost immediately. At the time and still-probably forever, I am not attracted to Andy in anymore than a mental manner...I didn't even like kissing him... Thus, I became confused and my heart was torn, so I called it off with Andy, and remained abstinent from any relationships, or pursuing anything with anyone for 6 months now.

 

Today, I'd like to say I've figure myself out a bit more, and I've actually encountered life-changing events. I am great friends with Andy still to this day, and as a matter effect Andy, Joe and I are a tight group.

 

Here's where it gets tricky. All summer long, I thought about Joe. Every. Single. Day. Never have I ever been so infatuated with someone, or something I actually know. Recently, I went up to their college to visit them and I had to stay at Joe's due to extenuating circumstances. Joe and I were up until 6am just talking, being goofy and enjoying life. We talked to each other about things we are most ashamed of...about the skeletons in our lives, God, and becoming better people... The next day we joined the group, but headed back to his place to take a nap. We inadvertently fell asleep next to one another and even after he got up, I heard him...he lay right back down next to me. Later on, we were up late again that night. He sat facing me and we played like children yet again. Hand games and giggling...we lay down to go to sleep at 1am, but talked until 3.

 

I am absolutely enchanted by this boy, he is so kind to me. He cleaned his whole apartment, and didn't sleep in his bed for 2 days just because I was coming. He insisted he slept on the floor and that if I didn't sleep in his bed he would certainly pick me up and put me in it. I feel intellectually and physically connected with him, we always stare long at one another-smiling.

 

I know not what to make of this...

He even told me, while we were discussing his house, that I'd get to see it, "if all goes according to plan."

 

I know I can't hang on his every word, fantasizing about it, but I can't help it.

I adore him, he is genuine, and just beautiful-his soul is beautiful.

Not to mention, I am a fool for his dimples.

 

What can I do? Can I pursue this possible relationship? I'm not even positive he likes me. If he does, will it crush Andy? I almost always put everyone else before myself, but this time I don't want to. I so badly want to just be with Joe...I believe in it. We have so much in common, and we actually TALK. I waited it out to see if it was psychological...like oh! something new! Well, I've waited and I am still just as enthralled as I was 6 months ago. Ya' know, it may have even been a year by now. I don't want to think about him all the time either, but I can't help it...What do I do?

 

Anyways...can anybody help me? I realize this is still very long...but trust me, it could have been much longer.