tomm Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 hi all just really trying to cope with something here , and having a hard time with it . k i moved out here to a kind of small town ,got a job ,met a cool co-worker .we became friends.she was seperated and in the process of a divorce.we were just friends.ONCE her divorce was finalized we startedhanging out together [seeing each other] a month or so later we started datting exclusivly.THE relationship was good and lasted 4 yrs. no arguments,no lieing ,no cheatting. we said we loved each other to each other often.THE 3rd yr into the relationship i had given her a ring [a promise ring] promising not to hurt her,cheat,lie and always be their for her .she gladly accepted . THE reason for her divorce was because her ex had cheatted on her , and lied to her. we had the talk and both promised/agreed that was messed up and we'd never do that to each other AND her telling me she could never do that to me because she's been their and know how it feels . HERE we are in May of this yr a little over 4 yrs into our relationship and well she walks out on me [litterally] after i contacted her in person at her house she says i've done nothing wrong, it is her, she is confused ,she loves me but not in love with me anymore,we're not a couple .i am wrecked .I find out she is with someone else [for certain] met them or at least gotten their info or even together while we were still in a relationship . AFTER she walked out on me ,we have talked via phone time to time AND talk of us reconciling have been mentioned,i've asked her if she was seeing anyone she flat out said no [a lie to me ] i told her if you are just ttell me and i wont waste your time ,again she said no ,she was soo busy didn't even have time to go out [another straight out lie ]i know for a fact because i've seen with my own eyes, friends have also . HOW do you cope with this ? how can someone who has been cheatted on and lied to in a previous marrage knows how devistating it was look you in the eyes numerous times tell you they love you deeply and would never betray your trust in them flat out lie and cheat on you and act like everythings fine ? as we've talked shes told me she considers me a friend , even a dear friend .i've told her it doesn't feel like we're friends recently [like 2 weeks ago ] her dad died ,i have met the guy and we got along fine ,i heard he died and gave my ex a call to offer my condolences and see if their was anything i could do for her ,my calls have gone ignored, i left a voice mail telling her i'm sorry that your dad has passed away i hope you are doing o.k. ,I know the new guy is with her through these times ,he knows of me , i know of him [ i have told her i knew about them ] since i have told her i knew of them we haven't spoken ALL the things she's told me she couldn't/wouldn't do with me and her kids [2 teenage sons] she is doing with him .like going to their school sporting events,having a single guy over while her kids are around . SHE swears i have done nothing wrong to warrant a break-up YET i still do feel guilty like if everything was good why leave me . IT'S been 5 months now since we're not together and all the lies,the cheatting,just still eats at me Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 That's so sad for you and so messed up too. I was lied to for the whole of our relationship (15 months) and I too feel the same pain. I don't know how you can get over it apart from time, time, time. I did read something about people who have been cheated on taking revenge on another person instead of the cheater- maybe she did that to you? Don't hurt yourself further by trying to get in contact with her- she's obviously not a strong enough person to give you the truth and even if she does, I doubt it will change things for you. Hope you feel a bit better each day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomm Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 ABSOLUTLY nothing she could ever say or do would change anything with how i feel ,not looking to contact her BUT we do live in a kind of small area and we will eventualy run into each other .right now i'd just like to really thank her and tell her to go have a good life .just can't stand liers and cheatters Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Why would you thank her? Thats stupid. "Thanks for cheating on me and then lying to me" !! Come on, just walk away One thing you need to learn is that if someone brings up cheating in a relationship, it means they are a cheater. If someone brings up lying in a past relationship, that means they are a liar. These are red flags you need to watch out for. Dont ever ask the questions but if they just pop up, walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
PrissyDixie Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 SHE swears i have done nothing wrong to warrant a break-up YET i still do feel guilty like if everything was good why leave me . Guilt will eat you alive and will prevent your forward progress; bad things happen to good people - sometimes things are not meant to be and knowing the why wouldn't change the circumstance you find yourself in, but you must move forward for yourself. IT'S been 5 months now since we're not together and all the lies,the cheatting,just still eats at me I think that is a pride/ego thing...as hard as it is you must remind yourself what she done to you was about something with herself...I cheated on my exh and I can assure you it was about my insecurities, my issues with me...I've learned to love myself since, forgive myself and deal with the past. I encourage you to focus on you; being true to yourself and living life, as cliche as it sounds Be Happy! You may never know the reason it did or didn't work or why she did what she did and if you hold on to that you will never be able to truly move forward! I wish you happiness and peace! Link to post Share on other sites
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