alexa137 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 so its been 3 months since the last guy i dated broke up with me and i still cant get over it, why it is taking so long? we only dated 2 1/2 months but he was everything I wanted in a man, no one could compare to him. i guess that why- Ive tried talking and dating other guys but no luck, none are on the same level as me,the first one wanted too much attention, like immediately wanted me to text him all day long, ugh who has time for that! the 2nd one, his work schedule and him living 30 mins away would prevent having a relationship, the 3rd one just stopped contacting me and the 4th and last, which was the only one i actually went out on a date with(and he was older than me) told me that his ex was moving back in with him because the house lease was in both their names, so that wouldnt work because how would i visit him? im 41 and ready to settle down, not into playing games or drama and want a real relationship. and i know that my ex wants the same thing( i know this because we are both on 3 of the same dating sites and he has that listed) also, note: on all 3 of those dating sites we are a 97% match! (ugh!) we have texted a few times here and there the past month or so but just as friends, b ut i had to stop because its making me want him more. I talked to his cousins wife(who works at my doctors office) and she said he isnt seeing anyone and might put in a good word for me( i explained not having luck in the dating world and that i missed him and he was the guy who treated me the best, and i regret losing him and wish he would give me another chance) that was 2 weeks ago. well last sat i decided to send him an email( rather than text) telling him i was sorry for how and why it ended and to forgive me and that i regret losing him and he was all i wanted in a guy and asked him if he would consider giving me another chance. he did respond within an hr, and he said: " i'd have to think about it, not sure" well, thats kinda good i guess, unless its just a nice way out! i probably would have rather had a straight yes or no answer because now i will still be wondering, like i have been for the past 3 months! i just take it as if i dont hear anything within a few weeks to just try to forget about him,even though it has been the hardest person to get off my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 These things are never easy. The texting and asking to get back together is not allowing you to heal. Considering he broke up with you I would commit to NC. That means no looking at his dating profile, facebook, checking up on him with friends and associates etc. Now he has left you in limbo and you can't move on. You deserve someone who will reciprocate your feelings. Healing takes time. Set short term and attainable goals and lean on family friends, and vent here on LS. Easier said than done I know, but things will get better. Hang in there and be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 May I ask, why did he broke up with you? I am wondering is it the part that you really felt connected or the part that you got dumped/rejected that's making difficult for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 yes, its very hard! i did for awhile but now icant stop its like a high! i did delete him from facebook and my phone a week after we broke up! but he is on all the dating sites, so everytime i look for a man to possibly date he one of the first guys to pop up in the search! its very annoying to be reminded all the time that he is a match for me. we didnt speak for almost a month after he stopped talking me and i asked him(fb message) if i was a bad person and he said no that i was cool he had good times with me but it wouldnt work out as a couple. the hard part is that i literally sit here everyday looking at his twitter account and seeing when he was last online on the dating site, but im really try to stop. i guess as time moves on i will, or when i find something to keep me busy, without a job or social life i am home 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 oh! the reason! well i can say its basically all my fault and I blame it on my past and how much men used me and cheated on me, ive never had a man want me more for just sex-and it sucks he said it was because everytime i wasnt with him or he didnt respond to a text or call from me that i thought he was doing something else ( well of course i think that) and i think alot of women do! at least the few friends i talk to do- here is the scenario that lead to the breakup: one day he came over we hung out, had sex, went shopping for his new apartment, watched tv-he left, i went out with my girl friend for dinner, came home and didnt hear from him and dummy me decided to do a "test" yeah dummy me,( believe me i hate myselg for this), i texted him, no answer, called him, no answer, so hmmmm.. left him a voicemail that my car wasnt starting and if got the message soon to pls call me back(he lived only a few blocks from where i was supposedly stranded) the rest of the night no response at all! i was hurt, upset and started to think why doesnt he call or text me back???! i did the other dumb thing of sending more texts wondering whats going on? i didnt hear from him til the next morning and he said, whats wrong with you? i was out of town at my cousins and my phone battery died! ugh! i didnt think of that one! yes i know i am emotionally reactive- well i tried to cover my butt by saying that i was worried, which is the truth, i usually get worried when someone doesnt call me or text me back within a few hrs, well i guess that didnt do me any good. i tried saying sorry and everything else i could to save it but didnt work i dont know if i will ever be able to change feeling that way, i am trying so hard, my motto from now on is to think before i speak and think again before i say it! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 yes, its very hard! i did for awhile but now icant stop its like a high! i did delete him from facebook and my phone a week after we broke up! but he is on all the dating sites, so everytime i look for a man to possibly date he one of the first guys to pop up in the search! its very annoying to be reminded all the time that he is a match for me. we didnt speak for almost a month after he stopped talking me and i asked him(fb message) if i was a bad person and he said no that i was cool he had good times with me but it wouldnt work out as a couple. the hard part is that i literally sit here everyday looking at his twitter account and seeing when he was last online on the dating site, but im really try to stop. i guess as time moves on i will, or when i find something to keep me busy, without a job or social life i am home 24/7. 1) Do not ever ask a man if you are a bad person. Just be a good person, and be confident in that. 2) I'm on month 4 and still feel the effects of a 6 month relationship. He was my "love at first sight", and I'm still trying to let it completely go. Be patient with yourself. 3) Stop trying to date. You aren't ready. Focus on yourself and stay busy. Until you're happy with yourself and by yourself, you won't find a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 You have your own answer ! First you said it was a high for you, so this has become your DRUG. Then you said you have lots of time on your hands 24/7, because you're at home not working. So you need to fix your life and thats going to take some very undesirable work for you. Get yourself up off of the couch and work on your whole life. Not just Mr. Wonderful that has put you on the backburner while he plays the rest of the women out there, and you as his now in between, the other lovers. Life is rough but maybe if he sees you working and independent all dressed up happy with yourself he will be more involved in you all the way instead of tossing you bread crumbs. Besides you should be on the dating sites turning down dates because you have so many than looking in his direction of what his next move is. Sorry this is no fun, but it all has to turn around. You can do it ! Best of luck. Write us with the new you story, soon ! Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 oh! he has no idea im not working and sitting home all day, we dont live very close anymore so i dont see him,. havent since july 28th-he works out of town also 5 days a week 8am-8pm anyways. not sure if he looks at my profiles on the dating sites, or facebook, or tagged, or twitter, but dont worry i know how to play the "game" of looking like im having a good time and believe that! i have lost 10 lbs since we broke up and i make sure i put all the pics up to prove it! so far i dont think i am missing out on any prince charmings out there, because prob about 95% of the men that contact me have issues that i am against, im very picky, im not looking for a hookup or player or someones side chick! i want a man for more than just sex! i am working on me! i got to therapy 3 times a month, and have put in over 200 applications(waiting to hear back on some temp agencies) i cant make people givem e job i can only keep applying and looking everyday(which i do about 2 hrs a day) but with no money im stuck in the house, i only go out once a week to the grocery store ive mentioned this before in previous posts, so i dont need people lecturing me about what to do, sorry not being smart and yes i am a little bitter, but if you were in my shoes, being depressed, etc. you would understand my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 oh and forgot to add that i did something good today by deleting all the "extra" other fake profiles from the dating sites. so that is one step in the right direction of letting him go Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Alexa, I'm glad you wrote, back with all that you are doing. As for myself I deal with depression every day too. I have been holding off not using antidepressants but, now I think it's going to be the right choice for my life. I've been like a wounded animal trying to hide the pain. I can't seem to get myself to a higher ground lately. We will make it, just a new day needed. Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
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