Got unfriended 4 months post breakup

[ScienceGal]

I saw my ex out the other night. Unlike last time when I was sad and asked to speak to him, I was happy and with a new group of people. Several people from his table (who have remained friends with me) came to say hello. I had a good time, and seeing him did not make me sad. I'm not one for judging or name-calling, but he looked fat and worn out. I pity him a bit.

 

I went to look for a friend with the same first name on FB, and I noticed the ex's name did not come up as it usually does. Yup, that's right, he unfriended me since seeing me the other night. Weird! I'm not going to lie and say I don't care, because clearly I do since I am posting this. But, I'm so much better off than i was. I have no desire to speak to him and have

accepted he will never have the capacity to be a great partner, at least not to me. I've let go. It still pulls at the heart a bit. I still get a little sad when

I think of him and what could have been.

 

Also, I removed all of our photos a while back, but he still has not.

 

If you don't know my story, he is an anger and ego filled man, and he left me.

 

What do you think?

Edited October 20, 2011 by ScienceGal

[Ajax]

I unfriended my ex at about the four month mark too. But then I was the one who got dumped and I'd been holding out hope for that time that she'd reach out to me. She didn't. For me it was a step toward moving on.

[ScienceGal]

I unfriended my ex at about the four month mark too. But then I was the one who got dumped and I'd been holding out hope for that time that she'd reach out to me. She didn't. For me it was a step toward moving on.

 

I can understand this.

 

My ex is a control freak, so perhaps now that he sees he has zero influence, and that i was happy without him, he got mad. No one can cut off feelings immediately, but he acted like he did. I'm not sure if it was difficult for him to see me or not. Something suddenly triggered him, I don't think it was a coincidence that he saw me happy for the first time and then unfriended me.

[ScienceGal]

Also, my profile is private and his is not. So, all he's done is prevented himself from being able to see anything about me.

[Ajax]

I can understand this.

 

My ex is a control freak, so perhaps now that he sees he has zero influence, and that i was happy without him, he got mad. No one can cut off feelings immediately, but he acted like he did. I'm not sure if it was difficult for him to see me or not. Something suddenly triggered him, I don't think it was a coincidence that he saw me happy for the first time and then unfriended me.

 

You're probably right that it wasn't coincidence. And if he's a control freak he may have thought that "unfriending" you would provoke a reaction from you.

 

A lot of the time people read too much into Facebook. I know that in the past I've gotten all twisted up about something someone posted or pictures they either put up or took down, when in reality it doesn't really mean anything. Heck, I got all upset the other day when the girl I'm now interested in posted that she couldn't find a decent man. In reality though it has nothing to do with me.

 

Personally I think you're better off not being friends with him on Facebook. Seeing everything he's up to will only hold you back.

[Ajax]

Also, my profile is private and his is not. So, all he's done is prevented himself from being able to see anything about me.

 

Well that negates what I just said. In any case, I still think you're better off.

[ScienceGal]

Well that negates what I just said. In any case, I still think you're better off.

 

No, it doesn't negate what you said. And actually, I took him off my news feed 2 months ago, so I haven't known what he posts unless I look. Basically, him deleting me hasn't changed anything on my end.

 

I think you're right in that he hopes to get a reaction out of me. He wants me to keep reaching out so he can keep ignoring me or be mean because it feeds his ego.

 

And, I am better off!

Edited October 20, 2011 by ScienceGal

[FinOuch]

Lol, unfriending as the dumper is just juvenile. I guess take heart that the roles are now reversed, and that you've gotten under his skin enough for him to feel compelled to do this.

 

I don't think he ever cut off his feelings. I think he hardened himself to do what he felt he needed (or just wanted) to do. Clearly he never stopped feeling something for you. But equally obvious...the feelings he has (and had) are clearly not the kind that lead to healthy, happy relationships. Seems to me that his feelings for you were selfish, and that's not what you want or deserve.

 

 

And now I bet it's just driving him crazy that he gave up his control in the ability to see what you're up to on the internet. =P

Kudos to you for growing and moving on.

[wilsonx]

Actually unfriending/blocking on facebook at the end of a relationship is not juvenile. It honestly doesn't matter who does it but someone should cut the string. I cut mine instantly while she was living with me

 

But this situation is pretty funny. I laughed when I read it because sciencegal helped me with my ex's stalking of me online and she had the same thing happen to her.

[ScienceGal]

I agree that the FB connection should have been severed long ago, but like Ajax I wasn't able to let go of hope. I've looked at his page several times now, and it evokes no feelings at all anymore. I didn't see the need to delete him this far out.

 

I was under the impression that he stopped caring a long time ago. But, I think he is someone who will battle with control and anger issues his whole life. I will never know what he has gone through or what he is really thinking.

 

It's a relief really. I got the rest of my belongings back a few weeks ago and now this. It's quite possible that he has finally stopped going through the motions and this was his final step. Maybe he's truly over it now. I know I am feeling ok

[BrettLost]

The problem is if you have any mutual friends still "on".

 

I have deleted/blocked ex. A mutual friend just recently posted pics of a dressed up boozy day at the races. Ex and OM dressed the part, matching $hit etc:sick:

 

Do i now block/delete this mutual friend?

I'm seriously considering it. I don't need/want that crap on my feed.

[ScienceGal]

Brett, what I have done is taken all mutual friends out of my newsfeed. So, I don't see anything they post. Some of these people I could probably delete, but there are 2 that I consider good people/friends.

 

And now that you mention it, I went out of town this past weekend and there were pics posted of me having a good time (nothing bad, and not with other men), but that could've been why he deleted me too!

 

If taking someone out of your newsfeed doesn't help, then delete them. It's about what's best for you. I've deleted people before, no regrets.

[BrettLost]

Cheers Sciencegal,

 

Im not too familiar with custom options in fb. I will have a look see. If it frustrates me il just delete her too. Just easier i guess.

 

I often wonder if u got off fb, how many of those 'friends' would still contact you through traditional methods, phone, text etc.....

 

Like people with 487 friends, Fk off. People u know, maybe, but friends.....

I can count my real friends on my hands.

[ScienceGal]

If I deleted FB, I would only miss the social networking/hearing about events in the community. It is a good way to keep in touch with friends that live far away too and enables you to see their pictures easily. Other than that, there are a lot of BS "friend" connections.

[moontiger]

What do you think?

 

What I thought back in August...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290149/

 

...that for the two of you to un-friend each other on Facebook was four months overdue.

 

I went scorched earth after my ex dumped me. Within the first hour, I'd deleted the 1.5 years of affectionate posts I'd made on his wall (I didn't want his future GF reading them), blocked him, deleted all pictures, and blocked his family. Within a few hours I asked my close friends to un-friend him. By the time I had finished, it was as though we had never dated.

 

The way I saw it, he'd dumped me; he'd humiliated me; virtual "friendship" was just a cruel mockery of what we once were.

 

What I did might seem extreme, but emotionally it turned out to be one of the best things I did for myself. Every time I saw my Facebook, I had to accept (again) that it was over.

[ScienceGal]

What I thought back in August...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290149/

 

...that for the two of you to un-friend each other on Facebook was four months overdue.

 

I went scorched earth after my ex dumped me. Within the first hour, I'd deleted the 1.5 years of affectionate posts I'd made on his wall (I didn't want his future GF reading them), blocked him, deleted all pictures, and blocked his family. Within a few hours I asked my close friends to un-friend him. By the time I had finished, it was as though we had never dated.

 

The way I saw it, he'd dumped me; he'd humiliated me; virtual "friendship" was just a cruel mockery of what we once were.

 

What I did might seem extreme, but emotionally it turned out to be one of the best things I did for myself. Every time I saw my Facebook, I had to accept (again) that it was over.

 

You're right. And what you did was not extreme, it was the right thing to do. It was something that I did not have the strength to do.

 

It doesn't matter why he did it now, but it's the last action of his I get to interpret. It's the last thing he'll do where I know he was thinking of me. It's the last thing to hold on to. There won't be anything else.

Edited October 22, 2011 by ScienceGal