Cheating Wife (three.. times) Plus (non-bio) son

[Nickster1]

Update - very crazy!

Just when i thought it can't get any worse...and I'm at the bottom of the pit...it got worse.

So I decided to confront her on the 2.5 year old son. She was about the leave the house, I told her that when she leaves, she is not coming back...

Then she packed her ****, and just before she hit the door, I stopped her and sat her down. I said I have a million $ question....

"What is the story about (child name)?"

She said: what's the story?

I asked. Who is (child name)'s dad?

She said YOU. I said, I don't think so.

She said, why don't you check it?

I said: I already did. SHE IS NOT MINE!

She turned white and was in complete shock... I asked her who is the dad and mentioned the 1st OM... She said it is not possible, but she doesn't remember nothing...I was shocked about this. I asked her how come she can't remember who she was with just 3.5 years ago...I said women in such cases would remember who they were with 30 years ago....She said (while crying) that maybe it is not ours at all...

It didn't make sense to me...I said that I don't think she was with 50 different men at that month (after her period)...So she should be able to tell me who is the other man or men. She kept saying it is not possible and that we must not hurt the child and keep this secret between us forever.

Today in the morning, she called a strange phone number from the foreign country. She then called me and gave me a name of a person.

She told me....that it was her back then employer that owed her money and she wanted to see him to get him to pay her the money he owed her after she was terminated. She said he drove her somewhere and attacked/raped her....But she didn't think he came in her so she didn't think she could have got pregnant. I asked her how come she didn't go to the police or hospital, she said she was too ashamed...and afraid of humiliation.

But...from the nature of the short phone call she had with him (couple hours ago)...it didn't sound like she called a guy that raped her...more like she called to a former boss that she had an affair with him...I guess she didn't see him for 6-7 years so she wanted to "see" him again...

So, do you think it was a rape? or simply she had sex with her former lover?

Btw: this OM is 30 years older than her....he is married, has kids and grand kids....

[Owl]

Today in the morning, she called a strange phone number from the foreign country. She then called me and gave me a name of a person.

 

But...from the nature of the short phone call she had with him (couple hours ago)...

 

Did you listen in on the call? Hear her side, both sides, what?

 

Bottom line...so what are you going to do at this point?

 

Divorce her? Reconcile your marriage to her?

[TigerCub]

OMG to cry rape that's terrible.

I honestly don't think it was rape and that's why I'm so pissed at this.

 

Sure I don't know and I was never there, but based on all her previous lies, it would make sense that she's making this up too.

 

Oh and now all of a sudden its "lets not hurt the kid" and lets keep this a secret.

 

UGH!!

Good luck to you.

[TigerCub]

Just thought of this..

if the guy raped her, why would she call him now to tell him that he fathered a child with her?

 

I know you didn't hear the conversation, but get her to do a lie detector test or something. This whole story is crazy.

[Nickster1]

Owl,

I listened to both sides of the call. He was like, yes ,yes ,yes....how do you know it is me?....his wife in the background asking who is it....then they decided to talk next day when he is alone...

 

TigerCub,

I did hear... It was strange, but i guess if I'm able to get the next phone call I would be much smarter...

I'll keep you posted.

[Chi townD]

Yeah....okay...Would have LOVED to hear that conversation.." Ummm. Hi remember me? The girl you attacked and raped 3 years ago? Yeah, we have a kid together." REALLY?!?! How many women actually CALL their Rapists after they've been attacked?!?!

 

And the night before, it's got to be wrong! MAYBE she's not EITHER of ours? And then today..".OH YEAH!!! Now I remember, I was attacked and rape! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!!!"

 

Problem is, you're soooo afraid of loosing her, but the thing is...you lost her a long time ago.

[2long]

Nick, you're still not getting any remorse from her, just stories because she's sorry she's been caught.

 

She shouldn't have called the OM/father. What did she hope 2 accomplish? Have a place 2 go?

 

Same questions as before. What do you want?

 

-ol' 2long

[Bryanp]

If you believe this story then I have a bridge to sell you. It is amazing what an idiot she thinks you are and that she has no problem lying to you because you take it. I have a hunch this will never end because you will never end it. You have been abused and humiliated so long by your wife that you now think it is a normal way to live. Seriously what is the point of always writing about this drama? She plays you for a fool and you accept your role as a fool. End of story.

[country_gurl]

Wow, the TROLL just keeps on going. Now a new thread with more extra juicy details!

 

For anyone that's buying this BS, think about it............does it make sense that a woman is going to call up the man who RAPED HER and got her pregnant? How would she even have his #? Most women would be so traumatized by having been raped that there's no way they'd be able to call the rapist up. And too ashamed to go to the police? A married woman is raped by her ex-boss and she doesn't report it or at least tell her HUSBAND.....and she ends up pregnant?

 

Nick, you seriously need to find some other hobby because you suck at trolling.

 

PS - how many other relationship-type forums are you simultaneously trolling on?

 

http://www.chatcheaters.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25340&page=14

Edited October 21, 2011 by country_gurl

[Nickster1]

Wow, the TROLL just keeps on going. Now a new thread with more extra juicy details!

 

For anyone that's buying this BS, think about it............does it make sense that a woman is going to call up the man who RAPED HER and got her pregnant? How would she even have his #? Most women would be so traumatized by having been raped that there's no way they'd be able to call the rapist up. And too ashamed to go to the police? A married woman is raped by her ex-boss and she doesn't report it or at least tell her HUSBAND.....and she ends up pregnant?

I know it sounds so stinky! If it was a rape, she cheated on me by not telling me, her husband about this! If it was not a rape, then she cheated on my another time, and just invented another lie to cover for it somehow.

Both options suck.

I'm not trolling! If you don't like it, don't post. I know it sounds crazy and it is crazy!

I knew that the youngest son is not mine from the DNA test. But i was shocked myself to hear what i found. It was sure it was the 1st OM...then I confronted her with the results...and she was shocked. I think this was the single time where she was really shocked to find out that my son is not mine. But for me it was the worst experience so far...actually knowing who is the dad...is much worse than thinking that i know who it was...

I guess it is similar to the difference between knowing your spouse is cheating vs. catching them live in the act...

[Nickster1]

Nick, you're still not getting any remorse from her, just stories because she's sorry she's been caught.

 

She shouldn't have called the OM/father. What did she hope 2 accomplish? Have a place 2 go?

 

Same questions as before. What do you want?

 

-ol' 2long

2long, Yesterday I received the books that you recommanded me to get/read. I started reading the 1st one on your list. - Thank you!

I think on one of the 1st pages i found something really strong....

It was something like ' he didn't understand how people risk so much for so little...'

[2long]

I think you're going 2 like the Pittman books.

 

I also hope you realize that there is no option whereby she was raped by anybody. If she had been, you'd have known about it at the time. It's an excuse, nothing more.

 

-ol' 2long

[jnj express]

Since you now know the father---its time to go after him for child support----that may sound kind of harsh, but it is what it is---he is responsible for the child

 

 

As to rape, maybe she said no to the penetration, but she sure as he*l went with him, voluntarily!!!!!!

[Nickster1]

Yeah. I also don't buy into the rape story. She would have told me about it, or at least went to police/hospital and not tell me. Since she didn't do nothing...She must have done that with full will. She called him twice, 5 min calls each. Nothing was mentioned that calls for rape, you forced me...you hurt me...I didn't want to...I told you not to do it...etc.

Nothing even close to that in these two phone calls..

 

On the child support end, I had a talk with my family. And they are telling me that I'm crazy for going after that father (old man). The blame all the fault to my W, and say that this old man is not at fault and should not be damaged/tell his family/destroy his image in the community, etc.

My family tells me that this is not my business and that i should only take care of me. It didn't help me to explain that all i want is the at least my son would get some financial help that would help him to compensate for this major issue that would mess up his life. Even a college fund or something from that nature.

Do you think that I'm wrong/crazy?

[Avery]

Yeah. I also don't buy into the rape story. She would have told me about it, or at least went to police/hospital and not tell me. Since she didn't do nothing...She must have done that with full will. She called him twice, 5 min calls each. Nothing was mentioned that calls for rape, you forced me...you hurt me...I didn't want to...I told you not to do it...etc.

Nothing even close to that in these two phone calls..

 

On the child support end, I had a talk with my family. And they are telling me that I'm crazy for going after that father (old man). The blame all the fault to my W, and say that this old man is not at fault and should not be damaged/tell his family/destroy his image in the community, etc.

My family tells me that this is not my business and that i should only take care of me. It didn't help me to explain that all i want is the at least my son would get some financial help that would help him to compensate for this major issue that would mess up his life. Even a college fund or something from that nature.

Do you think that I'm wrong/crazy?

 

I think you spend a lot of time expecting others to tell you how you feel, what you should think, what you should do, etc. And even when you do have an independent thought, you need reassurance that is the correct thought/feeling/act.

 

I think you self esteem is so far in the tank, that you don't even trust what you see with your very own eyes, hear with your very own ears.

 

So I'm going to tell you that your feelings and thoughts are valid and true to you. You can believe what you see and hear. Don't let her confuse you with words. Trust your instincts. Trust your senses. Trust your feelings. TRUST THEM. NOT HER.

[Chi townD]

WHOA....WHOA.....

 

Okay, you said that you confronted you wife and said that; and I quote, " SHE'S not mine."

 

Then in later posts about suing the OM for compensation. and you said that you want to make sure your SON is taken care of.....

 

 

I smell a troll now......BUSTED!!!!!

Edited October 23, 2011 by Chi townD

[country_gurl]

Update - very crazy!

Just when i thought it can't get any worse...and I'm at the bottom of the pit...it got worse.

So I decided to confront her on the 2.5 year old son. She was about the leave the house, I told her that when she leaves, she is not coming back...

Then she packed her ****, and just before she hit the door, I stopped her and sat her down. I said I have a million $ question....

"What is the story about (child name)?"

She said: what's the story?

I asked. Who is (child name)'s dad?

She said YOU. I said, I don't think so.

She said, why don't you check it?

I said: I already did. SHE IS NOT MINE!

 

Yep, Chi TownD -- yet another troll confirmation. That's what happens when you're making shyte up, you make glaring mistakes. Of course "Nickster" will likely just claim that he was so frazzled when he typed the excerpt above that he made a mistake. Uh huh.

[Nickster1]

WHOA....WHOA.....

 

Okay, you said that you confronted you wife and said that; and I quote, " SHE'S not mine."

 

Then in later posts about suing the OM for compensation. and you said that you want to make sure your SON is taken care of.....

 

 

I smell a troll now......BUSTED!!!!!

No. nothing is busted. Trust me. I already said that and I will 1000 times again...I wish and pray that i was a troll...I pray to God. Make me a troll and get me my life(family) together.

This is a typo: She for my wife. I meant to say My son is not mine.

 

And for real, Who will spend so much time inventing a story? And a ****en crazy **** like this?

If i had spare time, I would use it for much better things than what you're suggesting!

Edited October 23, 2011 by Nickster1

[2011aug]

No. nothing is busted. Trust me. I already said that and I will 1000 times again...I wish and pray that i was a troll...I pray to God. Make me a troll and get me my life(family) together.

This is a typo: She for my wife. I meant to say My son is not mine.

 

And for real, Who will spend so much time inventing a story? And a ****en crazy **** like this?

If i had spare time, I would use it for much better things than what you're suggesting!

 

 

Well, apparently you.

 

You seem to be somewhat comfortable in your current situation. If not, why are you spending so much time wallowing in it?

 

Most biological organisms would avoid or escape an unfavorable environment. But you seem not able to do so.

 

So, I would think you have adapted to this (if I were to believe you). Otherwise, ask yourself this: why cant you move on?

[Nickster1]

2011aug,

Probably because of the child that I feel so sorry about. Especially after finding out who is the real father...someone that would never function as a father...

I have a problem to disconnect.

 

MrWondering,

What's wrong about the couple of books that i got? In my case, I would use and help or suggestion offered. So i got the books. Who said that i have to follow it or that it would tell me what to do...

I already admitted that I lack the knowledge in this subject.

The only thing i can say is that 99% of the people that know my story are telling me to leave her ASAP. I guess if everybody is telling me same thing, it must be correct.

 

Since my W is still not 100% certain or at least she's acting like it...we decided to do a maternity test. She somehow does not believe that she got pregnant from that man at that time...and since it is not mine...maybe it is not our baby all together...I know it is beyond crazy, but I guess we will find that our in 3-4 days...

[RobD70]

Since my W is still not 100% certain or at least she's acting like it...we decided to do a maternity test. She somehow does not believe that she got pregnant from that man at that time...and since it is not mine...maybe it is not our baby all together...I know it is beyond crazy, but I guess we will find that our in 3-4 days...

Regardless, you now know she cheated with yet another guy (no telling if there are more you don't know about).

 

Dude, your wife is a whore, why are you even still talking to her?

[Nickster1]

Wow...you're wife's had some tough breaks. First she was raped and now, it appears her baby was switched at birth. What are the odds of that?

To be exact, she didn't change her "story". She still sticks to the rape or sex without her consent, but simply saying that maybe he is not the father as she is not sure about what exactly happened during their encounter. (whether he finished in or not)

 

1. LAWYER

2. RECORDING DEVICE

3. PROTECT YOUR FINANCES

Mr. W

1) Since she agreed to sign on any document so that i can get the kids passports, I would get the paperwork done and signed by her. Then file it with the courts.

2) I did that and continue to do that with my smart phone that can act as a voice recorder.

3) All our bank accounts are individual, we have no joint accounts...

[country_gurl]

To be exact, she didn't change her "story". She still sticks to the rape or sex without her consent, but simply saying that maybe he is not the father as she is not sure about what exactly happened during their encounter. (whether he finished in or not)

 

LMFAO!!!!!

 

1. So if you've concluded that you're not the father (via 2 paternity tests) and she claims that maybe HE's not the father, that means she was clearly f(cking someone else then does it not?

 

2. She's not sure whether he "finished" inside her or not? What, was she in a coma? A woman KNOWS, by virtue of standing up, whether a guy has "finished or not."

 

3. You didn't ask her how she just happened to have his contact # so handy such that she was to just ring him up so quickly? Does it make sense to you that a woman is going to phone up the man who allegedly "raped her" several years ago to say "I think my child might be yours"?

 

4. Is it possible that an alien beamed her up into his spaceship then impregnated her?

 

5. Have either of you considered that it might have been an immaculate conception?

[2long]

Good catch...

 

I smelled troll

 

If you think that Nick is a troll, why do write such long posts 2 him?

 

when he said he bought the silly Pittman book

 

You clearly have never read any Frank Pittman.

 

Women may not need men anymore. Great. Children still do. But it may be even more

pressing that men need families, and wives, and relationships (like marriage for instance)

which are permanent, total and equal, and even, if people work at it over time, based on

love. I realize that some people would feel safer if marriage were less total, less permanent,

less equal, so they’d have an easier out. But the requirements of marriage are largely based

on the needs of children rather than the wants of those afraid of adulthood.

 

Nick needs 2 take care of those kids of his (and they both are his kids, regardless of their biological backgrounds). He doesn't need a lawyer 2 tell him this, though he might need one if his wife intends 2 kidnap them.

 

Despite all the research about marriages failing

if couples complain, criticize, stonewall or show contempt, I don’t know any couples who don’t

do such things some (or most) of the time. But I have rarely seen an established first marriage

end in divorce without someone being unfaithful. (Our researchers fail to ask about infidelity,

since they tell me it is so nearly universal, it couldn’t possibly be relevant.) Affairs occur in good

marriages and bad, and wreck either.

 

Helen Fisher, in ANATOMY OF LOVE, gives a fascinating neurochemical explanation of how

infidelity causes divorce: infidelity is exciting, causing an excessive production (in men and

women) of testosterone and amphetamine like neurotransmitters, at the expense of comfort

seeking and nesting hormones like oxytocin or happiness and contentment producing hormones

like serotonin. People in affairs are nuts, dependent, desperate, miserable and paranoid, unable

to relax around their familiar mates. They are not necessarily unhappy with their marriage before

the affair, but they are afterwards. Adulterers can’t reestablish intimacy as long as they harbor a

secret or fear their partner’s anger and rage. (See the recent movie UNFAITHFUL for a picture of

what a thoughtless, motiveless affair can do to a serene and cozy marriage.)

 

The skills, including fidelity and honesty, that make marriage work are easily teachable, just as the

skills that make sex work are easily teachable. But no one will bother if therapists are busy being

neutral and the media are touting the joys of divorce

 

this guy has a wayward wife whose apparently had multiple affairs and supposedly in an affair right now as well as a child (boy or girl??) that he just tested and found out isn't his and a wife who's told him if he tests the children...she's going to pack them up and he's never going to see them again.

 

All waywards make these kinds of threats. My W did when I told her I was going 2 contact Rat Meat several years ago. When I contacted him anyway, she reminded me "I told you that if you did that, it was over!" That was almost 8 years ago.

 

What does Nick do....he buys and reads a book some joker on the internet recommended him that will tell him NOTHING about he should do.

 

From an interview with Frank Pittman: https://psychotherapy.net/interview/frank-pittman

 

VY: I don't believe in pure therapeutic neutrality per se, but it seems to me that you're on the very opposite end of that spectrum. So if people get such a clear sense of what your values are, how does that impact your work with them?

FP: I am empowering. I'm making them aware that they have the power to do things they didn't know they could do. They really do not know that they can act contrary to their emotions. When they feel mad, they react mad. When they feel sad, they act sad. When they feel bored, they act bored. They are not aware that if they behave differently from the way they feel, in some sort of thought-out way, they may very well achieve exactly what they're seeking.

VY: According to Frank Pittman?

FP: I don't have control over them. I can't make them do what they don't want to do. I can just make them aware that they can do things differently from the way they're doing them.

 

Mr W, you're favorite website can't tell people what 2 do either. They can only give advice that the client must then choose 2 follow or not follow. They must make whatever plan they and their coach or therapist comes up with, THEIR plan. Not some cookbook set of rules that they must follow or fail.

 

From:

 

HOW THERAPY CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR MARITAL HEALTH

CMFCE CONFERENCE, JULY 3, 1999

William J. Doherty, PhD

Family Social Science Department

University of Minnesota

 

 

 

Then there is undermining by direct advice. It's against the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy to directly tell people what they should do, either to stay married or divorced, but a lot of therapists do it. They have a different code of ethics. They say, "I think you should break up," "I think you may need a separation," or "For your own health you need to move out." In one case, a woman with a husband and ten children relapsed from her alcoholism. Her individual therapist admitted telling her that she needed to move out and have no contact with her husband or kids, for the sake of her recovery. The family therapist I talked to was trying to pick up the pieces with the husband and children.

 

One workaround 2 the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy is not 2 be a therapist, but a coach. Now, this particular example was about how therapy was harming marriages and doesn't address marital coaching specifically. It ends with the following hopeful statement:

 

Speaking of pressure, I think of long-term marriage like I think about living in Minnesota, in Lake Wobegon, perhaps. You move into marriage in the springtime of hope, but eventually arrive at the Minnesota winter with its cold and darkness. Many of us are tempted to give up and move south at this point. We go to a therapist for help. Some therapists don't know how to help us cope with winter, and we get frostbite in their care. Other therapists tell us that we are being personally victimized by winter, that we deserve better, that winter will never end, and that if we are true to ourselves we will leave our marriage and head south. The problem of course is that our next marriage will enter its own winter at some point. Do we just keep moving on, or do we make our stand now--with this person, in this season? That's the moral, existential question. A good therapist, a brave therapist, will help us to cling together as a couple, warming each other against the cold of winter, and to seek out whatever sunlight is still available while we wrestle with our pain and disillusionment. A good therapist, a brave therapist will be the last one in the room to give up on our marriage, not the first one, knowing that the next springtime in Minnesota is all the more glorious for the winter that we endured together. Thank you.

 

I'm not suggesting that Nick should strive at all costs 2 save his marriage, but I would say (and have said, maybe not in so many words) that he should strive 2 save his family - namely his 2 sons. His wife is another matter. She herself can't be saved until she willfully ceases her harmful behavior. She may not be able 2 do that. Nick might not be able 2 trust her again. She still hasn't taken so much as a single first step by showing a smidgen of remorse or offer full disclosure. She continues 2 try 2 do damage control, nothing more.

 

The child is 100% his right now.

 

And forevermore.

 

-ol' 2long

[Nickster1]

LMFAO!!!!!

1. So if you've concluded that you're not the father (via 2 paternity tests) and she claims that maybe HE's not the father, that means she was clearly f(cking someone else then does it not?

Well she said that she was only with this man during that time, and it was once. What she was suggesting is that the baby is not ours...maybe got swapped after delivery. We did a materinity test and results should be known in couple of days. On a phone call with him, she said to OM that the baby is his as it could only be him or the husband (me) and since the DNA tests show it is not me...it has to be him...

 

2. She's not sure whether he "finished" inside her or not? What, was she in a coma? A woman KNOWS, by virtue of standing up, whether a guy has "finished or not."

I understand that...When i tried to pull more information about this from her...she refused to talk about it, saying that she can't really remember, she was in shock...it all happend so fast... I guess she was in a coma. Maybe i should ask her tomorrow about the coma...

 

 

3. You didn't ask her how she just happened to have his contact # so handy such that she was to just ring him up so quickly? Does it make sense to you that a woman is going to phone up the man who allegedly "raped her" several years ago to say "I think my child might be yours"?

She said she googled his name, and indeed when i tried to google his name, i found him in 10 seconds. Found his work and home phone numbers...She actually called his home #, got him, his wife was in the background so he gave her his Cell #. My W, the next day, lied to me, AGAIN, saying that she simply remembered his cell # from the time she used to work for him about 11 years ago....

 

4. Is it possible that an alien beamed her up into his spaceship then impregnated her?

With my W, I think it is very possible....

 

5. Have either of you considered that it might have been an immaculate conception?

Sure. Either that or she got pregnant from the fumes of the sperm that was in the Air. My W is very fertile.....

 

You are so funny country_gurl....thanks for getting me to laugh a little about my ****ed up situation...