Cheating Wife (three.. times) Plus (non-bio) son

[country_gurl]

I think we both understand that there's a lot more to lose than to gain. Especially paying lawyers. Despite all that happened (to me, by her) I still have feelings, and sometimes i even get to a point where i feel sorry for her...

You know that feeling that you hear a small kitten on the streets crying for shelter and food, and you feel sorry for it, so you pick it up and feed him.

Am I crazy?

 

So basically what you're saying is that despite the fact that your wife is a dirty lying wh0re (from the beginning of your marriage, ongoing), a so-called mother that left a feverish sick child with a sitter so that she could get screwed by her lover in a cheap hotel room, she continues to lie to you, she's brainwashed you into believing you can't tell her family what she's been up to, she's lied and claimed she was raped, she's lead you to believe your youngest child is yours when it's not, bla bla bla....you're going to remain with this dirt-bag of a woman because you have "more to lose than to gain."

 

I remember not long ago you posted that you like having her around because she's someone to care for the kids, cook, clean and give you sex anytime you want (why you'd sleep with someone who's very possibly got STDs is beyond me). I don't suppose you've ever even used your brain enough to get tested for ALL STDs (including HIV and the blood test for Herpes)......right?

 

Yes, you are crazy if you'd consider remaining with this piece of trash but if you choose to I suggest you stop posting here, seriously, because you're wasting everyone's time and you're making more of a fool of yourself. But then again, you live under a bridge so I guess none of this matters anyway.

[Space Ritual]

I think we are going to settle this without lawyer. I already have all the paperwork (custody). For the sake of the kids, we will behave...

 

Huh? How does that work? You have your spousal support and child support all written out on a napkin?

[turnera]

Huh? How does that work? You have your spousal support and child support all written out on a napkin?

He's probably agreed to give her 75% of every paycheck AND let her keep the kids, so she's happy as a clam...so as long as SHE is happy, HE is happy.

 

Geesh.

[Nickster1]

So basically what you're saying is that despite the fact that your wife is a dirty lying wh0re (from the beginning of your marriage, ongoing), a so-called mother that left a feverish sick child with a sitter so that she could get screwed by her lover in a cheap hotel room, she continues to lie to you, she's brainwashed you into believing you can't tell her family what she's been up to, she's lied and claimed she was raped, she's lead you to believe your youngest child is yours when it's not, bla bla bla....you're going to remain with this dirt-bag of a woman because you have "more to lose than to gain."

 

I remember not long ago you posted that you like having her around because she's someone to care for the kids, cook, clean and give you sex anytime you want (why you'd sleep with someone who's very possibly got STDs is beyond me). I don't suppose you've ever even used your brain enough to get tested for ALL STDs (including HIV and the blood test for Herpes)......right?

 

Yes, you are crazy if you'd consider remaining with this piece of trash but if you choose to I suggest you stop posting here, seriously, because you're wasting everyone's time and you're making more of a fool of yourself. But then again, you live under a bridge so I guess none of this matters anyway.

I got tested for HIV around last March...just for some routine checkup. Funny, but i remember that the Doc asked me if I'm married and if I'm having sex with one woman....I then answered yes - one woman...when the actual answer was that I practically was sleeping with 2 at that time and about 4+ other people during the last 5-6 years.

Anyways, I'm waiting about 3 months (as I heard some STDs would not be detectable in the first couple of month from when you get them...), the i will do a full STD test.

And no, I'm not going to stay with her. I just need to find the solution to untangle ourselves from each other.

[Nickster1]

Huh? How does that work? You have your spousal support and child support all written out on a napkin?

No. I got all the Custody forms from the court and i will fill them up and file with the courts, pay the $400+ fees. It is the same thing the lawyer is doing anyways...

 

turnera, I'm not giving no-one 75% of any check....I will give her the bare minimum that i would give to my child. I will insist that she gets money from the bio dad for the young child. The bio dad is well more established than me, I'm sure he has resources to take care of the results of his actions.

[2long]

If you're going 2 sue for child support from the bio dad, you're going 2 need a lawyer. No way you're going 2 be able 2 arrange that without one.

 

So, your wife has agreed 2 joint custody? If so, and if she works, why would you pay child or spousal support at all?

 

Why not go for full custody with supervised visitations from her?

 

Still, you need a lawyer.

 

-ol' 2long

[all3sides]

I will insist that she gets money from the bio dad for the young child.

 

Guess that answers the Maternity Test question.

[Nickster1]

Guess that answers the Maternity Test question.

Not yet. I said that based on assuming that she is the mom and that guy is the bio dad. 99.99% chance i think.

I think the result should be available today.

[Nickster1]

UPDATE:

I got the results from the maternity test.

My W "IS" the mother of the child. (not swapped baby nonsense)

[Avery]

Of course she is. I'm not suprised.

 

Is SHE suprised? What does she think happened now? Alien abduction? Forced artificial insemination? Did she fall on a turkey baster?

[Nickster1]

Of course she is. I'm not suprised.

 

Is SHE suprised? What does she think happened now? Alien abduction? Forced artificial insemination? Did she fall on a turkey baster?

 

I haven't told her yet about the results...I'm still at work and would tell her in person when i come home tonight.

[turnera]

I haven't told her yet about the results...I'm still at work and would tell her in person when i come home tonight.

And...then what?

[Nickster1]

I came home yesterday and had to go out so I never really had the time to discuss this. Now that it is going to change anything - there is no surprise there. I will sure talk to her today.

[Owl]

So since this isn't anything "new"...you should already know what you're going to say, and more importantly what you intend to do in the light of this knowledge.

 

Once again...what's your PLAN, and what are you hoping to get out of your conversation with her on this subject? She won't admit anything...and if she does, it won't be anything you don't already know.

[2long]

Since you're intending 2 divorce, the only reason for clarification or confirmation of anything she's done or doing now would be for use in determining settlement and custody issues. ...why you need a lawyer.

 

-ol' 2long

[Bryanp]

I found this awfully strange that you came home and saw your wife but you were so busy you just could not say: Oh by the way the results came in and you are the mother. It would have taken you no more than 5 seconds. Something does not seem right here.

[rowell2024]

I found this awfully strange that you came home and saw your wife but you were so busy you just could not say: Oh by the way the results came in and you are the mother. It would have taken you no more than 5 seconds. Something does not seem right here.

 

I know, curious, isn't it? And then when he came home from having to go out, she must have been asleep or something? It seems that its always some excuse or another for not talking to her.

 

Nickster1, you're just plain afraid of her. That's why it has taken you so long to do ANYTHING regarding this whole mess. Maybe for your next update, you'll say a family situation has come up again, you had to go out, or some other excuse. Its not surprising anymore.

[Nickster1]

Don't make a big deal out of this. I did talk to her and presented the results yesterday evening. She accepted that with no surprise. She was kind of sad as i was telling her all last week that we are going to wait till we get the results and then we will move forward.

It turns out that she spoke with her brother and he suggested her to talk to a lawyer. He said that she should be fighting to get 50% of everything that we have no matter what mistakes she did....

He did tell her that she did the most stupid mistake ever...of any woman by her getting pregnant by that OM, and not even thinking about this when she found out she is pregnant..,etc.

The brother did also tell her that the best thing for her is not to divorce...but I know that there is no other way. But bottom line, if she was to go and talk to a layer, that lawyer would probably "poison" her out to come after me....lawyers tend to see money and would probably convince her to go and fight me. All this would probably going to make it very ugly...

[turnera]

Which is why you should have done what we all told you to do - get your own lawyer FIRST.

[2long]

Nick, it already is ugly.

 

There's practically no possible way you could have an amicable divorce in a si2ation like that. it's not impossible, but it would require you and your wife working 2ward it 2gether.

 

If she follows her brother's advice (blood is thicker than water), you need 2 also hire a lawyer 2 represent you. Once again, you could ask her if she'd be willing 2 see a mediator 2gether, 2 avoid an expensive adversarial battle. She might also be willing 2 be more cooperative if you tell her that you'll sue the OM for back child support for your younger son 2 when he was born, in addition 2 paying either or both you and your wife for support until he's 18, depending on who has custody of if you're splitting 50%.

 

Do you live in a no-fault state? If you do, then 50-50 split of your assets is a given. If not, make her serial cheating a factor in the divorce. Subpoena the OM (the one who's the bio dad 2 your son) if you have 2.

 

Finally, if you're not going 2 work with a mediator and you know you're getting a divorce, stop talking 2 her about it, and keep your interactions about the kids and entirely civil. Her lawyer will try 2 get as much for her (and him/herself) out of you as possible. Be prepared 2 do the same from your end with your lawyer.

 

Don't wait. Hire a lawyer right now.

 

-ol' 2long

[rowell2024]

I bet she gets one before he does and files first.

[Owl]

You know Nick...I still hear NOTHING about YOUR plan of action, YOUR intentions...

[Tea]

I love Owl. Makes the best point, which is painfully obvious. There is no plan. This is just a "woe is me" thread sprinkled with hopes of reassurance that she MUST love him more if she enjoys sex with him more than other men.

 

Reality is that, Nick, you were not enough. You were never enough. But if it boosts your ego to believe she just "preferred" you over the other men, so be it. If it makes you feel good that other men must have "tasted" you in her, then keep telling yourself that. But, when you're ready to accept the reality of this entire situation, you may start actually rebuilding your ego...or at least start to rebuild your self esteem.

 

Unless you want to swing or have an open relationship. As long as she comes back to you, it's all good, right?

 

Proceeding without an attorney is asinine. But, if you believe you are smart enough to continue without anybody's assistance (be it on this board or professional), you should start educating yourself. Begin with what the presumption laws are in your state. In other words, who is presumed to be the father of a child if born during a valid marriage. If your state is like most (which presume that husband is father and responsible for child), then you're stuck with the child support. Oh, and some other big news you may or may not care about, you can't have one person pay child support for a child that you are enjoying custodial/parenting time with. Your self-help forms may not tell you that.

 

I really just wanted to tip my hat to Owl. Always sensible. I guess I went overboard and, for that, I apologize.

 

Nickster, there is no advice I can give you because you will proceed with whatever boosts your ego. Sadly, your actions and responses thus far make me perceive you as an unattractive man with little self-worth. Regardless, I wish you the best and can only hope you get yourself out of this slump.

[Nickster1]

I love Owl. Makes the best point, which is painfully obvious. There is no plan. This is just a "woe is me" thread sprinkled with hopes of reassurance that she MUST love him more if she enjoys sex with him more than other men.

 

Reality is that, Nick, you were not enough. You were never enough. But if it boosts your ego to believe she just "preferred" you over the other men, so be it. If it makes you feel good that other men must have "tasted" you in her, then keep telling yourself that. But, when you're ready to accept the reality of this entire situation, you may start actually rebuilding your ego...or at least start to rebuild your self esteem.

 

Unless you want to swing or have an open relationship. As long as she comes back to you, it's all good, right?

 

Proceeding without an attorney is asinine. But, if you believe you are smart enough to continue without anybody's assistance (be it on this board or professional), you should start educating yourself. Begin with what the presumption laws are in your state. In other words, who is presumed to be the father of a child if born during a valid marriage. If your state is like most (which presume that husband is father and responsible for child), then you're stuck with the child support. Oh, and some other big news you may or may not care about, you can't have one person pay child support for a child that you are enjoying custodial/parenting time with. Your self-help forms may not tell you that.

 

I really just wanted to tip my hat to Owl. Always sensible. I guess I went overboard and, for that, I apologize.

 

Nickster, there is no advice I can give you because you will proceed with whatever boosts your ego. Sadly, your actions and responses thus far make me perceive you as an unattractive man with little self-worth. Regardless, I wish you the best and can only hope you get yourself out of this slump.

I'm in quite a slump. But it is not true that I have little self-worth. It all boils down to the family aspect of what I used to have and the relationship with my oldest son and the young son that although not mine biologically, I still feel connected with.

For some reason, I'm not willing to throw her and my son "to the streets" like most of you are telling me including my own father. You all yell at me to put me at first position and only after that care of others and that includes children.

My W is really getting on me as far as acting in an extremely pleasing way. she is all over me, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, and really taking care of me. She is acting in a super duper nice way to me...

Yesterday I showed her on a calendar that month that she got pregnant including the dates of her period. I asked her how come she didn't suspect of the possibility of the OM to be the father...she still claims that it didn't make sense to her. I showed her that according to the dates and the fact that she was out of the country for 2.5 weeks, made the chances of the father to be 99% him and 1% me...But she simply decided that it was 0% him and 100% me... It didn't help that I had a conversation with her as soon as she told me she is pregnant (back then...) I told her (back then), that it doesn't make any sense as we did a "pull out" sex. She is still stubborn that none of these had waken her up to understand the possibilities...

I can't believe that she is that dumb or stupid.

[Owl]

Nick...so from your last post, I'm going to assume that you're back to the concept of remaining married.

 

Given that...i STRONGLY suggest two things.

 

First...a post-nuptial agreemant, from this moment forward, that if she ever cheats on you in any fashion (and ensure that this document spells out clearly and specifically) to include the foundations of both an emotional and physical affair....if she meets either of those criteria at any time, the marriage shall be void, divorce proceedings submitted (and paid for entirely by her) and all marital assets and property shall become yours immediately.

 

Second...marriage and family counseling to help all of you sort through the insanity that this has created.