LoveTKO Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 This is what cuckolds do. We've seen it many times. Whether or not a man files for divorce in this case, he is still a cuckold. According to paternity laws in most states, the husband is the presumptive father when a child is born or conceived if they are legally married at the time. Many courts do allow paternity to be challenged by way of a DNA test, which can negate the presumptive father argument, but courts always rule according to what is best for the child. Good luck getting the courts to issue an order for a paternity test, because it is easier to keep families together. So, even if a DNA proves that the putative father is not the biological father, if the biological father is some unstable deadbeat with no financial means, the cuckolded father, by law, will foot the bill raising a child that isn't his. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Whether or not a man files for divorce in this case, he is still a cuckold. According to paternity laws in most states, the husband is the presumptive father when a child is born or conceived if they are legally married at the time. Many courts do allow paternity to be challenged by way of a DNA test, which can negate the presumptive father argument, but courts always rule according to what is best for the child. Good luck getting the courts to issue an order for a paternity test, because it is easier to keep families together. So, even if a DNA proves that the putative father is not the biological father, if the biological father is some unstable deadbeat with no financial means, the cuckolded father, by law, will foot the bill raising a child that isn't his. Then send my ass to jail, because I wouldn't do it! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Then send my ass to jail, because I wouldn't do it! No problem. You'll be languishing in jail while you wife is having hot bukkake sex with the biological father....and get ready to cough up retroactive child support when you get out of jail. Ready for this? There have been cases in which the lover (biological father) came out of the woodwork wanting to be a part of the child' life, with the husband (presumptive father) remaining on the hook for supporting the child--because he wanted to "save" his marriage--and the lover getting visitation rights without having to pay a dime! I am not making this up. Read up on the statistics and facts. There are a lot of men out there raising kids that aren't theirs, unbeknownst to them. Some women have this visceral desire to conceive a child with a strong, virile stud, but they know that a stable "nice guy" is in the best interest of the child when it comes down to providing and stability. Link to post Share on other sites
rowell2024 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Read up on the statistics and facts. There are a lot of men out there raising kids that aren't theirs, unbeknownst to them. Some women have this visceral desire to conceive a child with a strong, virile stud, but they know that a stable "nice guy" is in the best interest of the child when it comes down to providing and stability. It's called hypergamy, and some women are hypergamous by nature, versus polygamy for men. It's a biological imperative, allowing women to get the best genes for their offspring, and the cuckolded male is left to provide for and raise them. Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 What do you mean by "co-decency issues" You are co-dependent and it would help if you read a couple of co-dependency books. Also I misspelled "co-dependency". She had a dependency (affairs) and you are the enabler. And yes, I agree with you. It is a lot about self-respect being shot by her.It is. Once you get your self esteem back I think you will be able to do the right thing. You need to get angry again but I think you are still in denial about the whole thing. Your brain doesn't want to accept this new reality. Get angry! You are in a bad situation and you must protect yourself from her or you will regret it later. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 If i would know that she knew about the baby's father before and simply didn't want to tell me... All that does not mean that i will forget it and act like nothing happened. Of course you will forget it and act like nothing happened. That is what you do. When you saw that other man's d--- in her mouth you have gone on as if nothing has happened. If you really wanted to know if that baby is yours you would have forced her to take a paternity test by now. Stop acting out. You will never leave that woman no matter what she does to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Of course you will forget it and act like nothing happened. That is what you do. When you saw that other man's d--- in her mouth you have gone on as if nothing has happened. If you really wanted to know if that baby is yours you would have forced her to take a paternity test by now. Stop acting out. You will never leave that woman no matter what she does to you. I need to clarify something. I didn't know that the baby isn't mine before i made the test. I made that test about a week+- after i found out that she is cheating on me and having sex with another man. while it is true that i always suspected and something never felt right about that 2nd baby. But i would have never done the DNA test had i not found she was cheating on me...I was, till that point, under the thinking that she is not capable to have sex with another man. All i said about the polygraph is that I wanted to find out if she really didn't know it wasn't mine and only found out about it when i told her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 hockeyfan, I actually found couple of places in my area that you can schedule appointment and take that test. They can ask her 3-4 questions, it takes about an hour, and cost about $150. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 All i said about the polygraph is that I wanted to find out if she really didn't know it wasn't mine and only found out about it when i told her... Why? At the end of the day...she cheated on you, multiple times. That's where you need to be focused on. Focusing on whether or not she knew or suspected that this child might not be yours is totally irrelevent. It's a red herring...it's just one more path you're taking to avoid focusing on and dealing with the primary issue...that she is and has repeatedly cheated on you. If you're not going to deal with that directly...what's the point of focusing on whether or not she intentionally or unintentionally decieved you over that particular point? It shouldn't change how you feel about that child after all these years...and frankly, even if she knew...that's not ANYTHING compared to you walking on her with her latest....partner. Either focus on what's important, or recognize that you're simply avoiding facing that...admit it to yourself...and quit chasing after red herrings. I know I'm gonna regret posting once again to this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 In many ways she is actually tripping over herself and acting very nice to me, trying to please me. On the other hand, she stopped seeing the psychologist, she still called the OM...and even yesterday tried to see him after he was in our area. she told him that she wanted to see him for 10 minutes...he avoided seeing her. But I really doubt that if she managed to see him, she wouldn't have dragged him to some motel. Of course she knew a long time ago. You continue 2 miss the important point here. There's no point in getting a polygraph and asking your questions if she isn't already tripping over herself trying 2 prove 2 you that she's a changed woman. And she isn't doing that because she isn't a changed woman and has no intention of becoming one. I like this quote, though I don't know who originally said it (I heard it on NCIS): "What's the difference between ethics and morals? An ethical man (woman) knows that it's wrong 2 cheat on his wife (her husband). A moral man (woman) will ac2ally never do it." Some cheaters can right their wrongs, but it takes dedication, a HELLUVA LOT of humility, and a healthy dose of truth and honesty (not the same thing, exactly). You've got none of those things from your wife. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 in many ways she is actually tripping over herself and acting very nice to me, trying to please me. On the other hand, she stopped seeing the psychologist, she still called the om...and even yesterday tried to see him after he was in our area. She told him that she wanted to see him for 10 minutes...he avoided seeing her. But i really doubt that if she managed to see him, she wouldn't have dragged him to some motel. so what in the heck are you doing about this?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Avery Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 (edited) Ugh. Nevermind. Edited December 1, 2011 by Avery Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I agree with Owl, Why get a polygraph? YOU WALKED IN ON HER CHEATING!!!! What more do you need?!?!?! All the money you've spent on TWO paterinity and ONE maternity test could have gotten you started up with the lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 I'm not questioning the fact that she cheated...period. I'm interested to know about the baby and if she really didn't know about it... I agree with Owl, Why get a polygraph? YOU WALKED IN ON HER CHEATING!!!! What more do you need?!?!?! All the money you've spent on TWO paterinity and ONE maternity test could have gotten you started up with the lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I'm not questioning the fact that she cheated...period. I'm interested to know about the baby and if she really didn't know about it... And...this would be benefical...Because? Doesn't change the fact that the kid isn't yours or the fact that you're even considering a polygraph BECAUSE she was cheating. Cheating is cheating and you got burned. What is a polygraph gonna do to change that? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I'm not questioning the fact that she cheated...period. I'm interested to know about the baby and if she really didn't know about it... What difference does it make to you in comparison to everything else she's done to you?????????? Still, she is trying to cheat on you again! Why don't you wake up? The only reason she didn't blow that guy again is because he either didn't want her or didn't have time. I guess you won't be happy until she has another baby #2 by another man for you to support. And; if you want to know the truth get the polygraph! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 stillafool, and Chi townD, You don't get it. I want to find out if she had known about the baby not being mine long time ago/ when she got pregnant / sometime in between.... You can call me any name you want, but I will not rest until i find the truth. I want to know whether she is simply a stupid woman that could figure 1+1 = 2, or she knew long a go, and decided to hide it (hopefully) forever, and let me raise another man child without my knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 stillafool, and Chi townD, You don't get it. I want to find out if she had known about the baby not being mine long time ago/ when she got pregnant / sometime in between.... You can call me any name you want, but I will not rest until i find the truth. I want to know whether she is simply a stupid woman that could figure 1+1 = 2, or she knew long a go, and decided to hide it (hopefully) forever, and let me raise another man child without my knowledge. So you want to know whether your wife is a stupid woman or a scheming trickster? You're married to her so you should know. Stop obsessing over little details and look at the big picture. You apparently can't see the forest for the trees. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 She knows her cycle.....she knew when the doctor gave her the expected due date and did the math. She knew!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Ok...I am done. Figured my posts would be a waste, but had to try. Owl...out. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 (edited) stillafool, and Chi townD, You don't get it. I want to find out if she had known about the baby not being mine long time ago/ when she got pregnant / sometime in between.... You can call me any name you want, but I will not rest until i find the truth. I want to know whether she is simply a stupid woman that could figure 1+1 = 2, or she knew long a go, and decided to hide it (hopefully) forever, and let me raise another man child without my knowledge. So when and how do you plan to find out the truth? You've been going on and on about this. Why haven't you forced the polygraph by now?? Did you tell her you wouldn't rest until you found out the truth?? Again, what difference does it make? Edited December 2, 2011 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Kidd Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Ok...I am done. Figured my posts would be a waste, but had to try. Owl...out. I think it's somewhat clear that Nickster is trying to reconcile with his wayward wife or at least is PERHAPS doing a little fence sitting. I'm pretty sure both of these are pretty normal things for a BS, in spite of tremendous pressure from the internet to "just divorce her." The poly is a form of transparency (also normal). Knowing how long she knew about the biological father seems important to him (seems normal) and perhaps it's a dealbreaker for him. And maybe it won't turn out to be the dealbreaker he thought it was (a line which seems to move for many over time). Regardless if anyone likes it, the guy needs advice on how to stop his wife's affair(s) and reconcile. Seems normal to me. His sitch seems extreme (another norm for this site). And he doesn't have a plan to fix it all. How much time is left on his 2-5 years? This isn't directed at you, Owl. Everyone is frustrated with the guy. I think he's made his decision and needs help enacting it. If anyone can help him, it's you. Don't quit; change gears. MHO. I'm in no position to advise anyone on R but I think you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Regardless if anyone likes it, the guy needs advice on how to stop his wife's affair(s) and reconcile. Seems normal to me. His sitch seems extreme (another norm for this site). And he doesn't have a plan to fix it all. How much time is left on his 2-5 years? He's been given that advice over and over again. The problem is...he doesn't want that advice. In fact, I don't believe he's here for advice at all...I believe his view of "support" from this site is more to use this site to document what he's thinking and feeling. He's not looking for any real input from anyone on how to proceed, or recommendations on what to do in his situation. That's fine...there's little I can contribute towards that goal. Time for me to focus my efforts elsewhere where perhaps I can be more useful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Thanks for understanding Kidd. Owl, I appreciate your advice too. Even if it might look like I’m not, it is not the case. I understand that your points are correct and make sense. Moreover, I think i would give same advice to someone like me had I been on the sidelines. I can also admit that sometimes I tend to put a lot of effort into detail and not see the global picture that is in me. However I want to satisfy my curiosity...why not? I also think that financially, it is better off for me to let her leave into her own place rather than "throwing" her on the street...As the next thing will be lawyers and what not after me. I can't rule out a peaceful way out of this that can come with an agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Are you going to make her do a lie detector test? If not, what do you plan to do to satisfy your curiousity? Link to post Share on other sites
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