Author Nickster1 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Are you going to make her do a lie detector test? If not, what do you plan to do to satisfy your curiousity? yes. I already found a place that can do that. (there are actually many places) something like $140-150 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Thanks for understanding Kidd. Owl, I appreciate your advice too. Even if it might look like I’m not, it is not the case. I understand that your points are correct and make sense. Moreover, I think i would give same advice to someone like me had I been on the sidelines. I can also admit that sometimes I tend to put a lot of effort into detail and not see the global picture that is in me. However I want to satisfy my curiosity...why not? Because you're doing nothing but focusing on satisfying your curiousity while you contine to do nothing to actuall address the problem. It's called "analysis paralysis". I also think that financially, it is better off for me to let her leave into her own place rather than "throwing" her on the street...As the next thing will be lawyers and what not after me. I can't rule out a peaceful way out of this that can come with an agreement. How does spending money on a lie detector test (that she already knows the answers to) going to work towards a "peaceful seperation" that is cheaper? It doesn't. The results of the test are IRRELEVENT to your stated goal. It's JUST satisfying your curiousity, and absolutely nothing more. So...from where I sit...you're doing NOTHING to resolve the situation. And you haven't done one single thing towards that goal since the day you started posting here. Ergo...until you opt to change the situation...posting any advice or suggestions to you is pretty much useless effort. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Kidd, every bs wants 2 believe the nonsense that they can stop their ws' affair. Exposure can put pressure on the affairees and burst their bubble somewhat, but if they don't want to stop after exposure they won't. It's that simple. Nick, your wife isn't falling over herself at all. If she's desperate at all, it's just to find a new way to manipulate you into letting her to keep cheating on you and support her doing it with the knowledge that you know now about the cheating! And you know what??? She's succeeding! Not only that, but she's doing a fabulous job at it! Maybe someone on the om/ow forum will give her a medal! You need to understand the difference between being told what you want to hear versus being told what you need to hear. Only one of them is really "support." Ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 yes. I already found a place that can do that. (there are actually many places) something like $140-150 When are you going to get it done? What do you hope to gain by it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I think you are right. It seems OP is more interested in reporting her activities than he is in getting any real help. If you notice he doesn't really answer the questions to let us know exactly what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 When are you going to get it done? What do you hope to gain by it? I want to find out if the baby was a result of a rape (as she is insisting), or some twisted romance story. If want to know if she knew she was pregnant from OM and simply decided to continue this with the knowledge that I will never find out... Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I want to find out if the baby was a result of a rape (as she is insisting), or some twisted romance story. If want to know if she knew she was pregnant from OM and simply decided to continue this with the knowledge that I will never find out... I keep wanting 2 believe that you're not a fool, not an idiot, you'll learn 2 trust your own judgements and in2ition and you'll figure these things out: 1. The baby isn't a result of rape. It's not even a remote possibility. You'd have known at the time from her behavior, even if she didn't say a word. She wouldn't have called the rapist recently FOR ANY REASON. 2. You know she knew the OM is the father and you know she decided it was easier (and better for her) 2 lie 2 you rather than tell you the truth. Neither issue is important, however, since you say you are divorcing. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 I keep wanting 2 believe that you're not a fool, not an idiot, you'll learn 2 trust your own judgements and in2ition and you'll figure these things out: 1. The baby isn't a result of rape. It's not even a remote possibility. You'd have known at the time from her behavior, even if she didn't say a word. She wouldn't have called the rapist recently FOR ANY REASON. 2. You know she knew the OM is the father and you know she decided it was easier (and better for her) 2 lie 2 you rather than tell you the truth. Neither issue is important, however, since you say you are divorcing. -ol' 2long 2long, I'm telling you, please believe me that it is important to me. It drives me crazy to figure out whether she simply cheated with that OM. I find it crazy to believe that she would do such thing with a 60+ year olf man when she's only 30. How can she be with someone like me (1 year older than her). Even her other OMs...are about her age. The other thing is that i must know if she knew about me not being the father...long ago... How could she live like that??? I will find that out... I'm considering going overseas to meet with the bio father... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 The other thing is that i must know if she knew about me not being the father...long ago... How could she live like that??? I will find that out... I'm considering going overseas to meet with the bio father... You'll never, ever, ever know the truth beyond 100% chance of doubt. She'll lie to cover her butt...you already know that. Meeting with the "bio dad" is equally useless. If he's confronted with the choice of admitting to a rape, or lying to claim it was consensual...well darn...what do you think he'll choose??? You'll have doubts even if she takes a polygraph. Again...focus on everything but actually addressing the problems. What do you really want us to help you with here? Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 2long, I'm telling you, please believe me that it is important to me. It drives me crazy to figure out whether she simply cheated with that OM. I find it crazy to believe that she would do such thing with a 60+ year olf man when she's only 30. How can she be with someone like me (1 year older than her). Even her other OMs...are about her age. You are giving your W too much credit. My W likes younger guys yet her OM was 20 years older than her. You are still in denial. The other thing is that i must know if she knew about me not being the father...long ago... How could she live like that???Easily, cuz she only cares about herself and doesn't respect you. In her mind you deserve it because your not a "real man". You are a beta and betas are for raising other people's kids. She knew you would be upset and might leave and she couldn't risk that so she is playing dumb. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what her motivation is to lie about it. She is dishonest and has questionable morals to say the least. You caught her blowing some guy in your house for crying out loud. I will find that out... I'm considering going overseas to meet with the bio father...This is all pointless. You just don't want to let go of it. Learn to let it go, in the end its no longer your problem so get your head straight and plan your future without her and with someone who deserves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Here's what I see happening. Nick is going to get a polygraph and I'll assume she's going to fail miserably. Then, she'll come up with a story that she was drugged at the time it happened. Then Nick will start looking for a way to see if there's a way to get a toxic screening done to see if she EVER had Rohypnol in her system...EVER....blah...blah... Dude, you walked in on her giving oral sex to a guy. What more do you need? Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 2long, I'm telling you, please believe me that it is important to me. Oh I believe you alright. And yet I still want 2 also believe that you will realize that ultimately you can only trust your own judgement, based on the facts as you see them. You just don't want 2 see them, and you don't want 2 acknowledge that the "truth" you know now is all you're ever going 2 get. Your wife isn't capable of being truthful with you. And if you really are going 2 divorce her, it should be irrelevant what she is capable of. Let that be someone else's problem (but feel free 2 warn them). It drives me crazy to figure out whether she simply cheated with that OM. You're trying 2 fathom the unfathomable. Of course that drives you crazy. The only antidote is 2 let go of the need 2 have all the answers. You're not going 2 get them, and with time you'll realize that you never really needed them. I find it crazy to believe that she would do such thing with a 60+ year olf man when she's only 30. How can she be with someone like me (1 year older than her). Even her other OMs...are about her age. The other thing is that i must know if she knew about me not being the father...long ago... How could she live like that??? The goal should not be 2 find out how she could do the things she's doing and has done. The goal should be 2 become completely indifferent 2 her and her selfish behaviors. I will find that out... I doubt it. The truth is right in front of you, and you haven't acknowledged it yet. I'm considering going overseas to meet with the bio father... This is probably the s2pidest waste of good money you could possibly choose 2 do. You should want him OUT of your and your son's lives. Do NOT invite him in any farther than he's already interfered! -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Update from overseas... I'm currently visiting in the other country. I called the OM (the bio dad) and he was (probably) afraid to see me/meet with me. I did however meet with the lawyer that is running the paternity test/court issues. From my conversation with the OM, he admitted that he had a sexual relationship with my W, about 10-12 years ago, when she was working at his office. He actually denied that he met with her 3-4 years ago...when the baby was conceived... As a reminder, my W told me that she never had any relationship with him ever and her only sexual contact was the rape... Well...I think that added to the phone calls between them pretty much seal the deal as far as her lying her ass off and inventing the rape story... I confronted her and told her that her only way out of this is to go to the local police station and file a complaint that she was raped by him...She said she can't do that...as he is the father.,,..then she said maybe she would do that but only 1 day before her flight back as she doesn't want to mess up her vacation... The lawyer that i met with was also shocked from her behavior and suggested she is sick or has some nymphomania issues. In any case, I made my mind to cut her loose and end this nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 So are you saying you have left your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Glad you're back, was wondering if there was going to be any resolution. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 What are you doing to deal with the fact that you walked on her with someone else in your own home? It seems to me that you're putting all of this effort and focus on the affair that happened years ago...and completely and totally disregarding and writing off the one that you SAW just a matter of weeks ago. Non sequiter. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Nickster: I can't figure you out. I do know that anything I post will... well, I don't know what. best of luck, -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Owl, Who says i forgot that scene with the latest OM? Reason I focused some efforts on the middle OM is because of the child...him being the bio father of my young child... I had to understand and solve the mystery of the rape/sexual attack/ BS story... Since she denied ever having any relationship with him and now i found out that there was one...add that to the nature/context/tone of the phone calls between them from 2 months ago...leads me to know it was simply another affair that led to a love baby. 2long, As always, I appreciated and still appreciate you kind advice. Don't be discouraged. Thanks RobD70 and stillafool. I simply said that i have made my mind 100% clear, and I'm leaving her. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 OK..so you know that she cheated then....and you know that she cheated now. So what are you doing about that? What's going on with addressing the overarching issue of her serial cheating? What's your "plan" for dealing with that? Then...SEPERATELY...what's your plan on managing the paternity concerns? See...all we're seeing on this forum is your attempts to work through the paternity concerns, but we're seeing nothing posted about your efforts to manage the INFIDELITY issues...which is what we'd EXPECT to be a priority over the paternity concerns. Your apparent focus on the paternity over the infidelity doesn't make sense (to me, and apparently to others)...in truth, it seems like denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 I said it earlier and I'll repeat. I'm leaving her. She will pack her crap and leave. I have no future with such a person. OK..so you know that she cheated then....and you know that she cheated now. So what are you doing about that? What's going on with addressing the overarching issue of her serial cheating? What's your "plan" for dealing with that? Then...SEPERATELY...what's your plan on managing the paternity concerns? See...all we're seeing on this forum is your attempts to work through the paternity concerns, but we're seeing nothing posted about your efforts to manage the INFIDELITY issues...which is what we'd EXPECT to be a priority over the paternity concerns. Your apparent focus on the paternity over the infidelity doesn't make sense (to me, and apparently to others)...in truth, it seems like denial. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) Easily, cuz she only cares about herself and doesn't respect you. In her mind you deserve it because your not a "real man". You are a beta and betas are for raising other people's kids. Dont take this personally Rob but I take issue with this statement. Yes Beta males get used. In fact when I was weakest after my divorce I was used up to a point until I wised up. But I understand what you are saying. Maybe I took it out of context that this is what she thinks. However, Men that voluteer to man up and take responsibility for his Woman's kids are a rare comodity and are more than honorable. My father being one of them. He loved us like we were his own. And I see HIM as my father. No one else. The really weak Beta males are the ones who cant take care of their own child, their wife or even themselves. Those are the real losers, just like my Fiancee's ex husband. A total waste of skin. So if doing the right thing and the honorable thing makes me a beta male then I guess I will wear that badge with honor. But in my eyes I am as Alpha as they come. Edited January 12, 2012 by g450 Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Dont take this personally Rob but I take issue with this statement. Yes Beta males get used. In fact when I was weakest after my divorce I was used up to a point until I wised up. But I understand what you are saying. Maybe I took it out of context that this is what she thinks. However, Men that voluteer to man up and take responsibility for his Woman's kids are a rare comodity and are more than honorable. My father being one of them. He loved us like we were his own. And I see HIM as my father. No one else. The really weak Beta males are the ones who cant take care of their own child, their wife or even themselves. Those are the real losers, just like my Fiancee's ex husband. A total waste of skin. So if doing the right thing and the honorable thing makes me a beta male then I guess I will wear that badge with honor. But in my eyes I am as Alpha as they come. It's her perception (and many other women), but that doesn't mean its correct or I agree with it. I'm in the same boat, I have no kids of my own and have helped raise 2 boys that both have major a-hole dads. I signed up for it and stuck it out (not easy, they both became drug addicts) and I do believe it takes more of a man to do the right thing. That being said Nick was fooled into thinking it was his child so he didn't have that choice. Nick's W isn't typical, I believe she just used him and had it in her mind to also play the field since she didn't think Nick would ever get the courage to leave her or she thought she would always be able to talk herself back to him. She didn't fear him leaving. In hindsight, my comment may not be 100% correct. Maybe now she does she him as a "real man" for still wanting to be with the child even though its not his. Of course that doesn't mean he has to stay with her since she is a pathological liar and a cheat. Its too little too late in her case as it should be. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I said it earlier and I'll repeat. I'm leaving her. She will pack her crap and leave. I have no future with such a person. When are you leaving her? Your post is confusing. You said you are leaving her and then in the next sentence you say she is packing her crap and leaving. Which is it? And, when is it going to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 I'm coming back in couple of days, she is scheduled to come back too. (different flights). I will tell her when she comes. Doing it now may cause a problem as i came with my older kid and she might do foolish things if i do it right now. Though i made it very clear that we are done and over and I'm not forgiving her, period. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 2long, I'm telling you, please believe me that it is important to me. It drives me crazy to figure out whether she simply cheated with that OM. I find it crazy to believe that she would do such thing with a 60+ year olf man when she's only 30. How can she be with someone like me (1 year older than her). Even her other OMs...are about her age. The other thing is that i must know if she knew about me not being the father...long ago... How could she live like that??? I will find that out... I'm considering going overseas to meet with the bio father... In an attempt to answer your question, some people's conscience is seared with a hot iron! Some of that is scriptural from the Bible. Some people can lie with impunity! It's no problem for them, I suggest you get rid of this woman, and get out from under this OM's child before you my friend, are saddled with some other man's child forever! Link to post Share on other sites
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