2long Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Nick: I don't remember anyone here recommending you throw her AND your son out. Just her. Why even think of throwing a child out for something his mother did/is doing? She's playing nice because she's been given permission, in effect, 2 continue having her cake and eating it 2. You've shown her, through your inability 2 act, that you approve of her past and you'll stay with her no matter what she does. I wish you luck, -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I can't believe that she is that dumb or stupid.Women have perfected the art of SEEMING to be that dumb or stupid when it suits them. It's how they survived all sorts of horrific things over the millennium. Link to post Share on other sites
StarThrower Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Why do people even bother replying in this thread?! He won't do anything about it, he doesn't want to. There was an old thread before that they had to close down, I don't know if he's a troll or not but it seems he's just pulling things out from his sleeve sometimes... He's staying with his wife only because she's treating him nice.. seriously? After ALL she did?! It's the least she could do. Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'm in quite a slump. But it is not true that I have little self-worth. Yes it is, you are still in denial. It all boils down to the family aspect of what I used to have and the relationship with my oldest son and the young son that although not mine biologically, I still feel connected with. And this is what we call an “excuse”. For some reason, I'm not willing to throw her and my son "to the streets" like most of you are telling me including my own father. This is your weakness. Sometimes throwing someone “to the streets” is the BEST thing you can do for them. It makes them take a hard look at themselves and start doing things for themselves instead of leaching off of others. We had to throw my 19 yr old stepson to the streets about a month or so ago. He’s was an heroin addict and was stealing from us. We spent the past year trying to help him get clean but nothing worked so we had to protect ourselves. This really has woke him up. My W is really getting on me as far as acting in an extremely pleasing way. she is all over me, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, and really taking care of me. She is acting in a super duper nice way to me... For now she is, she still needs to use you and knows you are a chump that can be exploited. She has no respect for you and I’m betting she thinks you are as dumb as a box of rocks for falling for her act. Yesterday I showed her on a calendar that month that she got pregnant including the dates of her period. I asked her how come she didn't suspect of the possibility of the OM to be the father...she still claims that it didn't make sense to her. That’s because she’s lying, it’s called gas-lighting. I showed her that according to the dates and the fact that she was out of the country for 2.5 weeks, made the chances of the father to be 99% him and 1% me...But she simply decided that it was 0% him and 100% me... It didn't help that I had a conversation with her as soon as she told me she is pregnant (back then...) I told her (back then), that it doesn't make any sense as we did a "pull out" sex. She is still stubborn that none of these had waken her up to understand the possibilities... I can't believe that she is that dumb or stupid. She’s not but you are for believing her. She ALWAYS knew it wasn’t yours. Nick, nobody can feel bad for you anymore. You are asking for this abuse. What she has done and continues to do is unforgivable to anyone with just a shred of dignity. A year from now you are going to hate yourself for just rolling over and letting her wipe her feet on you. You are the very definition of a doormat. I do hope to hear one day that you wake up to what has happened to you and toss her out the door then burning her clothes on the front lawn. She deserves no less. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 My W is really getting on me as far as acting in an extremely pleasing way. she is all over me, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, and really taking care of me. She is acting in a super duper nice way to me... Yesterday I showed her on a calendar that month that she got pregnant including the dates of her period. I asked her how come she didn't suspect of the possibility of the OM to be the father...she still claims that it didn't make sense to her. I showed her that according to the dates and the fact that she was out of the country for 2.5 weeks, made the chances of the father to be 99% him and 1% me...But she simply decided that it was 0% him and 100% me... It didn't help that I had a conversation with her as soon as she told me she is pregnant (back then...) I told her (back then), that it doesn't make any sense as we did a "pull out" sex. She is still stubborn that none of these had waken her up to understand the possibilities... I can't believe that she is that dumb or stupid. Not dumb just smart. She didn't want divorce. She could not change that the odds were good that OM was the dad. What she could do she did. Ignore the fact and go against the odds/ignore the odds and choose to believe you were the dad. Live in the land of denial. Works as long as the WW doesn't get caught. Some times they don't. Most times they do get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Not dumb just smart. She didn't want divorce. She could not change that the odds were good that OM was the dad. What she could do she did. Ignore the fact and go against the odds/ignore the odds and choose to believe you were the dad. Live in the land of denial. Works as long as the WW doesn't get caught. Some times they don't. Most times they do get caught. road, When do you think she knew that the OM was the dad and not me? Do you think she knew it after she had sex with him? When she found out that she is pregnant? when she told me that she is pregnant and I told her that it doesn't make sense because of our "pull out" sex? Or do you think she knew this at some point after the baby was born...and she could see his face... Or maybe only when i confronted her and told her that I'm not the dad.?? What do you think? and can you explain your answer? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Did you file for divorce yet? What else have you done to change your situation? What difference does it make when your wife knew you weren't the dad? Link to post Share on other sites
rowell2024 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 You really are grasping at straws to continue to delay, so why am I not surprised? Wasnt the last excuse that you were going to wait for the results and move forward? So now you want to know when she knew OM was the father? Why do you freakin care? You're not the father. Knowing when she knew is completely irrelevant? So what's your next excuse going to be? After Thanksgiving? Then after that, after Christimas? Then after New Years? Then after that, after Valentines Day or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Guys, I'm not looking into any excuses. road just brought up a point about the knowledge of the baby's father on if/when she knew about it. I find it very interesting to know/figure out. Of course in the great context, it doesn't matter...but at that point, i wish i would know the right and true answer... My W has a birthday in couple of days...I wonder how should i "treat" her...if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Treat her like a ex-wife for that is what she should be from this point on. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Treat her like the lying, cheating Ho she has been. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Considering that you're already acting far differently than anyone else here would consider...I doubt theres much relevant advice anyone could offer on your wife's birthday...ot much else for that matter. When you choose a course of action...let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 road, When do you think she knew that the OM was the dad and not me? Do you think she knew it after she had sex with him? When she found out that she is pregnant? when she told me that she is pregnant and I told her that it doesn't make sense because of our "pull out" sex? Or do you think she knew this at some point after the baby was born...and she could see his face... Or maybe only when i confronted her and told her that I'm not the dad.?? What do you think? and can you explain your answer? If you were able to figure that the time of conception was most likely the 2.5 weeks you out of the country you think WW never thought of this as well. Even if she won't admit to it. Link to post Share on other sites
onemale Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 You can't rape a willing soul She cheated and lied to you (period). Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I think any men (well with the very few exceptions) would have proceeded with divorce papers the very same moment they find out their not the father of a child. He isn't doing nothing?? ummm seems weird. Lastly if it were a ''rape'' why would any woman want to contact their rapist about the child? If I were raped, I would probably have acted very different and moody by the time I got home... which a husband would have notice right away.. then I would end up saying what happened. There would be no way I would pretend nothing happened after getting rape. That's is impossible not to make it obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I think any men (well with the very few exceptions) would have proceeded with divorce papers the very same moment they find out their not the father of a child. He isn't doing nothing?? ummm seems weird. This is what cuckolds do. We've seen it many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 I think any men (well with the very few exceptions) would have proceeded with divorce papers the very same moment they find out their not the father of a child. He isn't doing nothing?? ummm seems weird. Lastly if it were a ''rape'' why would any woman want to contact their rapist about the child? If I were raped, I would probably have acted very different and moody by the time I got home... which a husband would have notice right away.. then I would end up saying what happened. There would be no way I would pretend nothing happened after getting rape. That's is impossible not to make it obvious. What if you get attached to that sweet baby...you raise it for couple of years now...he calls you daddy, hugs you every time he see's you after work. gives you kisses. Not that easy to let go. I agree with you on the rape. She claims she was in a state of shock and was sure no one would believe her so that's why she didn't say nothing, didn't go to the police, no hospital, etc... She told me long time ago (years back) that when she was a teenager she was sexually attacked/ molested by one of her uncles. And couple of days ago, she remembered that she went to her mom to tell her, and her mother shut her from telling or doing anything as she wanted to keep is quite for the sake of the family.... Now this detail is new...and therefore might be another lie.... However, the fact that she had the rape/sexual attach by her uncle - I know about for very long time ago...even before the marriage. She is claiming it all started because of that and that her behavior is related to that. Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 What if you get attached to that sweet baby...you raise it for couple of years now...he calls you daddy, hugs you every time he see's you after work. gives you kisses. Not that easy to let go. I agree with you on the rape. She claims she was in a state of shock and was sure no one would believe her so that's why she didn't say nothing, didn't go to the police, no hospital, etc... She told me long time ago (years back) that when she was a teenager she was sexually attacked/ molested by one of her uncles. And couple of days ago, she remembered that she went to her mom to tell her, and her mother shut her from telling or doing anything as she wanted to keep is quite for the sake of the family.... Now this detail is new...and therefore might be another lie.... However, the fact that she had the rape/sexual attach by her uncle - I know about for very long time ago...even before the marriage. She is claiming it all started because of that and that her behavior is related to that. Wow, she is really playing you for a sap. Even if half the stuff she says is true she has no excuse for lying to you and keeping that from you. All she is doing now and spinning her stories so you'll feel sorry for her. Here are the facts as you presented. She had a kid and KNEW it wasn't yours but let you think it was yours anyway. She KNEW. You walk in on her with another man's dick in her mouth, something she WANTED to do to him. Why are you still talking to her? She is NOT going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Wow, she is really playing you for a sap. Even if half the stuff she says is true she has no excuse for lying to you and keeping that from you. All she is doing now and spinning her stories so you'll feel sorry for her. Here are the facts as you presented. She had a kid and KNEW it wasn't yours but let you think it was yours anyway. She KNEW. You walk in on her with another man's dick in her mouth, something she WANTED to do to him. Why are you still talking to her? She is NOT going to change. I wish there was a way for me to know for sure if she is lying about knowing about the baby or not...I know, from the bottom of my heart, that if i know for sure about it, i will act ASAP on that with no doubt. If i would know that she knew about the baby's father before and simply didn't want to tell me... All that does not mean that i will forget it and act like nothing happened. I still think that the outcome of this great fiasco is separation. She is claiming that she changed and can change...I doubt she can. If I'll say that i want to test her...by waiting to see if she will attempt to cheat on me again...it is going to be stupid , and most of you will attack me for my inability to decide and for me willingness to give her more and more chances. And it is true! I gave her way to many chances...she should have figured out after her first cheating. And I think someone had said it better. If she could not tell me about the so called "sexual attack" on her, (that lead to the baby), that means our relationship is/was not worth a lot... What kind of relationship is that a wife would not tell her husband about something like that? I wish she would...I would have saved the day by figuring out that the baby was not mine...as soon as she told me about her being pregnant... But all that is crying about spoiled milk...big time. Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I wish there was a way for me to know for sure if she is lying about knowing about the baby or not...I know, from the bottom of my heart, that if i know for sure about it, i will act ASAP on that with no doubt. If i would know that she knew about the baby's father before and simply didn't want to tell me... Polygraph... ...and no, you won't do anything. This other guy that was in your same situation a couple of years ago said the same thing and when she took the poly and failed he still did nothing. She has already giving you a million legitimate reasons to leave her and you haven't even budged. You are just looking for an excuse to stay as long as you can. This is most likely due to your co-decency issues. All that does not mean that i will forget it and act like nothing happened. I still think that the outcome of this great fiasco is separation. She is claiming that she changed and can change...I doubt she can. If I'll say that i want to test her...by waiting to see if she will attempt to cheat on me again...it is going to be stupid , and most of you will attack me for my inability to decide and for me willingness to give her more and more chances. And it is true! I gave her way to many chances...she should have figured out after her first cheating. And I think someone had said it better. If she could not tell me about the so called "sexual attack" on her, (that lead to the baby), that means our relationship is/was not worth a lot... What kind of relationship is that a wife would not tell her husband about something like that? I wish she would...I would have saved the day by figuring out that the baby was not mine...as soon as she told me about her being pregnant... But all that is crying about spoiled milk...big time.You know how this is going to end, why are you dragging your feet then? She does not love or respect you and uses you for support. Why do you let her? What she did is unforgivable in my eyes (IMO), she basically spit in your face and didn't care anything about your feelings. Now she is trying to trick you into thinking she is the victim. There's no way this is going to have a happy ending, its just not possible. The OC will be a constant reminder that you LET her get away with screwing other guys and you rolled over like a sap when you finally confronted her red handed. Even if she did everything right from now on the damage is already done. It's not about living with her, its about living with yourself and your self respect which has been shot. Personally, I love myself too much to put up with someone that would treat me like that. Both you, I, pretty much every man on this planet deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 RobD70, thank you for your answers. I think it is a great idea on the polygraph...I think I’ll do that just for the sake up resting my thoughts. It can only be YES/NO so I'll probably ask: Did you know that I wasn't the father sometime after you found out that you were pregnant, etc... What do you mean by "co-decency issues" And yes, I agree with you. It is a lot about self-respect being shot by her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Good grief: 1. She gets pregnant and gives birth to another man's baby. 2. She puts you at risk for STD's 3. She gets caught by you with another man's dick in her mouth. Only a masochist who is totally co-dependent would stay with this person. This is just so pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 What on Earth do you need a polygraph for? Polygraphs are one way for the WS 2 convince the BS that they're sincere about coming clean and wanting 2 rebuild. She's still given no indication that she's sorry about anything other than getting caught. Let her go, free yourself and focus on your kids and your fu2re. Let her fu2re be her problem, not yours. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 What on Earth do you need a polygraph for? Polygraphs are one way for the WS 2 convince the BS that they're sincere about coming clean and wanting 2 rebuild. She's still given no indication that she's sorry about anything other than getting caught. Let her go, free yourself and focus on your kids and your fu2re. Let her fu2re be her problem, not yours. -ol' 2long I want to find out if she knew about me not being the bio father of the child. Basically any time before I actually told her that with the DNA test... I need to know that. Either she is just stupid woman or a lying snake that is STILL lying. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 I want to find out if she knew about me not being the bio father of the child. Basically any time before I actually told her that with the DNA test... I need to know that. Either she is just stupid woman or a lying snake that is STILL lying. Of course she knew a long time ago. You continue 2 miss the important point here. There's no point in getting a polygraph and asking your questions if she isn't already tripping over herself trying 2 prove 2 you that she's a changed woman. And she isn't doing that because she isn't a changed woman and has no intention of becoming one. I like this quote, though I don't know who originally said it (I heard it on NCIS): "What's the difference between ethics and morals? An ethical man (woman) knows that it's wrong 2 cheat on his wife (her husband). A moral man (woman) will ac2ally never do it." Some cheaters can right their wrongs, but it takes dedication, a HELLUVA LOT of humility, and a healthy dose of truth and honesty (not the same thing, exactly). You've got none of those things from your wife. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
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