In pieces

[dicky_fish]

I don't know what on earth has suddenly surfaced all this but for the better side of a week I've been an uncontrolable wreck. Been staying in bed all day, surfacing at night and not seeing my family much and just cry all the time. I even woke my mum up at 5.30 am yesterday because she could hear me. I've just got back from having a really loud cry in the car so no one would hear me.

 

It's been 5 months since she broke my heart and I'm just in pieces all the time.

[davesterr]

I know how you feel.

Im going through the exact same thing wondering why i should wake up?

Truth is though, if you only stay in bed all day or stay up all night then your sleep schedule gets really messed up.

Your eyes wil get dark circles underneath your skin will turn pale and basicly you become really unattractive and may do permanent damage to your looks.

 

The best thing you can do is keep yourself busy.

When i was working and talking to girls even though not interested at all to date them, i felt some how better because it either kept my mind off the past and in some way it made me feel like i actually might be good enough for this world despite not being good enough for my ex. Or maybe i am good enough for her but she just doesn't realize it.

 

Either way the more busy you keep yourself.

The less time you have to think about what hurts you.

The better you take care of your looks, the better your self esteem.

Find a reason to get out of bed and really do something you enjoy.

The best thing would be a job if you dont have one yet because even though it sucks having one, it forces you to get out of bed.

You do have to slave through the day for 8 hours long but after that guess what?

You wont be crying during those 8 hours and at the end of the day you even get paid money which you can use to spoil yourself or buy something you always wanted.

 

Don't let yourself get wasted so far to the point that your ex woulnd't even recognize you anymore like i have been.

Im a complete wreck and i look even worse.

I have no idea if this is reversable since i haven't been sleeping properly for 3 months.

I can honestly can go outside on halloween without a costume and stilll fit in with all the zombie outfits due to my bags under my eyes , pale skin and worn looks.

Don't let it go that far because right now i would do anything to be where i was 3 months ago.

And yeah back then i was still as heartbroken as i am now but atleast i was doing alot better.

 

My best advice is: Live life the best way you can.

Even though your not with your ex right now think that your ex sees you today.

Ofcourse you wanna look at your best and give a great impression.

Thats why you should never stay like this and let yourself go to waste.

Because if by some miracle your ex wants you back then you should be able to be together again.

And not say: I wish i could be with you but in the last few months i aged 10 years.

And if you dont want to be with your ex again then just think of it as if your dream person would see you today.

Then you still want to leave the exact same impression of how great u are.

Do everything you can to keep yourself busy and to enrich yourself in things you enjoy in life and i guarantee you will feel alot better.

 

Time wont heal a broken heart but you will be learning to live with it more and more everyday and the stronger you get the less painful it becomes.

The only way to move forward in life is by letting go of the past and start living in the now.

Tomorrow is a mystery , yesterday is history but today is a gift.

Thats why they call it the present.

So live today exactly the way you want it to and who knows , life might have some great things ahead for you if you work hard.

But you wont get them if you never move forward to claim them.

Edited October 21, 2011 by davesterr

[PrissyDixie]

The best thing you can do is keep yourself busy.

I agree totally!! I've survived this better than I thought and I know it's only by the grace of God because He kept me busy You have to stay busy and focus on yourself...focus on loving the person you are and being good to that person. Eat Right. Exercise. You can not stop living, you have to keep moving, put one foot in front of the other everyday. Love yourself enough - you deserve a life - you deserve happiness!

[dicky_fish]

I wish I had the ability to keep busy, but I just don't have any drive anymore.

 

It feels like there's no point because I know the best thing to happen to me, and the best time of my life is now gone. I can see and smell her everywhere, every damn thing is a memory of her - she became that intertwined in every aspect of my life.

 

Very very sad right now

[ken_25]

I understand how you're feeling, but sometimes (for you the time is now), you have to force yourself to do something. Whether it's watching some stand up comedy on tv, hanging out with a friend, going for a run or just exercising in some capacity, something! ok? just will yourself to get busy and help shift your focus.

 

You may want to start seeing a therapist to try to get past this.

[PrissyDixie]

We all have those moments, but you must force yourself...sometimes sheer will and determination, is all that keeps us moving but move and do you must!!

 

You may want to start seeing a therapist to try to get past this

 

Ken is right, a therapist may be a good idea; the longer you allow yourself to stay this way the harder it is to get back to life! Take care of you ~

[TheJiltedGeneration]

I wish I had the ability to keep busy, but I just don't have any drive anymore.

 

It feels like there's no point because I know the best thing to happen to me, and the best time of my life is now gone. I can see and smell her everywhere, every damn thing is a memory of her - she became that intertwined in every aspect of my life.

 

Very very sad right now

 

wow completely in the same boat as you are man.... ( in regards to not finding energy to do stuff)..

while it's almost impossible to completely relate/understand your situation in relations to the circumstances revolving the whole break up, I can at least relate to the whole emotionally exhaustible rite of passage when it comes to “moving on” ( which is the situation I am currently in 3-4 months after the fact). While I can’t say my word’s will have a 100% impact on how to deal with all this, ( my advice generally sucks, but its worth a try as I hate seeing any1 get into such a state) at least I can try and give you some perspective to start you off.. (might hurt alot but trust me man sometimes sugar-coating the issue and being too gentle won’t really solve the root of the problem)

 

I am sorry if I am wayyy out of my element here ( as I’ve scanned over a few of your threads to get a idea what to suggest), so take this with a grain of salt at least.. here goes..

 

First and foremost, let’s examine the current situation in the extent of how the break up has affected you (for me this was the first hurdle to jump over) . No matter How special she was or how great the time you had together, she shouldn’t be making you feel this distraught, and the fact that she’s left you in a state like this after all you’ve been through (from what I browsed over at least, sorry if I miss any points ) tells me a lot about her attitude and fickleness that makes even me want to give great big slap across face bunions ( my way of saying cheeks.. don’t ask)..

 

From scanning through some of your other threads, you were even willing to quit your job for more time to tend to her.. and she still feels that wasn’t enough..?, wow talk about her ****ing loss ).

 

even if she says you didn’t “understand” her at times , it sounds to me like you were busting your balls to make the effort which shows you love her enough to go out of your way to try. However her defensive attitude to not just simply telling you how she feels, just makes me wonder whether or not she just wants to make you play the guessing game just to see you Jump hoops (similar suitation with a few of the girls I’ve been with , wow people today can be real sadistic harlots of eva braun proportions arnt they? )

But seriously tell me this... is a Genuine human being that worth it if when bored or irritated they resort to throwing you in a little emotional maze of her making like your some sort of lab rat, when all she needs to do is take a small amount of time just tell you how she feels? Is that respectful? She didn’t respect your feelings mate and seems to me that even if you continued with her right now.. she never would..

 

Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.. and sounds to me that this stupid little “G.I.G.S” of hers is just the ticket for that little jaded spell of hers to learn some real harsh lessons and realise that there a lot of horrible people out there to potentially **** her over, which in terms of THIS GIGS should make your blades of grass shine ever the more radiantly ....

to me it shows that in reality.. ( sorry to say this but it’s a similar case with me) you didn’t mean a lot to her, and from what you said in a previous posts about the level of commitment / passion you exerted to keep you two afloat , it’s REALLY unfair that she’s able to shrug you off this easily, if you guys were together this long....

 

No matter how a person maybe feeling at a point in time, the emotions and little moments of indifference she felt, could have been dealt with if she put the effort in.. ( if you really meant that much to her); but the truth is she took the easy way out because of this spell of GIGS, not because you weren’t enough but because she didn’t know any better ( sorry if this all sounds harsh but from what read this sounds similar to what I went through , not quite the same, but I was pretty much the one trying to keep the relationship going)

There were always options for her to deal with this, but she obviously wasn’t willing to go down those avenues. Something as token effort from her part, compared how you nearly gave up your job for her, tells me she really isn’t a very nice person, and I would even be bold enough to ask if she even invested anything meaningful in the relationship, other than maybe enjoying your company , humour and not being bored, rather than loving you for your genuine traits. It kind of sounds like she just enjoyed the company, not the person she was with.....

 

In order for a relationship to succeed, not only must both people reciprocate each other’s love, but also work equally together to keep it going. She had a part to play as much as you but in the end she wasn’t willing to cut the mustard in order to keep the relationship going ( sounds like she was leeching off you to me) and left you to do all the footwork... .

 

From the fact that she could have easily contacted you in the space of five months speaks for itself, yet she still hasn’t. That pretty much says to me is that she hasn’t had brief moment to think to her herself how you must feel right now. If she can’t even realise how you must feel right now, or try to relate to you.. then really you weren’t the thing she truly loved in the relationship ( sorry but it’s true). It sounds like she liked the attention and company, all of which were probably a novelty to her but not the person she was spending it with.. do you really think you should give a person like that the time of day if you’re feelings were not the aspect of the relationship that was important?

 

Hypothetically speaking; say she rings back right now and says she wants you back or whatever, do you think it would be fair on you to put up with the whole mind games? Or live with the fact that you went through that horrible phase of anguish just for her company, is she really a person you’d like to spend the rest of your time with ? ( especially if they are going to leech off you again?)

 

Would she still seem genuine to you after all this? Do you think dependency for her is healthy when she could easily walk out again? Could you cope with the backlash of how she’s able to brush you off so easily after all you been through? (kind of reflects her capacity in the relationship abit). in fact do you know where her vehement even was in the relationship? With you? Or just the fact you where “nice to be around”?. She’s fickle, she’s stupid (... no offence)and if she was to get back with you right now, then I would imagine this scenario would just repeat itself (again similar to me)

 

You know what the grass IS greener on the other side, but not for her, but for you, let her move on and end up in a rut somewhere as a result of treating things as novelty. She obviously has the acuity of a vampire bat ( if we place the metaphor visually not acoustically sorry >.>) , and therefore needs make her own mistakes and grow up....

 

Your friends had good intentions but bad advice about you moving on... you don’t need to love someone else you need to love yourself ( sorry it’s not something either I or you want to hear but **** it its so very true.. and I’ll tell you why now!!)

 

a friend told me that in order to have a good (Healthy) relationship you need to be comfortable being alone and single first. You know why that is? It’s so that if the next girl pulls the same **** again, at least you would be ready for it . co-dependency is BAD thing ( and I really wish I could take my own advice, I feel for ya bro...) as in any relationship no MATTER how you look at it , one person is always going to love the other more than that other loves them.. and who ever loves the least has the most power in a relationship( which means at any moment they might potentially pull the same **** as your ex did.. think about it.. ) . Your 23 right? , well your still kind of young at the moment ( I am 22 so yea should really throw these words to a mirror)

 

A ugly truth mate is that people our age ARE fickle!; I know I keep saying that but it’s true, ask a few friends how many relationships they’ve been in. One of my best friends ( hate to use her as a example as she’s a really nice person but still..), she’s been in nearly 40 relationships and she’s only 20 years old... that’s like 2 relationships each year of her life(6/7 each year if she started at 14).. what does that say ???

 

People don’t really know what they want at our age.. (as well are you ex) and think that a new “exciting relationship" would be the ticket to solve all problems, when really they need to sort themselves out as well as where their own values lie , before they can EVEN understand how to be able to even maturely VALUE a relationship... (she had the problems m8 not you) People are really immature these days ( and this is a 22 year old speaking here.. sorry I am a cynical bastard) and usually use a relationship as a meal ticket to take but never give back. ( again sounds like your ex girlfriend really fits this bill..)

 

sad but true; your not going to find that one true love for a while mate ( or at least not right away), you’re going to go through a lot of on and offs with girls until you find someone who as really learned what really important.. untill then you need to ,(yes) be close, but not dependant on having a lover, as people are strange beings mate, and sometimes don’t always act as sensibly or as reasonably as you would like them to..

 

so right now you need to take it as its worth and relish and love that you’re a awesome guy and know where your priorities lie in a relationship ( being thoughtful , ect) but that also means that you shouldn’t alow people to treat you like ****, and when they do .. you need to make it clear...

 

you don’t need people like that in your life.. you need to be comfortable with yourself so that people won’t take advantage of you again and firmly set the ground of where a girl should not drawn the line.. They will not only respect you for this, but then (eventually) come to the conclusion that they will also need grow up themselves ( learn from your example). Not only that but loving yourself and being able to be independent will be working towards that time when that genuine woman comes in your life. Someone who will respect and love you so much more for being headstrong and then you’ll know she’s really worth it if she knows not to take advantage of you. This is how a the relationship will REALLY endure.. ( **** why can’t I take my own advice >.>)

 

Once you get this in your head, and accept that really SHE AINT WORTH THIS AT ALL!!! the next stage is coping, ( which is something I need at the moment too, so its hard for me to advice on that..) but hey man for what its worth, I’ll definitely be here to help you out and chat to should you need some help unloading ..

Edited October 23, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration