BillH Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I just found out my wife of 20 years has been having an online affair for the last few months and I'm having a really difficult time coping. Does anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 How did you find out? Did you see the logs? Or? mike Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 i dont have any experiance in that area however i would say, act fast before its too late. you been married for 20 years and im pretty sure the excitement is gone. your wife is having an online affair which sucks however its only online and its not too late to make her realise what she has and what she might be throwing away. i wouldn't confront her about it right now because that might cause her to use you checking her logs as an excuse for a fight and as an excuse to justify her online cheating. if i were you i would become the guy who she fell in love with 20 years ago. i dont know how you and your wife do things but i say spicen things up. buy her roses, take her to hawaii seriously do something. act like you have to sweep your wife off her feet once again all over. because if you dont make her realise how good you are and dont take action then this online dating which may seem innocent now might turn into something you never wished for. i say dont confront her but simply sweep her off her feet so much that she will drop all contact with whoever shes having an affair with and then you can stay together if thats what you want. either way its really all up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I just found out my wife of 20 years has been having an online affair for the last few months and I'm having a really difficult time coping. Does anyone have any advice? I'm very sorry. I know it's difficult. People I know have been through what you are going through. I guess the first thing to do would be to confront your wife if you haven't done that already. Make sure you have enough details beforehand so she can't deny it, although she'll probably try to. Then you have to ask yourself, is this something you think you can move past? It's pretty hard to rebuild trust in a marriage once it is broken. If the answer is no, that you don't believe you can move past it, then your option would be to separate. If she is very remorseful and repentant and promises to stop the activity, you should at least seek marital counseling to determine how your marriage got so off track, and to help you to rebuild. There would have to be full disclosure, convincing repentance, willingness on her part and yours to do what it takes to improve your marriage, and complete transparency (you have access to all Email accounts and I would even suggest getting a keylogger so you can monitor her activity online). Those are your two choices--MC or separation. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 That's so tough for you. I would say if it's just online, maybe try to find out why she did it? Maybe talk to her about what she wants from you and whether she is happy? I'm not taking sides - just think that if you have had 20 years of marriage, then there must have been some great stuff between you both and maybe she is looking for that again. Maybe it's nothing you did wrong, maybe it's her wanting some escapism- online you can be anyone one you want. Hope you can sort it out and sorry for you- any sort of cheating hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BillH Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies. How I found out was by simply asking her as I knew something was up. I do want to work things out and we are seeing a counselor. I feel betrayed and I'm having trouble getting past the mistrust I have in her now. I definitely have some responsibility in this as after 20 years of marriage things have become quite stale and much has been taken for granted. I'm hoping through the counselor we will be able to discover the missing ingredients and hopefully get them back. My part in this is quite clear to me. It's not knowing what's going on in her head that has me concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Its good you are both willing to try. Hope it all works out:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author BillH Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Its good you are both willing to try. Hope it all works out:) Thanks for the kind words!! Link to post Share on other sites
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