girls night out-marriage disaster

[al]

While on vacation in Cancun, wife went to a chippendale show at the resort. I thought it was just for kicks. When she returned,it was obvious something was wrong. She insisted nothing happened,but was obviously lying. Finally admitted to being chosen to go to the stage and asked to sit on the floor and raise her right leg. A guy returns and puts whipped cream on her upper arm and the inside of her thigh down to her crotch, then he starts dancing around her. She sits and waits until he finally returns and gets down and licks it off of her.

 

this hurt me more than I can imagine, and I can't forgive her. Marriage is a disaster. Need to know what other people think. Thanks.

[Deejette]

I know this hurts, but if she is a good wife to you, I would forgive her. Those shows are meaningless, and it's not like she kept contact with the dancing-dude or got it on with him. I don't consider this infidelity. She was just having a little fun. If she had been unfaithful in the past, then maybe you would be suspicious. But in this case, I'd let it slide.

While on vacation in Cancun, wife went to a chippendale show at the resort. I thought it was just for kicks. When she returned,it was obvious something was wrong. She insisted nothing happened,but was obviously lying. Finally admitted to being chosen to go to the stage and asked to sit on the floor and raise her right leg. A guy returns and puts whipped cream on her upper arm and the inside of her thigh down to her crotch, then he starts dancing around her. She sits and waits until he finally returns and gets down and licks it off of her. this hurt me more than I can imagine, and I can't forgive her. Marriage is a disaster. Need to know what other people think. Thanks.

[Bobby Dygytul]

If you love her, than you will forgive her. Just let her know that it bothered you. It's not like she screwed him, she juss enjoyed the show. She wouldn't have married you if she didn't love you or if she wanted to be with other guys. Maybe you should go to a strip bar and have some beautiful lady eat whipped cream off you or you off her?

 

~Bobby Dygytul~ doodoodoodoodoodoodoodooooooo!!!!!!

I know this hurts, but if she is a good wife to you, I would forgive her. Those shows are meaningless, and it's not like she kept contact with the dancing-dude or got it on with him. I don't consider this infidelity. She was just having a little fun. If she had been unfaithful in the past, then maybe you would be suspicious. But in this case, I'd let it slide.

 

[Jenna]

I want to scream "Double Standard"- but I won't- I know you have serious feelings about this so I will try to help. But- I do want to remind you of something- married men -on occassion -will go to a topless bar- now, I am talking about the infrequent visit- like for a bachelor party or even a meeting with a business associate (it happens)-

 

they are looking and having fun- and even get a lap dance every once in a while. I am not saying that you engage in these activities- but I'm sure you know some man who has and you probably thought little of it. (Why is your situation different?)

 

Okay- about your wife going out with the girls- it "appears" that this was a mutually agreed upon event. It wasn't until the whipped cream incident that you had a problem??? Or, were you upset about the whole thing from the beginning and are using this as an excuse to vent?

 

If I have said it once- I have said it a million times- "Never do anything that would hurt or upset your spouse- when in doubt- ask. Always consider your spouse's feelings when making decisions." This is the golden rule of marriage- you and your wife should learn it.

 

She may have made a bad decision here- I am sure there was drinking involved- and on top of that- peer pressure. Put yourself in her place (not that you would enjoy having a half naked man lick your leg- but you know what I mean)If your wife makes it a habit of going out and getting herself into hot water- maybe you should discuss how this makes you feel- and ask her to avoid these situations.

 

If this was an isolated event- you are showing your wife a side of you that I promise- she doesn't want to see. To allow your insecurity to damage your marriage is foolish. If you love her- talk to her- "talk to" not "at" and come to a MUTUAL agreement about how to handle it. I am sure she loves you- and doesn't want to do things that hurt you- and I for one would like to give her a standing "O" for being honest with you about what happened that night. If you were my husband- and I was honest with you about something like that- just to have you freak out- I certainly would think twice about fessing up in the future. Your wife needs to feel that she can tell you anything- and I mean "anything." It is your responsibility to make sure that she knows the door is always open. THIS is the wrong way to go about it.

 

Botton line- she wasn't unfaithful- she was out with the girls having fun- probably had NO idea what she was getting into when she stepped into the spot-light- is most likely more embarrassed about it than you are angry- and chances are- it will never happen again. Is that worth ending your marriage?

 

Good Luck with your feelings- I hope it works out for you. Jenna

I know this hurts, but if she is a good wife to you, I would forgive her. Those shows are meaningless, and it's not like she kept contact with the dancing-dude or got it on with him. I don't consider this infidelity. She was just having a little fun. If she had been unfaithful in the past, then maybe you would be suspicious. But in this case, I'd let it slide.

 

[al]

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I really am trying to turn it off. The anger is gone, but I just can't seem to get rid of the hurt. She says she knew it would hurt me, but allowed it to happen anyway. I love her madly,and think she does too. Just can't find a way of dealing with it that I can make sense out of. All she had to do was get up and walk out, do the right thing. But she didn't. Just makes me sad.