Why it took so long for me to break up with her who lie and cheat

[janbaz]

I believe the health of relationship should be on truth and care. And it's hard for me to cheat and lie. A thing I can not do, I event cant pretend it.

 

I broke up with a girl that I had a hard crush. I have posted my queries here before to seek advice from you guys. Because, I got a girl that was cool at start but gone very hard to get. I was in crush. I will not say that she was my girl friend. Because, I was behind her. Two to three times I broke up with her on her ill treated attitude and her intrest with ANOTHER guy (later discovered, the number is greater).

 

It's been a months she emailed me, just to test waters. But I didnt replied.

 

In all these days, I dont know whether I saved my dignity being a man or not. But this time, it's me who distant myself from her being in NC. And now she also know that this guy is not coming after her.

 

The big problem is: We work on a same place. By some how, I encountered her. I try to make eye contact and totally make NOT BOTHERING style.

 

My crush spans on 2 and half year with her.

 

Her presence in my life is off now. I feel good because I feel free of any emotional pressure that I always felt to be caring a lot about her.

 

But I feel pain that why it took so long to figure out that she is not worth of it. And she just played with me.

 

In 2009 when I came to know she had a relation with an other guy too I broke up with her. But after a month in a reply of empty message of her I called her back. And things started again. I repent I should not called at that time. That was my biggest mistake to give her second chance.

 

Two to three times radio silence came in us for 2 to 3 months. But I was like, wanted her and go to her again and again. Always I thought, might be this time things will be good. And we happen to meet in person. (that we never did in these years)

 

I just want to kick her ass out of my mind forever. What should I do? I dont want to bother on any thing about her anymore. It might be she lose her intrest in me far long. But I belive, if there would be the case. Why it took so long for me to know. I should better to put my ass out of it at those times.

 

Now I have walked away. But some how I feel a pain. Knowing that, she was not honest with me.

 

Thanks for reading it. And I appriciate your comments and advice.

[davesterr]

If the only reason you are still thinking about her is because of yourself not understanding why it took so long and not because you still secretly have feelings for her then the reason for that might because you're taking it too hard on yourself.

 

Just know this, at the beginning you can't really tell whether a person is going to be loyal to you or not.

Love is a gamble and you simply bet on it depending on how much that prize means to you and how badly you want it.

Some people bet their entire life on the game and others simply a mere moment and will move on if they didnt win because they dont care as much.

 

You found out she wasn't loyal to you and i am sorry to hear this.

You being a good person or whether you simply wanted her back made you give her a second chance.

She ruined that second chance and now you are mad at yourself for giving it.

The best thing to do now is to look back at the past and learn from it.

It taught you 1 life lesson which is that people never change.

You didn't know before but now you do.

 

To move on from this simply forgive yourself for wanting/hoping for the best and for letting it take this long and simply be happy for the fact that you are now emotionally detached from her as you say you are.

There's no need to be angry at yourself for something you could not have known.

Ofcourse you can also be angry at her for having hurt you but in the end it really matters whats ahead in the future for you and not what happened in the past.

So i say forgive yourself and find peace with whatever happened with her in the past.

She's no longer a part in your life and there are no strings left.

If you don't want to be together with her anymore and you are truely emotionally detached from her and not just sayin you are.

Then accept that what happened in the past is in the past and now you can live a great life starting today.

[janbaz]

I humbly thank you Davesterr. You gave me a insight of what I am taking hard to understand and hitting my head against wall. It was always painful when you good treatment never reciprocate. And your feelings are just a fun for some one. I came to know a lot of people that she was in with. I feel to be bad in that list too. I was always stayed away from these kind of girls and never be in relationship just because I am not a gamer. But yes, I played my all cards on her. But never won.

 

I need peace. Peace of mind. Yes, you are right. I know my nature is good, and it's ok not to be a super human or a king. One thing that I more want to control is, my mind some time start playing repeat telecast of those bad memories with her. The moments when she was cheating to me. And I start finding out replies to those things to her.

 

Past is over. And she is gone. I don't want her back. Or want to see her. It does not matter for me.

 

Your words enlightened me, and I am reading them again and again. Yes, from today. I am having a great life. Past is gone. And future is coming.

 

Thanks again. And stay blessed.