CluelessOne Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I have been with a girl for over a year now. She has always been flirty, and in the past, we have had problems with certain things. For example, I didn't mind that she would go out with friends without me, but she used to let guys buy her drinks, which violates a boundary for me.This is sort of our 'problem,' we don't really have the same ideas on what is appropriate when hanging out with the opposite sex. To the point of this post, I don't feel it's appropriate for her to go to a club with her girlfriend, with the intention of 'meeting new people,' specifically, guys. I need to know if I am just being unreasonable. I feel the way I do because I know that the vast majority of guys go to clubs for a specific reason. What sparked the current issue is that a guy called her while we were together. I didn't know him, and recognized the name because she had just added him to Facebook. I asked who it was, and she told me it was a guy she met out at a club the other night. Is that ok? I can understand wanting to feel sexy and hanging out with girlfriends... but where is that line? I think exchanging phone numbers with someone is crossing said line. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 If you have established boundaries, stick to them. Don't let someone else cross over them. And trust your gut. mike Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 She's totally playing the field. Expect her to leave you so you might want to be preoactive and be the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 How old is this girl? She's acting like she's 21 and has no clue how to act in a committed relationship. As a female it really sounds like she's seeing if there are better options out there. She's basically acting like she's single. As someone said above - DO NOT back down on your boundaries - they are boundaries for a reason and they are valid! Once you let someone step over them and tolerate it, you then only have yourself to blame at that point. I'm in a relationship and I don't flirt with other men and when they offer to buy me drinks I politely decline. Letting a man buy me a drink sends him the signal that I'm interested and willing to chat and get to know him. Your girlfriend knows this too - don't let her pretend that it's "just friendly" - she knows better too. She probably likes the attention. She'll probably call you controlling and jealous and everything else - let her....who cares. As a female - I think your point is valid and fair. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 To the point of this post, I don't feel it's appropriate for her to go to a club with her girlfriend, with the intention of 'meeting new people,' specifically, guys. well hell no. tell her you will tag along, betcha she won't like it. she won't want other guys knowing she has a boyfriend. I don't date women that like to barhop or go clubbing. And she specifically goes to meet guys?? uh, whats missing in this picture? oh ya, respect for her boyfriend. I need to know if I am just being unreasonable. no, SHE is. what does she need to go clubbing for if she has a boyfriend? There is a reason people club, and it isn't to drink and hang out with the same sex. I feel the way I do because I know that the vast majority of guys go to clubs for a specific reason. which is why women go, to get hit on, to flirt, and more. What sparked the current issue is that a guy called her while we were together. I didn't know him, and recognized the name because she had just added him to Facebook. I asked who it was, and she told me it was a guy she met out at a club the other night. Is that ok? #$%& no its not ok! Sorry, but she isn't acting like a girlfriend. A girl like this need to be alone, relationship-wise anyway. she has some maturing to do before thinking she needs a boyfriend. I think exchanging phone numbers with someone is crossing said line. Any thoughts? it is crossing the line. I think you would do well to find yourself a better girl. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 She's totally playing the field. Expect her to leave you so you might want to be preoactive and be the dumper. advice you should definitely put into action here CluelessOne Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 dump her ass!!! ASAP! Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Real simple are you or are you not in a committed relationship If you are, then everything you are describing is inapropos Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 You cannot dictate what she is going to do: If she wants to meet other people without you -that's her decision. If you want to stay by her while she wanders off - that's your decision. This sounds like a friends-with-benefits situation but without discussing the deal. Alternatively, she is quietly trying to dump you while looking for a new b/f. Either way, she is not trying to improve your relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Alternatively, she is quietly trying to dump you while looking for a new b/f. Sounds like this. Either dump her outright, or start going out to clubs and doing what she's doing, meeting girls, to see if it might smack some sense into her. Link to post Share on other sites
crazyinlove333 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 NO NO NO. It is not ok, in my opinion. I think it is great that you have discussed boundaries with each other, but if one partner is not respecting them, then it needs to be over. You are worth so much more! I am a 41 year old female and I am at bars frequently with my boyfriends band or just with a girlfriend on occasion, I get men offering to buy me drinks alot, I politely so no thank you!!! It is not that difficult when you are in a commited relationship that you truely want to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
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