Glove_slap Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Has a dumper (please specify male or female) ever apologized to you after a long time after breaking up with you / have you apologized to an ex after breaking up with them after a long time? By a long time I mean over a year. OR If you dumped someone are you too scared/guilty to apologize to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glove_slap Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Not that apologizing makes a difference, many dumpers just apologize to clear their own consciousness rather than trying to make the dumpee feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yes, well after a year and from the conversation that followed it was clear she wanted to try again. I'd suffered badly due to her and come out the other end a better person. Most importantly though, I'd got over her completely to the point where she meant nothing to me. So although I appreciated the apologies, I never went back and I left her realising the mistake she'd made. Healing felt good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
superchiefs Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Has a dumper (please specify male or female) ever apologized to you after a long time after breaking up with you / have you apologized to an ex after breaking up with them after a long time? By a long time I mean over a year. OR If you dumped someone are you too scared/guilty to apologize to them? Yes, every time my ex contacts me, she apologizes for the pain she caused me. But as someone else already said, I am sure she only does it for her own benefit. I didnt do anything wrong to cause the break up. My ex hooked up with a married coworker of hers. She says she didnt break up with me to be with him, but she broke up with me because I like sports and thrift stores and she likes plays and music. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yes. I've had several ex boyfriends apologize to me. So much time had gone by that it didn't really affect me. I guess it's a little nice to know they had thought about things and came to that conclusion. If they are genuinely sorry, it will take them a long time to fully realize it. So, don't hold your breathe Link to post Share on other sites
R32 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yes. And it pissed me off. Because she gave up on us without even trying to make it work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yes, and I'm very glad she did. We worked in the same building and lived together for a long time. Then we parted amicably. About a year and a half later I went out with someone she knew for a while who also worked in the building but we were discrete. We parted as well. Somehow word got back to my original LTR. One day I was coming up the elevator and chick number two got on on one of the mid floors and it was just a coincidence that she and I rode up together to my floor. The doors opened and right there was someone who had it in for me and rushed to girl one saying I was with girl 2 and god knows what else. My ex came up and had a meltdown--thinking that somehow she gets to control me and keep me pure in her mind. She screamed at me and made a scene. That night I genuinely cried my eyes out. Coming from her it hurt so bad. Then she moved out of state and I thought we'd be finally done on such a bad note. But she called a year later on my birthday and apologized for everything. It meant a lot. That was our final talk. (I still want to throw and absolute beating on that bitch who ran to her with the wrong impression. She was not our friend. She was my rival for position and used this to hurt me. Horrible office politics.) Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I had an ex show up at my door, out of the blue one day. We'd been broken up for at least three or four years, or it could've been 5 or 6---I honestly don't remember. (this was many, many years ago) We still lived in the same city after breaking up--I'd moved there with him, but we only lasted a year and a half living together, before splitting. Long story short---he came to "make amends"---as he had finally quit drinking, and had started going to AA. So he apologized for all of the stress that he had put me through because of the heavy drinking he did. Part of me had felt somewhat guilty for leaving him, but the drinking had gotten so bad, by the end of our R---I couldn't handle anymore...I had tried getting through to him---but I had hit a brick wall--he wasn't going to listen. So it really meant a lot for him to come and make amends with me, face to face---even if it was a few years later. It was healing to finally have my experience validated Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Has a dumper (please specify male or female) ever apologized to you after a long time after breaking up with you / have you apologized to an ex after breaking up with them after a long time? By a long time I mean over a year. OR If you dumped someone are you too scared/guilty to apologize to them? It's not because you dumped someone that you should automatically apologize to them. The reasons matter very much. If a woman was abused by her man and she decided to leave him, would she have to apologize for leaving him ? Or if a relationship is going nowhere with someone and you decided to leave because your partner is afraid of commitment, should you feel guilty ? I don't think so. A relationship is very much like an emotional contract, if one of both parties isn't respecting the rules, one is much likely to do a contract breach. Which you had in my case. And yes my ex boyfriend (the dumpee) admitted that he was wrong making me believe we could have a future together. He wasn't honest with me. And that is a huge red flag. Sure he was 'afraid of losing me', but what about me losing myself in this fake relationship ? In my situation, he (the dumpee) should be the one apologizing to me. And aren't that what those text messages have been about for the last year already ? An attempt at apologizing ? And why should I feel guilty for dumping my ex boyfriend ? Because he said to me ' You are not my priority anymore' ? ... or maybe that was just code language for [please dump me, i'm too much a coward of a man to do it... do it for my sake so i won't feel guilty for dumping you. You dump me instead and we'll be free ! ] Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I tried, not actually for breaking up with, but for the way I acted when that happened (refusing to respond to her texts, calls and mails and not contacting her at all)... But she acted aloof when I contacted her... after three emails that weren't going to anywhere I dropped the whole matter... I did it because I thought the dust had settled and we could act with maturity about the whole thing, this was after a year of the break up, and I guess she felt somehow validated with my contact... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Yes, I've had a dumper come back and apologize to me. It was about a year after he broke up with me... He said all sorts of horrible things that I internalized and turned inward. He contacted me after a year to ask to meet up and he told me it was him with the issues, not me. Then he apologized for projecting all his anger and personal issues onto me. I was well over him when I agreed to the meeting, I couldn't have met with him otherwise. I appreciated the apology, but he had done a lot of damage with those stinging words during the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 More than a year later my ex hasn't apologized, for dumping me by text and doing a 180. I guess he's cheating on someone else now? I hope someone dumps this prick, some people need to be dumped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glove_slap Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 thanks for the responses everyone Link to post Share on other sites
joseph17 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I still have my ex say she is sorry for everything and that is 3 years after our divorce. It probably because I have all 3 of our kids and she doesn't give me **** so she feels guilty Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No, instead my gf moved on, made a new bf, den emailed me and even now she contact me every 25-30 days to tell me how great she is doing with her new boyfriend. lolzz.. They don't waste time do they? I hope their honeymoon phase doesn't last long. And then the **** hits the fan. Link to post Share on other sites
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