Why does she LOVE to struggle..?

[Coupedriver]

Yeah I figure I am going to catch slack for this BUT I cant shake it.The last few weeks I have had these....kinda weird feelings,like something isnt right...In my stomach.I keep thinking something is wrong...its bugging the living hell out of me.I had a strong FEELING ( I have kept in LC with the ex...) to write to her and ask her something..now mind you she told me when she broke up.."This is the HAPPIEST I have ever been."..yeah I know,a shot taken at me...Well I have seen her several times where I shop and I can tell you,it dont look good.Now I know for a FACT she is having MAJOR money problems and her bf doesn't work.

Collections keep calling here looking for her..so I asked her straight out..."If your SO happy,why do you look so miserable every time I see you." She has yet to answer that....I think shes PISSED because I know..its weird I admit it,but every time I get those feelings..I am right on the money..!!! I know she is struggling but what I cant figure out is ..Why and the hell would you go through that.? Afraid to admit I am right..? If you saw HELP from a person,wouldn't you ask..? I mean I struggle and right away I come here to seek advice...if I have a money issue that week,I will ask my family for a few dollars to get me by until payday but what she is doing doesn't make sense...

Yeah I know.."Not my problem." but I don't turn off the CARING switch very often...that's just me.

[wilsonx]

You need to... that caretaker mentality we talked about.

 

She's never going to admit she made a mistake, she knows it, her ego will never allow it. I told you earlier its not your job to be captain fix a hoe. You have to let it go and move on.

 

I have mentioned this in several posts, shes one of those people that are not happy living comfortably like you and I are. She's a product of her environment. She's not use to safe. It is what it is and its time for you to accept it and go NC

[Coupedriver]

How can you be NOT be use to safe.??!?!? Why would you turn a BLIND eye to it..? You can see what you had,see what you have and TELL which is right and which is wrong...Cant she see that..??!?!?

[Coupedriver]

I am not asking her to do that when I asked her "Why do you look so un-happy when I see you.?" Unless that is what she thinks I am asking.

[Surfer Girl]

Coupe

 

She may be struggling... She is not asking for your help because she does not want to... She may not want to hurt you and is trying to move on.... As much as you may want to help her... let her go.... as hard as it for her and you... she would rather be struggling than asking for you for help... you need to accept that...and let her find her own way...

[R32]

So.......she has money issues, and you want to be involved with her....

 

Why?

[Coupedriver]

You kinda missing the point..its not only the money issue.Letting her find her own way is cool..but look how many people on here NEED help finding there way.I VALUE all of the advice I get here and I read all of it..some goes right through and some sticks...That's because we are ALL different and take advice differently.I analyze all of it and use what feels COMFORTABLE with me,or should I say,what feels right...hits a certain way I think along with the person who posted it.Yes,I know I should just stand back and NOT get involved and let it runs it course,but sometimes THINGS aren't always as they seem...sometimes in life we FIND out who or what we need without looking too far...

[wilsonx]

the real question is why do you love to struggle?

 

you are focusing on everyone but yourself

[Coupedriver]

I know...I can't break it.But I am trying....I know it doesn't seem that way right now...And yes wilsonx I do value everything you say,your advice along with countless others has helped me and a few times turned a BAD day into a good day.Thanks....

[TheJiltedGeneration]

You really shouldn't be holding her in scrutiny, and examining how she's f******g her life right now... because it sounds to me that rather than examining how better off you are.. your just waiting for the right moment to be "her hero" , any focus on her is bad focus, stop keeping in contact and let her wash herself down the plug hole, as she might take you down too..

 

she sounds like she's pathologically in denial and is trying to find cheap ways to justify how she's better off w/o you so she can feel( including taking pot shots at your ego, when clear she really isnt. Thats a real low blow on her part..

 

just admit to yourself your better off, ( hell if I were you I would even be empowered by the fact) go NC and just move on... your so much better off not putting up with her s***...

[Surfer Girl]

Coupe

 

Where do you want to go with this woman? What direction do you feel will be the best for you? I am asking because I ask myself the same questions... After 8 years and 8 months breakup...I have had to realize I am not in control of him wanting me the way I want him... I am finacially struggling and I know he would help me if I asked... I feel I am not in the position to be asking him for anything anymore....

[Coupedriver]

I wrote her and told her "You cant have your mail delivered BECAUSE I believe its giving me false hope".Now I wrote to her and asked her if she thought it was true.. is she giving me that false hope idea in my head.? No answer...She wrote back.."You said I could use the address to keep her in a better school..!" I wrote back.."The school DOESN'T care and long as you are registered in September,you stay there until NEXT September...even when the school year splits in January.I asked her again...."Are you giving me false hope.??" Nothing back...asked her again...no answer.It wouldn't honestly bother( the answer..) me BUT at least tell me the TRUTH.."you cant break something thats all ready broken...my heart"...I told her once the change of her mail goes through,NO MORE hearing from me.I wrote her a while back and asked her..."Why didnt you come to me BEFORE all of this BS started and ask me what you wanted...? And ask me what I wanted..? "What did we mean to each other..?" She answers.."I thought you didnt want us around.." Ok...then why and the hell would I book a weekend away,spend 6000.00 dollars on an engagement ring just to say I don't want you around..???!

I told her .."You are so focused on BEING with someone else,you never saw what was right before you...!!" Even her mother argued about how she was TOO focused..and I get that part,I really do.Like wilsonx said.."Her ego wont let her admit she was or is wrong..".I honestly dont give a sh*t about that part...she never has to admit to me she was wrong or even right.Yeah I get people make mistakes...no problem with me,I make them all of the time..

But to be too afraid to admit to it...I dont know.But how do you know surfergirl if you dont ask.???!?! I see your point though...would be tough as HELL to ask an ex for help.I can only imagine what kind of BS that would stir up.We were together for 8 years too....I don't know where I want it to go..honestly...Some days I just want it back like it was,some days...I don't give a damn.I guess I just believe in NOT giving up the fight..fight to prove your worth....fight to believe in what you want.We all take the fight differently though.Some people just walk away and never do get that chance.

I wrote to her once and asked this.."If you dont want me in your life,tell me to get the hell out and to leave you alone..!" She never answered.So I dont know.....I know I am starving and need to eat.I know some of you DONT understand why this is SO important to me...but I can't explain it...I feel it.I asked my counselor .." Am living in the BIGGEST case of denial.?"She said no..But that was a while ago when I asked that.

[Coupedriver]

DAMN I can ramble...!!!!! LMAO....

[Coupedriver]

Well I wrote to her several times and everyone knows I asked her "It is FALSE HOPE to keep having your mail delivered here.?" Well today I decided it was time for a FACE to FACE and I needed answers to 2 questions.I waited for her to get off work and stopped by her car..she smiled and said Hi,I said Hi back.I then asked her straight out.."How come you didn't answer my question's I sent you? You told me if there was something I need to ask you, just ask." She said she was kinda busy but she read them...I asked her straight out.."Is it false hope..?" She kinda looked away and said "Yes it is."I then asked her.."Do you want me totally out of your life..?"She didn't answer right away and changed the subject quickly..."Do you have that movie we bought a while ago..?

I told her yeah,I had 2 copies of it..."Well can I borrow it..?" I looked at her and said.."Your serious..?You want me to give you a movie WE bought so you and the guy your living with can watch it..together..?!!" She said "I'm sorry".I said no problem....again I asked her..."Do you want me out of your life totally..?" I could tell she wasn't to sure on how to answer.

She said.."Well I can tell you it will never be me and you together again." I asked her.."How do you know..? Can you predict the future..?" She said no,she can't..I told her..."Never say Never".I asked again.."Ok,whats my answer..?".She looked kinda hurt and said.."NO,not totally out of my life...can't we just be cool to each other..?" I said.." I don't know.."

I wanted to ask how the guy shes living with (if he finds out..) would he think of this..But I was on the brink of losing it totally so I had to leave,I was dying inside...But the whole time I was there I just smiled and never let her see how much pain I was in....So what now..? I dont know...I know everyone will say "You got the answers you were looking for..time to move on..".Well,one answer.I guess sitting here I am still in shock...

Waiting for the waves of emotions...I can feel them coming.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

Man it is painful just reading what you've just read, I feel for ya man, but right now your kind of willing-fully jumping on top of your own sword and you need to stop clinging on to her.... she's made her choice and needs to make it alone, but they way you asked her twice your trying to edge her into saying what she knows you want to hear (I've done it myself and trust me the pause should be a massive indication that right now she's trying to just find ways not to hurt your feelings..) ..... It's not right... you have to let her go.. let her make her own choices, sounds like she will regret them, but thats the only way she will learn.....

[Coupedriver]

I knew the emotions were coming...kinda waited.I was almost asleep when it started,tight stomach,pacing..kinda used to it now.Got dressed and went walking through the park by my house...well the track part.Its not what I wanted to hear Jilted,but for myself..I NEEDED to hear it,even if it's NOT what we all want to hear,I didn't want to read it from an e-mail.I can't keep wondering what if's forever...I needed that face to face...painful as it was.

It wasn't the pause...it was the words afterwards.."Cant we just be cool to each other..?" I dont even know what he hell that means..well I do,but I can't be friends.There's just WAY too much love for her to be friends...And to me,that wasn't an answer.I will let things settle down for a while..kinda just roll with the punches and keep myself sane..( or at least try..) and decide whats best.I will tell her I can't be her friend..sorry.

Jilted,she wont learn....she is stubborn as the day is long.I told he before.."If your hair was on fire and I was the only one with a bucket of water to put it out..you would NEVER come to me..!" I guess ,but never thought,that there are people who are REALLY like that in this world.I could never be that stubborn...

[davesterr]

I read your reply on one of my earlier posts so il just give you my advice here since u kinda implied.

 

Reading your story i get the feeling that, you feel like you are the most perfect guy for her. Or that you can make her the happiest in the world.

See i know why you think that because i gave up everything i had for my ex girlfriend.

I flew across the world twice for 4 months each just to see her.

How many guys would do that for her and sacrifice as much as i did?

Or love her as much as i do?

 

In a way it seems that what you really want is for her to tell you that it was a mistake that she broke up with you.

That you are better than the guy she is seeing now.

That she totally regret leaving you and that she wants to get back together.

That is what you truthfully honestly want to hear.

 

The whole helping her financially.

Well theres this thing called: You can't buy love.

And whether she is living on the street or living in a mansion.

Her financial status is not what's gonna make her change her mind and turn to you.

I know this is what you seem to want at this moment but ask yourself this:

Do you really want your ex girlfriend to date you only because of financial safety?

Do you really want her to see you as a bank and use you for your funds untill she finds someone else that she loves or someone else who has more money to offer than you?

Because financial status or safety does not equal love.

And it can not buy love either.

So even if she would go back to you only for that reason than that's not love at all and there would be a huge chance that she would leave again sooner or later.

You don't want to be like huge hefner who simply has women around him because of him being rich.

 

I think you are not in denial.

However you are lieing to yourself.

Thats why you need to hear and understand the truth and it is going to hurt.

I can guarantee you that.

Your ex left you for whatever reason it may be.

See , it doesn't matter if you are the perfect guy that can offer her the world.

All that matters is what she thinks of you. Not what reality is.

Maybe you're a better guy than the current guy shes dating.

Maybe you're more rich or alot more nice.

Maybe you love her more than any guy might ever will.

But guess what? To her it doesn't matter.

 

She left you because she no longer loves you.

Thats the truth that you have to accept.

I mean she is alrdy living and seeing someone else.

Im pretty sure she's completely over you.

And for her to keep you on a string isn't fair.

 

When you ask her to tell you to dissapear completely out of her life.

Do you really think that when she will say that you will actually do that?

Or will you just simply not believe her , or think that you know best so ul stick around anyway untill she comes to her senses and realises ur the right guy for her?

 

Because that is what you are doing right now.

You think she is wrong and you are right.

But it doesn't matter who is right because she has moved on.

She is living with someone else and she doesn't care about you.

 

I know that no guy will ever love my ex girlfriend more than me.

And i know that no guy in the world will ever sacrifice or do as much as i did.

Because i would literally die if i could just to make her happy.

If thats what it took , and im positive no one else in the world would do that.

But she still left me.

And for the longest time i just couldn't understand it.

I thought, what does her new boyfriend have to offer that i don't?

But in the end i realised it doesn't matter.

Because thats what she choose to do.

She choose to break up with me , and she choose to be with someone else.

 

Will she regret it and realise she was wrong to leave me?

Who knows.

Only time will tell.

But it doesn't matter how much i tell her all of that because you cannot tell a girl shes wrong.

Women are stubborn and the only way for them to ever learn (if they ever learn) is through the hard way.

I know this hurts and i know you rather just have her realise she should be with u right now.

But theres just nothing you can do.

 

I dont think you want to hear her tell you to dissapear.

Because i dont think you will actually dissapear if she does say so.

In a way you can not find peace with letting her go because you think your the right guy for her.

I dont know if you are or if your not.

But the only thing you can do is let her live her life.

Maybe some day she will realise that you were.

Then again a big chance is that she never will.

Because women are just really stupid when it comes to relationships.

 

In the end though you gave it your all.

I dont know the reason for the break up but it sounds like you been together for a really long time and you should be happy you had those good moments.

Just as how i always say in other posts , if you really love her then you gotta let her live her life man.

Even if she is making the biggest mistake of her life.

The only way she will learn is through the hard way.

And that means you cant interfere in her life by telling her the future or any of that.

 

Right now all you can do is 2 things.

1: You stay completely mentally messed up as you are now.

You can keep lieing to yourself and hope that somehow you will get back together.

However she already told you that you would never be together.

See i don't think i will ever win the lottery.

But that doesn't mean its a 100% guaranteed.

Nothing in life is 100% guaranteed.

You just can't live off an answer like that man.

You gotta take control of your own life.

IF you keep waiting on her forever then your gonna live the rest of your life feeling completely misserable and theres a huge chance she will never come back.

50 years into the future guess what? You just wasted ur whole life for someone that doesn't even care.

For someone who is now living with another guy that doesn't care about you and simply keeps you on a string because she might ever need you in the future simply by using you for whatever reason it might be.

But i do know that the reasons that she isnt stringing you for , is to ever get back together.

Because she already told you that it would never happen.

 

At this point it hurts to read all of this but now you realise the truth.

I don't think you like to waste your entire life becuz theres so much still out there.

So the best thing you can do is to realise you wont get back together anymore, stop all connection with her to make you think of her as least as possible , and start to live your life the best way you can man.

 

The future is never set.

And who knows what might happen.

But i do know 1 thing thats for sure.

Lets say 5 years into the future by some miracle she does want you back.

Then i know that if you are living on the streets as an alcoholic due to you not being able to coop living without her aint gonna make her come back to you even if she did want to.

 

But if you lived a great life for those upcoming 5 years , doing better than ever then im sure if she wants you back then and you still feel the same way about her and is single then you can go back together and have a great life.

 

Ofcourse all of this is if you still love her at that point like the desiring feeling you have now.

But right now if you really do love her then you gota let her be free and let her make her own mistakes man.

Even if you know better , even if it hurts so much.

You just gotta.

Because you can't control her life , and you cant help her either.

The reason for that is because she doesn't want your help.

 

So many times i gave my advice to people becuz i tried to help them.

They hardly listened and all my energy was wasted.

Why? Because they never asked for help.

I simply gave it without them wanting it.

 

To wrap this story up.

You did what you could.

She broke up and is living with another guy.

She said she doesn't ever see herself being with you anymore.

I think its time to let her be free.

Let her live her life, be with whoever she wants to be.

Because if you love her let her be happy.

Even if you think you know better.

Right now she thinks the grass is greener on the other side.

So no matter the amount of arguements or complaining or talking is gonna make her realise that.

You just gotta let go.

Maybe some day in the future she will have learned the hard way and will want you back.

But i think if that ever happens , you might be living a happy life with someone else who really appreciates what you do for her and wont even want her back.

In the end the future is never set.

But really , the best thing for you to do is to break all contact and start living for yourself man.

Don't lie to yourself and wait for her to tell you to dissapear.

You dont need to hear those exact words.

You broke up , shes with someone else and she doesn't wanna get back together.

Repeat it in ur mind , realise and understand that thats the hard truth and just tell yourself: Im going to dissapear out of her life.

Whether she wants me to or not.

Because I want to.

 

You dont need to feel this bad everyday.

You deserve better man.

And since nothing can be done at this point.

Why would you settle with feeling the worst ever.

When you can actually have a great time and enjoy life?

The past is the past , and we never have any real control over the future.

But the now is when we can do whatever we want.

So why spend it feeling sad about someone who doesn't love u back?

Just live a great life and then ul see great things coming to you.

Edited October 24, 2011 by davesterr

[Coupedriver]

Yeah,I know what your saying davesterr..I re-read it a thousand times and cried harder each time..to the point if getting sick to my stomach.I am shaking so bad I cant even type mosy of thid.I do valuy what you have said...sorry for the mistakes...I knew what wass coming anyway..and yes i would hade left her alone,cant mess with free will...cant make her come back..is she ever does,it ahs to be on her own.Tahnsk davesterr..I will get back to you...

[davesterr]

dont feel bad bout crying man. your emotions are real so just let it out.

the shaking part is also normal. i see dogs do this on the dog whisperer all the time when they are forced to go through their fears and anxiety.

its a healthy sign that says you are getting through this.

 

soon the shaking will end and just like those scared dogs that have their tails between their legs , sooner or later their tales will turn back to normal and live a better life than they ever had.

you will find yourself rehabiliated when you face your fears and go through it.

this is probably one of the most painful moments you have to go through.

and it will be a long and hard process that you have to work on everyday.

but after that it will be alot better and you will once again be able to live life the way you should.

goodlucks man.

 

Ps: also dont take it too hard on urself.

take a break and calm your mind.

find a moment of peace.

i know this is hard and no one likes to go through this process.

but you cant beat urself up either.

just listen to your body and feel whats right.

if you need a break then take a break.

theres no rush and this is a new step towards healing your life.

just take your time for it.

Edited October 24, 2011 by davesterr

[Coupedriver]

I couldn't go to work today.I have had ZERO hours of sleep.The night was like a night from a movie.."Welcome to HELL." Davesterr...DO NOT blame yourself...I NEEDED to hear it...no matter how bad.I feel like its the day it all started...all over...I hear those words.." I NEED to find myself..I NEED time alone...I love you but I am NOT in love with you..".I think back on what has happened and it all seems....unreal for one person to go through this.I think "NO ONE could EVER feel like this or know how I feel.!!" I think back..."Falling on the ground,crying..pleading...PLEASE,dont leave me.Lets talk about it first." I think I remember saying so many things I cant even remember half of them.

I remember crying on the way home,pulling over and getting so sick I thought I was dying.I remember calling you..e-mailing..PLEASE talk to me.Stopping by your work so we could talk..if only I could say a few things,I can change it...I KNOW I can.BEGGING you to just listen...the whole time you saying.." I NEED to be alone for a while.." More sleepless nights..they are a blur...calling suicide hotlines...( I am sure I am going to take my own life..I CAN FEEL it coming..)..Searching the internet for help..answers.Calling counselor after counselor...Talking to friends,family..YOUR family...anyone who can help..and not finding ANY.Friends start to stay away when I come close.. your family and mine dont want to hear about it anymore..and its only been 1 week.

I feel like I am slipping away...I can feel the very thing that keeps us alive is leaving me..."HOW can a MAN feel like this..??!?!?!?" I remember balling up on the floor,making a deal with GOD..."PLEASE,let me die.." PLEASE..if you can hear me..take my life....I feel lower then anything...lower then how Dmoney28 explained it..lower the the scum under the fridge.I realize I am good at two things...crying and not sleeping.I go to the Doctor..he flips out..."You have lost almost 23 pounds in 10 days..You cant keep this up,you will die.." REALLY..?? I will.??

I cruise the streets looking for drugs to make me sleep..I find a supplier of Xanex for me.I keep sending e-mails and calling,but you wont answer.PLEASE...just talk to me for a few..I find out through searching that I am doing EVERYTHING wrong..everyone does what I am doing.I buy books by the truck load...YES..I can make it work...I talk to close guys from work and find out that it is MORE common then I think...one guy even TRIED to take his life.The books solve ..NOTHING..I buy then based on PURE FEAR of losing you...not knowing,I already have.

I ask you to stop by and you finally do...we talk but its not us..I remember hearing.." I have a new boyfriend..and this is the HAPPIEST I have ever been."Why..? Because he let you be a lazy whore..? But I dont say that..I tell her.."Uh,everyone is happy when the first start out..DUH,want to see as pic I have of a certain girl who said THAT exact thing when we were together..?!??!? I tell her.."It wont last.." Shes PO because she knows,deep down..I am right..I ask her how long this has been going on.."Oh,he was just a friend..I helped him through his divorce.."Now I hear this but it didnt click right away...It does later..MUCH later.

I remember feeling so lost,like I didnt belong on the earth.So many nights of no sleep...eating Xanex like Skittles just to go to work.I remember people looking at me and just staring.I go by shops to make deliveries and hear songs that make me cry while just standing there..my customers have the strangest look of the faces...My boss gets calls from them telling him they have seen me pulled over,crying.I feel more of what is left of this life leaving me....day by day.I remember being in a store and hearing a certain song and just walking out,crying so hard,they just stare at me.

Nothing helps...SHES my life...the reason for being.I cant make sense of anything,anymore.I stare at an engagement ring that I will never get to put of your finger.Plane tickets for a vacation YOU begged me to take.Pictures of us...it hurts...I wonder if I have any fluids left in my body because I have cried so many times,I cant have anything left inside of me.I think back to all of the plans we had made..what we were going to do.

The most pain I get is from the last night we were together..I remember NOT sleeping at all and just staring at you while you slept.Thinking.."She is the most beautiful woman I have ever know...WE FIT..!"I wanted to slip your ring on your finger while you sleep,but wanted to wait until we were at the Zoo.It all crashed and burns in an instant....faster then I can even think.

[toosoft]

I was being strung along too... similar situation... Ive cut her off, I deserve better. Doesnt mean the feelings for her stop, but im no longer her safety net and I gain back my self respect. Its hard buddy, but the only noble thing to do or you'l be trapped in this situation, available for her to fall back on for as long as she wants to mess with you. Good luck buddy

[Coupedriver]

The first 2 to 3 weeks are a blur...I dont remember anything but crying.TRYING to make sense of ANYTHING...Just wanting to sit down and TALK..you know..like they did in the OLDEN days,but you cant have that now a days..NOPE....NOT F*KING allowed for some strange reason.People are COMPLEX now...different then in those days.I remember finally getting a call from you while I am busy laying on the floor ..what else..? crying..BINGO...She needs me...wants me back..!! "What are you doing and are you busy..?" Not doing nothing right now..why..? "Can you stop by and look at the car,it wont start..Im at my Aunts by your house." I jump up and IM OFF man...THIS IS IT.!!

But I get the strangest looks when I pull up.."Like..WTF is he doing here..?: I figure out whats wrong and you follow me back to the house and I am FLOATING 100 feet of of the ground.I tell you what needs doing and the whole time,your texting like crazy but I dont put 2 and 2 together...JUST yet.You never answer but leave and say NOTHING...I call the next day,and the day after....and the day after but nothing.I e-mail you.."You do want the car fixed dont you..?" You never answer..I never heard a yes or no.

The curious side of me finally kicks in and I am off to find out what the F*CK happened.I talk to her Mom...seems she has been sporting the BF around quite a bit.Her Mom spills her guts to me about everything..I feel what I have gained back,is now leaving again.I start to cry in front of her and leave.I talk to more people...find out he was never married,never worked where she said he did and has no job and no car.I can't for the life of me figure it out.

I also find out MORE and MORE and it all starts to fall into place.She has been LYING the whole TIME.." I NEED to be alone...need to find MYSELF..!!"I find out it has been going on for sometime and I cant even deal with it,she lied even more to cover up other lies.I think back...to what I said through ALL of this..I think back to the part."I WILL always be here if you need anything..dont be too stubborn to ask for help.!!!" The hurt is now replaced with....something REALLY bad..an anger I can't explain.

Now I get scared of myself and what I might do..nothing harmful to her but maybe a SLAP across the face might be a good start.I have been running her mail to here every other day JUST to see her..just to see her face...but it looks...different.Not what I remember.I start going from crying to anger in faster then a second some days...The lies she has told start to take hold....followed by tears..anger..tears.

The lies....lying the whole time...letting me make love to her,taking her to steak dinners,buying her and her daughter clothes..PAYING her bills...!! Telling me she "LOVES" me and the whole time...setting it up so she can leave me.A friend of mine tells me.."Tell her to COME to you to get the mail,you cant do it anymore..!!" I ask him why..."Women get weird sometimes" if someone who works there and knows what problems about the break up,might see you as a threat and call the Police.I call them and ask them this.."Yes,if we get a call about you being there and she sees it as a threat,we will arrest you first then ask questions later."But what if she isnt the one who calls..( I have had problems with a new girl hired there, I told the EX to stay away from her..shes trouble..).Doesnt matter..we dont know its NOT her..we will arrest you.

I can't seem to handle much more...I dont know where to turn.I think it is all a nightmare and I will wake up SOON.I even dream of her....I go to sleep crying..and wake up the same way.Days go by where I can barely make it.I feel like I am being ripped apart at the seams.How many lies...? What has she been doing behind my back..? And me...PLAYING THE stupid SUCKER the whole time...!!! SO many nights and days LOST because of this.This whole time..tearing myself apart,always being there for her..making sure she and her daughter were safe,had warm beds to sleep in.Giving up hobbies and friends just so I could babysit while she went to work every weekend.Working on her car in the freezing winter weather..time after time after time.

It doesnt seem real....lying on her taxes so she could get more money back....stealing Phone Cards so she could call me and we could talk.Buying her a new cell phone and paying that bill for 2 years.It seems...like a life I can't explain.Nothing make sense...and I mean nothing.How can you stand there and do that to the ONE person who gave you whatever you wanted..? Almost gave the VERY life he lived and stand there and tell a lie..after lie...after lie.? I know I wasn't the most perfect person to live with but FIGHTING about you having to clean the house...was it that much of a problem to ask you to do SOMETHING at least.?!??!

[davesterr]

Even though you feel like your the only one going through this.

I went through the same thing thinking to myself what is the point of living?

She was my main goal in life , my only purpose of wanting to wake up.

When i realised i could no longer be with her no matter what i would do or try.

I felt suicidel and didn't know what to do.

I cried everyday and the pain felt like it was tearing me up inside everyday.

I felt like no one could experiance what i went through just like what u feel.

 

In the end it all came down to making a decission.

See no one is going to help you.

And you cannot beg to die or beg for her to come back.

Whether you're religious or not unfortunately no one is going to make a change.

Only you can change your life to make it better by hard work and comitment.

 

I realised that living the lowest of life without sleep without eating wasting my entire looks and basicly just waiting to die wasn't a good way to live.

And if my ex by some miracle would want me back then i couldn't even take her back because my looks changed so drastically.

I aged 10 years in the last 3 months because i havent slept.

Just like how you lost so much weight and not doing good.

In a way you are making it impossible to ever get back together even if you somehow could get back together.

 

The woman who once loved you didn't fell for a guy who's living rock bottom who cries all the time and who is giving up on life.

So being that guy now is definitely not gonna help you in any way.

If this may make you feel better.

You should live life in a way that you become the best you have ever been so that maybe one day if your ex does come back to her senses and wants you back then at that point you are able to take her back.

Looking better than ever doing better than ever basicly improving your whole life.

You can use that thought to perhaps give you a reminder why you shouldn't let yourself go to waste.

 

In the end for me , i realised that i couldn't get back together with my ex girlfriend anymore.

I gave up everyting i had and yet it wasn't enough.

Realising this truely broke my heart and any last hope i had.

In a way you are giving up.

That last bit of hope dissapears.

And you kind of feel completely sad and disconnected from her emotionally.

In a way it feels like your life has no purpose anymore.

Because the only purpose u had before this and after you broke up was the purpose of finding a way to get back together.

 

This proces of letting go completely and truely understand that this is it.

And giving up 100% on ever getting back together and simply just wish her to be happy living her own life because you do love her and not just care about what you feel yourself , in a way is really painful and sad.

But it is only after that moment that you can start feeling better.

Untill you completely disconnect and accept the cold reality that you are forced to prioritize other things in life.

Because your main goal of getting back together no longer exists.

 

It is important to know that you can only get to this stage and get through this stage if you really want to.

You have to really accept that you won't get back together and give up all hope.

If you somehow believe you will get back together no matter all the evidense that is against you , if you somehow refuse to let go and decide to stay connected to her by feeling this torn , hurt and being an emotional wreck.

Then you can never get to that stage.

And that means that you will never heal.

Doesn't matter if you do no contact or what ever you're trying.

You will never heal as long as you are in denial.

 

I wrote a story a few days ago called: Love is a drug.

I think if you read it it might help you understand more.

 

Aventually it really all comes down to making decissions.

You can either choose to change your life for the best and yes it will be harder than anything because you feel so bad right now.

But in the end it will pay off and you will once again find happiness in life.

 

Or you can give up on life , don't want to live anymore.

Stay connected to your ex in this painful way because she is all that you want , your only current reason to live for , and because you love her.

But if you do that you will find yourself with no life , no job , wasting your complete looks and living the next 20 years in complete misery.

And im not even mentioning how suicide is the scariest thing to do which takes the most courage ever.

 

In the end however it just comes back to decission making.

Like i said before and in so many other threats:

Do you really want to give up your whole life because your ex girlfriend doesn't care about you?

Because believe me if you continue like this with then you will end up in the gutter.

You will find yourself like those homeless drug addicts that no one cares for that i wrote in my story.

 

I think you should really accept the things that are.

Let go of the denial , let go all last bits of hope when you feel you are rdy.

And then let the healing begin by finding a different reason to live for.

Perhaps the same reason you lived for before you met your ex.

Like your dreams and everything else that used to make you happy.

 

It takes alot of courage , strength , willpower and hard work.

But this is your life and you only live it once.

Right now your focusses on one thing only when theres a whole world out there.

I don't know whether theres anything out there better than what you had with your ex.

But i do know for sure that theres a million stuff out there thats better than feeling the way you do now.

 

Like i said: If you really can't let go at this moment.

Just think if your ex would want you back right now.

Would she? Do you still look like the same guy as before?

Or did you lose 20 pounds looking aweful due to no sleep and living the most messed up life ever?

 

If this will help you then live life as you getting back together with your ex next year.

Live it so that you want to look at your best.

Feel at your best.

And be at the best place in your life.

So that you can impress your ex next year the most.

Use that thought to keep you going if you can't let go right now.

 

Maybe some day like next year , your ex will come back to you.

Maybe by then you wont even feel the exact same anymore.

But whatever the out come , you will atleast be in a way better place in life.

 

But i do know one thing for sure man.

If you live like you are doing now , giving up staying completely torn with no will power just being a complete wreck waiting to die.

Then next year you will be so messed up that your ex wont even recognize you.

Even if she wanted to get back together then , you would not be able to get back together becuz you wont be who you once were anymore.

 

Like i said: Do whatever gets you through the day.

If you're not ready of letting go yet or just uncapable to deal with the pain.

Then just live for the future.

Like you said: No one can tell the future right?

And you don't know whats gonna happen either.

So live life the best way you can so that you are prepared to do whatever it takes when that future moment calls on your door.

 

See it as the Mr Universe bodybuilding contest.(metaphor)

Right now you are a weak skinny guy who's not appealing and who isn't strong.

At this moment your ex girlfriend is the Mr Universe first place trophy.

Right now you are unable to join the competition because the day of competition isn't until in the future (when she is realises the current guy is a nobody)

However on the day of the actual contest you have to compete with all these other bodybuilders.

Are they beatable? Definitely.

However right now you are so skinny and weak that you wont even stand a chance.

It doesn't matter if you won previous bodybuilding contest before.

Because right now you lost all your muscles and need to regain that.

So start going to the gym , eat good nutrition and start lifting weights(start living a great life for yourself by taking care of your looks and getting sleep)

Work hard everyday and look at your very best , so that on the day that you get invited to join the Mr Universe contest , you beat out all the competition and win the first prize.

 

Now i dont know if you will get invited to compete in the Mr Universe contest(being able to get back together with your ex)

However i do know that there are alot of other great bodybuilding contests.

Including the Mr. Olympia which is for actual professionals.

Ofcourse i don't know which trophy you want most in the long run.

Maybe right now its the Mr Universe one , maybe in the future it will be still.

Then again maybe you will have changed and lean toward the Mr Olympia one.

 

But regardless what happens in the future or what trophy you want to win.

Don't let yourself go and miss out on all the oppertunities.

Because you never know when your favorite bodybuilding federation will invite you to join.

And when that day happens you want to make sure you are at the best shape of your life so you can win that first place.

 

Like i said before: Live a great life and then great things come to you.

But you if you live a life full of pain , crying , feeling torn and giving up on everything because you have no hopes for the future and no self believe.

Then nothing will come to you except more pain and agony.

And i know that thats not the life you want to live.

 

You're free to choose whichever you do.

But i think you know whats right and i think its worth fighting for.

It's not gonna be easy but once you decide to go for it inside with everyting that you have.

Then you will find yourself climbing out of this rock bottom and overcoming any obstacle you will face aslong as you will give it your 100% and work as hard as you can.

Confidense , a positive attitude and hard work is what it takes to get out of this and i know you can do it.

[Coupedriver]

Things start to fall into place....bit by bit.The whole picture starts to come together..She is living her life and having a GREAT time while I sit here and die.I lose a total of 27 pounds..the very thought of food most days just makes me ill.The Doctor tells me what will happen shortly at this pace."You are putting the WORSE strain on your health and YOUR heart.." I really don't care at this point."You will find yourself in a Hospital soon." Who fricking cares..We argue and I leave.I have no self worth.I know in my heart I will never love like this again..( DON'T ask HOW I know this)..I know,like davetserr said,.."No one can make her as happy as I can..or did..!!!".

Then,again....anger sets in...the mail thing is REALLY starting to bother me AGAIN but I dont know why.Then it starts to hit me...STILL USING me...having her cake and eating it too..!!Now more anger starts eating at me..We are having our "face to face" because she wont answer me when I ask her through e-mail.I can feel both anger and total melt down coming as we talk.I NEED to hear it FROM her...!! DO YOU WANT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE...?!?!? Well we all know what she says...That answer never made sense..now we are at present day....

I feel....I hurt all over from MORE crying all night as davesterr puts it line for me.Now I feel like **** all day but I know whats coming and I can't seem to nor do I want to deal with it...My mind plays the same trick it has all along.."If you stay in contact with her,she will want you back..it shows her you care...woman loved to be chased.."It keep playing over and over...

I try to make myself believe it...but I know its not true..I keep living a lie.I feel whats about to happen...I feel...like revenge has its own mind and its in control."Two wrongs dont make a right.." But they sure make you feel better sometimes...The lies she has told me REFUSE to leave my mind,they bother me more and more..NOT FAIR I scream..!! I cant believe what she told me all of that time we were together...I keep shaking my head and wonder.."How do people live like that..??!?!?"

Its time for me to play my cards...and so well deserved.If the truth had been TOLD to me...and I asked I her about it,but never got an answer..things would never be like they are now.I will call the school tomorrow and tell they SHE is lying about living here.Some of you might know she gave me an STD...HVP its called.I have been to Doctors about it,no cure for men or women but if your a man and stay sexually inactive..( I think he said about 2 years..) it usually cures itself,BUT you have to stop having sex with the person who gave it to you for this to work.For women,it never leaves your body..you keep infecting men you have sex with.It deep inside your body.It can lead to cancer if left un-checked.

THAT is some scary **** I found out...but when I was last checked no more signs,finally some good news.I will have a girl I know call him and let him know whats going on and whats about to happen...I will also let him know I will take a lie detector test to PROVE I am right. Why,would I do that to him..? Do you really want to know why..??!?! Do you think its fair to go around and spread something like that to someone? Do you also know you have a moral and a LEGAL oblication to tell someone you HAVE it..??!

She HAD it and NEVER told me.Because I sure as f&ck wasn't screwing around....!!!!!!!!She claimed she got her from her PREVIOUS bf before me,which is to say..is she LYING..!?!? It is revenge..?? WHO knows..and I sure as hell dont care anymore.Next is the IRS...yep,they get to know...

You see,some of you are sitting there reading this and thinking.."MAN,this guy REALLY out there.." but I do know one thing that is real..YOU dont know her like I do...it's the WHOLE ATTITUDE thing with her,she has always thought.. I can do whatever I want and just smile and get away with it..!!" He mother and brother have told me this several times.."AND I was one of the people who FELL into that trap..!!! "That's the way she has always been I have been told...!!"Guess what..her world is going to crumble..that smile won't help her now.

Will it make me feel better ..? I dont think so...I guess it's still comes back to the lying...to take my life away...to take my heart away...to take me somewhere NONE of us should go through.I have always been a believer in trust,honesty and communication...I remember when the first night we were together in bed,she looked at me with almost tears in her eyes..."I will NEVER cheat or lie to you..NEVER..!"Funny how all of that went out the window.....I was also told today that she HAD a facebook account started a LONG time ago....makes me wonder what else I don't know....

I feel more tears coming...its been a hell of a long day...and I have to go to work tomorrow and I HAVE to eat..say what you will,but it is still my decision...

[davesterr]

Here is the story i mentioned earlier that i wrote that might help you:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t303621/

 

Dont end up like one of those addicts gone too far.

Dont give up and miss out on all the future oppertunities.

The future is never set so no matter what , live life the best way you can so that you are ready for anything when the time arrives.

Goodlucks with everything man.

 

Ps: i can understand your angry and you probably have all rights to be.

But revenge wont settle anything.

I don't know whether calling the school is a good idea or whether you do it to pay her back.

But remember , if you truely love her as you say you do.

Then dont u want whats best for her?

Don't you want her to live her life as happy as possible even if its not with you?

If she wants to learn from her mistakes the hard way , isn't it your responsibility to let her?

If you truely love her than you will respect her wishes and not participate in revenge games.

You're better than that.

Edited October 25, 2011 by davesterr