me best friend cheated on her bf with me

[occupierofwallstreet]

So me and this girl I've know since high school (both 22 now) have always had an interesting relationship. We were prom dates and all that jazz and got really attached before parting ways for college. She stayed at the university in Tucson and I went to school in Phoenix. We had a fallout after I moved away because we had confessed our "love" for one another, and as soon as I got away from home I lost contact with her, sort of left her hanging. I lost her in the newness and excitement of college - meeting new people and constant fun. Anyway she lost trust for me and I felt guilty for letting her slip away. We had no hard feelings toward each other though and decided to just move on.

 

I dated for a bit in Phoenix and she did the same in Tucson. She ended up getting into a serious relationship though. But during our sophomore year I moved in with another friend from high school. Me and him got to be pretty good homies and we were both very close to the girl of interest. Eventually we were all hanging out again and the three of us considered each other best friends.

 

We were 20 at the time and began experimenting with drugs and partying. Good ol' college times I guess. Anyway we were always having a blast but her boyfriend at the time wasn't into that scene. He was very straight edge and career oriented. So needless to say me and her were having the time of our lives at raves and tripping balls. Our feelings for each other started growing and I would often drive to Tucson to hang out with her and other friends.

 

Eventually she cheated on him with me and this caused an avalanche of drama. She broke it off with him but also became very confused by what she had done. She felt horrible but never told him she had cheated, although I think it was kind of obvious because I was always with her.

 

Anyway, he kinda waited for her to come back but she never did. She knew he would have left her if he knew she had cheated. She refused to tell him though bc it would devastate him. I thought it was worse to keep it hidden. He should have the right to make his own decisions and I thought she led him on for a while.

 

Meanwhile, me and her kept a friends with benefits status but admitted we were in "love but it really didn't matter to us." This continued for about a year.

 

Anyway I was getting attached and so was she, but she didn't want a relationship because she had just been through a serious one. I was more inclined to start something but it never happened and we ended up having another fallout. She couldn't commit and I was frustrated and confused. My frustration wore on her and it wasn't fun to hang out with me anymore because I couldn't get over her in that way. Then she started seeing someone else and I felt like I had been cheated on.

 

I became very heartbroken and we stopped talking for a while. She thought I needed time to get over it, and eventually the pain did subside. I was still very confused about her though. I guess it would have been smart to just let her go at this time.

 

When we graduated she moved to Texas with her new guy and I stayed in AZ to work on an internship. We stayed in contact and considered each other best friends. She traveled to Europe and she learned a lot about who she could trust. She missed her true friends. She could always come to me with an issue and I would hear her out. We really are good friends but have always been something more too.

 

Going along now. I moved to Seattle after my internship and was doing really well. She had called and wanted to visit Seattle and of course I began thinking of what our dynamic would be, natural expectations. I hadn't seen her in a while and wasn't completely over her. I knew she had something with the guy in Texas but wasn't sure how serious. I didn't really care anyway.

 

So she got to Seattle and we had a blast like always. We explored, smoke lots of weed and enjoyed the summer for a couple weeks. She started out sleeping in the living room but eventually we were in the same bed, fooling around. We almost had sex but were interrupted. After this she seemed confused again, and I knew she was thinking about the guy in Texas. We didn't discuss it though. A couple days later we roadtripped to San Francisco and continued to do the friends with benefits thing. Not having sex just foreplay. She wasn't trying to do anything but temptation got us both a bit.

 

I guess she shouldn't have come to Seattle in the first place if she wanted something serious with the other guy. I think she subconsciously knew we would do the same thing over again. I probably felt the same way and should have respected the other guy a bit more too. But it's in the past now.

 

Anyway we made our way back to Tucson. The guy from Texas had since moved to Tucson too. For about a week me and her were hanging out while she continued her relationship with the other guy, like nothing had happened with me and her. She just thinks I'm an interesting friend and we always have some sort of thing between us.

 

So she thought it'd be cool for me to meet her guy. She wants me in her life totally but I couldn't lie to the guy about my feelings for her, and the fact she cheated on him with me just a few weeks ago. I told her I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting him unless he knew what was going on. She freaked knowing he would end whatever they have. She tried to meet me halfway and just tell him about our relationship past and not about our fling in Seattle and San Fran. So I told her no way. I can't live a lie like that. We obviously have feelings for each other still and he should know.

 

So anyway this was a few days ago and we haven't spoke since. I can't see when we will speak again either. I'm kinda hurt. Feel a bit used and like I was a mistake for her in Seattle. I'll get over it though, eventually. I feel confident with my decisions, and I think she's been pretty selfish considering how she's handled her relationships.

 

I feel like I know what it's like to be the one who cheated on an oblivious guy, but also the guy who was cheated on. So I think honesty is tough but necessary. I get her predicament as well but by not telling him the truth she's in a farce of a relationship, in my opinion. If she knows he would end their thing if she told him, then she should sack up and accept the consequences. Better than playing him for a fool.

 

Anyway I still care about this girl but don't know if I should so much anymore. I don't agree with what she's done and I'm pretty disappointed in her. I'm no saint either obviously. It's just hard because she is a great friend too. A lot of history with her.

 

Sorry this is a long post. Just looking for some feedback.

Edited October 22, 2011 by occupierofwallstreet