thisnameistaken Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My girlfriend and i have been dating for 7 months, in this time she still hasn't developed complete trust in me. I texted my girlfriends bestfriend who is a female asking if she was shopping, what time she was leaving and if she was with friends, because i had also planned on shopping after uni gym. She replied and said she was shopping, and that she was alone so i told her that i might meet up with her later on. so when i got to the shops i called her but she didnt pick up, later on i bumped into her while walking . we shopped together alone for approximately half an hour and even went in to visit my girlfriend who was working at that time. My girlfriend got so upset over the whole situation, she has broken down crying in front of her friends and mother. She feels like i have betrayed her. I cannot understand why she feels so strongly over what happened, she has complete trust in her bestfriend. She says i don't acknowledge boundaries and is soo deeply hurt. WHAT IS GOING ONNN?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 But why did you call her ? if you bumped into her and decided to pay your girlfriend a visit then thats Ok. I just don't understand why you would do that . Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisnameistaken Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 she usually shops alone on thursday night and i do too, i just wanted some company Link to post Share on other sites
leftfordead2 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My girlfriend and i have been dating for 7 months, in this time she still hasn't developed complete trust in me. I texted my girlfriends bestfriend who is a female asking if she was shopping, what time she was leaving and if she was with friends, because i had also planned on shopping after uni gym. She replied and said she was shopping, and that she was alone so i told her that i might meet up with her later on. so when i got to the shops i called her but she didnt pick up, later on i bumped into her while walking . we shopped together alone for approximately half an hour and even went in to visit my girlfriend who was working at that time. My girlfriend got so upset over the whole situation, she has broken down crying in front of her friends and mother. She feels like i have betrayed her. I cannot understand why she feels so strongly over what happened, she has complete trust in her bestfriend. She says i don't acknowledge boundaries and is soo deeply hurt. WHAT IS GOING ONNN?????? Did you know your girlfriend first or were you introduced to her best friend by your girlfriend? Are you attracted to the best friend? Why would you call on her for no reason to go shopping with her? I could understand if you were friends with her before you knew your girlfriend. But if it is not the case, it is a very weird and awkward situation and I would think you are interested in her actually and it appears you really do not acknowledge boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyFlower Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 You phoned her friend to hang out with her alone - I'd not be happy with my bf doing this, it shows very little respect for boundaries. If you want company, phone one of your own friends. Is the friend single? Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 You phoned her friend to hang out with her alone - I'd not be happy with my bf doing this, it shows very little respect for boundaries. If you want company, phone one of your own friends. Is the friend single? Agreed, and I also agree with leftfordead. I would be pretty weirded out if one of my friends' boyfriends called me up and asked me to go shopping with him. (Unless he was asking me to help him pick out a gift for her or something.) If anything, you at least should have asked your girlfriend first if she was ok with this. Honestly, her friend probably thought it was weird too and that's why she didn't answer her phone when you got to the mall and called her... Link to post Share on other sites
boogey Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hi This Name Is Taken I agree with everyone else. Its extremely disrespectful unless you were friends before the relationship. Why would you contact your girlfriend's friend for company???? You should look deeply within yourself and try to understand your own motivation for doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 My girlfriend and i have been dating for 7 months, in this time she still hasn't developed complete trust in me. I texted my girlfriends bestfriend who is a female asking if she was shopping, what time she was leaving and if she was with friends, because i had also planned on shopping after uni gym. and why in the hell would you text your girlfriends friend to find out if she was going shopping? who does that? what was running through your mind? just curious if she was shopping? doubt it. She replied and said she was shopping, and that she was alone so i told her that i might meet up with her later on. why? what would you think if your gf went to hookup with a male friend alone just out of the blue? so when i got to the shops i called her but she didnt pick up, later on i bumped into her while walking . we shopped together alone for approximately half an hour and even went in to visit my girlfriend who was working at that time. My girlfriend got so upset over the whole situation, she has broken down crying in front of her friends and mother. She feels like i have betrayed her. I cannot understand why she feels so strongly over what happened because if your gf spent time with another guy and just happened to think to text him to find out what he was doing and went to meet him, you'd be pissed too. WHAT IS GOING ONNN?????? you Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 lol how you can't even understand why it upsets your girlfriend is beyond me...i completely agree with the other posters here. it seems like everyone gets it here that it's just a disrespectful behavior, period. your girlfriend was completely justified to be upset and if it had been me, i would have dropped you likea hot potato. seriously, even asking here "what is going on", unreal... Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 This isn't the worst possible thing that could have happened. I agree it's kind of weird to call your girlfriend's friend out of the blue to hang out (even if you're friendly to each other - are you actually friends? Were you friends before you started dating your girlfriend)? 7 months is not that long to be dating to develop 'total and complete' trust, especially if you are violating her boundaries. Did she tell you about her feelings in regard to you hanging out with other girls? My feeling is if someone shares boundaries with you, you need to be willing to a.) accept and follow them or b.) Dump the person and move on. Because if they're important enough to be 'boundaries,' both people will wind up miserable if one partner repeatedly violates them. It's better just to say, "I'm not willing to do that," and keep walking. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Women make me laugh, thread is hilarious. OP you did nothing, and I mean not even a shade of anything wrong. Your GF is an idiot as is any woman who would take offense at this. Dump her, she will cause you nothing but grief with her high maintenance absurd expectations. I mean for one thing, you have been dating seven months, so she should know you fairly well enough to not have these kinds of kneejerk distrustful female BS reactions. Your GF's friend took it in the matter of fact way it was intended and most of all... FFS YOU WENT TO SEE YOUR GF while shopping. Better luck at not picking an utterly irrational female moron next time. Ladies if you want to be thought of as equals, behave like it. I don't know any man who would get bent over something this trivial especially if his GF came to see him at work. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Women make me laugh, thread is hilarious. OP you did nothing, and I mean not even a shade of anything wrong. Your GF is an idiot as is any woman who would take offense at this. Dump her, she will cause you nothing but grief with her high maintenance absurd expectations. I'm a man, and I wouldn't even have to think twice to wonder if calling up another woman out of the blue to go "shopping" is even half way odd. Let me ask you, since he said he wanted company, why did he call this girl and all of a sudden want to meet her when she said she'd be alone? If I want to go do something, I call one of my buds, not one of my gf's friends. Its just plain shady and suspicious. Better luck at not picking an utterly irrational female moron next time. well if a gf of yours ever texts a guy, finds out he is alone, and rushes off to be with him, remember you said all of this:o Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) Let me ask you, since he said he wanted company, why did he call this girl and all of a sudden want to meet her when she said she'd be alone? Because he was alone also and wanted company if she wasn't otherwise occupied. It's not at all unusual for people to seek out company if they know that others they know are doing the same thing. It might be a bit awkward though to inject oneself into a preexisting group of women shopping or into a situation where she was shopping with a guy. I've been in similar situations to OP many times in life. My GF wants me to "make a good impression" on the people in her life. It didn't take me long to figure out that this meant "not too good an impression." Women are prone to getting romantically jealous of even the most casual, harmless relationships you form with their GFs and also jealous of any friendships that form with their friends or family of either gender. Some of the replies here prove that. It's ridiculous and childish. I have had several occasions in life when I run into a GFs female friends out in grocery stores, at night, wherever. Unfortunately how one describes the chance meeting to one's GF has to be handled with kid gloves more often than not or risk a baby crying fit similar to what OP had to endure. Absurd. Will also bet you a dollar some of the women who kneejerk to situations like this would argue that they have the privilege to go out on girl's night out, flirt with strange men, dance with them, get drunk with them, and see nothing at all hypocritical about that and having an attitude that would blow up and make a scene at OP's behavior. Possessive, controlling and manipulative, some men behave this way but not near to the extent lots of women do. Edited October 25, 2011 by dasein Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Because he was alone also and wanted company if she wasn't otherwise occupied. It's not at all unusual for people to seek out company if they know that others they know are doing the same thing. It might be a bit awkward though to inject oneself into a preexisting group of women shopping or into a situation where she was shopping with a guy. there you go, thanks for making our point. Link to post Share on other sites
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