Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 For the first time since over a year ago. They didn't even acknowledge me at all. It was weird. I can't believe I used to be friends with these people and confide in them. I guess being friends with someone that's a complete ******* is more important. I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. Man are they two faced. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I was always told that you're a lucky person if you can count your true friends on one hand - simplified, if you have five true friends throughout your life, you're a very unusual and lucky person. I can really only count on three, others have either let me down in some ways, or shown their true colours when I've needed them the most. At least you know not to bother with them anymore and to focus your attention on those that really care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 It still doesn't make remotely any sense to me. I still wish he would screw them all over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 44 views and only one person answers! Haven't other people been through the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) I know exactly how you feel. My ex's best friend is female. When he and I split I tried to call her, I was a mess! No answer. She has since said hi to me a couple times, but has told others that she doesn't speak to "Joe's" exes and that's just "how it is". I saw her and her husband out one night. I approached them, made small talk (they were both clearly feeling awkward. I said goodnight, gave them both a hug (as we always used to do), and walked off. I will never talk to them again, I just wanted them to know that I don't treat people like garbage, even if they deserve it. There are 2 people that I met when I was with my ex (both women). Since the split, one has become a good friend. The other I do not see very often, but she has made it clear that she is not going to ignore me because of the 'group'. Both of these women are openly my friend. Everyone else will acknowledge me, but it's really not worth it. To tell you the truth, I have a hard time being friends with people that are close knit in that circle. For example, last night the woman I consider a good friend went out with all of them... so naturally I was not invited. And that is ok, I don't expect to be invited to everything, but it still makes me feel weird to know she is hanging out with my ex and his new gf! So, honestly, there is a limit to how close my friendship with her will get. You just inspired me to block my ex (he deleted me a few days ago even though we split 4 months ago, but now I blocked him so I don't have to see anything about him). I also unfriended his best friend and her husband. It's better to make new friends. At least you realize that they are not good people. I was heartbroken at the loss of my relationship AND my social life. It took a long time for me to reconnect with old friends and make new connections. What I have learned is that I am always going to have a stronger sense of self. I dropped everything anytime my ex needed me. He became my life. That will NEVER happen again. I will not be a caregiver or a doormat ever again. It has to be equal on both sides. You're better off without them. And whatever you felt when you saw them is NOTHING compared to the sh*tty life you would've been stuck in with fake friends like them! Move on and shrug them off. You're better than them. Edited October 22, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Thank s ScienceGal that pretty much sums up what my relationship was like too. I'm pretty sure he all told them lies though. Probably said that I was the one they cheated, when I never did. How can someone be such a jerk and be so popular? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I want to tell them thanks for not telling me I was being cheated on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I am surprised I haven't read more stories like this on here. Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 were these people closer to you or your ex though? ( sorry I have to ask?) as depending on who was closer there will be ad-hominem , and if they are able to take his lies at more than just face value, with a near crusade-like mentality not to speak to you again, then yea they really are being childish. with instances like this at least this gives you the opportunity to sieve out who your real friends are, and who ain't, even if the break up is amoung their friends too. Couples that intermingle with groups of equal friends, can break up ( and have done so) so those friends should be able to overlook what happened ( as these things just happen) and like each person of the previous couple individually, taking with a grain of salt that each of those two people can over-exaggerate, or even lie about what went on during the break up. They shouldn't take it among themselves to take sides, and it sounds like there wasn't any evidence for them to do so, so therefore it's them thats being retarded... ( though not sure about your circumstances was with this guy so sorry if I am generalizing here) .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 That's the thing though, they never overlooked what happened. So why did they only do it for my ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I've never heard of people taking sides with a jerk before, even if they are friends with that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Why would you side with someone whos a complete ahole and text dumper, even if they were your friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Why didn't they betray my ex instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I really feel like saying it might be you one day. Your perfect little marriage might fall apart. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) people are really weird sometimes, but if they haven't explained themselves or made a effort with you, let them bask in their own ignorance as there too dumb to be worthy of your attention. Sometimes though some people may know that you are in the right however, feel a "affinity" with the ... one who is obviously guilty. like I said the other thread, I had a similar encounter ( but not with a ex) where this guy for some reason just didn't like me, and would harass me... for no reason. I even asked friends if there would be a reason for him to be so vindictive but when asking for a straight answer they would just simper rather childishly and say "I dunno he just doesn't like you.. " and for some reason eventually these "friends" would just treat me with a level of distance and never tell me why, and when he started really becoming belligerent, rather than having my back, they would just keep watching to see how it would pan out, as if it were entertaining for them ( they only time one person stepped in was when he threatened me that he was going to "lacerate" me with a bowie knife...). They knew what he was doing was wrong but didn't seem to care either... Some people don't need reason to do what they do, they just do it because it's .. convenient.... a lot of the more weak-minded of individuals kind of hide behind a collective consensus out of fear they might be singled out or treated with a level of distance.. they think its a comfortable circle of friends for them, and feel dutybound to keep with the group mentality or fear exclusion.. So again like I said just take it for what it is, and just think of this whole experience as a way of showing you that these people really don't deserve being your friend anyway.. they've thrown their chips in with the lot so let them lose out on the bet they have placed.. Edited October 23, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I still wish I could say what I think. I'm sure if I screwed over someone they would be vindictive to me. I'm sure if I screwed people over, my own friends wouldnt take my side. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I still wish I could say what I think. I'm sure if I screwed over someone they would be vindictive to me. I'm sure if I screwed people over, my own friends wouldnt take my side. By not speaking to them you are showing how you feel, I cut a whole lot of people out of my life and I will not be returning to them. Just say to yourself you don't have time for fakes, phonies, liars or lames!! Once you choose to not communicate with them it will be a mutual feeling and not a betrayal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Why should I do the right thing? None of these people did. I want to ask has ex dumped anyone else by text. I know he turned everyone against me, do he gets to be the good guy and doesn't have to deal with what he did. What do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 This is the most oddest breakup I've had. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 You should do the right thing cause it is the right thing to do. Trust me you won't feel any better for being rude. I went down that path and all it did was give people something to talk about and make you look like an a**hole. Best thing to do is just let them be, if they treated you like that you are better off. It will take some time but you will meet a new guy and begin to run in his group. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 This is the most oddest breakup I've had. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's unnerving. It is impossible to comprehend. But do your best to accept that you cannot understand or control his choices. The way he is has nothing to do with you. Throughout his life he has had experiences that have conditioned him to be the way that he is. You do not deserve to be treated poorly. There are few things more tragic than loving someone in a greater capacity than they have to love you. It aches and it burns for a long time. But, once you realize that he is not on the same level as you, you will feel better. It still hurts, but you'll see that you have to let it be and let it fade. You have to believe that you deserve better. You have to let it hurt a little more after that. It will come in phases. I am telling you, do your best to be strong. Do your best to show the amazing and wonderful woman that you are. People will notice. And, people that know him know that he is an ass, regardless of if they admit it. This is such a small part of your life. It's hard to see that, but it's true. Imagine yourself 10 years ago, before your relationship with him. Do you remember what you were stressed about then? Now, imagine yourself 10 years from now. He will be a spec of dust to you. You are fantastic. You have so much to offer. You will meet someone who deserves you. You will be loved. keep.moving.forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Thankyou all for the replys. I just hate starting again. And Ive tried seeing others but I got hurt again by another jerk. Just so over it right now. Just wondering why I can't pick someone nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 It's like a double rejection. I genuinely liked these people no matter what. I don't see why they couldn't still be my friends despite the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Jilted come to think of it the group mentality sounds spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 what you also have to think as well Sugarkane is at what capacity were you friends with these people? were they there for you at times when you needed them most ( not this time obviously...) or where they just "nice to be around". There are true close friends which will be close and have your back no matter what and there are superficial ones that are just nice to go out with and have fun with, just because they are in your area or you "get along with, but not exactly peas in a pod" if you get what I mean. I am not sure how close you were with these people but from how they responded it sounds to me that they are the latter.... if these people where close to you, I think they would have approached you about this matter when the drama had reached crescendo just to see if you were ok.. so yea I guess I am kind of going in circles about this one... I guess the best thing to do is try and find a new group of friends or maybe call up people you haven't talked to /hang out with for a while( that are not in your ex's group) and start hanging with there groups, no point crying over spilt milk and just move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
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