'Be' the person you want to attract

[thatone]

you have music talent? that'll get you laid alone.

 

go join a bar band.

[Woggle]

That is baloney. No real man feels emasculated by any woman, especially not over something stupid like height or money, because any man who lets a woman emasculate him isn't a man. A lot of really tall girls are more feminine than really short girls.

 

You just don't like guys who are shorter than you. It really is a one way street though, and I bet you pass up all sorts of great guys whose values are very compatible with yours over petty crap like they're 2 inches shorter.

 

If you define masculinity or femininity by inches or dollars, you deserve to die alone.

 

Very true. Most men would not feel emasculated one bit if they didn't know damn well these things are attraction killers.

[AHardDaysNight]

you have music talent? that'll get you laid alone.

 

go join a bar band.

 

I was in a band in high school, but we broke up. Too many creative differences.

 

I tend to know exactly what I want regarding the music I write, and I found myself getting into shouting matches with my bandmates. If I wrote a slow song, they wanted to speed it up; if I wrote a fast song, they wanted to slow it down.

 

I've discovered I've grown a lot as a songwriter, and that is due to me discovering what works (and what doesn't work) in regards to my own songwriting. It would kill me to put myself back into that situation.

 

Performing solo in a bar, however, has its advantages. I'll think about that.

 

To get back on topic:

 

I'm looking forward to hearing about how you like yoga. There is a place not far from me that does 'hot' yoga that I love. The room is over 95 degrees!

 

Also, Amazon is starting to offer self-publishing for authors... so if you ever wanna get your work out into the world and avoid a few publishing hurdles, that is an option...

I've taken yoga classes at college, and aside from embarrassing erections (that I can laugh about later...there are a lot of HOT girls that go to yoga classes, and being in those positions and having dirty thoughts kind of distracts me from phasing out), I've really enjoyed it.

 

One of my former yoga teachers owns the place, and he suggested that I come there or get a membership. I think I will.

 

As far as self publishing, I have a few short stories that this might be great for.

 

Hey, do you know of a music service that allows self publishing? I have completely mixed albums that I've created, that I would like out there, and want to avoid signing to a record company. I am still in a search for a place that will host my music, either for free download or for paid download (be a nice way to make some extra money for college.)

[FrustratedStandards]

That is baloney. No real man feels emasculated by any woman, especially not over something stupid like height or money, because any man who lets a woman emasculate him isn't a man. A lot of really tall girls are more feminine than really short girls.

 

You just don't like guys who are shorter than you. It really is a one way street though, and I bet you pass up all sorts of great guys whose values are very compatible with yours over petty crap like they're 2 inches shorter.

 

I've only ever dated one man taller than me, which was so nice. I could wear my heels and not look like a giant.

 

When I dated the shorter guys, they always told me to wear flats because I made them look so small. How do you wear flats with a fancy dress? It just doesn't look good. And on top of that, I don't want to be bigger than my man. Then I feel like IM the guy. And if I trip, he can't even catch me!

 

But like I said, I attract the lesser. I've only had ONE guy taller than me and that didn't last long. The rest were short. *sigh*

Edited October 24, 2011 by FrustratedStandards

[betterdeal]

Yeah, I think the way you see it is hampering your success. So long as it's a sliding scale of lesser and greater you're going to be on a slippery slope. Someone you connect with, you click with, who you share nuances and rhythms with, is someone suited to you. Be they a gardener or a banker, they'll be good for you.

[joystickd]

Yet I cannot attract a man who has these same qualities. I always attract the lesser, which is surprising because most men feel emasculated by a woman who a) makes more than they do and b) who is taller than them.

 

So I really don't get it. I really don't.

 

Woman that makes more money than I do is cool and not a bother to me. I tall woman is cool because it wouldnt matter once we are both horizontal

[oldguy]

Yes, the term soul mate is bandied about while at the same time many search for a mate with the same check list & requirements we would assign to most other ‘possessions’. Like most possessions as well as people, change is inevitable.

 

Most often, I think, we except what we are conditioned for however. Someone posted; “women condition themselves to…”, I don’t believe it’s that easy for any of us to condition ourselves. If it where I doubt many of us would be exactly who we are.

 

Another post read; “if you want your perfect partner, you've got to be offering a whole lot more (in your mind) than you're expecting in return”, or in too many cases, I’m afraid, settle for too much less.

 

And then there is the issue of self perception, no one really gets that right. The first time we hear our recorded voice we find it hard to believe that is what we sound like & the same would be true if we could see ourselves outside of ourselves or through others eyes I’m afraid.

[somedude81]

Another post read; “if you want your perfect partner, you've got to be offering a whole lot more (in your mind) than you're expecting in return”, or in too many cases, I’m afraid, settle for too much less.

Hmm, that's very interesting.

 

Be able to offer a lot more than what I'm expecting.

 

Right now I'm pretty much able to offer exactly what I expect back from a woman.

 

So what does that mean then? Lower my standards, or keep them where they are while I improve myself and make sure not to raise them?

 

Have I been wrong trying to go after women I perceived as my equals?

[oldguy]

No, I was questioning another post. I think too many people settle for a host of reasons.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Very true. Most men would not feel emasculated one bit if they didn't know damn well these things are attraction killers.

 

...only in their own minds... I can and have given you plenty of real-life examples... from my own life and from the lives of my friends where this isn't true.

 

Men who make these excuses come across as insecure... and looking for reasons to bash women or excuses to avoid improving themselves. Alot of men self-select and avoid women who could love them who happen to be taller, make more money, or have more education due to insecurity and nothing else. That, and their need to feel 'superior' to the woman in their life.

 

Men who are secure in their manhood don't have problems with the above.

 

As Eleanor Roosevelt said "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent"...

[El Brujo]

I've only ever dated one man taller than me, which was so nice. I could wear my heels and not look like a giant.

 

When I dated the shorter guys, they always told me to wear flats because I made them look so small. How do you wear flats with a fancy dress? It just doesn't look good. And on top of that, I don't want to be bigger than my man. Then I feel like IM the guy. And if I trip, he can't even catch me!

 

But like I said, I attract the lesser. I've only had ONE guy taller than me and that didn't last long. The rest were short. *sigh*

 

Maybe you should shoot this guy an e-mail...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoDW8xQKA_I

[betterdeal]

I have to say, posh birds are very attracted to me, and I'm common as muck.

[Wolf18]

I've only ever dated one man taller than me, which was so nice. I could wear my heels and not look like a giant.

 

When I dated the shorter guys, they always told me to wear flats because I made them look so small. How do you wear flats with a fancy dress? It just doesn't look good. And on top of that, I don't want to be bigger than my man. Then I feel like IM the guy. And if I trip, he can't even catch me!

 

But like I said, I attract the lesser. I've only had ONE guy taller than me and that didn't last long. The rest were short. *sigh*

 

 

Translation: "I want to date a guy that's got more money and is taller than me, but I don't want to sound picky or shallow so I'm going to blame the poor or short guy who worked up the balls to give me attention despite the 9 out of 10 chance I will reject him on his appearance alone, why do the really tall, rich guys go after other girls".

 

Being taller than a man doesn't make you "bigger" or stronger than him by any means. I am stronger than the majority of women of any height, and I'm 5'7 and 148 lbs, and I can bench press (last time I checked) 180 on regular and 200 on the leverage bench. I know for fact that there are many 6 footers who might weigh less, and probably can't even curl 25 lbs, yet why don't women complain about being bigger than them? Plenty of women who are my height weigh less as well. But of course this is an appeal to logical argument, the height thing for women defines reason and rational thought.

Edited October 24, 2011 by Wolf18

[AHardDaysNight]

Translation: "I want to date a guy that's got more money and is taller than me, but I don't want to sound picky or shallow so I'm going to blame the poor or short guy who worked up the balls to give me attention despite the 9 out of 10 chance I will reject him on his appearance alone, why do the really tall, rich guys go after other girls".

 

Being taller than a man doesn't make you "bigger" or stronger than him by any means. I am stronger than the majority of women of any height, and I'm 5'7 and 148 lbs, and I can bench press (last time I checked) 180 on regular and 200 on the leverage bench. I know for fact that there are many 6 footers who might weigh less, and probably can't even curl 25 lbs, yet why don't women complain about being bigger than them? Plenty of women who are my height weigh less as well. But of course this is an appeal to logical argument, the height thing for women defines reason and rational thought.

 

It all goes back to biology, as I've explained.

[Wolf18]

It all goes back to biology, as I've explained.

 

What is the biological advantage of dating a guy like my cousin who is 6'2 and 130 pounds over a guy whose 5'7 but stronger and more athletic ? Most women would choose the 6'2 weakling (or neither of the two).

 

I can concede that there are some biological explanations for stuff like this, but come on, where does it end? I hope if women want to push the evolutionary biology excuse (much of it which is bull****), they better start accepting arguments that having giant cans or being a size 0 has great evolutionary advantages too.

 

Not to mention the fact that in primitive human times, being 6 foot tall or having a goldman sachs account was pretty rare if I may say You can narrow your choice in men to really tall rich guys if you want, that's your problem, I don't care, but when you start to make up ridiculous reasons for why like they are more athletic, stronger, better protectors, or biologically fit, then you are making an obviously untrue generalization. It's giving women a cop out.

[El Brujo]

I have to say, posh birds are very attracted to me, and I'm common as muck.

 

Why are you out bird-watching? This is LS, not the Audubon Society.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Funny how easily some of you guys latch onto the words of one person here (Frustrated Standards)... and use it to justify not improving yourself.

 

In the meantime, there are scores of other women who have said just the opposite... and have tried to give you 'hope' that 'biology is NOT destiny'...

 

and yet... you persist in believing the worst about yourselves AND trashing the whole female gender in the process.

 

Hey, it's your life. Feel free to spend it however you choose... wallowing in defeatist attitudes and blaming others for your problems... or getting off your backsides and doing something about it.

 

Your choice...

[Wolf18]

Funny how easily some of you guys latch onto the words of one person here (Frustrated Standards)... and use it to justify not improving yourself.

 

In the meantime, there are scores of other women who have said just the opposite... and have tried to give you 'hope' that 'biology is NOT destiny'...

 

and yet... you persist in believing the worst about yourselves AND trashing the whole female gender in the process.

 

Hey, it's your life. Feel free to spend it however you choose... wallowing in defeatist attitudes and blaming others for your problems... or getting off your backsides and doing something about it.

 

Your choice...

 

Perhaps there is some truth to this, but when you have that "it's always your fault" attitude that's pretty bad too. It's like my dad who thinks everyone who is unemployed is just lazy, which may be true for some of them. You could say people who blame the lousy economy are "wallowing in a defeatist attitude", but that doesn't take away from the objective fact that the economy is horrible and the real unemployment and under employment statistics are far worse than they tell us.

 

Sometimes there are factors completely outside of your power and you are impotent to change your situation. Of course, that doesn't mean you give up or stop trying your best, but that also doesn't let women off the hook for being shallow and absurdly picky (And about all the wrong things). There are many factors at play here that go far and beyond a "defeatist" attitude.

 

Lastly, I don't give a **** what some anonymous person says on the internet, I care about what I see with my own two eyes in real life. And trust me, every girl I've ever met claims she's different.

Edited October 25, 2011 by Wolf18

[Els]

I think the OP makes an excellent point. There is no guarantee, for any of us, that we will definitely get what we want if we want what we have to offer. But to do otherwise is simply a recipe for failure. To put it bluntly, if you cross at a zebra crossing, you're not guaranteed to survive, but your chances are a helluva lot higher than someone crossing in the middle of the highway.

[MaxNoob]

What is the biological advantage of dating a guy like my cousin who is 6'2 and 130 pounds over a guy whose 5'7 but stronger and more athletic ? Most women would choose the 6'2 weakling (or neither of the two).

 

 

Female peacocks will always choose the male with the longest feathers. So after many generations, the poor males have ridiculously long feathers; it's amazing they can still walk. This is what happens to birds in tropical environments, with plenty of food and few predators. The female doesn't have to choose based on strength, and the resulting absurdity of the male form is sustainable since they are not struggling to survive. Birds in colder climates have no such unnecessary features.

 

We're like those tropical birds now - plenty of food, few predators. So the male form will by shaped by whatever the female desires. A million years from now, men could be 50 feet tall and barely able to keep their balance.

[dasein]

Alot of men self-select and avoid women who could love them who happen to be taller, make more money, or have more education due to insecurity and nothing else. That, and their need to feel 'superior' to the woman in their life.

 

Oft repeated baloney and rationalization here, as Wolf already pointed out. I know literally thousands of men, and none... not a single one... who are intimidated by a woman's earning capacity, higher education, or other similar factors. Some few insecure men are intimidated by extremely good looking women, or women from the upper crust of the wealthiest social classes, or very tall women, that's about it as far as normal men being "intimidated" by women in the dating pool. The rest is hokum women repeat over and over to shift blame away from their own faulty and unfulfilling selection mechanisms.

[dasein]

What is the biological advantage of dating a guy like my cousin who is 6'2 and 130 pounds...

 

Nothing at all to do with biology, "making me feel safe" (ROFL), or the other BS they trot out, it's all vanity; you won't ever get them to admit that, but a tall guy is like the trendy purse or shoes and makes the clothes look better. The wedding pictures would be better, things like that. They really do think like that, shocker. That's really all there is to it.

[FrustratedStandards]

Plenty of women who are my height weigh less as well. But of course this is an appeal to logical argument, the height thing for women defines reason and rational thought.

 

HAH! Defies reason? Oh my gawsh. That made me laugh.

 

And you're making it sound like im picky about height. Like I said, all of them have been short and poor. How does that make me picky?

 

I settle for less. Isn't that the opposite of picky?

[FrustratedStandards]

Female peacocks will always choose the male with the longest feathers. So after many generations, the poor males have ridiculously long feathers; it's amazing they can still walk. This is what happens to birds in tropical environments, with plenty of food and few predators. The female doesn't have to choose based on strength, and the resulting absurdity of the male form is sustainable since they are not struggling to survive. Birds in colder climates have no such unnecessary features.

 

We're like those tropical birds now - plenty of food, few predators. So the male form will by shaped by whatever the female desires. A million years from now, men could be 50 feet tall and barely able to keep their balance.

 

Very well put.

[Els]

Female peacocks will always choose the male with the longest feathers. So after many generations, the poor males have ridiculously long feathers; it's amazing they can still walk. This is what happens to birds in tropical environments, with plenty of food and few predators. The female doesn't have to choose based on strength, and the resulting absurdity of the male form is sustainable since they are not struggling to survive. Birds in colder climates have no such unnecessary features.

 

We're like those tropical birds now - plenty of food, few predators. So the male form will by shaped by whatever the female desires. A million years from now, men could be 50 feet tall and barely able to keep their balance.

 

Possible. By that reasoning, though, the other gender will evolve as such as well - a million years from now all women could have HH sized breasts and be unable to run or do any work.