lovehurts.x Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 So last September I had to go abroad to study for one year. My boyfriend and I had already been together for a year and a half at this point. We loved eachother very much and decided to try out the whole LDR thing. It worked, although it was a struggle that didn't get any easier as the months went by, but we made it. I came home, and we were back together for a month, but I found he changed and not for the better. He had turned into this horrible person, who was nasty and put everyone else before me. I realised that I had to give it time so that we could both re-adjust to being back together, but after a month I had had enough. I couldn't take his erratic moods and being treated like crap. So I ended it. I feel like such a failure, and I'm heartbroken by all of this. It's been nearly 3 weeks since the break up now, and I can't say I feel any better. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 he put everyone else before you because when you left you put something else before him. that's the way it goes. consider it a lesson learned. you can't have both, you chose to leave him so emotionally, he left you too. if that's really what you wanted that's fine, but you can't expect people to wait around for you while you do other things for years at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedbroken Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I agree with Neal, I still feel resentful with my bf because he left me for a job overseas!! Even thought he keeps saying that he didn't leave because of me it still feels that way. Once he did that it has been hard for me to think he won't do it again if we finally get reunited. But I love him so we are still in the LDR, now if I never get these resentful feelings out of the way then it's impossible for it to last when we do finally reunite for good. Not to be mean but it was selfish in the relationship for you to leave for a year, you didn't think about your relationship so in his mind he's prolly thinking that he's not going to think of it as well anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts.x Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I didn't have a choice in the matter. As part of my university degree it was compulsory for me to go abroad for a year, as I study a language. If I didn't go, then I would have failed my whole degree. I chose this course when I was 17, and met my ex when I was 19. I couldn't predict the future, that I would meet him. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedbroken Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Oh ok, that's different. He knew what he was getting into before you even dated him. Well, he has no excuses... Sometimes people change, and unless you are with them alot during the time you will notice the change, and it's not always pretty. That's one thing I fear about my LDR, he were happly together when he was here with me, and things are great when I visit, but that doesn't mean things will be great when we reunite, it's like taking a huge chance, hoping that your significant other doesn't change too much while your apart. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I didn't have a choice in the matter. As part of my university degree it was compulsory for me to go abroad for a year, as I study a language. If I didn't go, then I would have failed my whole degree. I chose this course when I was 17, and met my ex when I was 19. I couldn't predict the future, that I would meet him. there's always a choice. he could've gone with you for the year. if you were together that long he could've saved up the money to do it, or borrowed the money to do it. that's why i said the decisions weren't necessarily right or wrong, but they were decisions, and all decisions have consequences. there's a lesson in all of this, and the lesson is it's best to talk about these things and figure out solutions well before they happen. there will be similar situations as you get older. it'll be work instead of school that keeps you apart from men you meet. and the same situations can arise then too. so the positive in all of this is taking away a lesson that if you meet someone you want to keep around in the future and something like this comes up, be better prepared to work out the details and make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 there's always a choice. he could've gone with you for the year. if you were together that long he could've saved up the money to do it, or borrowed the money to do it. that's why i said the decisions weren't necessarily right or wrong, but they were decisions, and all decisions have consequences. there's a lesson in all of this, and the lesson is it's best to talk about these things and figure out solutions well before they happen. there will be similar situations as you get older. it'll be work instead of school that keeps you apart from men you meet. and the same situations can arise then too. so the positive in all of this is taking away a lesson that if you meet someone you want to keep around in the future and something like this comes up, be better prepared to work out the details and make it work. Oh, yeah sure and we are all in LDR because it's so easy to choose right! If you really someone you don't change for a year ! You don't, I have been in a LDR with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and he left the place where we met and yes at times I do feel like it's his fault for leaving, but I have never felt like he had had to chose between me and whatever else his doing, people have their reasons, some are more valid than others, but if he loved her as much as she thought he did, then he wouldn't change and they would still be together, there's people on this site that have been together for much longer than 2 years!!! All of them are still with their partners despite the reason for the distance between them! This forum is for encouragement and helping others, your comment has not been helpful at all!!! If you have more of these thoughts, please don't share them anymore! As I said it probably wasn't meant, he didn't lover her enough, it's time to move one and find someone better and more loving! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedbroken Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I agree with you, negativity shouldn't be tolerated but people should know and be aware that people can change in a year, not always and you should not think negative about LDR but keep in mind that it can happen, so that you are not completely and totally crushed IF it happens. Now I do believe that people who are meant to be together WILL work out no matter the distance. LDR are NOT loss causes. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Oh, yeah sure and we are all in LDR because it's so easy to choose right! If you really someone you don't change for a year ! You don't, I have been in a LDR with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and he left the place where we met and yes at times I do feel like it's his fault for leaving, but I have never felt like he had had to chose between me and whatever else his doing, people have their reasons, some are more valid than others, but if he loved her as much as she thought he did, then he wouldn't change and they would still be together, there's people on this site that have been together for much longer than 2 years!!! All of them are still with their partners despite the reason for the distance between them! This forum is for encouragement and helping others, your comment has not been helpful at all!!! If you have more of these thoughts, please don't share them anymore! As I said it probably wasn't meant, he didn't lover her enough, it's time to move one and find someone better and more loving! Good luck i don't see why you think what i posted was negative. it wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts.x Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 thattone- like I said, we were together for a year and a half before I had to leave. I also said that we had talked about it, and we had decided that we would try out the LDR and see how it went. He's also in university, so there was no way I would have expected him to drop everything and take a year out from his own course to come and live with me abroad. He did decide however, to take a gap year and work to save money. But that was his choice. Also, I haven't yet mentioned this. But 6 months in to our relationship I broke up with him, because he had turned in to this horrible selfish person, who did what he wanted when he wanted, and then would just expect me to drop everything when he wanted me to. He treated me like ****. But then he apologized and promised to change, so I gave him a second chance. And he did change, and we were very in love It seems after being apart for a year though, that he had turned back in to this horrible person that I first met and had to break up with. But he was slightly worse, for reasons I won't go in to. He has a lot of issues, which I was always more than happy to be there for him and support him. But when you get treated like crap, then that's enough. I'd had as much as I could take. I still love him with all my heart, and I miss him so much it hurts. But hey, I guess everyones right. He obviously didn't love me as much. He hasn't even been in contact with me since we broke up nearly 3 weeks ago. what an arsehole. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 My story is somewhat similar to yours. I met my ex with I went to abroad for further studies. We were together for 2 years & them time came for me to leave because I finished my education. I tried my best to stay there but no avail. Anyways, after this maintained LDR for 2 & 1/2 years. We didn't wanted to give up since we always loved & had a great chemistry between us. During ths time we met only 1 time. Can you believe it? She always wanted to get marry to me but I was just not ready for it. We didn't change during all this time. We were together during good & bad times. Coming back to the present, last few months before the breakup I got in the comfort zone & stopped paying attention to her. She broke up with me 7 weeks back saying she fell out of love & fell in love with another guy. She said its because I didnt paid enough attention & she got tired of waiting. I don't blame her nor me for what happened. This was my first relationship. So, I made couple of mistakes. Lesson learn, I am never going to do LDR again. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 i mean, i get how you can maintain a LDR if at least one person is willing to regularly visit. but you only saw each other one time in person in 2 years? that's not going to work no matter who the people involved are. Link to post Share on other sites
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