miz_barby Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Quick question....is it normal when you've been when someone for a long time to find yourself looking at other guys? Okay explanation: I've been dating my guy Oscar for 14 months now and I really care about him, love him a lot, and though we have problems now and then I can't see the relationship ending anytime soon. Okay my problem is that he always says I'm looking at other guys when we're in the car going somewhere. I deny it totally because I didn't feel like I was doing this. But in the past few days when I'm alone I have noticed myself "looking" at other guys, they either smile and wave or something like that then I look away, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. I mean when I look at them I'm like "wow he's a hottie" I only think it I never say it so basically I'm trying to figure out if this is something normal or am I doing something wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
singa Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Okay, it's normal to look, but you should not be doing it in front of him or to the point where you feel like you're obsessing over other men. Everyone looks, I mean as they say you're not dead or blind, but it should be a "oh he's cute" not "oh he's cute, I'd like to ...) and it shouldn't be in your bf's presence. Sometimes people want to know they're still attractive, but you should not be enticing men to wave at you while you're with your bf, it's not right and it obviously upsets him. Put yourself in his place, how would you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
LILUIL Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 your guy needs reassurance from you. emotional factors in question here. no harm in looking, surely he looks too right. ogling is a different case though. we're all human and something attractive will cause our eyes to naturally look. But if you are checking the other guys bum, chest hair and other packages in the presence of your guy then he has the right to feel a pinch. by the way, as for the relation of looking at others because you guys have gone out for a long time.... and mentioning that you two have been an item for 14 months.... whoa! is there something else on your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I didn't mean guys wave at me in his presence When he is with me I try and look straight ahead or over at him so he knows I'm not "looking" at other men. Before I never noticed that I did that (looked @guys on the road) and mentally I never found myself saying "wow he's cute" until he started saying I was doing this. Then while driving alone I found myself looking at other men and them waving at me or whatever and I feel guilty about it! Yes we have been together for a really long time and lately he has been in an emotional funk that he just can't get out of, he has seen doctors, therapists, and pycologists (I can't spell sorry) and nothing has helped. He has become a different person almost entirely and it has taken both a toll on me and on our relationship. I would never abandon him because I love him and I'm not that kind of person to up and leave him when he needs me most. However I think I may be looking @other guys because I'm no longer as happy as I used to be. I wouldn't cheat on him or sleep with anyone else at all but I miss him the way he used to be, there is a huge void in our relationship because of his emotional turmoil (NOT at all through any fault of his own). He never laughs anymore, he is terribly sad all the time, we have tried everything to get him over this even medication and he doesn't seem to be responding to anything. Just today he called me and said he couldn't take "it" anymore *being here in the US* and that he wants to go back to Mexico. He swears he can't go unless I go with him because he can't be without me! I don't have a problem going but here's the dilemma....he has a good job here, if we leave he can't come back to the US because he is illegal and there is no way for him to cross again. Where he lives is a pretty low income region so he won't be able to get a decent job so once we're there he will be more miserable which will make his emotional funk worse. I know seeing his family again will make him feel better *he hasn't seen them in 4 years* but after seeing things will be harder there I think he will be more depressed! As I keep saying I love him so much and I can't see being without him and I have tried to convince him to stay here and keep working with his new doctor to see if he can get better but he just feels he can't take it anymore. What should I do? Should I go with him or lose him all together? Please I need all the advice I can get....... Sorry this is so long and turned into another post entirely! Link to post Share on other sites
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