Tazzy Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I am so embarresed to be saying this. My XH screwed around on me so I left him and was heartbroken. I didn't date for almost 3 years and then (I thought) met the man of my dreams----until he hit me for the first time. After I left him I said "no more dating for me!" I haven't dated in 2 years and now I find myself starting an affair with a married man who is a big wig at my office. What the hell am I thinking??? I can't believe I did that!!! The one sin I said I would never do---and I did it! Now I'm stuck with trying to figure out how to get out of this without making it horrible at work. He is such a great guy and everyone just loves him and if he wasn't married I would fall hard for this man---BUT HE IS MARRIED!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sad puppy Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 It's very simple. You say you love him and want him to leave his wife so you two can get married. After the reasons why he cant leave, you tell him it's too much to bear, for you, and you have to end. Done. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Wow, you probably have internal causes, effects, and contemplations the likes of which I can't even fathom... AND you are not all that far from 'normal'. Sometimes attention, a lack of attention, love, and loneliness are like various drugs which alter your chemical balance just a tiny bit... and it's that tiny bit which lands you right in the middle of an office affair which could blow-up in the least predictable ways. I'm comforted by the fact that you were inspired to land here anonymously and at least (view your written words before your eyes). That suggests that you are reconciling your choices and behaviors. You're still not that far from normal... Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Have you and he ever discussed his marriage? Is he happily married? If he's basically happily married, you may be wise to end it and look for another job. If he's unhappily married, he may have been on his way out of the marriage, at least emotionally, before you even came into the picture. I don't know where you live, but with the holiday season not too far away, there are usually a lot of singles dances, etc., as that is a great time of year to meet new people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tazzy Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Thank you for your great advice. I guess it is alittle worse then I let on. Yes, he has told me that neither one of them are happy in the marriage and that he is working on moving out of the city and back to my home town (he grew up here) she never comes to any office parties and the fellow big wigs joke to him in front of him that he has a "make believe wife" cause she never comes to functions. He is a great guy, I know he would take great care of me and I really do think he is a kind great loving, funny, handsome guy. But, I'm just not ready to be in a relationship (which is why I'm probably in this one---because I think it is "safe") I'm to scared to ever be in a relationship again---after my last bf I really don't trust my judgement in men. I have just applied for a promotion that would put me in another town and he knows this and says he would rather I stay at the office I am in but understands why I want to move ahead and has told me I can use him as a reference and that he only wants the best for me. He was in town today and stopped in to see me and I was outside putting stuff away for winter and he ask me if there was anything that he could put away for me that I couldn't lift and it just freaked me out---I'm just use to doing things myself and when someone is really nice to me I get defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tazzy Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 SadPuppy LOL!! that was great!!! You made me smile---after that I should just tell him i'm PG----that should make him run for the hills!!! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Tazzy, you seem quite aware of yourself and some issues and areas you need to be wary of, but you can't seem to then take positive action to stay out of trouble, so to speak. Do you talk to a counsellor or therapist? There are counselling programs that help women spot the signs of an unhealthy relationship early on, and are intended to prepare you for dealing with such scenarios and manage boundary issues. Your local domestic violence unit could help get you on the right track to finding something. Please don't get all caught up in the why's and wherefore's regarding this new man and his circumstances. Seems like neither of you are in a position to give a fresh relationship the attention and effort it signs require. I'd recommend you pull back and do what you need to so you're in a good place first. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 If you and he are in love, I think that makes the situation more difficult than if you and he just like each other a lot; usually if there are strong romantic feelings things are more difficult to resolve. Link to post Share on other sites
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