curious5 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Have any of the OW here ever had their MM lie about getting caught. i.e. he got caught but told you that he didn't. And you found out later that texts/emails/calls were discovered? If so, does anywone know if this is common? I just had a very brief experience as OW. It took quite a bit of effort to get him to answer my question about whether or not his wife saw our texts from the night before the last time i saw him. He really avoided the question and said that he may have left his phone lying around when he got home that night (very late, and probably smelling like my perfume and lipstick on his collar. oy.) eventually he said no, she didn't see anything, but the more i think about it, the more i think he was lying. I'm concerned for a couple reasons (namely my safety and my reputation. I have a unique name and am well known in the community and BS and I have murual friends/political ties). I also discovered that my home address is VERY easy to find with a google search and they live just a few blocks away from me) all things i should have thought about before, I know. I also know there's nothing I can do about it, but I am wondering if anyone has had this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No, I didn't have that experience. XMM did lie one time about how his BIL and wife came to see him after a DDay, to "counsel" him about his marriage to BS; yeah, they came to visit, but it was just for fun. No one in the family knew about the EMA apparently; BS kept it to herself. But why do you think that she read his texts? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I cannot really say whether he lied or not. MY gut was telling me that I was getting a version that wasn't right. Maybe elements of it were true, but at the end of the day, I still have no clue. To my knowledge there was no major disruption in their lives, but how would I know. He's still with her . I feel that both the W and I got his version of Dday. Can't trust a word they say! GG Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No I know when dday happened, I know what was discussed, and what he told her (pretty much everything). Why would a MP lie about a dday happening? No I trust what I was told. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I cannot really say whether he lied or not. MY gut was telling me that I was getting a version that wasn't right. Maybe elements of it were true, but at the end of the day, I still have no clue. To my knowledge there was no major disruption in their lives, but how would I know. He's still with her . I feel that both the W and I got his version of Dday. Can't trust a word they say! GG Mine was like this...even though I knocked on the xMW's door...the H knew about me right then and there. She made it clear she was leaving him. However in time I knew whatever she said to him was not what she told him. She said she was sleeping on the sofa and I found out she was still sleeping in bed with him. I could go on with the list of lies....just like what was said above. "YOU CAN'T TRUST A WORD THEY SAY!!!" Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 ....just like what was said above. "YOU CAN'T TRUST A WORD THEY SAY!!!" That's not true across the board though. Definitely not. Gut instinct is often right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curious5 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Why would a MP lie about a dday happening? In my case, he knows I would absolutely freak out if BS found out who I was. I have somewhat of a high profile in my community and if she did find out about me, word would spread like wildfire. BS happens to be close friends with a couple of people who would get the word out fast. My political/social/professional reputation would be damaged and it would have a very negative impact on my life. Every time I asked him if she saw the texts from me on his phone from the last night we were together (which were very revealing), he would change the subject and find a way to avoid answering my question. At one point he said "I may have accidentally left my phone out when I got home." Then he changed the subject again. And finally I asked him point blank, "did she see those texts?" and he hesitated and stuttered when he said "no, no she didn't". I know he wouldn't want me to freak out (which I would) because his professional/political reputation is somewhat at my mercy too. So, if something happens and word gets out, he wouldn't want me to blame him for being responsible for the discovery. He knows i was counting on him to make the effort to keep my identity safe, and I think he may have blown it. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Curious, If your reputation would take a huge blow from exposure of the A, why don't you stop now before there really is a d-day? I know how hard it can be to stop but there are some serious motivators such as losing everything. Now I'm curious. What is it that makes you go on? Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Curious, If your reputation would take a huge blow from exposure of the A, why don't you stop now before there really is a d-day? I know how hard it can be to stop but there are some serious motivators such as losing everything. Now I'm curious. What is it that makes you go on? I know xMMs W was told everything. She and I communicated every dday. She asked some very specific questions and she also called me several times when she confronted him about things because she knew I'd tell her if he was telling the truth or not. I also don't get why MM would lie about it in general and I certainly don't get why you're sweating about the A now. You've done the damage and it's just a matter of time. You're a little late now for worrying. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No, MM didn’t lie to me about dday. MM informs me when he as much as suspects his W may have some kind of information. I would think most MM inform the OW when he’s been found out, but I can understand why you’d think your MM wouldn’t (the freaking out thing). I think you can’t be sure since he has reason not to tell you. All you can do is gauge his answers/reaction to your questions and decide if you believe it or not. If you are so worried about the damages, I suggest you get out before you experience any consequences. Or you can constantly wonder if or when the hammer will come down. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Why were you hounding him about whether or not she saw the texts, anyway? I mean, clearly he would have been expected to keep them hidden, since he was a naughty boy. What made you ask him? Are your social peers looking at you strangely? Also, you just engaged with this guy 3 times total, right? Party make-out, "innocent" coffee, and "innocent" dinner that led to sex? When were you sending all these texts, anyway? Have you ben using this "concern" as an excuse to be in contact with him after your sex night? I thought you were done communicating with him? Anyway, it's kind of a weird thing to be worrying about at this point. If his wife read the texts, you'll probably find out soon enough, and if she did, there's no damage control possible. So you will have to deal with the results if you ever experience them. But why are you talking to this guy now? Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 No, I didn't have that experience. XMM did lie one time about how his BIL and wife came to see him after a DDay, to "counsel" him about his marriage to BS; yeah, they came to visit, but it was just for fun. No one in the family knew about the EMA apparently; BS kept it to herself. But why do you think that she read his texts? LuckyOne, are you a former OW? I'm just wondering because I didn't know that you were, but this post seems to imply that you once were? Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Have any of the OW here ever had their MM lie about getting caught. i.e. he got caught but told you that he didn't. And you found out later that texts/emails/calls were discovered? If so, does anywone know if this is common? I just had a very brief experience as OW. It took quite a bit of effort to get him to answer my question about whether or not his wife saw our texts from the night before the last time i saw him. He really avoided the question and said that he may have left his phone lying around when he got home that night (very late, and probably smelling like my perfume and lipstick on his collar. oy.) eventually he said no, she didn't see anything, but the more i think about it, the more i think he was lying. I'm concerned for a couple reasons (namely my safety and my reputation. I have a unique name and am well known in the community and BS and I have murual friends/political ties). I also discovered that my home address is VERY easy to find with a google search and they live just a few blocks away from me) all things i should have thought about before, I know. I also know there's nothing I can do about it, but I am wondering if anyone has had this experience. xMM changed his story to me so many times about what information his wife knew, when she found it out, the extent of what she knew, who else in the family knew, etc. I think most xMMs will change the story to suit whatever they think is best for them at the moment. Sometimes they contradict themselves because what is best for them at the moment changes. But anyway, xMM is in your past. To address the bolded part -- yes, there's something you can do about it going forward to make sure your reputation/name isn't more harmed . . . learn a lesson & stay away from married guys or anything else that you know would harm your reputation if it got out. I am not trying to lecture you, just remind you of something good you have learned for your future from your past. I myself learned that people are going to find out & talk, so, I shouldn't do things I don't want people to know/talk about, and/or, I shouldn't care what people think about me if I know I'm being true to myself. [in my case, being true to myself did not equal hooking up with a married man!] Link to post Share on other sites
Author curious5 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Why were you hounding him about whether or not she saw the texts, anyway? I mean, clearly he would have been expected to keep them hidden, since he was a naughty boy. What made you ask him? Are your social peers looking at you strangely? Also, you just engaged with this guy 3 times total, right? Party make-out, "innocent" coffee, and "innocent" dinner that led to sex? When were you sending all these texts, anyway? Have you ben using this "concern" as an excuse to be in contact with him after your sex night? I thought you were done communicating with him? Anyway, it's kind of a weird thing to be worrying about at this point. If his wife read the texts, you'll probably find out soon enough, and if she did, there's no damage control possible. So you will have to deal with the results if you ever experience them. But why are you talking to this guy now? The texts I am worried about were a conversation we had that last night, we were both on our way home and were talking about details of what had just happened and expressing our attraction to one another etc. The conversation with him that I'm referring to in this thread (asking him if texts were discovered) happened before I ever posted on this site, the day after I last saw him. I haven't talked to him since or made any attempt to contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 LuckyOne, are you a former OW? I'm just wondering because I didn't know that you were, but this post seems to imply that you once were? Yes, I was. Way over for a number of years. Link to post Share on other sites
lostandconfused79 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) He lies to his wife, so what makes you think he won't lie to you. Hun you can bet on it, his wife knows something. I was married twice, both times my gut feeling was the first thing, to tell me something was not right. When a women or a man have a feeling that something isn't right in their relationship, they will start to look for prof, for what they think might be going on. This means she will get hold of his cell phone. Probably even look at his cell phone bill, or records online, to see who he has been calling and texting and vice. The women isn't stupid she knows her husband. So when he starts acting even a little different she's going to catch on. Why throw yourself out there to ruin your good name? I have a friend who took off with a mm, and it ruined her reputation in the small town we lived in. Girl move on, and find someone else who isn't going to destroy your life, and how other people see you. They almost never, NEVER, leave their wives. Sometimes they will only to regret it soon enough, and want to smooth things over and come back home. I been there done that! Edited October 25, 2011 by lostandconfused79 Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 My fMM didn't lie to me about anything, at any point in the R. I'm sure, though, that there are some dishonest MMs out there - who lie to their BWs, sometimes even to their OWs, or themselves. And if you're one of that subset of unlucky OWs who's dealing with a lying MM, it's quite possible that he might lie whenever he feels the need to. If this MM felt he stood to lose - by exposure by the OW - if she discovered that he'd been careless and his BW had discovered the A as a result, he may well want to cover his tracks and lie. I guess it's one of those "black box" moments, when you'll just have to deal with whatever fall-out is generated. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Yes, I was. Way over for a number of years. Oh okay, good to know, thanks. [i'd sometimes wonder what your interest was in posting here . . . not in a bad way. I know anyone can post here but I wonder what brings people here, and so now I have more insight. Thanks!] Link to post Share on other sites
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