"Belief"?

[Inflikted]

So, in just a couple short months, I'll be 23, and I've still never been in a relationship, or even on a date. Thing is, I don't deny that a big part of the blame lies with me, due to me not "putting myself out there" enough, or whatever. But the reason for that is not a fear of rejection, or anything like that; rather, it's a lack of belief.

 

Back when I was younger, my ideal life was simple; I saw myself eventually finding a nice girl, getting married, and having a family of my own. Now, I never expected to have all of this at 23, of course not. But I expected to at least be on the right track by now.

 

Somewhere along the line, I think I stopped believing that that was a realistic scenario for me. I don't feel like rejection is so much a "possibility", but rather, I see it as my only reality. I can't even meet girls and "feel" something for them, anymore; I just see all of them as people that I may or may not get along with in a platonic way.

 

I'm not sure what to do with any of this. I mean, how exactly does one start "believing" again? How in the heck can I even convince myself that it's even worth "believing" again?

[LynnieBear]

So, in just a couple short months, I'll be 23, and I've still never been in a relationship, or even on a date. Thing is, I don't deny that a big part of the blame lies with me, due to me not "putting myself out there" enough, or whatever. But the reason for that is not a fear of rejection, or anything like that; rather, it's a lack of belief.

 

Back when I was younger, my ideal life was simple; I saw myself eventually finding a nice girl, getting married, and having a family of my own. Now, I never expected to have all of this at 23, of course not. But I expected to at least be on the right track by now.

 

Somewhere along the line, I think I stopped believing that that was a realistic scenario for me. I don't feel like rejection is so much a "possibility", but rather, I see it as my only reality. I can't even meet girls and "feel" something for them, anymore; I just see all of them as people that I may or may not get along with in a platonic way.

 

I'm not sure what to do with any of this. I mean, how exactly does one start "believing" again? How in the heck can I even convince myself that it's even worth "believing" again?

 

No idea, I've kinda "lost that lovin' feelin" as well. I think I just had my last major crush I will ever have in my entire life... like the end of young love. Nothing ever comes of any of the guys I have ever liked, either.

 

I have had several guys go after me, but never the guy I like. I'm usually really not attracted to any of the guys who chase after me. And apparently vice versa for the guys I wouldn't mind having chase after me.

 

It's weird... maybe I have an overinflated sense of ego/self, because I go for really good looking guys, because, I myself, think I'm really good looking.

 

I'm kinda really in love with myself, lol, but I think that's a start, because if you don't love yourself, who will?

 

so, i dunno

 

I've been rejected by every guy i've liked in my entire 24 years and I've rejected every guy that's liked me. I didn't see us as "compatible". I saw myself more with the guys I went (go) after.

 

I just bought the book "he's just not that into you" and it will probably go in one ear and out the other because I don't believe that women can't pursue men.

 

then again, look where it's gotten me heh

[TrueColors]

So, in just a couple short months, I'll be 23, and I've still never been in a relationship, or even on a date. Thing is, I don't deny that a big part of the blame lies with me, due to me not "putting myself out there" enough, or whatever. But the reason for that is not a fear of rejection, or anything like that; rather, it's a lack of belief.

 

Back when I was younger, my ideal life was simple; I saw myself eventually finding a nice girl, getting married, and having a family of my own. Now, I never expected to have all of this at 23, of course not. But I expected to at least be on the right track by now.

 

Somewhere along the line, I think I stopped believing that that was a realistic scenario for me. I don't feel like rejection is so much a "possibility", but rather, I see it as my only reality. I can't even meet girls and "feel" something for them, anymore; I just see all of them as people that I may or may not get along with in a platonic way.

 

I'm not sure what to do with any of this. I mean, how exactly does one start "believing" again? How in the heck can I even convince myself that it's even worth "believing" again?

 

I think there's something inside that is holding you back and you've got to figure out what that is.

 

You've admitted that you haven't made much of an effort. So what have you done to facilitate meeting people/girls?

 

Platonic is good. Have you not considered the idea that someone could "grow" on you? Just because you don't instantly get that "love-at-first-sight" feeling, does that mean you have to immediately write them off?

 

Also, what are you doing in your life? Are you fulfilling other goals like a career? Are you valuing your family/friendships? Do you do any hobbies?

 

Appreciate life and make the most of what you got. But at the same time, look at yourself and try and find out what is making you resistant in not taking that next step.

 

Look at your beliefs about love and relationships. Look around at your parents/friends/relatives/colleagues relationships and see if you are harbouring unrealistic expectations or negative beliefs about "falling in love". Do you have a certain (physical) "type" of girl that you go for? If that's not working for you, then maybe let it go and open yourself up to looking at a person's inner qualities: character and values. It takes time to do this, so perhaps starting off as friends isn't such a bad way to go.

 

But you can't do that if you don't know what YOUR values are, so do that first.

 

It's hard, I know, as I'm not one to "put myself out there" either. But I've found that by doing the above, I've learned to appreciate and value my life more - and that starts to give you a reason to believe.

[Inflikted]

You've admitted that you haven't made much of an effort. So what have you done to facilitate meeting people/girls?

 

Platonic is good. Have you not considered the idea that someone could "grow" on you? Just because you don't instantly get that "love-at-first-sight" feeling, does that mean you have to immediately write them off?

 

Actually, my "ideal" scenario is to be able to get to know a girl a bit before we start dating (not enough to be "friend zone'd", of course). I've just never been able to get behind the idea of approaching a girl I don't know and asking her out. That just doesn't appeal to me. As far as what I've been doing to meet people, well, as of lately, not a whole lot (because again, I've lost the belief that it could even happen, so there's no more drive to pursue it). I still have decent opportunities to meet people throughout my average day, but I never really meet anyone I feel I hit it off with to ask out.

 

Also, what are you doing in your life? Are you fulfilling other goals like a career? Are you valuing your family/friendships? Do you do any hobbies?

 

Meh. A few years ago, I had "goals" and "plans", but everything has fallen apart for me, and my life is basically a big mess right now. I've been taking college classes for four years, now, but I'm still nowhere close to a degree, because I can't stick with any of the multiple majors I've been switching between. I've been working part time in retail as a cashier, a job I absolutely hate, but without a degree, there's nothing else I qualify to do. I still live at home with my parents, which is frustrating, because they've been having lots of marital and money problems for years now (and probably will be for a long time, yet), and they're bleeding me dry financially to pay their bills.

 

I barely make an effort to have a social life, anymore, because I feel too out of touch with everyone in my life; many of them have completed college already, and/ or have entry level positions in solid careers, some already have loving committed partners that they're getting ready to settle down with, etc. I feel like I'm 5-10 years behind the rest of my peers, and that's so depressing.

 

Look at your beliefs about love and relationships. Look around at your parents/friends/relatives/colleagues relationships and see if you are harbouring unrealistic expectations or negative beliefs about "falling in love". Do you have a certain (physical) "type" of girl that you go for? If that's not working for you, then maybe let it go and open yourself up to looking at a person's inner qualities: character and values. It takes time to do this, so perhaps starting off as friends isn't such a bad way to go.

 

Truthfully, I don't think I've ever really had a "type", when it comes to girls. When I was younger, I think I did have an overly "romanticized" view of love and relationships, but having seen real relationships bud between friends and other peers, I think my views of love have matured.

 

One problem I can think of, though, is that I've never really known what I want in a girl. I mean, I could rattle off dozens of qualities and stuff that I don't want in a girl, but for some reason, I've always been unable to peg down what I do want.

 

With nearly all the girls I meet, I just have a hard time picturing us together. It just never seems to "fit", in my mind. There was only ever one girl that I was VERY infatuated with, and even though she was "way out of my league", I thought I could make it happen. Turns out I was wrong. I was pretty upset for the longest time, and I kept wishing I could go back and fix it, and make things work out, but eventually I got over it, and got over her. But there's never been another time where I really felt compared to make the effort, and I'm not sure why.

[TrueColors]

Ok, first thing's first: if you want to believe, then you've got to really want to.

 

And to do that you've got to be prepared to take a LONG HARD LOOK at yourself.

 

Are you prepared to do that? Because I don't get that feeling from you. What I'm reading is a whole lot of excuses as to WHY things aren't working out for you. Sure, your home circumstances aren't the best for trying to develop a positive outlook for forming relationships, but that doesn't mean that there's nothing you can do about your own life.

 

Do you tend to look at what a girl can do for you and what she can give you? If so, I think you may be placing too high of an expectation on "her". No-one can do that for you but yourself.

 

I'm not surprised you find it hard knowing what to look for in a girl; how can you if you don't have a sense of self; of who you are and what you're worth? What does love mean to you?

 

If forming romantic relationships with the opposite sex feels like a burden to you then STOP. Work on your own issues first and stop comparing yourself to everyone else or focussing on what you haven't got or haven't done or your lack of experience. It's pointless because no-one else is living your life but you!

 

If that means taking a break from studying, then do it. If you believe your life is too messed up, then seek therapy. Someone who can help break your obstacles down into smaller pieces so you're not necessarily looking at a mountain to climb but rather a smaller hill.

 

I know I sound like I'm being "unfair" or "insensitive", but I get it. I tend to be quite negative as well and feel like "well, if xyz wasn't happening in my life, then this wouldn't be so hard". I'm still going through it and I'm almost 10 years older than you!

 

At 23, you're still young. Take advantage of it and stop wallowing in self-pity - otherwise why bother asking a bunch of strangers for advice?

[Inflikted]

I suppose I can understand why it sounds like I'm "wallowing", but truthfully, I just feel like I have all this stuff coming down on me, and I have absolutely no idea how to get out from under all of it. I feel "stuck". What's worse, I feel alienated in all of this; I have no one to turn to for any kind of emotional support or encouragement, or even someone I can just unwind and relax with. It's just... lonely.

 

I know everyone has their share of problems in life, but I don't know anyone that is as burdened as me. All my friends and peers are relatively happy, enjoying life, enjoying each other's company, etc. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

[TrueColors]

[nodding head] It's hard, isn't it?

 

Have you tried seeking threrapy?

 

Have you been to your doctor? As it sounds like you could have depression.

 

LS can offer advice and support and a place to vent, but we can't really say much else unless you actually address the root cause of your issues.

 

Don't you want to do that?

[Inflikted]

Well, yeah, but that stuff costs money, yanno? I'm pretty hard up for cash as it is. I can't imagine therapy, or anything like that would be too cheap. I've heard that some colleges offer free therapy and/ or counseling, but to the best of my knowledge, mine doesn't have anything like that, so...

[TrueColors]

...so, try somewhere else. Another college. Community centers. Even some churches offer free counselling, regardless of if you're religious or not.

 

What about self-help books; cds; websites?

 

The point is not to give up.

 

Are you able to see a doctor?

[WhiteChocolate]

First thing you need to do is get your life together. If you need support and can't afford a therapist/doctor, coming here is a good place to start.

Don't think about a girl. Find a professor or an advisor (they DO have those at your college I hope!) or another mature, understanding, and compassionate adult and make them your mentor/confidante.

 

Second, why do you keep switching majors? Are you struggling in class?

College is a lot of money, and since you are strapped for cash, there is no point in putting your money into education if you aren't going to get a degree or certificate out of it. Find something and stick with it.

 

Third, think positive! It might be hard to get out from under everything, but you are young, able-bodied, and hopefully intelligent. Be ambitious and work hard and set your life in order. Don't compare your life with your friend's; everyone is different. Own your life, don't let anything bring you down.

 

Once you can handle yourself, then you start thinking about sharing it with another person. But until then, you don't wanna just unload stuff on another person. And trust me, relationships make life more complicated, not easier.

[Metis]

Inflikted: I think your first mistake was taking a goal-oriented approach to relationships. It's understandable to want to find someone to settle down with and have a conventional family, but if you focus on this so much when you are so young, you will miss out on a lot of enjoyment in life. And that's it, really. In some ways, you just have to think more simply. You are at an age when you should have fun. Despite what many people will tell you, fun is good for you. There ain't a thing wrong with pursuing fun, as long as you take good care of your health and respect your partners.

 

If you meet a girl you like, and she likes you, take a laid-back attitude, enjoy yourselves and see where it takes you. If it works out and you move on to the next level, great. If it doesn't and you break up, it's not the end of the world; there will be other girls. Don't analyze every girl you like as to whether she is likely to make a good wife and mother. Don't fret over your friends' troubles as portends of your own future. Take it easy. This is the best time of your life.

[Inflikted]

Second, why do you keep switching majors? Are you struggling in class?

College is a lot of money, and since you are strapped for cash, there is no point in putting your money into education if you aren't going to get a degree or certificate out of it. Find something and stick with it.

 

I want to find something I can stick with, but for some reason, I just can't figure out what I want to do. I wouldn't say I "struggle" in class; up to now, after four years of classes, my cumulative GPA is 3.55. It's just that, once I get deeper into a certain major, I realize that it's not as interesting as I thought it was when I first started it. For instance, when I started college, I was dead set on getting into a computer-related field, because I felt I'd be good at it. Most of the majors I had were computer related. But once I got deeper in, I realized I wasn't actually very interested in this field. This year, I've switched to a business major, but I'm worried that once again, I've found something that I *think* will interest me, but will end up losing interest in another year or so.

 

Thankfully, my education is cheap, because I'm at a community college; it also helps that I've had grants and scholarships covering my entire cost of tuition and books since starting.

 

Inflikted: I think your first mistake was taking a goal-oriented approach to relationships. It's understandable to want to find someone to settle down with and have a conventional family, but if you focus on this so much when you are so young, you will miss out on a lot of enjoyment in life. And that's it, really. In some ways, you just have to think more simply. You are at an age when you should have fun. Despite what many people will tell you, fun is good for you. There ain't a thing wrong with pursuing fun, as long as you take good care of your health and respect your partners.

 

If you meet a girl you like, and she likes you, take a laid-back attitude, enjoy yourselves and see where it takes you. If it works out and you move on to the next level, great. If it doesn't and you break up, it's not the end of the world; there will be other girls. Don't analyze every girl you like as to whether she is likely to make a good wife and mother. Don't fret over your friends' troubles as portends of your own future. Take it easy. This is the best time of your life.

 

I see what you're saying, but the thing is, yeah, it was my "goal" to eventually settle down and get married, and all of that, but I'm not upset that I'm not close to that specific goal, yet. I'm disappointed that I haven't even started experiencing the world of dating and relationships. Most people start dating in their mid-teens, so in my mind, I'm already almost ten years behind the curve, in that respect. I don't want to be in my mid-20s, going through the awkwardness and the dumb mistakes that come with first time dating, the most other (smarter) people already worked through.

[WhiteChocolate]

3.55, nice! Have you ever had an internship before? Because working in the computer/business related fields is VASTLY different from the schoolwork. And in business, what degree you get is not too important.

 

Being a cashier is far below your education level. You have four years of college; even without a degree, I'm sure you can offer skills that some company will want.

 

I'll leave the dating related stuff to someone more expert than me. The only thing I'd like to say is that you might not be as behind as you think. Dating is not like a class or a game with rules; it is a social interaction like any other. You sound fairly mature and intelligent too! And at least you don't have much baggage from prior relationships.

[TrueColors]

I want to find something I can stick with, but for some reason, I just can't figure out what I want to do.

 

Story of my life!

 

I think maybe the key word missing here is "passion". Maybe, stop looking at what you're good at (unless you know you want to use this skill in your chosen career) and start looking at what you enjoy, because it doesn't sound like you enjoy any of the above stuff that you're doing.

 

I have a book called "I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was" by Barbara Sher. Feeling the exact same frustrations as you are expressing, it goes through a list of possible reasons why you may be feeling ambivalent in your choices. I recommend you give it a read.

 

I hate to say it, but sometimes people don't find that "thing" until years later. I have and it came quite by accident. But it was also something I had long enjoyed since I was little and I had totally overlooked it!

 

I would also add that as one gets older, sometimes the dreams we held as kids can be outgrown. Perhaps you've always had this idea that you would be/do "X" and years later you're still trying to convince yourself that this is it. At some point though, you've got to be honest with yourself: maybe it's time you let go of that dream and focus on something that is relevant to who you are now.

 

So I guess all I can say is take your time; try not to overthink things and concentrate on doing that you enjoy.

 

Most people start dating in their mid-teens, so in my mind, I'm already almost ten years behind the curve, in that respect. I don't want to be in my mid-20s, going through the awkwardness and the dumb mistakes that come with first time dating, the most other (smarter) people already worked through.

 

I didn't start dating until I was in my early 20s, product of an overprotective family, low self-confidence and not in the proximity of having any male interaction.

 

I've only had a handful of relationships (mostly long-term) and although they haven't worked out, I've gained a lot from every one of them. What did I learn?

 

That change has to come from within!

 

So instead of looking at dating as potential "mistakes", start viewing them as potential "learning experiences". I believe that the only way we truly get to learn about ourselves is by actually being with another. I'm not going to lie: it's scary stuff! But if you do want to end up settling down, then it's the only way you're ever going to learn.

 

It's up to you if you really believe you want to take that step. Otherwise, just focus on enjoying life as best you can.

Edited October 25, 2011 by TrueColors

[Inflikted]

I think maybe the key word missing here is "passion". Maybe, stop looking at what you're good at (unless you know you want to use this skill in your chosen career) and start looking at what you enjoy, because it doesn't sound like you enjoy any of the above stuff that you're doing.

 

A "passion" certainly would be nice. Unfortunately, for some reason, there's not really anything I truly "enjoy" enough to be able to make a real career out of. Granted, I do have a handful of "dream jobs", but they're highly unrealistic, and probably even a bit silly.

[Inflikted]

3.55, nice! Have you ever had an internship before? Because working in the computer/business related fields is VASTLY different from the schoolwork. And in business, what degree you get is not too important.

 

Being a cashier is far below your education level. You have four years of college; even without a degree, I'm sure you can offer skills that some company will want.

 

Also, no, never had an internship, or anything like that. Not sure how to find something like that, and whenever I try to look for "real" jobs on career search engines, nearly all of them state a bachelor's degree as a minimum requirement.

[TrueColors]

A "passion" certainly would be nice. Unfortunately, for some reason, there's not really anything I truly "enjoy" enough to be able to make a real career out of. Granted, I do have a handful of "dream jobs", but they're highly unrealistic, and probably even a bit silly.

 

Care to name them?

 

You know, you don't necessarily have to take the ideas literally. Do they have anything in common? Do they point to a particular area of work you'd like to get into?

 

Then ask yourself why? What is it that attracts you to those kinds of things? Maybe it's a feeling you get. Or because you get to work with kids/animals/creative people [insert your own here]...

 

Do you not have careers counselling in your college?

[WhiteChocolate]

Also, no, never had an internship, or anything like that. Not sure how to find something like that, and whenever I try to look for "real" jobs on career search engines, nearly all of them state a bachelor's degree as a minimum requirement.

*nods with TrueColors* Careers counselling could help a lot.

 

Yes, "real" jobs state a bachelor's degree but what you are looking for is an entry-level internship/part-time job for a student.

 

For an internship, google internships + whatever field you think you are qualified for. Also, a lot of companies have a college student section on their careers page.

 

I'm also curious as to what your dream jobs are.

[Inflikted]

I think I tried some career counseling, or something similar, at my college a couple years ago, but it never really got me anywhere, because it seemed like they weren't sure what to tell me when I wasn't sure what I wanted to begin with.

 

As far as my "dream jobs" go, heh, well... I feel pretty stupid even saying it, but for some reason, I REALLY wish I could be in the entertainment industry, in one way or another. I think acting would be fun, and my top "dream job" would be being a singer in a rock band.

 

But again, all of that seems WAY to unlikely to realistically hope for. To get into entertainment, you either have to be really talented or really lucky. I've never been either.

[TrueColors]

I think I tried some career counseling, or something similar, at my college a couple years ago, but it never really got me anywhere, because it seemed like they weren't sure what to tell me when I wasn't sure what I wanted to begin with.

 

Well, if they've been asking you similar kinds of questions as has been put to you here, then it's up to you to do the work; the soul-searching. People - inc. careers advisors - can only ever point you in the right direction and get you thinking. No-one can help you unless you help yourself so take responsibility for your own life choices!

 

As far as my "dream jobs" go, heh, well... I feel pretty stupid even saying it, but for some reason, I REALLY wish I could be in the entertainment industry, in one way or another. I think acting would be fun, and my top "dream job" would be being a singer in a rock band.

 

But again, all of that seems WAY to unlikely to realistically hope for. To get into entertainment, you either have to be really talented or really lucky. I've never been either.

 

You know what? I knew it was going to be something along those lines!

 

Do you know how many people dream of entertaining? To perform? It's so common that it's not silly at all. Take a look at America's Got Talent and the countless other "reality" entertainment shows for a good example!

 

Do you play an instrument at all? Sing? Have you taken drama lessons? If not, why not?

 

The goal here is not to become "the next biggest..." It's about fulfilling a fantasy at a local level, simply because you enjoy it.

 

Also, I think it would be worth asking yourself what specifically is it that attracts you to this field. To perform is usually to fulfil some kind of deeper need in oneself: is that to be admired? To be appreciated? To be attractive (either to your peers or to members of the opposite sex)? To express yourself creatively? You might be surprised that something that you thought you wanted, wasn't what you wanted at all, because it revealed something else, something deeper. And that's good too.

 

However, if this is truly what you want to do, then don't forget that you can sidestep into the entertainment industry as well. Even if you don't make it onto a stage yourself, maybe you can become a coach; or a teacher in music, acting, whatever. It can even be a spare-time activity, maybe helping out in a community center, for example. Or volunteering in a creative arts charity or music/arts camp. Gosh, the possibilities are endless!

 

This is stuff that really is only the tip of the iceberg. And I will reiterate that things will never happen for you if you're not willing to put in the effort to get the ball rolling. Even if you just do a little bit of thinking and diagram-drawing each day, that's still a little bit closer to realising your full potential.

 

So are you going to continue coming up with loads of "yes, but..." excuses? Or are you going start believing in yourself and making those steps?

 

It's all up to you.

Edited October 26, 2011 by TrueColors

[Inflikted]

Well it's kinda funny, because I've always been a very reserved, keep-to-myself kind of guy, which is pretty much the opposite of being an entertainer, especially in a band. But I think it'd be so much fun to do. For instance, I'm a huge Dave Grohl "fanboy", and recently, I watched a concert Foo Fighters did at Wembley Stadium a few years back, and I was in awe at the fact that they were performing in front of 85,000ish people. That totally blew my mind.

 

Anyway, a few years ago, I did have an interest in learning to play guitar. I bought myself one, and while I couldn't afford lessons, I tried to teach myself, but I struggled too much with it, and I realized I just wasn't feeling the idea of playing an instrument much. But I still REALLY wanted to do something musical. Then I kinda discovered that I like singing, and ever since then, I've been hooked on the idea of being a lead singer.

 

In the past, I've actually tried writing lyrics, and stuff, but I've always felt that everything I've written was completely awful, and generic. So, I never saved any of it. That's another problem with trying to get into music -- you have to be pretty creative, and I've never been a creative person. I feel like creativity is either a trait you have or you don't; I don't know that it can be learned, especially since after 23 years, I'm still not a very creative person.

[TrueColors]

Well it's kinda funny, because I've always been a very reserved, keep-to-myself kind of guy, which is pretty much the opposite of being an entertainer, especially in a band. But I think it'd be so much fun to do. For instance, I'm a huge Dave Grohl "fanboy", and recently, I watched a concert Foo Fighters did at Wembley Stadium a few years back, and I was in awe at the fact that they were performing in front of 85,000ish people. That totally blew my mind.

 

Anyway, a few years ago, I did have an interest in learning to play guitar. I bought myself one, and while I couldn't afford lessons, I tried to teach myself, but I struggled too much with it, and I realized I just wasn't feeling the idea of playing an instrument much. But I still REALLY wanted to do something musical. Then I kinda discovered that I like singing, and ever since then, I've been hooked on the idea of being a lead singer.

 

In the past, I've actually tried writing lyrics, and stuff, but I've always felt that everything I've written was completely awful, and generic. So, I never saved any of it. That's another problem with trying to get into music -- you have to be pretty creative, and I've never been a creative person. I feel like creativity is either a trait you have or you don't; I don't know that it can be learned, especially since after 23 years, I'm still not a very creative person.

 

The key word that screams out here is "confidence". Or lack of.

 

Yours is a common wish. I think there's a big part of you that's screaming to be noticed and perhaps to prove your worth, hence why the idea of seeing someone play a stadium gig to thousands of people is so inspiring for you.

 

Have you taken any singing lessons? Doesn't have to be one-to-one. But say, in a local community choir. Even if that's not what you had in mind, at least it gets you "out there" and you don't have to feel totally exposed as you'll be singing with others.

 

Do you have any friends that are "musical"? As maybe you can ask them about what made them get into their instrument/singing/writing lyrics, etc. Or ask them how they feel about learning a craft (it's never easy, even if you think someone was just "born" with it).

 

Do you like creative writing/poetry? As perhaps you could hone your skills in that before starting to write lyrics.

 

I would also not look at these as a "be all and end all". Take them as hobbies; something you do in your spare time. This is a time for you to be exploring. Just because you don't pick things up instantly, is that any reason to give up? If you find something isn't taking you where you want to go, that's ok. But ask yourself why: is it because you thought it was easy and you want "instant gratification"? Or something else?

 

And it's never too late. I have a good friend that has always wanted to learn the violin. He hadn't really played any instruments in his life. But at the age of 40 he decided, what the hell and actually had the courage to play in an amateur orchestra. He's a beginner, but that didn't put him off.

 

But none of this matters if you keep believing you're not good enough. I would really encourage you to think about where this attitude is coming from, because if you let that belief control you, then it will seriously hold you back, no matter what you do/don't do.

Edited October 26, 2011 by TrueColors